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What would you call someone who only feels sexual attraction when they think about it?


fabulous_unicorn

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fabulous_unicorn

This is kind of a dumb question but I was just wondering because I sometimes spontaneously feel sexual attraction to my girlfriend but usually I only feel it when I think of it. And even when I do, it's strong sometimes then not as strong the next I don't feel it for strangers, only her. Is there a word for that? Would that kind of be considered aceflux?

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MoraDollie

Fraysexual is the opposite of demisexual, where you feel sexual attraction for strangers, but it fades on a regular basis once you get to know the person, if that's what you're getting at.

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Sage Raven Domino

Not knowing further details, I can only call you aceflux, which is a broad label. Amy Ghost has made a long list of romantic orientation labels, perhaps you'll find some extra label (replacing 'romantic' by 'sexual') for your precise situation. Don't expect people to be aware of that label, though :P

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If it's only for one person with whom you have a romantic relationship, I don't think that's necessarily "what everyone experiences"; it could be somewhere on the demisexual or gray asexual spectrum.

It also sounds like maybe you have a low libido so it doesn't come up all that often, or only comes up if you're trying to think about it. Does that sound accurate?

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So, what would one's sexuality have to look like for someone to NOT fit onto the ace spectrum? How ridiculously hypersexual do you have to be before you're not asexual, according to this thread?

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Sage Raven Domino

In what way is that aceflux?! How isn't it "exactly how nearly everyone experiences sexuality"?

I think that a typical heterosexual male often feels sexual attraction to his girlfriend immediately upon looking at her (well, looking at an unknown woman, many of them indeed don't, but looking at a girlfriend is a special case - I think sexual people have Pavlovian responses to their girlfriends). But fabulous_unicorn apparently doesn't get turned on by just the sight of his girlfriend - he has to make a conscious effort in order to become aroused.

He's also said that he sometimes feels attraction spontaneously, which made me think he's aceflux instead of just greysexual.

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Sage Raven Domino

This discussion is actually very relevant to Skullery's recent Hot Box thread, which is a useful read for everyone involved here.

My point is that, if someone wants to feel like a special snowflake, you should let them feel so unless they're dramatically limiting your freedom :D

And no, I can't imagine how a sexual person can be hypolibidoist because I'm hyperlibidoist in the first place, sorry :D

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That's being a regular person.

regular sexual* person

In what way is that aceflux?! How isn't it "exactly how nearly everyone experiences sexuality"?

I think that a typical heterosexual male often feels sexual attraction to his girlfriend immediately upon looking at her (well, looking at an unknown woman, many of them indeed don't, but looking at a girlfriend is a special case - I think sexual people have Pavlovian responses to their girlfriends). But fabulous_unicorn apparently doesn't get turned on by just the sight of his girlfriend - he has to make a conscious effort in order to become aroused.

He's also said that he sometimes feels attraction spontaneously, which made me think he's aceflux instead of just greysexual.

Like 90% of the time male and females sexuality are different and the ones that are the same are in the minority, so just because their sexuality is different doesn't mean they are Gray-A. Male and females brains are different in almost a majority of ways. Feeling spontanious sexual desire is completely normal; half of the sexual population experiences that (though the actual devide is most men and a minority of women). Most women and a minority of men need sexual arousal to trigger their desire for sex. Neither of which are aceflux but completely normal allosexuality.

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nanogretchen4

When I'm in a relationship I definitely have that Pavlovian thing going, but it doesn't happen constantly just by being in the same room as my partner. That would be really annoying and distracting for sexuals who actually live together. How would they ever get anything done?

Usually to activate the Pavlovian thing, there has to be some clue that sex will probably happen in the near future. For example, making out, or a certain look, or we are on a date and we always have sex after dates, or whatever. I also sometimes get horny spontaneously. In my case it happens twice a month and is pretty obviously tied to my cycle. In males it's probably tied to the length of time since they last had sex. All of this is solidly in average sexual territory.

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Sage Raven Domino

When I'm in a relationship I definitely have that Pavlovian thing going, but it doesn't happen constantly just by being in the same room as my partner. That would be really annoying and distracting for sexuals who actually live together. How would they ever get anything done?

I've always wondered about this myself :D

Usually to activate the Pavlovian thing, there has to be some clue that sex will probably happen in the near future. For example, making out, or a certain look, or we are on a date and we always have sex after dates, or whatever. I also sometimes get horny spontaneously. In my case it happens twice a month and is pretty obviously tied to my cycle. In males it's probably tied to the length of time since they last had sex. All of this is solidly in average sexual territory.

That's been my understanding too. I'm likely making too many assumptions from the short original post, but I have a feeling that the author wouldn't have gone to AVEN to ask the question if he got attracted almost every time when such a 'sexually suggestive' situation happened.

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I only feel it when I think of it

I'm having a hard time trying to conjure up any sort of feeling/emotion that does not automatically fall under this category.

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Hardly any

Do you really need a label for this? Do you really want to champion a new identity for what is pretty much normal behavior?

