Problems with the "Enby-" words

[ItWasNiceKnowingYou]

I just wanted to ask this question because I've found groups for nonbinary/genderqueer and genderless people where some people take offense to being called an enby.

I personally don't mind it because it's easier to explain than going through what exactly a maverique gendered person is every single time I'm asked about my gender. Even though I don't want to date,if I were in that situation, I would hate to be called someone's girlfriend. I'd rather use a more nonbinary term.

What're your thoughts?

Any changes or suggestions are welcomed too ^_^

[binary suns]

I've never even heard of the term before today.

[dissolved]

I'm a trans guy, and if someone called me their "enby friend" their ass would get dumped so fast...

[Guest]

Honestly, I'd be a lot more annoyed if someone called me their boyfriend. -_-

I only vaguely remember hearing "enby" before... not my favorite term (that would be genderqueer), but I can live with it easily - doesn't sound offensive to me at all.

BTW, "datemate" is pretty close to what R. and I actually did call each other while we were together: shipmates. :D

[ItWasNiceKnowingYou]

BTW, "datemate" is pretty close to what R. and I actually did call each other while we were together: shipmates. :D

SHIPMATES?! THAT'S TOO FREAKING CUTE

[butterflydreams]

I'm a trans guy, and if someone called me their "enby friend" their ass would get dumped so fast...

Yeah, I think it would be pretty disrespectful to call a trans man or trans woman your "enby friend". At least, I'd feel pretty disrespected. I mean, especially if you never gave any indication that you were non-binary in any way.

I prefer creative things like "getaway driver" or "number one" (from star trek), but I'd happily, happily accept being someone's "girlfriend".

[binary suns]

I've heard datefriend and that's one of my go-to terms for a gender neutral "girl"friend, either that or "companion" heh. allthough tbh I think of "companion" as more like a qpr kinda term with "datefriend" being more of a romance term.

:o shipmates??? omg that's awesome!

[binary suns]

I guess what really matters is what your date prefers. there's a tone of possible terms apparantly, so just ask them xD

[darknova42]

I think the only thing that would bother me about being referred to as an "enbyfriend" is that if I wasn't out to the person were talking to it might be problematic. When it comes to gender I don't really have a preference, so in some cases it'd just needlessly open a can of worms. If it was just between the two of us then I wouldn't mind.

[Chardog]

I'd prefer partner or significant other (SO doesn't really define things, other than you're meaningful to the person, and that's the most important thing to me <that I have a meaningful place in that person's life>).

[SirEl]

What's an enby? Also I'd rather be called someone's sweetheart or lover rather than a girlfriend or boyfriend - less emphasis on gender. Enbyfriend and datemate just sound weird though.

[ItWasNiceKnowingYou]

What's an enby? Also I'd rather be called someone's sweetheart or lover rather than a girlfriend or boyfriend - less emphasis on gender. Enbyfriend and datemate just sound weird though.

Enby= NB= Non-Binary

[SirEl]

What's an enby? Also I'd rather be called someone's sweetheart or lover rather than a girlfriend or boyfriend - less emphasis on gender. Enbyfriend and datemate just sound weird though.

Enby= NB= Non-Binary

Oh! That makes sense ^_^ It sounds cute when you put it like that...

[butterflydreams]

I'd prefer partner or significant other (SO doesn't really define things, other than you're meaningful to the person, and that's the most important thing to me <that I have a meaningful place in that person's life>).

I remember "life partner" was a pretty big term back in the 90s and early 2000s. A lot of people are just calling themselves "partners" now, even straight couples.

[Guest]

I'd prefer partner or significant other (SO doesn't really define things, other than you're meaningful to the person, and that's the most important thing to me <that I have a meaningful place in that person's life>).

I remember "life partner" was a pretty big term back in the 90s and early 2000s. A lot of people are just calling themselves "partners" now, even straight couples.

Over here, "partner" never carried connotations of being gay, in the first place. Straight couples have commonly referred to each other as partners since as early as the 80s, at the very least.

[Nylocke]

What's an enby? Also I'd rather be called someone's sweetheart or lover rather than a girlfriend or boyfriend - less emphasis on gender. Enbyfriend and datemate just sound weird though.

Enby= NB= Non-Binary

So now the question is, why is it so offensive now??? That's actually the first time I ever heard it called that.

[ItWasNiceKnowingYou]

So now the question is, why is it so offensive now??? That's actually the first time I ever heard it called that.

Apparently some people think it sounds childish or too "cutesy"? Some rather be referred to as "person" or whatever gender identity they use. It's As though being referred to as an "enby-" is an insult? I don't get it but it's whatever floats their boat.

[Emery.]

I don't mind, I generally don't mind.

I like the gender neutral terms like "date" or "partner" or "SO", and find "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" fine. But "enbyfriend" no, for some reason not. I'm trans, btw. Boyfriend makes sense obviously, girlfriend also makes sense because physically I'm a girl and I might be the more feminine half of the relationship, so this way yes.

