What comes first, the orientation or the crush?

[Eline]

I have known that I was hetero since when I was little (kindergarten). I have never had an actual crush (or felt primary attraction), but I kind of relied on other people’s crushes on me (to make up for the lack of attraction on my side).

While I certainly appreciate the attention from both genders, when men show that they are into me, the idea of cuddling them or of even seeing them the way they see me makes me cringe (this is just my personal taste, not a moral judgment of any kind). This doesn’t happen with all women (and I have had a few girlfriends).

Do you ever fantasise about men or women? What do you feel if you do?

I have recently discovered via online-orientation-tests that I don't fantasize like I'm supposed to (according to the tests at least)

I don't fantasize in a romantic (or sexual) manner about men or women. Not with me involved or with persons who are not me (unless I'm thinking up a story in which one of the plotlines involve a romantic moment like a kiss or something. Even in this, the moment is more part of the bigger story than it is a moment in itself and it never goes anywhere 'mature')

When I make myself imagine such a situation of a romantic nature with me involved (as I try to do right now) it's a bit awkward and I don't know where my knowledge of the subject learned by books and movies ends and my own fantasy takes over but it doesnt really invoke a reaction I think (not good or cringy. I draw a blank here). I expect myself to react to guys more (probability-chances) but I don't know what the signs of the reaction are supposed to be.

I do not have any real life experience in that area (not kissing/hand holding or anything) so maybe that plays a part in all this.

I must sound rather odd but I hope I've explained it a bit and in a way that someone might have some advise.

What you haven't experienced could be a clue that you are aromantic, or it could be that you simply haven't experienced those feelings yet, as you are still very young.

I realised that I'm demisexual only this year, and I'm 33. You still have plenty of time to figure it out. Keeping an open mind about it certainly helps :)

Being 21 and surrounded by dating/crushing friends from early teenage years, it's strangely calming to hear someone say that I'm still young (In the love-area) ^_^

I'm looking into the aromantic info a bit now but I'm certainly not excluding anything yet. I guess time will tell (eventually).

Thanks a lot!!