Why do you identify as Grey-A?

[Cracticus]

There are lots of definitions for grey-A so I was wondering which ones apply to you? Do you also use other labels such as demi or fray?

In my case, I fit under the rarely experiences sexual attraction category. The I have experienced sexual attraction towards my current boyfriend and that didn't last long. I used to identify as demi but dropped the label after my experiences didn't line up well with other demis.

How about you?

[binary suns]

it's clear to me that I'm closer to asexual than anything else, just well.. I'm not quite asexual either.

I don't really use any complex lables, I use the term "ace" "Grey" "queer" and "companionate" depending on the circumstance.

[ninive]

I call myself demi because I'm more likely to feel attracted to people I already know, but 'knowing' for me could also mean just relating.

That's a bit quicker than what most describe demisexuals, but they also say everyone's different.

I can feel attraction for more than one person at the same time, but I always need to know them already to go past simple beauty appreciation.

[PeterPanForever]

Because those who identify as strictly asexual seem to think in terms of black and white, whereas I believe that sexuality/asexuality exists on a spectrum. I haven't had sex in 17 years, because I'm asexual, yet at times I still have desires, and it's in my head, whereas sexuality/asexuality is a complete metaphysical makeover that includes psychology and physiology, and I'm tired of having to defend my orientation simply because of my at times restless imagination. So I'm gray, or better yet, grace. I like that word anyway...grace. It's just easier that way. It's beyond me why those who consider themselves lacking in the sexual lifestyle department have to defend themselves to a bunch of absolutists, anyway, but grace it is, to get the monkey off my back and to stop other asexuals who have had their own subjective experiences from bird-dogging me about it.

[Hardly any]

I'm not sure I can bother with a label anymore. I consider myself demi/grey simply because the appeal and need/desire for sex (people going "I'm dying" after a month, here I can last years and years) doesn't occur to me when I'm not in a relationship.

I'm really really into my partner when I'm in a relationship, and I don't feel like I'm deep enough into asexuality to need an identity. I just want to be happy with what I want.

Tldr, grey because emotions make me sexual and no sex doesn't make me miserable.

[K1ng]

I identify with grey-ace because I've only been sexually attracted to 2 people in my life. Once when I was 16, and another time when I was 22. Outside of those instances, sex just seems like as comfortable of an idea as taking a vegetarian to a meat market.

[a Grace]

I only feel sexual sometimes. And when i think of acting on a feeling of horniness with a real person, the sexual feeling dies. to be honest im not really sure what sexuality is because i feel it so rarely.

[PhoenyxOfTheAshes]

I identify as grace because I fit the following points that are included on AVEN's page about grey-asexuality:

• do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes (I've only experienced it a handful of time)
• experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive (My sex drive is low)
• experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them (Even when I do experience attraction, I have no desire to act on it)
• people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances (I am only attracted to people when I associate a certain kink with them, if I saw them walking down the street and did not have this association, I would feel zero attraction to them. It's almost as if I'm attracted to the idea of the kink, not the people themselves. So this is a very limited/specific circumstance)

[kriddle]

I identify as grey-ace because the identity that I truly feel fits (fraysexual) is not as well known, and to be honest, I'm still questioning if this is right since I've never had a relationship closer than a friend that didn't turn into more of a brother/sister feel. So for me its easier to explain being grey-ace instead of explaining fraysexual when that may not even be me.

[Winter Holly]

I seem to be wired for what I call sympathetic sexual desire, or enthusiastic sexual receptivity, for a life partner of similar orientations on the mono-poly axis for all intimate relationship dynamics. I'm sexually repulsed by every one I don't see as a highly compatible personality whom I know to be attracted to me. This repulsed group includes every one right now because I have my sexuality wrenched up by sex dysphoria and some mental health issues which both prevent me from seeing myself as a likely ideal partner. (I'm still attracted to people for other intimate relationships and enjoy learning to articulate those attractions.)

