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Am I old enough to identify as biromantic asexual?


Cherrycupcake46

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Cherrycupcake46

So I'm in my early teens (I'm not comfortable with revealing my age online.) and ever since I've discovered asexuality and learned about it, I've identified as asexual. It seems to fit me perfectly, and after discovering asexuality, I realized why I was so different from other kids my age. I remember as far back as kindergarten pretending to have crushes on people because everyone else did. In fifth grade, my friend asked me if I had a crush on anyone and I said no I've never had a crush on anyone and she said that people who don't crush on other people are weird so I pretended to have a crush on a boy in my class. I've never had a crush on anyone except celebrities and fictional characters. I do fantasize about my celebrity crushes but not sexually, I think that's kind of strange. I like the idea of a romantic relationship but just not sex. I've never been sexually attracted to anyone at all. I've only ever felt romantic attraction. A few years ago all my peers started to gain interest in dating and sex but I've never had interest in it at all. Everyone always says "You're too young." And "you'll change your mind about sex when you're older." If people my age are old enough to decide they are straight am I old enough to decide I'm asexual?

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random_asexual

I don't think you are too young to identify as biromantic asexual. I am 16 and identify as panromantic asexual. There are a lot of really young asexuals. If you need someone to talk to then you can PM me whenever.

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You know yourself better than anyone else, so if you identify as asexual, don't let other people tell you you shouldn't. If it helps you to identify as asexual right now, then don't be afraid to do it, even if you change your mind later. I wish I'd known at your age that I was asexual, because it would have saved me years of thinking there was something wrong with me.

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You are never too young to use the identity, but I always tell young users to remain aware of yourself. It is not uncommon to be uninterested in sex while you are young (it's possible your friends are not as interested in sex as they let on) so it's good to listen to your body and see how you feel as you grow older. However if you want to identify as ace now please do! Do whatever feels right to you.

But you know, what strikes me is that you say you usually fake crushes and aren't interested in dating. Crushes and dating involve romantic attraction, not just sexual. If you find you are uninterested in dating and haven't had crushes, what has made you so sure you have experienced romantic attraction? (Not saying you haven't, just wondering).

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binary suns

no one ever is old enough to know themselves perfectly, and no one is ever too young to know a little bit about themselves. the purpose of a label is to have a word. the purpose of a word is to be able to represent our thoughts. the purpose of our thoughts is to learn and try to understand.

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While age can make a difference, I think it just depends on the person. I've known some people that just needed time to figure everything out. It made a huge difference for them. And then there are people who just know. They know exactly how they feel, and no amount of time will make them less sure of themselves. This was (and is) the case for me. Long before I even knew that there was a word for it, I knew that I was asexual. Maybe it's the same for you. Regardless, no one can know you better than you know yourself, so do what feels right to you. If identifying as a biromantic asexual feels right, identify as a biromantic asexual. If, later on, you decide you'd feel better if you identified as something else, identify as something else (and if not, you get to say "I told you so").

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Cat Obsessed

I'm 15 and I identify as a bi-romantic asexual too. This is how I see the "too young" situation:

If 15 is old enough for someone to identify as straight;

If they are old enough someone to know they are sexually attracted to the opposite gender...

If 15 is old enough for some to identify as gay or lesbian;

If they are old enough someone to know they are sexually attracted to the same gender...

If 15 is old enough for someone to identify as bi;

If they are old enough to know they are sexually attracted to males and females...

If 15 is old enough for someone to identify as pansexual;

If they are old enough to know they are sexually attracted to all genders...

Then I am old enough to identify as asexual;

I am old enough to know I am not sexually attracted to anyone.

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In early teens your orientation can still be developing. Conversely, there is no way to tell someone is demi(sexual/romantic) beforehand, so orientation realization can even be past that. Ideally, you should hold off until you're at least 15; preferably 16. However, people can occasionally be late bloomers a couple years past that. But if you desire foreplay (e.g. making out, etc.) then I'd hold off on it all together until you get to do that because half of sexual people require foreplay to trigger their desire for sex. (Yes, i know you said you don't want romance, but making out is different and sexual aromantics exist, as well as aromantic asexuals who desire to make out.) I'm not saying you can't identify as such before then, I'm just saying it's not the best thing to do publicly until you reach a more conclusive age; especially when people already don't view our orientation in the best light.

Secondly, being romantically attracted to fictional characters is called Fictoromantic, which is a type of Gray-aromantic. You can go by just aromantic if you prefer; since publicly that's TMI.

(But just to be sure, the following is what you mean by romantic attraction, right? Romantic attraction is an emotion; so it doesn't translate well into words, but it can be inadequately put as soft/warm/fuzzy feelings with some degree of fixation (at least in comparison to one's normality with others). Some people have a physical reaction to the feeling and others don’t (i.e. butterflies in their stomach, heart rate increase, blushing, etc. [though those are also symptoms of platonic nervousness]). Others may react mentally with a dreamy mindset, anxious euphoria, infatuation, romantic fantasies, etc. And not everyone is into making out (half of the world's cultures aren't), nor do you need romantic feelings to desire to make out, so neither of those indicate someone’s orientation.-- in otherwords, you're not just thinking someone looks good, right?)

