Where is the Grass Greener on Your Journey?

[crafts_not_coitus]

As I'm becoming more familiar with the forum, I find myself often wondering what it would be like to be in other members' shoes, and thinking their situation must be so much better than my own. I know it's human nature to think that about other humans, so I'm curious about what each person's "greener grass on the other side of the fence" looks like in regards to their journey.

For me, I envy the aces who are still in their 20's, who don't have spouse/child drama, and are choosing the freedom and higher education to set themselves up so they never have to have those things. (You are all awesome!) When I was that age, the world was too big and scary for me to deal with, so I sought security by doing what was expected of me and finding/hiding behind a husband. I love my daughter, but I never personally wanted children. Since I've been out of the workforce for many years, divorce would leave me destitute with very little ability to provide for myself, so for me, the grass is greener on your side of the fence with its immense freedom.

Also, it's greener with the older aces who have come to terms with being alone. I have a fantasy of being an old woman living alone in a tiny house in remote woods, with a dog, a cat, probably some chickens, and only the bare necessities, making arts and crafts; the type of old crone hermit that children think must be a witch. I know it's silly and unrealistic, but that's the story that my brain tells itself it wants to be in.

So where is the grass greener for everybody else?

[songchick]

Oh man, your idea of living alone as an old woman with a cat and dog in the woods... my idea too! I remember when I was a senior in high school, auditioning for conservatories. For Boston, I stayed with a woman for a few nights, and she had the most perfect life ever. Lived by herself in a cozy little house in the woods, and everything in there was hers. She said that she lived with her boyfriend once, but kicked him out. As I spent time with her, I saw that she was very far removed from her partner in identity. For me... I could see that as my future. Living in a cozy house that keeps me warm in the winter... :)

[dee615]

Living alone is heaven. I do so now, and would like to continue doing so in the future. It doesn't have to be in the woods. The outskirts of a small town would do as well. You don't want to be cut off from the basics like stores and hospitals. A safe, warm, quiet place where I can read, and have easy access to sources of food and medical/ dental care (if and I when I need it) is all I wish for, for the rest of my life.

My mom (who was not very happy in her marriage) made sure that I was able to work and earn a living wage. She didn't pressure me to marry, so I've ended up single. But I can imagine what it would be if you were brought up to put a big premium on marriage, and being self-supporting was not seen as very important for a female. I love being single, but have always been aware that others would look upon me with pity. (I keep this in mind when selecting social gatherings to attend.) When anyone indicates that they would like to live as I do, I'm always flabbergasted, because I don't see it as choice with much social value, given how single women are viewed.

Crafts_not_coitus, have you looked into selling your crafts on etsy? Maybe with a very modest home business, you could earn a monthly income. One day, once the kid is out of the house, maybe you could even pool resources with a simpatica female friend and share a small place.

[Kuebiko]

The grass is greener everywhere I'm not.

Like, the bit of grass I'm standing on right now? Yeah, it's withered and yellow and dead under all the pressure from schoolwork and life.

But then again, I'm colourblind, so I wouldn't trust the colours of the stuff that I see. I could be seeing green, sure, but it might actually be red or brown or some sickly shade of green.

So for me, I'm actually pretty satisfied with the stuff that I have. I find it useless to wonder about the things I can never be sure of or have. I prefer to concentrate on stuff on my own turf (yo pun) instead of being caught up in wonderful fantasies. You gets? Because I find that I can't trust my own perception regarding other people's wonderful lives.

[crafts_not_coitus]

For crafts_not_coitus.

Have you looked into selling your crafts on etsy? Maybe with a very modest home business, you could earn a monthly income.

Thanks for the suggestion. I should probably mention that I have professional art representation for some of my photography, which sells from time to time on places like Amazon, Zatista, and Wayfair. Some of my pieces have sold internationally and won awards, but sadly, It's not really enough to support an independent life, as it only tends to yield a few thousand dollars per year.

[Snao Cone]

I envy the people who had a lot more sex before they discovered their asexuality, for the stories and wisdom and insight they collected. I only have a handful of experiences to go by.

[DragonflytotheMoon]

I don't really get envious & it's not just specific to here. I do wish I could be a poly woman who has both a great & long term connection with a male & female partner (separate relationships). My husband is my best friend & we've been together 19 years. I just can't seem to find a lady love that wants to stick around. My best gal pal & I had a brief relationship & we've known each other nine years. The friendship was the most successful part. I'm thankful for it. My last romantic one, I thought was going to take. That's a story for another time.

All my girlfriends were bi. At least, at the time. My journey is ever evolving. Perhaps theirs is too. It would be nice to find another pan demi (both romantic) grace who is poly & who I can have a wonderful friendship with. That includes a strong intellectual & emotional bond & is full of affectionate & some romantic moments. I can dream.

