People change. Does this mean I'll never have anyone forever?

[interpol]

When I was about 13, I read a story I'll always remember. It was about two girls who'd been friends for a long time, but eventually they grew apart. The mom in the story said what is happening is hard but perfectly normal. Friendships change and we have to let them go when it's time.

My mom never lived in one place long enough to make any friends; my dad never really let his go. So they never gave the advice above.

But I'm wondering if that story was right.

And if that is true, there is no such thing as anything forever. Including friendship.

Over the last few years, I have changed. I've changed my outlook on sex and sexuality hugely. I've changed roles in my professional/student life. I've changed how I look at a few things. I am working on changing how I relate to others in just about every area of my life. Family, friends, work, EVERYTHING. In the process, some people have fallen away from me and even gotten angry at me that I've changed my perspective. (eg, I don't think sex is an obligation, nor does society as a whole force it on anyone or hold it up as an ideal. I don't think sex is morally wrong. I don't think that sex between consenting adults is a problem, I believe complete recovery from addiction is possible if the person learns to love themselves and wants to change, and I believe it is possible to be at peace with a terminal illness diagnosis. These are examples of changes in outlook that have gotten people pissed off at me.)

At any rate, does this mean there's no such thing as forever? They say best friends forever as a kid, they say you are forever (until you die,) and marriage is supposed to be forever (if you believe in the afterlife). But, are humans not constantly changing? Where is forever, then, if my own mindset has changed? And will those who disagree with me now disagree with me forever? Will the new people in my life that come in also not last?

[Perissodactyla]

As you well know, my shirt lasts. :)

[Philip027]

I believe people stick with others for as long as they both want to. And that can mean forever, if they want it to be.

In this day and age you don't *have* to live in one place for a long time to build connections.

[Galactic Turtle]

Just because there are cases where something (marriage, friendship, etc) doesn't last a lifetime doesn't mean it doesn't exist. :P

Some people will remain friends until they die. Others will remain friends until next week. Some marriages last two days and others last until death.

You're obviously not afraid of change but just because you're changing doesn't mean you should expect everyone around you currently to abandon you or otherwise become more distant (unless that is your goal).

There's no saying how long something will last but there's no way to tell until it happens. ^_^

It's also important to note that just because you're changing doesn't mean everyone else around you will necessarily remain stagnant. Many people grow and change together in the same direction. That lucky coincidence is what I think makes the strongest longterm relationships. Of course you can't control when that happens or with whom.

[Tarfeather]

If your intimate relationships depend on superficial aspects that change over time, yes they're not meant to last. We humans also have core aspects to our personality that don't really change at all, and that's what you should build your relationships on.

[El-not-so-ace]

Some of my friends have drifted from me but a select few are still there for me, no matter how busy we both get in our lives... I think forever can happen, but both parties need to put in some effort since anything can fall through in life.

[Busrider]

Life is a constant travel. If another person follows you at the crossings or not could be called random or dependand on your two personalities and how they match. And to stay in the travel pivture: Marching speeds can vary too.

[Chrysocolla Dawn]

The people themselves may not stick around forever, it's really rare that they do.

More importantly for me are the memories. Friends Forever really does apply when I have all my memories of being around that person. No one can step in and take those memories away, and the only person who can tarnish those memories is myself, which I have no intention of doing.

Sometimes I get a little depressed when my mind wanders to the people I've lost along the way. I'd rather try and be happy that our time together happened though.

[Guest]

Nothing last literally forever... and hardly any relationship - friends, partners, whathaveyou - lasts a lifetime. Some counterexamples exist, but IME, they're a tiny minority indeed.

Yes, that sucks in a way, but it just can't be helped (and if it could be helped, that help wouldn't be compatible with the respect for individual freedom that I need to ahve as a basis for healthy social contacts).

[Somegeezer]

You certainly shouldn't expect anything to be forever. But people change at different rates, and in different ways. Even you change. For all you know, the changes between you and this other person could end up going to same way, or in a way that is even better.

The story is more about not surrpunding yourself with people who bring you down. and understanding that some things end will make for an easier time. You will still be sad to lose people you love. But you will understand why they had to go.

and when the end does come, the ones who best fit you will be the ones left, and the ones that did last forever. =]

[WhenSummersGone]

Things can last a long time but I don't think forever. If they do it's rare imo. I try to make things last with partners or friends but some people just want to move on. When my grandma died I realized my grandpa was now alone, and same with my other grandpa. So even someone you were married to/partners with doesn't last. Someone dies first. Although I'd like to think if you were with someone in this life you could be with them in the afterlife, if that even exists. I'm agnostic.

[Tarfeather]

I wish ending one's own life were more widely accepted, especially when very ill or old. I honestly would rather just go and lie down and die like Aragorn did in LotR, rather than get old and sick and die a slow, pointlessly painful death.

[Peachyy]

It depends on if they like the person the other other changes into. There's no such thing as "forever" for humans unless you're needy enough to believe in an afterlife. People dont often change so drastically that you sit down and realize that your friend murders cats. If you always want a friend around you might have to make new ones every once in a while to rotate them out when time runs. Shit happens though and life is pain (anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something).

Take my parents for example: ive noticed them evolve and they evolved with each other before I was born. my mom was vegetarian for 10 years and used to be catholic. My dad used to be (unintentionally, I think as result from my grandparents) racist and homophobic (without thinking he was). Both of them changed into people that the other person liked, which were people that were nothing like their parents and certain aspects of forced upbringing *cough* attending mass *cough* .

My best friend and I have changed a lot and lasted through both middle school and high school. Again, because when we evolved, it was into a version that the other person still liked. But maybe we'll have a falling out in our 50's. Maybe my parents will get divorced next year. Maybe my deeply religious extended family will stop going to church *sigh, gazes into sunset* . Something happens, always. And that's your only guarantee.

[Nuage]

I do think it's possible for two people (or more) to love each other forever (platonically or romantically). Of course, both of them would go through various changes, but I don't think that necessarily means they wouldn't love each other anymore? They would love each other, differently, for different reasons, in different ways.
Needless to say, that is quite rare, unlikely even. But certainly not impossible.

That said, I personally don't think "forever" should be a goal. It's not reasonable, and would most likely lead to disappointment. It also increases the chances of clinging to someone that might not be that good for you.

The way that I see it, the goal is to simply have a nice time. As two indivduals who appreciate each other's presence. And if, eventually, the two grow apart, they would be able to look back with a smile, be grateful for these moments, and regretting none of it.

[mori child]

Here's a quote from Anne Morrow Lindbergh:

When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet, this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of time and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible in life, as in love, is in growth, in fluidity – in freedom. The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was, nor forward to what it might be, but living in the present and accepting it as it is now. For relationships, too, must be like islands. One must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits – islands surrounded and interrupted by the sea, continuously visited and abandoned by the tides. One must accept the serenity of the winged life, of ebb and flow, of intermittency.