For those who consider other dimensions of sexual and other intimate relationship orientation to be relevant, I'm what I've recently found to be called varioriented, mixed orientation identity, or cross-orientation identity. Sexually, I'm lesbian, but on the pan side, leaning toward gender minorities. On the mono-poly axis what looks "normal" to me is a group of 2 to 4 people, and at the very most about 6, where it starts getting weird. For anything not relevant to a fluid-bond, I'm on the gay side of pan and affirmatively poly to the point of being repulsed by people who are mono-oriented. I'm into at least one kink which can't mix with sexuality for me, but could be part of a relationship which also includes sexuality. I've not yet found any kinks I'm into to "feel sexual" for me, but expect that there are some such which I might discover, and have found a kink that could prolly mix if I become sexually functional.

[GistOfSpirit]

I don't really fit into the "common" descriptions of "grey" but others have agreed what I am is a kind of grey ace: I have some aspects of a sexual attraction but not others (and definitely not the "main" one, concerning sex itself). Without getting into too much detail, there's things I do have a desire to do which are generally classed as sexual (although may not be, depending on definition) but not sex.

On a tangential topic, I "call myself" a grey ace, but I don't "identify as" a grey ace. It may be a small distinction, but I don't feel that being grey ace (or being anything else, really) is part of my identity; it's just a term that I believe can apply to me.

[LadyRadiance]

I identify as grey ace because I can count on my hand the amount of times I've experience sexual attraction, which doesn't even much different from aesthetic attraction, (just a touch stronger I guess) which could very well just be sensual attraction. Also it's nowhere near strong enough for me to desire sex. My sex drive is almost non-existent, so yeah, grey ace for me.

[borealmist]

Out of the aven criteria, I guess these are the ones that fit best.

• do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes
• people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances

Whatever it is I do experience, it does not seem to match what others seem to experience with sexual attraction. I do experience something in relation to fetishistic aesthetics and bdsm things, rather on the outliers of what people normally consider 'sex', so for what it's worth, calling it 'heterosexual' would be almost entirely wrong.

[mrcrowley23]

I guess gray would a good way to describe me. Sometimes I feel a strong attraction to a woman, but when it comes time to have sex or be intimate I just lose all desire. I like holding hands or kissing. But that's about it.

Another tough thing for me is that it's tough for me to sustain any relationship with a woman if they're not into the same things I am. I'm into too many kinks I guess to just settle for regular stuff. I wish I was vanilla sometimes, but I'm not.

[firestring]

Because sometimes I feel like I want to have sex, other times I feel like I never want to. Often I feel as though I could only have sex with someone I had known for a long time and trusted but that's not always the case. To put it more simply, I'm confused by sexuality and that's largely tied into severe anxiety issues. For context, I've never done anything sexual further than kissing.

[PaperClip]

Because, although it's *extremely* rare, attraction did happen in the past; I can remember it happening about 3 times in my 23 years of existence.

It's worth mentioning that I've never been too far with a girl, so I might as well be Demi and not know it... I probably won't discover that until I actually go and do it with someone. But for now, it fits pretty well.

[Patronus_Cat]

I'm still defining myself, so I'd probably put myself in the grey area until I know more. For sure, I know I'm on the asexual spectrum, just how into the scale, I'd have to find out.

I put myself in this category because I rarely experience sexual attraction and I have no sexual desire. I do fantasize sometimes, but it only has faceless people being intimate. Do I want the fantasies to come true? No way! I rarely have crushes on people I know IRL, but I do have celebrity crushes, because I know it wouldn't come true. So that kinda bothered me if I'm really asexual (and these crushes go a little more than just holding hands or cuddling) Will I be relieved if someone told me I never have to have sex? Absolutely!

My crushes on people IRL (which has been only a few) is more romantic than sexual, well I can't imagine me being in a sexual situation with them. It grosses/freaks me out or I get terribly uncomfortable. I do enjoy flirting though, but get uncomfortable if it turns sexual.

