Swimming, Personality, and Transition

[Evren]

So I have some concerns, about some things, and I thought I would see what you people's thoughts were?

Personality: My personality is not... adult-like. I have been called a child by multiple people, I also get treated like a child by some people. I really don't like this, however I refuse to change my personality in order to combat this. I am who I am, but this does present some possibly only in my head problems, most specifically with transition. Since I am seen as a woman, people don't mind so much if I tend to skip in the hallways or randomly hug people or talk about how I am going to see the next Disney movie (sans small child for cover), or how I love books, don't want to go out partying, have sex, play with LEGOs, buy myself a clay for playing, and how I often don't understand things that other people consider to be simple, etc. However I don't meet many men with those interests, (at least not all of them at the same time) And when men have only one of those interests, they tend to get flak for it. Like my boss loves LEGOs, but people giggle behind his back about the fact that he plays with them. At the same time, I don't have any of the "womanly" interests either, I don't like shopping, or talking about boys, or anything of the other terribly stereo typical things I can think of. In fact most women confuse the heck out of me, I am friends with ones usually who are kind of tomboys or somewhere out of the norm. Like the friend who I fell in love with liked shopping and stuff, but she mostly focused on intellectual pursuits and philosophical thinking, which is a big part of the reason I loved her so much. Regular women, at least the ones I meet usually don't make any sense to me, maybe I meeting the wrong women? Like I don't mean anything bad about them, I just can't relate to them at all. I relate to men, much more easily and body wise I feel like I would be much happier with man's body. I've been pointedly not thinking about my dysphoria, however I can't do that for long, it doesn't work. Now I know that transition is a body thing, and that it is fine to be a weird guy and all, but I am afraid that if I transition I will just be emphasizing another part of myself for people to constantly judge me on, and they already do that, so that would suck. I guess I'm asking if you know any guys who are like that, or if I would just be the weird one out, and just what you think generally, I'm all mixed up about this?

Swimming: I have no idea what to wear to swim in. I am going swimming this year, it's my favorite thing to do and I won't let transition take that away from me. However I don't know what to wear. I have before been comfortable in a woman's one piece, but I'm not really sure if I will be anymore. I have men's trunks but I don't really know what to wear on top of them. I want the it to be as close to my skin as possible, I hate having excess fabric in the pool, so I was wondering if you had any ideas?

[Galactic Turtle]

I know a lot of guys who are obsessed with Disney movies. My friend is dating one of them. XD

Then again, I was a musical theater kid in high school, but to me it's not abnormal for a guy to like Disney movies. Also my favorite male celebrity is OBSESSED with Legos. Like he has so much money but if you look at his house it's just Lego sets everywhere! (he really likes the Star Wars Lego sets)

[Evren]

I know a lot of guys who are obsessed with Disney movies. My friend is dating one of them. XD

Then again, I was a musical theater kid in high school, but to me it's not abnormal for a guy to like Disney movies. Also my favorite male celebrity is OBSESSED with Legos. Like he has so much money but if you look at his house it's just Lego sets everywhere! (he really likes the Star Wars Lego sets)

That makes me feel a bit better. I don't have a very varied palette of guys to experience. I think it will be better once I go off into the world or at least to college. Because right now I am only interacting with a fairly stereotypical set of people and I don't talk to a lot of irl people, about their interests. They just all present themselves a certain way, and I don't think that I can do that without killing part of my personality. I'm talkative and fidgety, and I like talking about my interests.

[booksaremysexlife]

Could you wear a tight one piece with trunks? maybe?

Or maybe a tight shirt that doesn't float around on the bottom with swimming-short-pants

WHO DOESN'T LIKE DISNEY MOVIES?!? *sigh* shopping is gross. Clay is cool (swift as a coursing river). LEGOs are awesome. And great weapons >:D

I know a boy who loves to hug people and skip around and basically he is everyone's bro; he is cool. He loves talking about music (he gets super passionate when talking about his interests) You sound cool too. You aren't the only one who does it. Don't stress. Even if you were, it is cool so don't stress.

People are just jealous they can't handle the Disney.

