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FleaMarket

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I have a few questions about asexuals..

First off, I'd like to ask, do asexuals really boast about it, like I've seen homosexuals, and Bi's?

Second question, It's atleast a few years off (if at all), but it's still heavy in my mind now. If I marry an asexual, and they offer to have sex to keep me happy, but they're the kind that are repulsed by sex.. is it wrong to ask that of them?

Final question, and this doesnt deal with sexuallity, but rather religion.. and you dont feel like I should be asking about it in this area, just tell me and I'll edit it out. But, I was hoping any LDS church members that have a firm understanding, or anyone that understands how we feel about this.. Could someone please tell me how we look upon being in a relationship and/or marrying someone of another religion?

Oh, also, dont feel obligated to answer all of them at once, just please refer to which one you're answering before you post some advice.

Please get back to me on these, Thanks

-Flea out

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Boast? I'm usually embarassed beyond all belief when I get asked about whether or not I've had sex, and am ashamed when I say "no, sorry, I haven't met the right guy". The looks I get are bad enough.

Second question: up to the partner, but do remember that you're having sex and they are feeling violated. Find out what makes them comfortable, and work out a mutual way to keep both of you happy. Asking full on sex might be too much, but it's individual.

I know nothing of LDS, so I won't touch that.

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First off, I'd like to ask, do asexuals really boast about it, like I've seen homosexuals, and Bi's?

I don't. Being asexual is a part of who I am, I'm happy with it, and I frequently find that those who need to boast about being gay/bi/straight/whatever, aren't truly that comfortable with it.

Second question, It's atleast a few years off (if at all), but it's still heavy in my mind now. If I marry an asexual, and they offer to have sex to keep me happy, but they're the kind that are repulsed by sex.. is it wrong to ask that of them?

If they're offering, it's not wrong, persay... really the most important thing in a relationship like this is to keep communication open, so that if they're offering it means that they really are willing.

Final question, and this doesnt deal with sexuallity, but rather religion.. and you dont feel like I should be asking about it in this area, just tell me and I'll edit it out. But, I was hoping any LDS church members that have a firm understanding, or anyone that understands how we feel about this.. Could someone please tell me how we look upon being in a relationship and/or marrying someone of another religion?

I don't know nuffin about religion, but I can go poke someone who does...

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First off, I'd like to ask, do asexuals really boast about it, like I've seen homosexuals, and Bi's?

I know i dont, and most people here havent told anyone so...

Second question, It's atleast a few years off (if at all), but it's still heavy in my mind now. If I marry an asexual, and they offer to have sex to keep me happy, but they're the kind that are repulsed by sex.. is it wrong to ask that of them?

well if the other person is willing to do it thats fine, u can alwayz ask, u cant make them do anything they dont want to anywayz

Final question, and this doesnt deal with sexuallity, but rather religion.. and you dont feel like I should be asking about it in this area, just tell me and I'll edit it out. But, I was hoping any LDS church members that have a firm understanding, or anyone that understands how we feel about this.. Could someone please tell me how we look upon being in a relationship and/or marrying someone of another religion?

Im catholic but Im not sure I understand what u mean, u are free to marry anyone u want, no matter what religion they are. I know I am, as a catholic thats is, no regulations on that matter

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First off, I'd like to ask, do asexuals really boast about it, like I've seen homosexuals, and Bi's?

There are some who do act very superior about not being "sex-crazed" like everyone else. Broadly speaking, these people are usually pretty unhappy cases and many of them don't even like this site because of our tolerance. There are much smaller groups like the anti-sexuals and nonlibidoists who push the idea of superiority, but most of us here try very hard to avoid heading in that direction.

Having said that, I am "proud" to be asexual, because it's my identity and I'm not ashamed of it. And I can be very open about it, because I feel strongly about visibility, but I always speak to people of it in terms of "this is just how I am." Sexuals themselves will often say "you're so lucky, not having to deal with this," when they're going through a bad relationship situation, and I try to always remind them that we have problems of our own.

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Lady Heartilly

I talk about it if the subject of sex comes up in a conversation that I'm participating in. If you consider that "boasting" then okay.

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Second question, It's atleast a few years off (if at all), but it's still heavy in my mind now. If I marry an asexual, and they offer to have sex to keep me happy, but they're the kind that are repulsed by sex.. is it wrong to ask that of them?

This depends entirely on the asexual that you marry. There is tons of diversity within the asexual community as to what sort of things they will actually put up with. Some asexuals are fine having sex with someone they love and trust, as long as certain conditions are fulfilled such as not putting undue pressure on them - some even enjoy it, not in a sexual way but they are genuinely glad to see their partners happy. Other asexuals run the full spectrum way down to those who are not comfortable with any kind of sexual contact with anyone, period, including hugs and kisses.

It is not wrong to bring up the topic of sex with someone you are going to marry. In fact, it is an extremely important thing to do. However, it is crucial that you do so in a safe, nondemanding way, and that both of you really listen to each other and are committed to coming up with some sort of solution that will leave you both relatively satisfied. Any relationship advice-giver worth their salt will emphasize the need for communication: in a touchy situation like sexual/asexual marriage, it is doubly important.

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First off, I'd like to ask, do asexuals really boast about it, like I've seen homosexuals, and Bi's?

There will always be people within any group who find themselves superior to others because of their differences; generally these people are the minority.

