dee615 Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 Are you relieved to be spared the time, energy and money that goes into sustaining a romantic and/ or sexual relationship? I am, because I'm very invested in my work, interests, friends, and travel. Also, I work with a lot of men, and it is really helpful not to have to "suppress" untoward thoughts about them. Link to post Share on other sites
Zerο Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 I'm pretty okay with it. I've got good friends and I'm pretty content without a romantic relationship, but at the same time I feel like eventually my friends will be starting families and it's only natural that our priorities and interests begin changing. At that point it'd be nice to be with someone, but asexuality will be a hurdle. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 I feel that being asexual does make my life a lot easier, yes. Mostly because my dysphoria, repulsion, and general social awkwardness would just lead to constant frustration if I were sexual... and that list makes it kinda obvious that my life is complicated enough, as it is. Link to post Share on other sites
tali.lynn Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 YES! Well, for me it's more like I used to think I HAD to be in a relationship, that that was the endgame of life, and when I realized I didn't have to force myself to do that, I was like, so excited! I'm also more than happy to spare the drama. It's funny the reaction I've gotten from friends was usually just this- "wow, you're so lucky, I wish I didn't have to worry about relationship drama". *Shrug* Link to post Share on other sites
Toothlesss Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 I'm relieved. I don't want romantic or sexual relationships, or the drama that comes with them. I want to focus on writing, sewing, probably some travel. Link to post Share on other sites
rexmackenzie Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 I believe I am more or less content with the thought of being asexual (only recently have I discovered this network, and the idea in general). I spend a lot of time reflecting upon my thoughts and emotions; I don't feel ashamed for lacking libido although I do worry about the possibility of prejudice and judgement. However I have yet to experience any negative treatment, perhaps it's because we "fly-under the radar" so to speak. I know very little when it comes to the nature/history of the treatment of asexuality by mainstream society. Only one of my friends has ever delved deep enough into my personal life to inquire about my possible asexuality. I am so used to living relationship-free; sometimes I forget that most people have significant others or else they're actively seeking one. I am open to the prospect of a near sex-free relationship with a woman. Nevertheless, I am comfortable with my solitude and yes, admittedly, I am more invested in work, travel (and the stock market :p) because of it. I am relieved to be living life on my own terms, or at least attempting to Link to post Share on other sites
EnterCreativeName Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 I'm happy to be the way I am. It honestly seems tomake school and work a lot easier, not being distracted by such thoughts and needs like crushes and relationships. The most drama I get is a goos friend of mine developing a crush on me, which I quickly got everything sorted out and he understood. We still talk every day too, and he is almost in a relationship with another girl now. I've also been told by someone that I am no asexual and that we aren't real. Needless to say, I don't talk to him anymore. Other than those two moments, It's been pretty easy. I can focus on grades and work, and doing things I like instead of dealing with the time and drama put into relationships. I'm fine with people knowing my sexuality, and I'm very open with my friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 Not so much asexuality. The biggest relief was discovering aromanticism existed. It was the complete inability to form any feeling towards anyone I found the scariest. Link to post Share on other sites
aliceintheattic Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 I think it was a relief to know there are other people out there who feel like me too, but I imagine it's not easy to be an asexual who is not aromantic and wants a relationship. I dont think I'm *happy* to identify as asexual, not I'm not unhappy either. I dont spend my nights going "Damn, I wish i wanted to have sex with people" and similarly I dont see people in healthy sexual relationships and get happy because i dont want that. It's strange. I guess it's just a smallish part of my personality and life. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloomy Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 Yes. I like being alone, and finding/sustaining relationships sounds like a real pain. Link to post Share on other sites
UncommonNonsense Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 I'm glad I'm ace. So many of my allo friends act so discontented. They acted euphoric in the first weeks/months of their relationships, but that seemed short-lived. They're stressed due to demands of marriage, kids, and their spouse. A lot of them complain that there partner doesn't pull his weight as to housework and childcare and that leads to major resentment and feeling taken for granted, like they're servants rather than spouses. A few have partners that have cheated and left them deeply wounded and unable to trust their partner. Others jump from partner to partner like they fear being in their own company. A couple choose partners who hurt them and seem unable to see that it's a pattern. I don't have that kind of stress in my life. My life is simpler and calmer. I'm glad of that. Link to post Share on other sites
MackerelGray Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 Yeah. I never was exposed overtly to the message that relationships are the end-goal of all society, but it was kind of subtly brainwashed into me, even though I didn't really care about "deeper" relationships -- I was too busy figuring out how friends worked! Then I found out about asexuality and it was enlightening in a way. I had heard a lot about abusive relationships before, relationships where one or the other is only in it for the sex or physical thrill, and now I know that it's not mandatory to get into a relationship and possibly face those sorts of things. Even if I hadn't heard of those situations, the pressure to get a boyfriend as a DFAB teenager is kind of annoyingly large. So it is a relief, yes! Link to post Share on other sites
TeaMistress Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 Are you relieved to be spared relationship drama, and the time, energy and money that goes into sustaining a relationship? I'm not really spared any of that, as I still participate in relationships, but I'm still very happy being asexual. It sounds really odd, but I love the freedom that the firm boundaries give me. Knowing that sex will never happen means I simply don't have to worry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Star Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 It's hard to say, because I can't comprehend what it's like to be sexual. I know what it would make me want to do, but I can't say how it would affect how I would feel. I do think that being asexual makes my life easier though. I also think it has saved me a lot of money. Link to post Share on other sites
