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Confronting My Gender


Spectre/Ex/Machina

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

I use to think that perhaps I was innately bigender, man and agender. Then I was thinking back on my life, and how the agenderness was more-so something I dawned in order to deal with gender dysphoria and asexuality related sexual dysfunction. It was as if that persona became so much apart of me and became a part of my actual personality.

You see, for years I walked a line between being my genuine manly self and being this agender alternative tomboy presenting person. Some people were more aware of my masculine truth than others depending on how they've been around me so far. Some people treated me as one of the guys and others still treated me like a tomboy girl. It is how I saw fit to insure my security because I didn't yet see myself as apart of the trans demographic (Based on all the bad trans info out there) so I was on my own.

So when I finally started coming out, i did not know how so I improvised. I came out fully as a man to most but to some as both man and agender. I have come to back-track on the agender bit but not completely because while I don't consider it as my second gender or lack there of, it is a state of being that I go into. So rather than a gender, it is now just an identity of mine.

Since then I've felt a weight lift from my shoulders. Things are also clearer. I also still prefer being called man instead of transman, I feel like the prefix is only necessary for sex partners and doctors. Just my preference.

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AVEN #1 fan

Can't you be both? I mean a demi-boy, so you don't have to give up your male or your genderless side.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

Im not giving it up, more-so recognizing what really is and what I've adopted. Im a man who adopted a genderless persona as a coping mechanism. I want to be honest about that and move forward. It is still an identity of mine but not something I'd call my gender.

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AVEN #1 fan

Im not giving it up, more-so recognizing what really is and what I've adopted. Im a man who adopted a genderless persona as a coping mechanism. I want to be honest about that and move forward. It is still an identity of mine but not something I'd call my gender.

So you're a full time man now? Well if you are fine and everything is OK, great.

I think you mean you have a genderless alter-ego, would they disappear as soon as you start transitioning if so?

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

Im not giving it up, more-so recognizing what really is and what I've adopted. Im a man who adopted a genderless persona as a coping mechanism. I want to be honest about that and move forward. It is still an identity of mine but not something I'd call my gender.

So you're a full time man now? Well if you are fine and everything is OK, great.

I think you mean you have a genderless alter-ego, would they disappear as soon as you start transitioning if so?

I've always been an AFAB man. Yes you can say I have an agender alter-ego. It hasn't disappear because of transition, it will always be apart of me, it just isn't my gender. I am a man.

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AVEN #1 fan

Im not giving it up, more-so recognizing what really is and what I've adopted. Im a man who adopted a genderless persona as a coping mechanism. I want to be honest about that and move forward. It is still an identity of mine but not something I'd call my gender.

So you're a full time man now? Well if you are fine and everything is OK, great.

I think you mean you have a genderless alter-ego, would they disappear as soon as you start transitioning if so?

I've always been an AFAB man. Yes you can say I have an agender alter-ego. It hasn't disappear because of transition, it will always be apart of me, it just isn't my gender. I am a man.
Well I see you have multiple personalities, you're not genderfluid/Flux then.

If everything is OK, you can just live with that.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

Im not giving it up, more-so recognizing what really is and what I've adopted. Im a man who adopted a genderless persona as a coping mechanism. I want to be honest about that and move forward. It is still an identity of mine but not something I'd call my gender.

So you're a full time man now? Well if you are fine and everything is OK, great.

I think you mean you have a genderless alter-ego, would they disappear as soon as you start transitioning if so?

I've always been an AFAB man. Yes you can say I have an agender alter-ego. It hasn't disappear because of transition, it will always be apart of me, it just isn't my gender. I am a man.
Well I see you have multiple personalities, you're not genderfluid/Flux then.

If everything is OK, you can just live with that.

No, I don't have multiple personalities, it was a coping mechanism. Im just a dude. Im fine.

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AVEN #1 fan

Im not giving it up, more-so recognizing what really is and what I've adopted. Im a man who adopted a genderless persona as a coping mechanism. I want to be honest about that and move forward. It is still an identity of mine but not something I'd call my gender.

So you're a full time man now? Well if you are fine and everything is OK, great.

I think you mean you have a genderless alter-ego, would they disappear as soon as you start transitioning if so?

I've always been an AFAB man. Yes you can say I have an agender alter-ego. It hasn't disappear because of transition, it will always be apart of me, it just isn't my gender. I am a man.
Well I see you have multiple personalities, you're not genderfluid/Flux then.

If everything is OK, you can just live with that.

No, I don't have multiple personalities, it was a coping mechanism. Im just a dude. Im fine.
Oh, OK, I see, bye then. :)
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