DangerFive Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 The subject line says it all. I'm making another go at meeting someone. The difference is that now I know I'm asexual and am comfortable with myself for he first time in my life. But I'm suddenly so SO anxious about it. Just wanted to get that out to some folks who may (I hope) understand my nervousness. Thanks :) Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysADreamer Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 How exciting! I understand the nerves of stepping back into dating after a while of not being there. Best of luck, and I hope you have a fun time! Link to post Share on other sites
Unbreakable Chains Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 It's good to know that your past experiences aren't holding you back from dating. In the past 7 months I've been rejected by 3 different girls but I try to remain optimistic :) Good luck out there! Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 I've only had 1 boyfriend in my whole life (46 years old) and I've learn allot. Am i ready to date again, i don't know. I've learned i can not date a sexual man.I need a hetrosecual asexual man who lives in California w ias into romance,holding hands, some kissing but no oral,anal and vaginal sex .Nice dream Newgirl Link to post Share on other sites
touching-not-so-much Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 But actually, the best of luck to you! I wonder if I'll ever decide to do that too... Link to post Share on other sites
Ellamerre Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 Best wishes!! Link to post Share on other sites
.,. Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 and what a tepid pool it is! Link to post Share on other sites
teatree Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 Is there someone specifically that you are attracted to, DangerFive, or is this a general toe-dipping? Link to post Share on other sites
DangerFive Posted June 4, 2016 Author Share Posted June 4, 2016 Is there someone specifically that you are attracted to, DangerFive, or is this a general toe-dipping?Just a general toe-dipping. :) I spent my teens and early 20's prioritizing my education - no time for dating, and honestly wasn't really attracted to anyone. In my mid to late 20's, I dated a bit, but jeez oh Pete was it weird and uncomfortable. Even into my 30's, dating was awkward. I think it was because there was always this tacit expectation of immediate chemistry and eventual physical intimacy - not that I could put that into words at the time. I took some time off after the last guy I dated. He was awful, but he was also the reason that I began to really examine why I felt the way I did about physical (and emotional, I guess) intimacy. I discovered that I'm asexual, spent some time figuring myself out, and now I feel so much more comfortable with who I am, why I feel the way I do, and what I do and do not want. I feel like I have the power to express those feelings, and to not cling to a relationship that isn't healthy just because I don't want to be alone. Long story short: I'm much more emotionally stable than I used to be ;) Link to post Share on other sites
teatree Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 I discovered that I'm asexual, spent some time figuring myself out, and now I feel so much more comfortable with who I am, why I feel the way I do, and what I do and do not want. I feel like I have the power to express those feelings, and to not cling to a relationship that isn't healthy just because I don't want to be alone. Well said, DangerFive! I discovered my asexuality only 7 or 8 months ago, but FINALLY feeling comfortable with myself and knowing what I want is so liberating. Good luck with the toe-dipping! Link to post Share on other sites
imnotafreakofnature! Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 I applaud your soul-searching and depth of self-understanding. At 52, I'm just now getting there. Wish I'd found the place I'm at now a long time ago. At least eight years ago, before I married my second husband. I honestly thought my lack of interest in sex the first time around was because of the way my ex treated me, and I sincerely believed it would be different this time. It wasn't, at least not after the first couple years, and now I understand why; but my poor hubby is having a VERY difficult time (to say the least) with my lack of interest, especially after those first couple years. He refuses to accept that I'm asexual and insists that it's menopause, because if that's the case, then all I need is to find the right pill to take and then things will get back to the way they were in the beginning. (siiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhhh..........) Anyway, I can't imagine ever trying again if anything were to happen to my husband, but I admire your willingness to try again. I wish you all the best! :D Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Good luck DangerFive. I recently discovered asexuality, so entering the dating pool with this information would be a game-changer for me. I haven't done it yet, but I'm open to it. I certainly would prefer a relationship with another asexual person as to avoid the whole awkward "compromise" and the attempt to "change me" thing. Link to post Share on other sites
StasiaOB Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 I've only had 1 boyfriend in my whole life (46 years old) and I've learn allot. Am i ready to date again, i don't know. I've learned i can not date a sexual man.I need a hetrosecual asexual man who lives in California w ias into romance,holding hands, some kissing but no oral,anal and vaginal sex .Nice dream Newgirl newgirl, you are my twin - this is EXACTLY what I want too - only in Massachusetts. lol. Too bad one of us wasn't a guy Link to post Share on other sites
StasiaOB Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 DangerFive - if you find any active and decent dating sites for asexuals, let me know!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 Good luck, I hope it goes well for you. I'm afraid I'm not so much in the dating pool as the deadpool! Link to post Share on other sites
DangerFive Posted June 27, 2016 Author Share Posted June 27, 2016 It's funny. I made up my mind that I was getting back out there, and as soon as I did, the pool dried up. I never have any luck on the asexual dating sites, and OKCupid made me want to puke. I tried a more traditional online dating site, but per usual, the guys don't want a gal who is "uninterested." So, I'll just keep an eye out and see what (if anything) happens. In the meantime, I have my friends and my cats. :D Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Don't let yourself get downhearted Dangerfive, everything comes to she who waits....anyhow, every pot has a lid (according to my old mum when she was trying to make sense of me) :D Link to post Share on other sites
sparklingstars Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 My (non-asexual) friends who have actually had success with online dating have told me that it can take a long time to meet the right person. One friend spent over a year on a site before she met her current boyfriend. So don't give up hope! Link to post Share on other sites
DangerFive Posted June 29, 2016 Author Share Posted June 29, 2016 Thanks for the pick-me-up, chandrakirti and sparkling stars! I'm not really bummed out about it. Mostly, I just felt it a bit ironic that menfolk were coming out of the woodwork when I wasn't in "looking" mode, and now that I am, they've just disappeared. (I imagine it like a cartoon where the character zips off so fast that they leave a little dust cloud behind.) I'm perfectly content to either be or not be with someone. If it's supposed to happen, it will. :) Link to post Share on other sites
47average Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 I'm 47 and trying to date. Where on earth do you find an asexual man over 35? And then factor in that there needs to be attraction. I have been on dating sites and done searches for 'asexual' or 'celibate'. All that comes up are women. I am a hetero-romantic female. I would describe myself as demisexual. I could tolerate the teeniest bit of missionary sex if I were MADLY in love but much prefer to be asexual. I suppose it isn't being demisexual, it's being willing to compromise. Anyway, the very best of luck to you! And if you find out a secret spot where older asexual men are hanging out, fill us in:) I am already on Acebook and Celibate Passions and there just isn't hardly anybody on there. Link to post Share on other sites
Qutenkuddly Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 I'm 47 and trying to date. Where on earth do you find an asexual man over 35? And then factor in that there needs to be attraction. I have been on dating sites and done searches for 'asexual' or 'celibate'. All that comes up are women. I am a hetero-romantic female. I would describe myself as demisexual. I could tolerate the teeniest bit of missionary sex if I were MADLY in love but much prefer to be asexual. I suppose it isn't being demisexual, it's being willing to compromise. Anyway, the very best of luck to you! And if you find out a secret spot where older asexual men are hanging out, fill us in:) I am already on Acebook and Celibate Passions and there just isn't hardly anybody on there. This older asexual guy used to hang out on OKCupid, which has gotten much better at being able to filter searches by asexuality and other orientations. I found my current girlfriend on OKC. Last I checked, there are a lot more active aces there than on any of the actual asexual dating sites. The trick, I find, is to be proactive and search for any interesting profiles and, when you find them, message them with a question that relates to something of interest to them, letting them know you actually read their profile. Link to post Share on other sites
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