Need Some help at figure things out

[Kimmie.]

Hi

Everyone

First of English in not my first language so there will probably be some spelling issues.

So to the problem.

I am 27 years old guy and a virgin and the thing is that i not have a problem with it and i am not sure if i ever sexual attracted to some one.

I am interested in dating women but the thought of sex dosent interest me a bit.

I have fantasies once and awhile but they never go longer then cuddle and similar activities but mostly just stay in the dating/talking part. And the few times those fantasies include me i see me as a woman together with a another woman.

But i never fantasies about sex i have tried but the mood just dies down.

So what i have read on the web is that i can be asexual which would explain so much for me. And make me much more sure of my self.

Maybe it a little late to ask this but i need some kind of verification.

And thank you for your time.

[Snao Cone]

Hi kimpen

You could be asexual, yes. It sounds like you have no innate desire for sex with another person. Asexual people can still date and want to get intimate with partners via cuddling or kissing.

[alyes]

It seems like you would be a romantic asexual. Plenty of asexuals still desire a relationship, cuddling, kissing, etc., without participating in sex.

But really, you're the only one who can tell. So if you say that you feel like you're asexual, then you are :)

[Kimmie.]

Thank you every one for your help. This has helped Me a bunch so thank you for your time every one.☺

[GreyWanders]

I agree with the above. If calling yourself asexual makes sense of you experience and feels good, do it.

Also, while you're doing self-exploration, have you taken a look at your gender? I ask because you mentioned that in your fantasies you sometimes see yourself as a woman. I just want you to know that you can do that, if you want. Be a woman. Or be a woman sometimes. Or be a man and wear a dress and act girly. They're all options.

[Kimmie.]

I will keep looking in to that. I am comfortable in my body but my mind keeps driftig away. i have thought about dressing more feminine from time to time but nothing More than that yet.

And about the asexuality it makes more and more sense the more i think about it. It explanis so much how i fell.

So once again everybody it means so much to me to talk about this with people that understands.

[Kimmie.]

Maybe some update.

Some people here would probably call me sexual becuse i find the female body very beautiful. And like to watch some Ecchi(ich) anime and read erotic stories basically Yuri/lesbian when i masturbat. And somtimes get jealous of the girl/women because i dont look like that. But it comes down to one thing i dont want to have sex. At most i would like to makeout but the underwear should stay on and no hand inside them either.

I write this because of things i read on this forum that make me question my self evenmore.

Sorry if get to personal.

[HighDrive]

I write this because of things i read on this forum that make me question my self evenmore.

Sorry if get to personal.

Interesting that we tend to superimpose our experiences while reading other people's posts.

I can tell you that based in what I've read (not being an ace I can't experience it), you are describing asexual traits (thoughts and behaviours)

I now also know that there isn't a one size fits all model for aces and many aces in the forum share the fantasy and aesthetic attraction traits.

In fact, I've seen listed many different kinds of attraction that I would have confused with sexual attraction before and now I am starting to differentiate.

I've seen that some people in the forums are trying to find a narrow or simple definition of "asexual" to better help people looking for clarity. Great goal, however a bit misguided as any definition of a human experience will always fall short and will require more exploration.

Don't feel pushed out by a few people with strong opinions. Only you know what and how you feel.

And remember, the more personal we get, the better the communication.

[Kimmie.]

I dont really fell pushed out but i get confused when i compare mine experience with other peoples here that seems like the only thing that i have incomon with them is my lack of interest in having sex.

But i do fell happy about how i get treated here with so much love and acceptances.

Maybe its becuse i prefer read more then write that i get this ideas can also be my ADHD acting up

[Andiamo]

Maybe some update.

Some people here would probably call me sexual becuse i find the female body very beautiful. And like to watch some Ecchi(ich) anime and read erotic stories basically Yuri/lesbian when i masturbat. And somtimes get jealous of the girl/women because i dont look like that. But it comes down to one thing i dont want to have sex. At most i would like to makeout but the underwear should stay on and no hand inside them either.