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Usually to activate the Pavlovian thing, there has to be some clue that sex will probably happen in the near future. For example, making out, or a certain look, or we are on a date and we always have sex after dates, or whatever. I also sometimes get horny spontaneously. In my case it happens twice a month and is pretty obviously tied to my cycle. In males it's probably tied to the length of time since they last had sex. All of this is solidly in average sexual territory.

Which, again, is absolutely normal for sexual people.

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I'd call that person a sexual, OP. No other designation is necessary.

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Sage Raven Domino

Do you really need a label for this? Do you really want to champion a new identity for what is pretty much normal behavior?

If there were a widely acknowledged comprehensive list of sexual and romantic labels, that would facilitate dating (especially online). They need not be minority labels, e.g. it would be useful to have separate terms for those sexuals who experience spontaneous desire and those who only have responsive desire.

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Hey OP! :cake:

I know you're young from another thread you've made. It's good that you're asking questions, you're young and you're learning about who you are.

From what you've described, I would say that is fairly typical for non-asexual people.

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction and/or the lack of desire for partnered sex. If you're experiencing sexual attraction, both for your girlfriend and for strangers (just not as strongly), then you aren't asexual. It's very normal for non-asexual people to experience stronger sexual attraction towards their partners.

That's being a regular person non-asexual person.

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El-not-so-ace

Most of my friends are like that, both those with high needs and lower ones. We're all females though, so that could be it. xD Desire is desire though!

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Hardly any

Do you really need a label for this? Do you really want to champion a new identity for what is pretty much normal behavior?

If there were a widely acknowledged comprehensive list of sexual and romantic labels, that would facilitate dating (especially online). They need not be minority labels, e.g. it would be useful to have separate terms for those sexuals who experience spontaneous desire and those who only have responsive desire.

Well except that either of these given responses are entirely usual for a non-asexual person. Terms are all well and good for discussion, but no one in the realm of dating is going to be surprised if you don't respond spontaneously and you probably shouldn't open the conversation with "You gotta kiss me or I ain't gonna feel this."

I mean, you do you and all, but you're overthinking it.

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So, what would one's sexuality have to look like for someone to NOT fit onto the ace spectrum? How ridiculously hypersexual do you have to be before you're not asexual, according to this thread?

We can twist the definition to squeeze in two thirds of all people on this planet, but we're still totally just one percent and a super rare and little known orientation! It's totes legit, Skulls. How dare you! Grr!

(Trusting that you of all peeps don't need sarcasm markers, but for anyone who does... yes, that was exasperated sarcasm.)

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Fire & Rain

In what way is that aceflux?! How isn't it "exactly how nearly everyone experiences sexuality"?

I think that a typical heterosexual male often feels sexual attraction to his girlfriend immediately upon looking at her (well, looking at an unknown woman, many of them indeed don't, but looking at a girlfriend is a special case - I think sexual people have Pavlovian responses to their girlfriends). But fabulous_unicorn apparently doesn't get turned on by just the sight of his girlfriend - he has to make a conscious effort in order to become aroused.

He's also said that he sometimes feels attraction spontaneously, which made me think he's aceflux instead of just greysexual.

That depends on if they are in the mood. My partner told me if they were in the mood, looking at me would turn them on but if they weren't, it wouldn't. They often say "I'm not always in the mood, you know. Guys aren't always thinking about sex sex sex. That's a myth". That's coming from the person who sometimes goes multiple times a day.

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WhenSummersGone

Easily distracted~

Yes this, or just busy doing other things.

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Dollyrose09

I'd consider you sexual as well....or Demisexual on the assumption the you feel a strong emotional connection with your girlfriend by now and didn't have any sexual feelings whatsoever beforehand nor do you feel/expect you will with future relationships if y'all don't work out.

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While I agree with everyone here that this is a ''normal sexual person'' it does depend on what the OP means by ''sexual attraction'' ..I experience what would be defined as ''sexual attraction'' when I think about the guy I like, or when I look at pics of him... But that doesn't make me sexual because I have no interest in having sex with him or anyone else, ever..because I just don't desire or enjoy sex. So does the OP mean he gets aroused as a direct result of how attractive (her looks, personality, whatever) he finds his girlfriend when he thinks about that, but has absolutely no interest in having sex with her in any way, ever (which would be ace or at least grey-ace) or does the OP mean he only wants to connect sexually with her when he thinks about it? (which would be totally normal sexual person)

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fabulous_unicorn

While I agree with everyone here that this is a ''normal sexual person'' it does depend on what the OP means by ''sexual attraction'' ..I experience what would be defined as ''sexual attraction'' when I think about the guy I like, or when I look at pics of him... But that doesn't make me sexual because I have no interest in having sex with him or anyone else, ever..because I just don't desire or enjoy sex. So does the OP mean he gets aroused as a direct result of how attractive (her looks, personality, whatever) he finds his girlfriend when he thinks about that, but has absolutely no interest in having sex with her in any way, ever (which would be ace or at least grey-ace) or does the OP mean he only wants to connect sexually with her when he thinks about it? (which would be totally normal sexual person)

I do have an interest of having sex with her but it's not strong enough for me to act on it, I don't really get aroused from the thought of it either.

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