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Am I the Only One Who Can't Tell?


AkioM105

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So I've identified as asexual for over 2 years and it still stands true as ever. However, I've recently been thinking more about my romantic orientation. I thought I was heteroromantic for the longest time, but since my last romantic relationship I've been thinking more about it. I went between hetero, bi, and pan romantic for a few months, but now I'm beginning to realize that I have a really hard time trying to tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction. I see them as similar things and basically I've seen my previous romantic partners as really good friends with benefits like kissing and cuddling (I prefer to abstain from sex, I'm not sex repulsed but the idea of doing it makes me feel uncomfortable). Is this something other people experience? Do you guys have any advice about being able to know and tell the difference?

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Storm Lantern

I do not experience the same things, but I may be able to help.

What you're describing may fall under "Quoiromantic" aka "Wtfromantic".

From TheAsexualityBlog:

"Quoiromantic is a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum that describes people who cannot differentiate between platonic and romantic attraction, cannot define romantic attraction and therefore are not sure if they experience it, experience attraction somewhere between romantic and platonic, or want to be in a queerplatonic relationship. It’s also known as WTFromantic."

If that sounds like what you're feeling, I'd try looking up those terms.

Best of luck!

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Blue Phoenix Ace

Hi! Such confusion is very natural. It would be similar to asking somebody who perceives yellow like green if they have ever seen the color yellow. If they've never experienced seeing yellow, then it's difficult for them to know it for sure.

Aromanticism includes many of the same descriptions as Quiromanticism. Aromantics are also confused about romantic attraction and whether it applies to them. I think the difference between the two is that a Quiromantic is comfortable in this state of confusion, whereas an Aromantic has the more definitive stance that they don't experience it. It may also be that Quioromanticism is a temporary phase for people before they move on to another label they feel fits them better.

Understanding the difference between romantic and platonic attraction is difficult, mainly because there is no clear definition for romantic attraction. This page might help (we're still working on it, but it's a good start): http://www.arocalypse.com/index/

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  • 8 months later...
On 10/06/2016 at 6:48 AM, AkioM105 said:

I'm beginning to realize that I have a really hard time trying to tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction. I see them as similar things and basically I've seen my previous romantic partners as really good friends with benefits like kissing and cuddling (I prefer to abstain from sex, I'm not sex repulsed but the idea of doing it makes me feel uncomfortable). Is this something other people experience? Do you guys have any advice about being able to know and tell the difference?

I feel similar. I have been in a more-than-friendship with a lovely guy for around 5 years. In the last year it got more 'romantic' with kissing and cuddling - initiated by him. I felt uncomfortable with that at first but grew to quite like it. Unfortunately the stumbling block was sex - just couldn't do it - I've done it in the past, but it's been so uncomfortable it's the breaking point of relationships. That's when I found out I was asexual and told him. We're now just seeing how things go... at present it feels like our relationship is reverting from some level of romance back to friendship. I'm not 100% sure whether my feelings of love for him are platonic or romantic. They seem to go beyond platonic in that I prefer to be with him the most out of all my friends and we have deeper levels of conversation that are more personal than with others and plan our weeks together. However it's not Valentine's Day or romantic dinners. And we don't plan to cohabit and are uncertain if we'll be together forever. I'm really not sure if I'm an aromantic with queer-platonic feelings, a quoiromantic, or demi romantic. I know I'm not romantic as I'd never seek a relationship on my own steam - this just kind of happened!

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