I write this because of things i read on this forum that make me question my self evenmore.

Sorry if get to personal.

You can see women as beautiful and still be asexual, as long as you don't have sexual attraction toward them. Have you heard of aesthetic attraction? That could be what you're describing. Aesthetic attraction is basically just when you like the way something looks.

[Snao Cone]

Kimpen, if you don't have a desire to have sex - if your interests in intimacy with a partner fall short of genital play - that fits the definition of asexual. It's up to you to decide if you'll identify as asexual, but don't worry about what else you have in common with other asexual people. :)

[Kimmie.]

I will like to thank you all again for the support and help.

And i will keep probably going with heteroromantic because i sems to be mostly like a "regular" straight person except the no sex part (so i am asexual) but it seems unnecessary to add another word just for for the sake of it for me.( plus i don´t want step on someones toes)

And i have to say that i feel better in general since i came here. sleeps better and all that. probably because i needed someone that could lend a ear.

[1Eleven1]

I'm glad you've been feeling better, Kimpen! I know you've already received a good amount of friendly comments, but I thought I would throw in my two cents as well. It's good for you to pay attention to what your body and mind are telling you feels right and comfortable for you. I hope that you're in a safe situation where you can be who you are. You will always have support here if you need it!

[Kimmie.]

I'm glad you've been feeling better, Kimpen! I know you've already received a good amount of friendly comments, but I thought I would throw in my two cents as well. It's good for you to pay attention to what your body and mind are telling you feels right and comfortable for you. I hope that you're in a safe situation where you can be who you are. You will always have support here if you need it!

Thank you and yes i am safe and i am slowly coming out of my shell and i have a old work Buddy and his girlfriend to thank for much of it.

[Kimmie.]

Edited

Long time no see thread.

This post dosent really involves asexuality.

I did as GreyWanders said and started looking in to my gender i a bit more and it took me some time to build up the courage but tried some simple crossdresing(if that is the corect turm) just a cheap wig and a hoddie ( that was listed as girl wear that i bought a half year ago just because i liked how it looked. Similar to my avatar just purple and black instead )But no makeup i dont have the courage to buy that yet. And i liked what i saw in the mirror it was the first in a long time that i actually smiled at what i saw in ther.I just wan't to look more feminine. So i am probably gonna let my hair grow long and die it.

And if i offended someone buy my poor explanation/try on this, then i am really sorry.

[Memento1]

Your last post made me smile, Kimpen. I'm glad you had the courage to try it out and enjoyed it!

I'm also heteroromantic, so I can say you're not alone. Remember asexual is not a black/white thing where you are either fully asexual or fully sexual. A lot of people here, including myself, identify as grey - we may feel sexual feelings at certain times or under certain situations, but for the most part sex with another person doesn't appeal too much. There is a great variety in how people experience this, so be aware not everyone here will have the same experience as you, but from what you've written I personally would say you're somewhere on the grey ace spectrum and there's certainly people here whose experiences very strongly imitate yours.

It's a great feeling to finally meet people who understand, isn't it? :)

[Kimmie.]

Your last post made me smile, Kimpen. I'm glad you had the courage to try it out and enjoyed it!

I'm also heteroromantic, so I can say you're not alone. Remember asexual is not a black/white thing where you are either fully asexual or fully sexual. A lot of people here, including myself, identify as grey - we may feel sexual feelings at certain times or under certain situations, but for the most part sex with another person doesn't appeal too much. There is a great variety in how people experience this, so be aware not everyone here will have the same experience as you, but from what you've written I personally would say you're somewhere on the grey ace spectrum and there's certainly people here whose experiences very strongly imitate yours.

It's a great feeling to finally meet people who understand, isn't it? :)

Hi and thanks for the kind words. And yeah i have understanded that i am probably more at the gray area. It is the thought of having sex that just dosen´t feel right and is something that probably never gonna happen and i am ok with that.