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Are you relieved (or even happy) to be asexual?


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Skycaptain

Flowerz welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂

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  • 4 weeks later...
TheMonkeyQueen

I've been raised a Christian and for the most part still follow the faith, so I'm at least pleased that the 'no sex before marriage' thing is turning out to be pretty easy so far. If I ever date, the chances are he'll be a Christian too, so I don't have to worry about being pressured into it either :D

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Yes. Like others said, means less drama and more money for me (to the point that I am in the property ladder alot sooner than most people I know).

The main reason I'm happy about being ace aro though, as I just posted elsewhere, is because I found out I am a lot like my father who abandoned my family. At least this way I can't do the same and cause the same pain to someone I father a child with, and to the child themself as well.

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No. The answer I wish I would give is obviously different, but deep inside I always wished I was completely sexual. (I am still in the dark on which spectrum I fall but I am not an average sexual). I wish I could enjoy sex as everyone else, when persons say it is the 'best thing in the world', I wish I could also experience it that way. However, the largest problem attached to it for me is that it makes it so much more difficult to have a stable relationship. Because most persons are not asexual, and prefer a sexual partner. I finally found a guy I truly love, but I know my asexuality will get in the way on the long term, eventually. That something I cannot control is the roadblock for a happy future I despise at times.

Sorry for all this negativeness after so many positive posts...

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I imagine I've got to be since I don't think it's going to change :P

I'm still in college, but the larger group of people (~80 persons) that I hang out with is kind of like a microcosm of a high school sometimes. I feel like there's a fair amount of sexual pettiness (people shit talking girl xyz who wants to 'get with' boy abc, etc) and I don't really lament not being a part of that.

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SpeedinThroughSpace

I'm happy I found out asexuality exists. It explains so many things in my life and it helped me getting clear to my myself about what I actually want and need in my life.

Already before, I often pictured myself living a single life. I planned out my dream apartment in my mind for example, with a cool loft bed with a window seat attached and a hammock below, and a living room with huge bookshelves and sound system and photos I like on the walls. I always liked to dream about places to travel to as well.

And then sometimes I would be reminded that everyone ends up in a relationship, that I would have to share a bed with the girlfriend (I really don't like sharing bedrooms much), that my idea of arranging things in a apartment probably won't coincide with another person's ideas, that I would have less time for friends and hobbies, and it would make me feel annoyed.

Now I was able to admit to myself that the extent of my sexuality is that I enjoy the visuals of a female body, that it's okay to not like sex and kissing, that I don't have to do sexual things or have a relationship, and that I'm not missing out, really, because I want different things from my life. I have great friends, I'm not lonely without a relationship, and I'm not missing out on sex, because I don't even want sex. :)

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BobRossRules

I’m both relieved and happy to be asexual. I agree with others that just knowing there’s a community of similar folks helps. Although I’ve always been asexual, I didn’t know an orientation existed. I always felt broken. When I entered into relationships (or thought about pursuing one), there was always pressure on my part to fix whatever the hell was wrong with me. Now that I identify as asexual, there's no more pressure or anxiety about sex. Plus, no STDs and oopsie pregnancies. However, it does make it more difficult to meet someone beyond “just friends.”

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Kind of, as in having one less need to fulfill. Having a more or less constant want for sex, or anything really, sounds stressful from my perspective, in a similar way that some people are dependant on drugs or tobacco; even if it allegedly feels good, I prefer the freedom of not being addicted or dependant, which is why I never tried tobacco or drugs as well.

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No. The answer I wish I would give is obviously different, but deep inside I always wished I was completely sexual. (I am still in the dark on which spectrum I fall but I am not an average sexual). I wish I could enjoy sex as everyone else, when persons say it is the 'best thing in the world', I wish I could also experience it that way. However, the largest problem attached to it for me is that it makes it so much more difficult to have a stable relationship. Because most persons are not asexual, and prefer a sexual partner. I finally found a guy I truly love, but I know my asexuality will get in the way on the long term, eventually. That something I cannot control is the roadblock for a happy future I despise at times.

Sorry for all this negativeness after so many positive posts...

Same.

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I honestly am relieved to be asexual. I don't feel arousal often but the few times that I do It grosses me out a bit and I'm glad it's not strong and it just goes away after 5 minutes. I can't imagine going through more than 5 minutes of that I don't know how people can handle it. I don't care how men view me therefore I don't wear much make up. I also never have to be concerned that I'm objectifying a person.

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Ya because I never have to worry about getting stds, accidentally getting a girl pregnant, and feeling bad about myself for being a virgin. I think we asexuals just have an innocence to us and a different outlook on life, and Im very proud of that.