Also, I like the way it sounds- grey Ace or Grace ;)

[Snao Cone]

I think I'm better off using grey as an explanation for my occasional interest in having a sexual experience. I have no sexual needs to be met (at least not partnered) and my experiences have all come with a "meh" feeling. Combined with my lack of interest in any intimate relationship, there is no reason for me to seek out sex other than to shake things up. Whether that is fully asexual or grey will vary depending on the opinion of the person evaluating my situation.

[oliolioxenfree]

honestly, it's a whole new world in here. i've identified as grey-a for, oh, idk, i'll say 2-3 years now. i'll be truthful in saying that i am often 100% perplexed and never too sure about my sexuality as a whole, but grey-a seems to be the best fit for me. there's a lot of things i wondered about myself and my sexuality that seem to have honestly just disappeared upon reading about some things here that struck doubt in me, and learning that these things are, in fact, not some arbitrarily specific criteria that disqualifies me from the sexuality i identify with. i identify with grace rather than ace, i think, because it seems more inclusive to small abnormalities. i've not experienced sexual attraction more than, i'd say, two times, and i do not relate with the demi mentality that seems inherently attached to grace. it feels less, as Peterson515 put it, black and white.

[Kren]

I identify as grey since it seems to be the best fit. I can't really recall a time that I was sexually attracted to a person. I have very little interest in it. I have had a semi-sexual encounter in the past and I was bored. That being said, I haven't completely thrown out the idea of being sexual, under the right circumstance.

[wagglingeyebrows]

I've only ever had about a few encounters for possible relationships, but really only one that could have been sexual. In the one instance it was a pretty established relationship but I just wasn't sexually attracted to him. I err on the side of demi/grey-ace mostly because I'm still not really sure what sexual attraction is supposed to feel like. Even when I've been really emotionally interested in a crush I felt closer to sensual attraction to them. Like someone mentioned earlier, sometimes i'm attracted to the idea of sex but when I start thinking about sex with someone I'm turned off. So I feel more comfortable in the demi/grey-ace bubble until I sort stuff out.

[Devil Kisses]

I identify as grey asexual because I just don't think I feel sexual attraction like the typical person. For a while I was confused about whether I was asexual or not. I now know I do experience some sexual attraction. I do want a sexual relationship. I'm definitely on the more sexual side of great asexuality. I'm not even sure if I belong on the grey asexual spectrum. I sometimes like to call myself grey sexual. Because I kind of feel like an allosexual person in some ways, but attraction is more rare for me.

[bxcellent2eo]

I consider myself graysexual because I usually don't crave sex, but I kind of enjoy it when it's happening. I might just be enjoying the closeness, since I'm romantic. I get the same feeling from just cuddling.

[black.ace]

i started identifying as grey ace a few days ago because i'm confused about my (a)sexuality. for a while i thought i was actually hypersexual because i'd let my body determine whether or not i was truly sexually attracted to someone via erections. that was an awful idea because i get erections for just about everything :( .

at this point, i've had too much sex, and now it's become boring and repetitive and kind of gross. mentally i am opposed to it, yet my body craves it. i've been able to ignore my body for a while now and i feel a lot better about myself since doing so.

i feel like i am in a grey area of asexuality, where i am sex-neutral. i feel sexually attracted to people but i don't feel attracted towards the act of sex. i dunno.

[Grayclover]

I never feel anything sexual towards anyone, unless I have a good emotional bond.

I was like an asexual for years, but some years ago I did fall a bit in love. Then I had a glimpse of sexual attraction, but it did last only for maybe 10 seconds and never happened again. Half year later I was sexually attracted to a woman I had bonded with for some months.

Then I decided to see how this is going. This 'romantic turn' has now continued for 2-3 years. I think I'm demisexual now, - I'm not sure if any category fits me really well, but demisexual is quite close. So I identify as a demisexual now, but I can drop this if I go back to more asexual direction.

