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starry-night-sky

Questions for sexuals

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Treesarepretty

1. I want to have sex with them. 

2. It's complicated and has to do with both their looks and their personality. Though it also has to do with my state of mind. 

3. I tend to hug my friends and hug/kiss my family. Otherwise, no. 

4. Every day when I'm single. If I am in a relationship, never unless the relationship is going particularly badly. Even then I feel guilty about the attraction. 

5. I don't know. I have never experimented with that and don't intend to start. 

6. The separation of sexual desire from romance is a new idea for me. 

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MrDane
On 12/5/2016 at 11:23 PM, starry-night-sky said:

I'm sorry for bothering you but there are some questions I really wonder. I hope they're not too personal and it's okay to ask them here but I I'd really appreciate some replies.

1. How do you know you're sexually attracted to someone?

2. What makes you sexually attracted to someone?

3. Are there people you're sensually attracted to (you want to cuddle with them, kiss them etc.) but you're not sexually attracted to them?

4. How often do you meet people you're sexually attracted to?

5. Are you only able to be aroused by people you're sexually attracted to?

6. When you're romantically attracted to someone are you automatically sexually attracted to that person?

1. Sometimes it is a bit like being magnetic. You feel the urge to get closer, to feel them...

2. On a fantasy-level? A lot! Doesnt have to be pretty or fit, but mostly have to be nice and smile. IRL, i am quite monogamistic and would like to share my love with my SO by touching

3. I want to cuddle and kiss my kids, but there is nothing sexual about it.

4. Every day. 

5. No, but it helps. Love clouds your mind and makes you see the world differently. I can visually appreciate firm breasts and tigth ass, but looking at my lovely wife, this isnt the eyes i am looking with. 

6. No, see number 3! 

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Natapie
On 5/12/2016 at 10:23 PM, starry-night-sky said:

 

I'm sorry for bothering you but there are some questions I really wonder. I hope they're not too personal and it's okay to ask them here but I I'd really appreciate some replies.

1. How do you know you're sexually attracted to someone?

2. What makes you sexually attracted to someone?

3. Are there people you're sensually attracted to (you want to cuddle with them, kiss them etc.) but you're not sexually attracted to them?

4. How often do you meet people you're sexually attracted to?

5. Are you only able to be aroused by people you're sexually attracted to?

6. When you're romantically attracted to someone are you automatically sexually attracted to that person?

 

Heya,

 

1) When I am sexually attracted to somebody my body starts reacting in their presence (getting horny), whether it's there smell or the way they look on a particular day, I also find my self thinking of touching them sexually or what it would be like to kiss them or touch them etc.

 

2) I find myself becoming sexually attracted to people after I have known them for a while, this isn't the same for all sexuals but for me specifically if I find a person who I like to talk to and to be around I eventually start noticing other things I like about them too, such as their looks and physical appearance. For me then sexual attraction is entwined with personality and I find it difficult to feel sexually attracted to strangers, I can like most people sexual or not recognise an aesthetic quality in both men and women I don't know but this doesn't mean I feel anything sexual towards them. Other people however, have one night stands etc. and do feel attraction and sexual towards others so it really depends on the person.

 

3) I think this is a difficult question! For me and my friends its very common that we'll cuddle and be physically close to each other, especially as I am a very tactile person, I like hugs! And kissing with these people would be fine, we would probably enjoy it even but its not something that we would do because I, and I think they, see kissing as something that is reserved for romantic partners and for all the time we spend together we don't have romantic feelings for one another. So the cuddling is a sign of how close we are as friends and something used to comfort and reassure rather than a sensual attraction. Although again, I can only explain my experiences not other sexuals.

 

4) Again my sexual attraction comes from people I'm friends with so maybe I meet up to 10 people where there is a potential for me to be sexually attracted to a year. However, as soon as I know them well and find out if they are already in relationships or just aren't looking etc. my brain relegates them to friends and I don't have sexual feelings towards them. This means I am generally only attracted to my single friends who have the potential to like me back and a lot of other factors such as their personality come into play. This may be very different for other sexual people but I don't know.

