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anyone else feel the same when talking to your parents?


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ValleyGirl102

My mom is really into men and I mean REALLY into men! She always points at a muscular man on tv and says "don't you want to jump jnto the screen and make out with him?" And I say "not really, no" and she acts like it is the weirdest thing in the world. She says that "it is my autism and that I am the only one in the world that doesn't swoon over anyone" I tell her over and over that I am asexual and that there is a whole community just like me but she tells me to stop using made up words. I am aware that autism may be a contribute to my asexuality. But I just came here to say that I am very proud to be a part of this even though I can't convince my mom that it is real and common among a lot of people! Oh well, more cake for us! Happy pride month everyone!

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My mom most certainly does not point out men she thinks are hot to me(thank god). Asexuality is not a side-affect of autism, it is its own distinct phenomenon. I'm glad you found this community. ^_^

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Ugh, your mum sounds the worst. Thankfully my own mum sounds nothing like that. But what can you do apart from accept that your mum is like that.

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Anthracite_Impreza

My mam does point out men, but she doesn't expect me to join in anymore. Autism has nothing to do with asexuality; I'm in a group for autistic adults and they're more open about their sexual interests than anyone else I know!

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Autumn Season

I'd just like to point out that asexual people are not the only ones who don't want to jump other people's bones. In my social circle somebody who talks like your mom would be the one considered weird. And the people around me are sexuals.

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My mom doesn't point out "hot" men like that, but some of my friend's moms do. It always seemed really bizarre to me, and I'm glad I didn't have to deal with that.

As for convincing your mom that asexuality is real, have you considered showing her AVEN or some other resource to prove you aren't making it all up. There's a whole community out there, and making your mom aware of it might help your situation.

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Hmm, not with my mom. But my dad...

I know when walking with him, he's like ogling all the women out there. And I would notice him straining his neck and give me a wink, as in. "Look, son! hubba hubba". But yet ugh, I couldn't get excited anyhow, just gave a smile back. I mean, I know she's pretty 'n all but that's the extend of it... He doesn't do this anymore though, maybe because he knows my reaction by now. And has come to terms that I'm happy either way being single or having a partner.

And I only recently found out AVEN & all it's stuff. So yea, parents don't know... Probably won't I'm happy they leave me as it is xD

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Fortunately I don't have this issue. One of my moms is potentially asexual and the other potentially demi. Both gay or bi. I've never talked about it with them in depth but that was sort of what they implied when I came out (neither of them knew or use/d the labels).

However I do know people like this and it's gotta be so much harder coming from your mom. I agree, maybe show her some posts from AVEN by people who are in the same situation as you, it might help her understand that you are not the only person that feels this way.

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Lord of the nerds

That is terrible, to have someone accuse you of making things up is terrible in itself, let alone in this situation,have you ever tried to show her AVEN? Even if it might not help, it is still worth a shot.

As for other people, my parents would also point to the screen and say make some comment about their attractiveness, but they never pressed when I showed disinterest.

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RoseGoesToYale

I feel your pain, as my mom does this. Once in high school, she asked "Your English teacher is pretty hot, don't you think?" I didn't answer, I just started talking to our dogs. I'm not out to her, and don't plan on coming out, so I usually just have to find creative ways to avoid her comments and questions about men.

Just keep trying with your mom. After a while, she may begin to accept what you're saying. And I concur with above, showing her AVEN, especially some of the FAQ pages, may really help.

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My mom is really into men and I mean REALLY into men! She always points at a muscular man on tv and says "don't you want to jump jnto the screen and make out with him?" And I say "not really, no" and she acts like it is the weirdest thing in the world. She says that "it is my autism and that I am the only one in the world that doesn't swoon over anyone" I tell her over and over that I am asexual and that there is a whole community just like me but she tells me to stop using made up words. I am aware that autism may be a contribute to my asexuality. But I just came here to say that I am very proud to be a part of this even though I can't convince my mom that it is real and common among a lot of people! Oh well, more cake for us! Happy pride month everyone!

As far as I know, there is no reason a person can not be asexual and A.S. I have Aspergers Syndrome and I am asexual.

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I don't really speak to my parents about sexual orientation/sexuality but my parents wouldn't point someone out and say hey aren't they hot! Thank heavens. I may have ocassionally said someone was pretty to my mother whilst watching tv and I think she literally thought I meant they were pretty because thats all I meant. She didn't read anything further into it. I don't know where the idea came from that if you find someone attractive you also have to want to have sex with them cause its odd.