I think I have been more or less demisexual for most of my life, Gray-A all the time, maybe.

I'm now really romantic, with no sexual attraction at first, so demisexual fits me.

[SnowyB]

I identify as Gray-A because I have some sexual feelings toward only my primary partner sometimes, but most of the time feel nothing sexually for anyone. I masturbate once in a while as well, but mostly to relieve built-up tension and stress.

I realized that I am on the asexual spectrum when I had a secondary partner recently who was hypersexual, and I didn't like even the thought of having sex with her. I pretty much only wanted to hold hands, cuddle, be close, and kiss, but she wanted so much more and very often. It was difficult for me to say no (I did anyways), and I felt abnormal about not wanting to have sex. I realized that I only felt abnormal because of her expectations. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I finally admitted to myself that I am Gray-A!

[Lady Grey]

I identify as grey-a mainly because I very rarely experience sexual desire, but I do experience some form of kind of physical attraction and I'm not really sure how sexual that is (or isn't).

I guess I'm still trying to figure it out (even though I'm nearly 44 years old!). I do tend to be attracted to people (women - I identify as homo-romantic) and there is a physical aspect to it. I can want to touch or kiss the women I'm attracted to, but I rarely will have any desire to actually have sex with them. I don't think I'm demi-sexual because my attraction doesn't relate to a romantic bond - I can be attracted to women I don't know very well. Part of the reason it's hard for me to figure out is that my attractions are usually one-sided so I don't actually know how my desires could potentially change if I actually had any chance of a relationship with them.

I have had two long-term relationships (4 years and 13 years). In both I had sex in the beginning but I think this was more driven by the other person - I was able to go along with it and feel comfortable doing so, though I probably would never have initiated sex. But as the relationships went on, this was less and less the case and we stopped having sex. The differences in the length of the relationships reflect the different levels of patience of my partners with that situation! The first time I thought I just wasn't in love with my partner any more. The second time I started wondering whether I was unusual and that's when I realised I might be asexual or something near it.

It's quite frustrating to me that I have romantic (and some level of physical) attractions, as I know from experience I couldn't sustain a sexual relationship.

[J.T. Grey]

I believe that lith is in the grey spectrum, and I identify with it the most because I like the idea of being in a relationship and being married and having possible sex with a person; but in real life, I really can't be bothered with things like that. It's my independence most likely, and my knowledge of myself knowing I couldn't be a good enough girlfriend/wife to a person who likes me if they are a sexual person themselves. And also, I don't seek out relationships or sex actively-- I just think about them.

I would do some things for them if I really knew it would make them happy, but for the most part I really don't care about things like that.

[Grumpy Alien]

I'm not quite sexual, not quite asexual. I have a very low libido and could easily live forever without sex. However, I've given up labels. So I don't identify as grey even though I am by definition.

[crazypimpernelfan]

I simply call myself gray-asexual to myself. I refer to myself as "bisexual" outside for two reasons: 1) It is more understandable for the public eye; 2) I believe that my sexual preferences do not need to be understood by anyone but myself, any potential partner, and extremely close friends.

I define my gray-asexuality probably very differently from others. I've discovered, as time has gone by, that I'm more demisexual with guys, but only IF I am in a romantic relationship with him. My sexual attraction to women rarely pops up... maybe two or three times in a year? And, I hate to say, it appears more after an assault. But, then again, my emotions go all over the place whenever I'm assaulted, so I don't really include those times because they're more of reactions to trauma rather than what I define as ACTUAL attraction.

I'm also more open to the idea of sex too. As long as I am married to the person, I wouldn't mind having sex with the person. I may not have much sexual attraction, but that fact doesn't eliminate my sex drive (which is less than the average allosexual person's, but more than probably the average definition of an asexual person's sex drive).