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Romantic Platonic - Both Married


GntlDove

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How did I end up here?! So here I am a married mother of 6. We've had hard times just like anybody else, but we love each other and are determined to stay the course. That being said, hubby and I are not best friends and most likely never will be and I'm okay with that. So a few years ago a man comes in to our lives and now he is everything to me. Hubby loves and trusts him and the kids do, too. We'll call him PG. PG is old enough to be my dad, and since I never had one, has assumed that role wholeheartedly. He has been married 3X longer than us, but he and his wife are FAR from being besties and not on the same page about a lot of stuff.

I don't know a lot about asexuality, but I do know we're in love. No intentions of leaving our spouses, and they mostly get our relationship. Twin flame comes to mind, our connection is so deep it's spooky. It's like we're never really apart. He's a father-figure and bestie rolled into one! As for sexual tension there has been very little. We've talked about it, we can talk about ANYTHING, and we said we don't want to ever risk messing up what we have. The thing is we both crave these hugs we share that are so good and so tight and so long they make us moan! Happy sounding, innocent, huggy moans! But they only happen without anyone around, except maybe my youngest, and they don't notice or care. Looking forward to some long cuddle sessions when the oldest start summer camp. There he is texting me! I dunno, what do you guys think? Is he a squish? And I don't understand what our boundaries should be. And I have abandonment issues so I FREAK when he goes away somewhere.

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Doremi(fa)

That's a complicated situation... I would say that, as a rule, if it's something that you wouldn't want your husband to know about or witness, don't do it. It's fine being close friends, but the extended hugs and cuddling don't seem right. Basically, keep physical contact to what you would be comfortable with your spouses witnessing.

I'm sure you're a good person trying to do the right thing, or else you wouldn't be here worrying about it, but remember that the fidelity clause of marriage isn't just for when it's easy. It must be very hard for you being in love with someone other than your husband, but ultimately I believe that doing the *right* thing, as opposed to what will make you happy in the short term, is always the best route to long-lasting happiness. Do remember that infidelity isn't limited to sex. (How would you feel if PG engaged in long, tight, "moan-eliciting" hugs with another female friend when you weren't there? Wouldn't you feel a little betrayed, despite the lack of sex?)

Also, children notice much more than it may seem.

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Okay the whole 'moaning' thing sounds bad! It's not in a sexual way at all. And I agree this is complicated and I in no way was prepared for the intensity of emotions. It feels like nothing I've ever felt and like I said twin flame comes to mind as well as does soulmate. Sometimes I think 'what if' but we weren't meant to be together in that way and I'm sure it wouldn't work out anyways. We're just really in love and the pining is awful! There are feelings that we haven't acknowledged yet and I'm NOT going to be the first to come out with them. We haven't officially declared to each other "I'm in love with you". I guess it could be worse as far as what we don't let our spouses or the kids see.

Oh what a tangled web we weave!

My guess is it makes no difference if we verbally acknowledge these feelings or not, they still exist.

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Notte stellata

This sounds like at least borderline polyamory. If you're not familiar with polyamory, the website "more than two" is a good start. No matter you consider it poly or not, the key is open and honest communication with all parties involved. You need to talk to your husband and PG needs to talk to his wife. Would both of your spouses be okay with you and PG hugging, cuddling, or falling in love? As long as everyone agrees on the boundaries, it's okay.

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