[Nylocke]

I find that the grass is always withered in the other side but what they do is they lay down fake grass so that it appears aesthetically appealing. Most cases people who I THINK are doing better then me really aren't and with that being said its fake withered grass.

[crafts_not_coitus]

I find that the grass is always withered in the other side but what they do is they lay down fake grass so that it appears aesthetically appealing. Most cases people who I THINK are doing better then me really aren't and with that being said its fake withered grass.

OMG YASSSSSS! That is totally true!!! I've been laying down astroturf, so to speak, for many, many years. Keeping up appearances is what I do, so outwardly I'm a typical stay-at-home suburbs mom, (just look at my Stepford Wife profile pic, I've been "smiling pretty for the camera" so long I can't do an authentic pic to save my life,) but inside I'm a total conflicted mess because I'm living inside a mask. Remembering that the grass is only greener because it's fake is an extremely good point!!!

[dee615]

For crafts_not_coitus.

Have you looked into selling your crafts on etsy? Maybe with a very modest home business, you could earn a monthly income.

Thanks for the suggestion. I should probably mention that I have professional art representation for some of my photography, which sells from time to time on places like Amazon, Zatista, and Wayfair. Some of my pieces have sold internationally and won awards, but sadly, It's not really enough to support an independent life, as it only tends to yield a few thousand dollars per year.

Hi,

Congratulations on your awards!!! :) Would it be possible for you to find employment with a photography studio?

What about starting a blog (maybe you already have one?) and taking assignments online?

My point is that at many stages in life, things look very slow, but if you keep working at what you love, then after a while things start looking up. Goodness knows, I didn't even own a car until my 40's. I depended upon public transport and friends for far too long. But all the while I kept on doing what I love to do, and very slowly my work situation improved.

[Techie]

I have to admit there are times the thought of living alone in a small home, out in the woods in the middle of nowhere, but with electricity, water and Internet sounds very appealing. I do not want a little one room shack as I have too much stuff (LOL) but being in peace and quiet and able for focus on mental and academic pursuits is what intrigues me. I like cats but my 16 year old orange tabby has become a grouchy old man and is very annoying with his constant demands. So the thought of being a slave to a pet cat does not appeal to me any more. Actually the best arrangement I have at the moment is a neighbors three year old tabby cat who comes over to eat my cats food, sometimes sleep for a while and then goes home. I get to play with him a bit but then he leaves and is not my responsibility. That I could deal with.

[MyDogsSpots]

I've been living alone for a very long time now, and while I really enjoy the privacy, quiet and personal space, I find I'm getting a bit lonely after all these years. Now, for the first time in my life I find that the grass is looking a bit greener to me over on the "in a relationship" side of the fence. I'm not really sure whether or not I want to climb over that fence yet, but it sure is looking more appealing.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I'm unashamedly jealous of the 1% who hoard all the wealth while the rest of us fight over scraps. Having enough to live off comfortably would be incredibly nice and probably ease my mental issues too.

[poindexter]

I find that the grass is always withered in the other side but what they do is they lay down fake grass so that it appears aesthetically appealing. Most cases people who I THINK are doing better then me really aren't and with that being said its fake withered grass.

I completely agree with this. Everyone has issues of some kind or another - the rich millionaire you envy so much might be an alcoholic with relationship issues. The beautiful skinny girl on television might have self-esteem issues or depression. The family who always seem to get along and are really happy, never are. The happy couple who travel around the world a lot might just be compensating because they can't have the kids they really want, and so on and so on...

I would so much rather spend my time finding things to appreciate about my life than being jealous of my perceptions of other people's lives.

[Skycaptain]

O see someone in a bigger house, or flashier car, their grass is greener. Sorru, but I'm a materialist, so that's how is

[Nylocke]

I find that the grass is always withered in the other side but what they do is they lay down fake grass so that it appears aesthetically appealing. Most cases people who I THINK are doing better then me really aren't and with that being said its fake withered grass.

OMG YASSSSSS! That is totally true!!! I've been laying down astroturf, so to speak, for many, many years. Keeping up appearances is what I do, so outwardly I'm a typical stay-at-home suburbs mom, (just look at my Stepford Wife profile pic, I've been "smiling pretty for the camera" so long I can't do an authentic pic to save my life,) but inside I'm a total conflicted mess because I'm living inside a mask. Remembering that the grass is only greener because it's fake is an extremely good point!!!

It totally is fake xD My folks always said things aren't always what they seem. 9 times out of 10 you think someone's doing better then you and they got their own problems. This one chick who was a former friend of mine through my ex talked down to me at one point and her butt is all knocked up with a baby and unmarried. All that talk about wanting to get married so much and she put the cart before the horse.