Also please understand asexuality and autism are two separate things.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this :cake::cake:. If you'd like a snappy retort/script when talking to your mother here are some (or just keep doing what your doing;):

When your mother says, don't you just want to jump through the screen and make out with him say:

He is occupied with your fantasies right now.

When she says stop using made up words say:

When you stop invalidating my sexual orientation/sexuality

when you stop pointing out random guys on tv and telling me how hot they are and I should make out when I've clearly stated I don't want to

Tell her (I don't know exactly how many asexual AVEN members there are) but lets use 8 squabillion :P (until someone can give a actual figure :P). 8 squabillion very real asexual people say hi, please stop! ;)

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Not my mom, but this is a literal summary of my entire relationship with my sister. All she ever does is comment on dudes and how attractive they are both on tv and in person and I'm perpetually just sitting there like "....k." and somehow, despite coming out to my family, and never commenting with her, she's yet to get the hint to stop. Or even just like cut it down some, I would settle for that. Because right now, it's just so much.

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thatguyinthecorner

Oh god my dad is this so much. Tries to hook his sons up with every woman vaguely near their age, said that "I bet you wouldn't be asexual if you were in the same room as Tailor Swift," and had this lovely exchange with me.

"Did you see that tatoo on her ass?"
"No dad, I wasn't looking there."

Ugh, it's so annoying.

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My parents apparently limited sex to their marriage and never mentioned further external urges or fantasies or nudged me to hit on somebody. - Dad used to pull my leg about LDR triggered issues but thats all.

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UncommonNonsense

Mum will sometimes point out men she finds attractive... but since she's 70 and has never been very interested in sex (I have wondered if she's gray-A or if it was just the way she grew up - she was a kid in the 1940s and 50s, after all), she generally plays it off as more of a joke. She often says something along the lines of "I'm old, not dead!". She never asks if I find the guy attractive, since she knows I won't.. not only am I ace, I also don't find musclebound gym-bodies at all attractive, and that seems to be what Mum goes for. She never twits me about it, though. If anything, it's just a running joke between us.

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touching-not-so-much

I dunno about the rest of it, but the one objective thing that can be dealt with is that asexuality is a recognized position on the Kinsey scale, so there's nothing "made up" about it anymore than gay or bi is made up.

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Yep, my mom does the exact same thing. Whenever there is a TV show or a movie with some attractive actress, she will ask me "Don't you think that she's pretty?" "So, what kinda girls do you like, son? Blondes or brunettes?" "Any pretty girls in your class?" I gave up on explaining asexuality to her, because when I started throwing hints that I'm ace, she immediately dismissed them and said that I'm probably a late bloomer, because my sister was one too and didn't really "start to live it up" until she was in her late 20's.

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YorkshireTyke

I was lucky. When I ten (in 1970) there was a flurry of weddings in my family, and I remember telling my mother that I never wanted to get married or have children. Her reply: "You don't have to get married or have children and lots of people shouldn't!" Later on, when I didn't have or want a boyfriend, she was equally supportive.

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One Winged Angel

My father, who I no longer keep in contact with, is a very sexually minded person. When I was a teenager and until I cut off ties with him at around 22, he thought I was mentally ill and he was impossible to hold a conversation with. I will not repeat the kind of things we would say to me, as they quickly turned from idiotic to physically oppressive. I have no choice in being who I am, and that includes being Asexual and Aromantic. Sadly, until people begin to fully and completely understand this orientation, such comments will continue. How can you expect someone to take you seriously when they think Asexuality is the same as ED, for example? Education and understanding are the key. Sadly, a lot of people are lacking in both.

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my mom is like this too. she thinks i should go to a doctor for "hormonal imbalance."

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  • 1 month later...

Thankfully my parents aren't like that. My grandma's kind of a different story. She used to ask me if I had a boyfriend (I kept saying no). She stopped afterwards which would seem fine and dandy, but what kind of makes me mad is how she ended up no longer asking me: It wasn't because I said that I wasn't interested, but because of how other people were dating. She saw how other people were dating and now she's telling me to not date. I'd say that she's supporting my choice, but she easily misinterprets me sometimes, sometimes thinking that I'm just being a really good girl (which I'm really not).

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. . . The idea of exactly this situation and my mom deciding that there is s serious problem with me is exactly why I don't talk to her. Oddly enough, she's both suggested I might be autistic, but when I ask about it suggests that I'm not. Just trying to keep this under the radar with all the contradictions. Asexuality could be the straw that breaks the camels back, really.

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