Second question, It's atleast a few years off (if at all), but it's still heavy in my mind now. If I marry an asexual, and they offer to have sex to keep me happy, but they're the kind that are repulsed by sex.. is it wrong to ask that of them?

It's up to the individual; some asexuals are willing to compromise with a sexual partner, some aren't. If you do intend on marrying an asexual it is something you both need to sit down and talk about, figure it out before you get married.

As for whether it's wrong to ask someone to have sex with you who is repulsed by the act, would you really want to have sex with someone who you knew was disgusted by every moment of it? Maybe it's just me but I don't think that would be enjoyable for either party. Once again, if you intend on marrying an asexual this is something you need to talk about before you marry because it will most likely cause you problems.

Final question, and this doesnt deal with sexuallity, but rather religion.. and you dont feel like I should be asking about it in this area, just tell me and I'll edit it out. But, I was hoping any LDS church members that have a firm understanding, or anyone that understands how we feel about this.. Could someone please tell me how we look upon being in a relationship and/or marrying someone of another religion?

Former Mormon, beware of underlying bitterness.

Though I don't remember anything that specifically said "Thou shalt not date someone of another religion" general practices of Mormonism itself do not apply well to interfaith relationships.

Nonmembers are not allowed in the temple, so if you have any aspirations toward a temple wedding, or being sealed in the temple in order to make your marriage eternal you'd have to forget them as your non Mormon partner would not be allowed in, and without this, according to Mormon belief, you (and your family if you plan on having one) would not be together in the afterlife. They also believe that many spiritual goals are not attainable by people married to someone who isn't Mormon.

If you plan on marry someone who isn't Mormon and it is a very integral part of your life these are things you need to talk about before hand. If you're not terribly familiar with it and plan on getting into a relationship with someone of another faith I suggest studying your religion before hand, read as much as you can get your hands on and be sure you understand it. This way you can figure out whether these things will become issues for you later on into the relationship or not.

It sometimes happens in interfaith relationships where neither partner is terribly religious at first but as the years go by one becomes more devout in their faith, learn more about there faith and find themselves wanting the other partner to convert, often causing problems.

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Final question, and this doesnt deal with sexuallity, but rather religion.. and you dont feel like I should be asking about it in this area, just tell me and I'll edit it out. But, I was hoping any LDS church members that have a firm understanding, or anyone that understands how we feel about this.. Could someone please tell me how we look upon being in a relationship and/or marrying someone of another religion?

Biblically there's nothing against it, except a warning that it's far more likely for them to "drag you down" out of your spirituality than for you to "lift them up" into yours. There's a number of examples of inter-religious marriages in the Bible, so it can be done. But as Tia implied, don't expect much support from the others in your church/temple/whatever.

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First off, I'd like to ask, do asexuals really boast about it, like I've seen homosexuals, and Bi's?

Second question, It's atleast a few years off (if at all), but it's still heavy in my mind now. If I marry an asexual, and they offer to have sex to keep me happy, but they're the kind that are repulsed by sex.. is it wrong to ask that of them?

I can't help you with the religious question, but I'll answer the other 2. I personally don't boast about anything related to sexuality since I feel like that's a biological thing and I had nothing to do with it. Am I proud that I graduated cum laude, yes, because I accomplished that by hard work. Am I proud that I have brown hair, no, I was born that way and it wasn't a choice. I don't know how other people feel, but I feel I was born asexual. I don't feel superior to anyone else because of it... it is what it is.

Second question, I am a person who's repulsed by sex. I don't know what it's like to want to sex so I'm just speculating, but I think even if I did like sex, I wouldn't want to make another person do something that makes me feel as icky as sex does to me. I'd feel bad asking them to do it. BUT--I made a choice to marry a sexual person, that was my choice, so at the same time I don't think my husband should feel bad for wanting me to have sex with him.

If this sounds confusing, it is to me as well! It doesn't make sense to me either, but it's how I feel.

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Thank you all for your comments and answers. You've given me alot to think about, and you've cleared things up alot.

If anyone still has something to add, please do.

-Flea Out

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*feels Jesh poking*

Huh? What?

Ooooh.

Final question, and this doesnt deal with sexuallity, but rather religion.. and you dont feel like I should be asking about it in this area, just tell me and I'll edit it out. But, I was hoping any LDS church members that have a firm understanding, or anyone that understands how we feel about this.. Could someone please tell me how we look upon being in a relationship and/or marrying someone of another religion?

-Flea out

I am an active member of the LDS church. Basically, just like Tia said. We prefer to marry people of our own faith because we believe in eternal family bonds. The rites necessary this eternal bond can only be performed in a Mormon temple and only worthy members are allowed into the temple.

There are also a lot of differences between the LDS faith and other Christian religions. If you are LDS and your faith is important to you, or if you are not LDS and want to marry someone who is, think twice before you act. The religious issues will come up and they will get in the way.

I have seen several LDS people try interfaith marriages and few of them wroked. Most of these people went into the marriage expecting to eventually convert their spouse. That rarely happens.

That does not mean it can't work. Just remember that the differences are there and must be dealt with.

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There are also a lot of differences between the LDS faith and other Christian religions. If you are LDS and your faith is important to you, or if you are not LDS and want to marry someone who is, think twice before you act. The religious issues will come up and they will get in the way.

It seems to me that this is the case for many (if not most) other denominations, not just LDS.

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Thank you for expounding on that last question, its been bothering me for quite some time now.. and your insight really has helped.. again thank you all for your comments and answers.

-Flea out

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