Otherwise, my identification is super complicated, I perceive myself as trans and as third gender. So nothing bothers me in terms of being called this or that, unless I explicitly ask for "he" and get "she" instead. When it comes to being bothered. That's plain disrepectful.

[LassieBee]

I'm sort of agender and sort of a boy whir being physically female, while I'd be okay with girlfriend I would prefer either enbyfriend, datemate or boyfriend.

I think enby is a great term because it looks so much more like an ordinary word than NB while sounding the same. I don't know why any non binary person would take offence to it.

[Nico-Nico Friendo]

I think "enby" sounds cute. I like it, but I guess some people don't like being cute? Weird thing to get all offended about. I might call myself an "enby". Heehee.

[Finn.]

I am nonbinary, other people (I am out to) can call me nonbinary. I can't really explain it, but "enby" feels sort of personal to me and I wouldn't want anyone that isn't nonbinary/enby themselves refer to me by that. It feels more like a nonbinary-person-to-nonbinary-person kind of thing. And to be honest, I wouldn't refer to anyone as "enby" without checking with them first if it is okay for me to do so.

I dislike the term enbyfriend. I don't like the sound of "enby" as a noun at all generally, it's like saying "they are a trans", you know? At least for me it feels similar to that. Also it feels kind of... immature? Belittling? Lots of irrational subjective associations I can't explain, sorry.

I love the term datemate though! I would totally call my nonbinary partner that if they are okay with it, and I certainly would like to be called datemate by my partner.

[Morgen]

I've clicked the wring answer. I meant to click on "No and I'm transgender". Please disregard one of the votes of "Yes and I'm transgender". Although I prefer to be called partner by my partner, because we've been so long together anything with date in it is just not fitting. We are not dating, we live together and are each others partners. In Hungarian I get called "friend", because there is nothing like girlfriend or boyfriend.

[Random Happenstance]

i'm surprised that under 'If you identify as nonbinary, do you take offense to being reffered to as an "enby"?' there's not option for saying you actually like/prefer the word enby. only it's offensive, don't mind but prefer other term, or indifferent.

i actually like the term enby, in terms of an alternative to girl/boy. if you just say 'person' that's general enough that it could refer to anyone of any gender, enby is more specific. not that anyone would use it for me, but i don't see the problem (other than cis people going away and using it to refer to all non-binary people without permission of course). i haven't filled out the poll since there's no applicable option for this question.

wouldn't want anyone to call me enbyfriend though, but i wouldn't want datemate, boyfriend or girlfriend either, being aro and ace.

[Finn.]

i actually like the term enby, in terms of an alternative to girl/boy. if you just say 'person' that's general enough that it could refer to anyone of any gender, enby is more specific.

Good point, I never saw it from that angle! You're right, for example surveys usually say are you a 1. boy/man 2. girl/woman or 3. nonbinary/gender-nonconforming person. Putting "enby" as a third option would make it appear more equal, and it would be quite practical.

But as long as some people (including me) have concerns about this, it won't happen, which is fair enough.

I just usually refer to myself as a "person" and l want to just be seen like one, just a person, no gender assigned.

[LuckofTheChuck]

I think it's smart.

[Ashes Floating]

I like to use the term enby because it's so much easier than actually explaining how I'm a demigirl/demiandrogynous genderflux person who uses they pronouns when I can just say, 'I'm an enby'. I would love to be called an enbyfriend, but, unfortunately, I'm single.

[ChillaKilla]

4 hours ago, Ashes Floating said:

I like to use the term enby because it's so much easier than actually explaining how I'm a demigirl/demiandrogynous genderflux person who uses they pronouns when I can just say, 'I'm an enby'. I would love to be called an enbyfriend, but, unfortunately, I'm single.

This. I don't use really specific gender identity terms (like transmasculine ambonec, for me) outside of LGBTQ spaces, so I just go with enby/nonbinary most of the time.

[RK800]

I'm not NB, at least I don't think so, and my opinion probably isn't wanted, but when has that ever stopped me?

Me and my partner are both commies, I often call him "mia kara komorado" (my dear comrade) or just partner. He usually calls me his boyfriend, which is honestly fine. As long as I'm not referred to as a girlfriend (unless jokingly) he can pretty much refer to me any way he chooses.

I do have quite a few NB friends outside of AVEN (three of which are comrades of mine) and they don't take issue with being called "enby". However I always am pretty sensitive to folks, if someone asks me to not call them something then I won't.

[Philip027]

I'm not entirely cis (even though I kinda roll with "male" in all RL interactions because I know the world operates on sex rather than gender), but I for one would not be really keen on being referred to as this.  It sounds cutesy and belittling; it doesn't "roll off the tongue" quite like ace does.

 

To be honest, I'd be more comfortable with "male" than this.

 

Also inb4 the lock, because I now see this thread got necro'd.

[AVEN #1 fan]

I'm an enby enbian and proud.