[OttRInvy]

I know one guy who's very much into Lego stuff. One time, he was working late at night and I happened to swing by. He had brought 3 Lego figurines with him to help motivate him to work. When I asked him about them, he got really embarrassed and defensive (which was unfortunate, I thought it was cute). I think there's a lot of guys who are interested in those things, they just keep it to themselves. In society (or at least, in the United State's society) there's a higher expectation for men to "grow up." Like, they can act immature in certain ways (acting rowdy, making silly jokes) but not in others (liking stuffed animals, watching and enjoying G-rated movies).

It's worse/more noticeable in groups. In my experience (currently in college), men have a tendency to try to appear more mature and less emotionally invested in public discussion. They open up a lot more in smaller groups, especially if there's more women than men.

If you're already made fun of for it, it is likely going to be more frequent when you're masculine-presenting. However, as I said earlier, I think it's really cute when people are into Legos and cartoons and "kid's" stuff. I really wish there wasn't a negative stigma for men (and, really, adults in general) who act that way. Some of the best TV shows I watch right now are considered children's cartoons.

Remember this: those who try to make you feel lesser for liking "childish" things? They're the childish ones.

[PhoenixButterfly]

So I have some concerns, about some things, and I thought I would see what you people's thoughts were?

Personality: My personality is not... adult-like. I have been called a child by multiple people, I also get treated like a child by some people. I really don't like this, however I refuse to change my personality in order to combat this. I am who I am, but this does present some possibly only in my head problems, most specifically with transition. Since I am seen as a woman, people don't mind so much if I tend to skip in the hallways or randomly hug people or talk about how I am going to see the next Disney movie (sans small child for cover), or how I love books, don't want to go out partying, have sex, play with LEGOs, buy myself a clay for playing, and how I often don't understand things that other people consider to be simple, etc. However I don't meet many men with those interests, (at least not all of them at the same time) And when men have only one of those interests, they tend to get flak for it. Like my boss loves LEGOs, but people giggle behind his back about the fact that he plays with them. At the same time, I don't have any of the "womanly" interests either, I don't like shopping, or talking about boys, or anything of the other terribly stereo typical things I can think of. In fact most women confuse the heck out of me, I am friends with ones usually who are kind of tomboys or somewhere out of the norm. Like the friend who I fell in love with liked shopping and stuff, but she mostly focused on intellectual pursuits and philosophical thinking, which is a big part of the reason I loved her so much. Regular women, at least the ones I meet usually don't make any sense to me, maybe I meeting the wrong women? Like I don't mean anything bad about them, I just can't relate to them at all. I relate to men, much more easily and body wise I feel like I would be much happier with man's body. I've been pointedly not thinking about my dysphoria, however I can't do that for long, it doesn't work. Now I know that transition is a body thing, and that it is fine to be a weird guy and all, but I am afraid that if I transition I will just be emphasizing another part of myself for people to constantly judge me on, and they already do that, so that would suck. I guess I'm asking if you know any guys who are like that, or if I would just be the weird one out, and just what you think generally, I'm all mixed up about this?

Swimming: I have no idea what to wear to swim in. I am going swimming this year, it's my favorite thing to do and I won't let transition take that away from me. However I don't know what to wear. I have before been comfortable in a woman's one piece, but I'm not really sure if I will be anymore. I have men's trunks but I don't really know what to wear on top of them. I want the it to be as close to my skin as possible, I hate having excess fabric in the pool, so I was wondering if you had any ideas?

You sound a lot like me. The stereotypical child-like qualities and not being able to relate to most people sounds to me like Asperger's syndrome. Have you ever talked to a psychologist? I was diagnosed when I was 19. Apparently, a lot of females get overlooked when it comes to diagnosing Asperger's syndrome because the symptoms are different than that of males. Also, Asperger's syndrome is usually detected at much younger age in males than in females for this very reason.

Here's an article about it in Scientific American: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/autism-it-s-different-in-girls/

Also, what exactly do you associate with being male or masculine? None of your interests are strictly feminine nor masculine, in my opinion. Do you actually want a male body? I used to think I did, but now I realize I actually imagine my body as gender-neutral. Apparently, I've always been like this, I just didn't fully realize what it all meant until fairly recently. I used to think, "If I'm not a woman, then maybe I'm a man." But then I realized that I'm not a man. I'm a gender-neutral guy. I've always felt like "guy" is a gender-neutral term.