Grabovsky Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 I dont think i could ever describe myself as happy(depression is a bitch), but since figuring out what exactly my sexuality is in the last few months have made me feel better overall about life. Link to post Share on other sites
Parmenides Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 Yes, it gives the ability to completely dedicate yourself to more important things and to reach goals that the other people can't reach. Link to post Share on other sites
PaperClip Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 I was always led to the thought that happiness could only be achieved through a romantic relationship. Having zero ability in that area, it made me really scared that I may never find love or die a virgin... Then, when I discovered asexuality existed... Things just made so much sense. I didn't need to worry about being in a relationship! It's ok to not have sex! So, to answer your question, yes, it gave me a great deal of comfort. Link to post Share on other sites
Tyger Songbird Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 It was more relieving to find a place like this. I for sure thought there was something wrong with me out in society. Then again, I'm a natural misfit, so I guess I need to get used to that. But, I'd say yeah, I like having my individual freedom, and I like having my energy spent on school really as well as music. I wouldn't have that if I entered into a relationship. Plus, I wouldn't have money either. I could do away with all that drama and fighting. Yup. Link to post Share on other sites
Hitch-22 Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 I think it was a relief to know there are other people out there who feel like me too, but I imagine it's not easy to be an asexual who is not aromantic and wants a relationship. Realising I was asexual was nice as a way of not having to worry about why I didn't understand what other people wanted so much. But what this person said is definitely true. I'm demiromantic, so the idea of one day sharing my life with someone I love one day sounds appealing, but I do worry about the asexual aspect. I think being both demiromantic and asexual might make it difficult to find someone who I connect with deeply enough to want a relationship with them also not having any issues with me being asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Siimo van der fietspad Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 I certainly felt a lot better. I'd always gone after girls from time to time, but there was the always the nagging feeling of 'what if they want to do it, how do I explain...?' Now I know there's nothing wrong with me. So many allosexuals will have all the torment of keeping their sexual appeal to the opposite sex, I am freed from this. I think that's been the key thing since discovering I was asexual, freedom. Still very optimistic about finding and sustaining a relationship. In fact I have been getting increasingly close with another ace girl I found on Acebook a few weeks ago, and I seriously think it can work out. She clearly likes me, we're a similar age and we share dozens of common interests. And as I said above, there's the wonderful freedom from every having to engage in sexual activity if we do get close. I can just be genuine. Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 I felt relieved. In the past I thought I had to do the whole mainstream relationship thing. I couldn't relate to others and their love lives and it seemed like they didn't relate to me. Now I have a community and peace of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
dee615 Posted June 19, 2016 Author Share Posted June 19, 2016 I guess it's just a smallish part of my personality and life. My feelings EXACTLY!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
dee615 Posted June 19, 2016 Author Share Posted June 19, 2016 YES! Well, for me it's more like I used to think I HAD to be in a relationship, that that was the endgame of life, and when I realized I didn't have to force myself to do that, I was like, so excited! I'm also more than happy to spare the drama. It's funny the reaction I've gotten from friends was usually just this- "wow, you're so lucky, I wish I didn't have to worry about relationship drama". *Shrug* Yes, we are fed the line that to be happy or complete, or socially validated as adults, we have to be in a relationship. It's ingrained so much that people seek a relationship for its own sake. This is a reason why so many people tolerate toxic relationships! Link to post Share on other sites
Hermit Advocate Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 I feel relieved. For the longest time I struggled to figure out who I was. I knew I didn't like girls, but I also didn't like boys either. It was wonderful to find out that there are people who feel the same way as me. I am not defective. I am so glad I've found this community. Link to post Share on other sites
Éadweard Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 I felt relieved to find out I wasn't alone. Link to post Share on other sites
- - - Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 everytime i see / hear about other peoples relationship problems im glad i dont hav to deal with that im sex repulsed so im glad ill never have to do it Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Very happy, I worry too much already. Link to post Share on other sites
touching-not-so-much Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 I agree. Relief and I very much think I'm glad I'm asexual - too many friends and family have had WAY too much drama that involved sex or relationships, so my possible aromanticism is something I'm also grateful for. Link to post Share on other sites
rinnika Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 I suppose I don't have to deal with those apparently 'life-ruling' crushes people seem to have and appreciating a pretty face makes it a whole lot easier when you find out they're in a relationship, so yeah, there's some relief about it. Some of my friends say it's cool too because they can come to me and get advice on their relationships since I come from a relationship-first perspective (because sex means literally nothing to me). *shrug* It's also relieving to know that I won't have to be alone in this and it definitely allows me to be a lot happier knowing that what I feel is actually a thing. I'm not actually broken or defective. I suppose there are some difficulties with being asexual, especially since I often feel quite lonely (despite my amazing friends) being the only one who's never been in a proper relationship and asexuality would be a bit of a hurdle in a relationship with everyone else seeming to be SO sexual. But even with such amazing communities of people, other people's opinion of me scares me a bit because asexuality is still not as well understood or even as well known as other sexualities, so explaining to people how I do or don't feel like they do is really stressful to me (I mean, anxiety doesn't help but yanno, all in a day's work ). But when I find people who actually understand it and accept it, I feel so happy because those are the people who don't try to 'fix' me or set me up with other people when said other person is obviously very sexual. So bless those beautiful humans. <3 Link to post Share on other sites
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