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Cherrycupcake46

I have been romantically attracted to someone twice in my life.

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Cherrycupcake46

You are never too young to use the identity, but I always tell young users to remain aware of yourself. It is not uncommon to be uninterested in sex while you are young (it's possible your friends are not as interested in sex as they let on) so it's good to listen to your body and see how you feel as you grow older. However if you want to identify as ace now please do! Do whatever feels right to you.

But you know, what strikes me is that you say you usually fake crushes and aren't interested in dating. Crushes and dating involve romantic attraction, not just sexual. If you find you are uninterested in dating and haven't had crushes, what has made you so sure you have experienced romantic attraction? (Not saying you haven't, just wondering).

I have experienced romantic attraction twice.
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But to people you know or just your aforementioned celebrity/fictional characters?

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Cherrycupcake46

But to people you know or just your aforementioned celebrity/fictional characters?

People I know. One girl and a guy.
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Anyone is old enough, but everyone (especially the young) should keep their options open. Some of us end up finding a label and are afraid when our feelings and actions contradict it, but it's fine. The spectrums are wide and orientations can be fluid. You can say you're a biromantic asexual now because that is what describes your feelings best, but don't feel bad if you find something just as fitting or moreso later.

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So then being romantically attracted to an IRL person is rare for you. If you desire to act on it then that would be under Gray-(bi/pan)romantic. If not, it would fall under Gray-aromantic.

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While some are certain of their sexuality early I on, it would be naive to deny the influence of the environment an individual grows up in.

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While some are certain of their sexuality early I on, it would be naive to deny the influence of the environment an individual grows up in.

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While some are certain of their sexuality early I on, it would be naive to deny the influence of the environment an individual grows up in.

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Someone has probably already said this but I think once you're in the adolescent years, even right at the beginning, there's no "too early" to identify as anything especially as things have a way of being fluid over time and if not, that's fine too. Hell there can sometimes be implications of it at a younger age but I'd never give a label to anyone who wasn't at least a teenager. Overall, don't be worried if you want to identify like that so early on, I'm glad you feel comfortable to do so, so soon!

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I read your question and before even reading the post (or your age range) I thought the answer is "no, you are not too young to find your identity"

That doesn't contradict that throughout life you will collect experiences that will help you narrow or expand your identity. Think about all the people here that didn't identify as asexuals up until a particular point. It is not that they weren't, just that they hadn't had an experience and/or knowledge to narrow it down. Or people that had identified as asexuals and suddenly found someone with whom they feel attraction and realized they were demi.

This is. If you feel comfortable identifying as asexual, it doesn't matter the age. Your identity may change or may not so there is no need to try to guess the future. It seems you feel good in your own skin and that's what matters.

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AceInhibitor

Well, considering I basically always knew I was asexual from at least the age of 13 but assumed I'd grow into it (and then never did) and figured I was straight until I was 19, I was clearly too young to know I was straight, but nobody ever challenged me on it. If people say you're too young to know your sexuality just ignore them. And if you change your mind one day that doesn't make how you're feeling now any less valid. So in short, no, you're not too young.

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No one is too young to identify as something, or old enough to state that they are something and will be forever.

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There is nothing wrong with identifying as asexual now. There will be people who know they are gay or lesbian, so why not asexual? The thing to remember is that sexuality can be fluid. Obviously this applies to people of all sexualities and ages, but a change in sexual attraction is probably more common in young asexuals. That said, if you are asexual now, you are asexual, and it doesn't matter if that changes when you get older. Just accept yourself for who you are, and use labels for support and not to restrict yourself.

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Elluna Hellen

With being asexual it's a liiittle different because you're defining an absence, so it *could* show up at some point. But no, you're definitely not too young. Just keep an open mind, and identify with what makes you comfortable! It may change when you're older, but it doesn't have to. I noticed my lack of romantic attraction (not so much asexuality, but still) when I was twelve, and *that* never changed... I'm 25 now :)

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GothicPixi

I've identified as Ace since 9th grade, though I was searching for the term since middle school. If that's how you feel, identify as you wish. :D :cake:

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binary suns

So then being romantically attracted to an IRL person is rare for you. If you desire to act on it then that would be under Gray-(bi/pan)romantic. If not, it would fall under Gray-aromantic.

Two definite crushes by early teens? That might not be the most common experience, but I wouldn't say it's infrequent enough to be gray. hyper-romance is not the average romantic experience. biromantic is what I'd say.

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True; they're probably going to have more crushes at their age, but not everyone does, and nothing i said was wrong; that's why i said if it's rare then they could be those things (occasional is not rare).

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