Anyway, you just have to figure out your own gender identity. It took me a while to figure it all out. It helps to hear other people's stories and experiences and find a shared experience that you can relate to. It's a long and arduous journey, so take your time and see where life takes you.

Also, I don't believe that a person has to have hormone replacement therapy or surgery in order to transition. Transitioning is becoming comfortable in your own body and being able to look in the mirror and recognize yourself for who you truly are. I had to watch a bunch of YouTube videos from StyleLikeU's It's What's Underneath playlist to finally rid my subconscious of all the stereotypes I thought I had let go of a long time ago. The day after I watched a few of these videos, I had an impromptu visit to the clothing store and tried on some new clothes. I had lost a lot of weight since my last shopping spree, so I really needed to try on some clothes to figure out my size. As I stood there looking at myself in the mirror of a private dressing room, I realized that most of my body dysphoria had simply melted away. All that remained was dysphoria about my nipples and my ovaries. I no longer see my face as masculine like most people do who see me now that I have short hair and I'm at a healthy weight. And I don't see myself as fat anymore. I'm happy that I'm at a healthy weight, but I no longer feel compelled to weigh myself every day. Sometimes, my dysphoria drifts back into my subconscious, though, and I have to remind myself to let go of all the stereotypes and just be myself and like who I am as a person.

And I feel the same way about swimsuits. I love to swim, but I need new swimwear for summer because I've lost so much weight recently. I have a very similar idea about swimwear too. I always have admired the old-fashioned swimwear featured in movies like Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang. I just love that movie. I don't know when, why, or how people in general seem to have made swimwear skimpier with each new generation. Honestly, it's almost like pretty soon there won't be any material left and everyone will be skinny dipping everywhere. It's maddening, in my opinion.

Anyway, I didn't mean to rattle on this long. It's late here. I should really try to get to sleep now. I have to be up and at 'em, so to speak, in about six hours. Good night, everyone.

[Evren]

I have been considering the idea that I may have Aspergers or high functioning autism for a couple months now. I am looking into it and starting to figure out how to get tested for it. I have a lot of signs of it, and I was never given the chance to be tested so it's a little bit hard going on that front. I never thought that the child-like qualities could be part of it though so that's some new information I didn't have, thanks :) I've just always kind of classified myself as weird, so having a possible name for what it is, is exciting and terrifying.

I went the opposite from you at first I thought that I was gender-neutral but as I go on and on, my dysphoria is more and more male oriented. I also don't believe that you have to have hormone replacement or surgery in order to transition, however I am determined to have top surgery, it would help me so much.

I love the chitty-Chitty bang bang swimming suits, in fact I wondering if anyone still made them. Their really cool. :)

[Emery.]

Guys like what? I like legos :) and I like cartoons and comics and games. I'm not into hugging though ;) Have you heard about bronies?

You could wear a sports bra on top maybe? Or a surfing t-shirt?

[Evren]

Guys like what? I like legos :) and I like cartoons and comics and games. I'm not into hugging though ;) Have you heard about bronies?

You could wear a sports bra on top maybe? Or a surfing t-shirt?

I was thinking about the surfing t-shirt, that sounds right up my alley.

[Wayfarer]

I've heard of people using a rash guard. You reminded me that I still needed to find something I can swim in this summer. Last year I could wear a swimsuit with minimal discomfort if I went swimming. However, when hanging around the pool (or lake, or sea) with a group of people, it makes me more uncomfortable. Last year I somehow managed to fight my dysphoria the whole time when I went to the pool with friends, and even wore a bikini . I'm fairly certain I can't manage that this summer. I'm going to try a rash guard and swim trunks, and see if that works. My local decathlon store rash guards those for less than euros, so that is quite doable. If I could I think I'd prefer wearing shorter swim trunks to very long ones, I dislike all the extra material, I prefer being close to the water. However, that is currently out of the question due to something unrelated to gender stuff, and I hope I'll be able to wear a shorter set next year.

Good luck on finding something that works! :)