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Yeah, to me it explains a lot of things and I'm proud of it. It's been a pain to tell people off and their annoying questions without an proper explanation.

I never want to be in a relationship anyway.

No worries about money or drama, though I can imagine it can be lonely when everyone is gonna get married and have kids.

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When I used to identify as asexual, I was happy and relieved that I didn't have to deal with sexual desires and bother pursuing a sexual relationship, despite the fact that asexuality ruined my chances of being in a relationship (I'm heteromantic, unfortunately).

But then things changed and I've been considering if I should call myself sexual (or most likely demisexual). I thought that not being ace anymore would make my life a bit easier, because I would be "normal" and dating wouldn't be so hard. Boy, was I (epically) wrong! -_-

Nowadays, I just wish I was 100% "normal" (in other words, heteroromantic sexual, with a not so high, but not so low libido) or an aromantic ace, which would be the ideal for me.

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I must be misreading too. You wish to have sexual and romantic attraction or none at all?

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I was fairly content before because I don't really think about sex/romance, but knowing I'm aro ace does give me some relief. It explains a lot of my past behaviour and thoughts, and just knowing others have similar experiences and can still be happy is comforting.

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Yes, yes, yes, a million times yes! All the relationships in the media seem like so much work. And hey, I don't have to do that! I even have a label that can tell people that I am not interested.

I also had a very...interesting experience learning about sex, so I am so happy that I don't have to be pressured to have it. It's lovely!

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I'm more glad that I know what I am- I still have a bit of resentment towards myself, but I'm glad that I can quantify it now. I am however very glad that I've never been one to get all giddy and distractible in what I feel to be kind of an embarrassing and vulnerable whirlwind. (At least in high school it is) Also I'm glad that I won't ever be tempted to be with someone that I know is bad for me but 'it just feels so right'.

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Yes and no. I feel relieved because I have a new understanding of myself. I feel like I can be more confident, and feel like a strong ace instead of a failure of a straight person.

I do however really want a romantic relationship and it's hard to feel like I may never have that. On the other hand, I think embracing ace will get me closer. I could never be in a relationship where I'm dishonest and now I feel like I'm no longer dishonest with myself or others now that I understand myself better :)

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I feel so happy since discovering I was ace. A lot more things made sense in my life.

I even feel more confident and comfortable with myself and in talking to others. I'm not "out" to most people, but I still feel like my life has changed since discovering asexuality. And especially AVEN.(changed in a good way, of course)

I definitely feel relieved, also. :)

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DoctorWhatPhD

Yes. Once I was able to put a word to how I felt, I felt less like I was broken. I feel much more confident about myself now that i know this, even though I'm not out to everyone just yet.

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I'm glad for the most part tbh. I'm already an outcast with what I like (I'm putting that in a good way), so I don' mind - meaning, why bother feeling something for someone who I don't want to ever be with. Also, buying into sex and sexualized things seems like a nuisance.

I guess I have more of an issue being borderline aromantic. People seem to think it's harsh when I turn down someone who has a crush on me, but I'm not gonna pretend I have feelings for them.

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I'm usually happy I'm ace, then I remember my chances for romantic relationships are close to none.

Other than that, though, being ace is the best! Saves time, money, energy and reduces distractions. I love not having to think about sex and makeouts, and being able to think rationally at all times.

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Certainly I'm happy this way, but I can't say that I wouldn't be as happy if I were different. I don't believe I'd like to worry about romantic relationships and all, so I think I am probably overall happier being asexual and aromantic than I would be if I weren't, but it's still hard to say for sure. Regardless, I'm content with my life, so that's good enough for me.

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Definitely not.

While I agree with a lot of people who mention that it removes the stress of working at a relationship, but that doesn't remove the fact that I personally would really truly love to have a relationship. Unfortunately it's kinda difficult to find someone willing to sign up for a non-sexual relationship.

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I don't know. I'd definitely say I'm content, but I can't say for certain that I'm relieved or happy. I'd like to think I was fairly happy with myself whatever my nature happened to be - this just happens to be the hand I got played. I do sometimes appreciate being unusual in a fairly easy to conceal way, though.

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I am very relived to have found others who feel the same way I do and the thought of not being broken nor alone makes me very happy. I'm now just a click away from people who understand.

The only portion that makes me slightly discontent is the idea of relationships as I would probably want someone to cuddle and live with later on and that is not a conversation nor a search that I am looking forward to. But if it happens, it happens and if it doesn't, it doesn't.

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