I would also like to point out just like I'm not sexually attracted to other people if they are in a relationship, if I am in a relationship I have no sexual interest in anyone other than my partner unless as Treesarepretty said my relationship isn't going well and I'm not invested anymore by which point the relationship tends to end and I do feel guilty.

 

5) No, I can be aroused by porn or erotic novels etc. but this has no reflection on sexual attraction in the same way as another person. In porn I'm not particularly attracted to the people it's the situation that the porn creates and how this translates to sex and sexual acts in my mind. I can also simply masturbate not thinking of anything just the physical sensation and sometimes get aroused by precisely nothing at all. So arousal and sexual attraction can be two completely separate things although often in relationships they are mixed together. I think this is probably pretty common to all sexuals.

 

6) No, I don't think a romantic attraction automatically makes a sexual attraction. Romantic attractions for me are based on personality and if I really like someone's personality I can become romantically attracted to them, however, for me, if their physical attributes in some way just aren't quite right I won't be sexually attracted to them. So for me I need the romantic attraction first and then maybe the physical sexual attraction will manifest and sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. This may be completely different for other sexuals but I would suggest it's just like asexuals who can be hetero or homoromantic. Wanting to be sexual with a person is not the same as wanting to be romantically involved. I would also suggest that for some sexuals in the case of one night stands only sexual attraction is needed without romantic attraction.

 

I hope this provides some help and as I think I've repeated a lot this is only my experience with my sexuality and everyone is different so the more sexual people you know the more different answers you'll get!

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Graceful
On 5/12/2016 at 5:23 PM, starry-night-sky said:

I'm sorry for bothering you but there are some questions I really wonder. I hope they're not too personal and it's okay to ask them here but I I'd really appreciate some replies.

1. How do you know you're sexually attracted to someone?

2. What makes you sexually attracted to someone?

3. Are there people you're sensually attracted to (you want to cuddle with them, kiss them etc.) but you're not sexually attracted to them?

4. How often do you meet people you're sexually attracted to?

5. Are you only able to be aroused by people you're sexually attracted to?

6. When you're romantically attracted to someone are you automatically sexually attracted to that person?

1. I want to have sexy times with them.

2. No clue, honestly. I have to be physically and emotionally attracted to them first.

3. Yes, that has happened. I've only been sexually attracted to one 1 out of 4 crushes ever. The rest I was sensually attracted to.

4. Um... One ever 23 years or so. I was 23 when I first experienced sexual attraction and they are still the only person I have ever been sexually attracted to, over a year later.

5. I guess? I've never tried with anyone else.

6. No. It develops.

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caetxln

1-It makes your heart race,you feel like you are going to have an heartattack but at the same time you feel a pleasure from it.And you it makes you smile a lot even you try not to smile.

2-Mix of how they behave and their physical appearance.

3-People who i am really close with and feel totally comfortable with PDA without having any kind of attraction. (My family,close friends etc.)

4-When I look anywhere I see beauty.

5-Generally 

6-Funny thing is no but reversed for me.I am attracted to males only sexually I have no desire to have a any kind of future with them because I don't feel any romantic connection with a man.I find males sexually fine and maybe desirable but not in a long-term relationship partner way.

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Thea2
On 13-5-2016 at 2:28 PM, Telecaster68 said:
1. How do you know you're sexually attracted to someone?

... What I experience is an almost physical pull towards them, ... 

That’s interesting. I too feel this pull, but I just find it annoying. Also, I do not associate it with sexual attraction. People that make me feel like that, I consider bullies. 

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Telecaster68

Why do you consider them bullies when you're the one feeling a pull towards them? There's not an awful lot they can do about it, is there...

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Thea2

True. It isn't anything they do; it is just how I think about them. After the pull stops, I usually notice the person reminds me of someone from my (disliked) parental family.

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Telecaster68

Sounds more like cPTSD. It's odd you're pulled towards them though - it's amazing how deep that stuff runs.

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Thea2

Had to google that term, but yes, that is what it is. Sometimes it is pull, other times push. Amazing and exasperating.

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FictoVore.
8 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

Sounds more like cPTSD. It's odd you're pulled towards them though - it's amazing how deep that stuff runs.

Maybe in the same way some women are repeatedly unconsciously pulled towards abusive men, which usually is a result of having been abused in the past? Sounds sort of like the same thing.

 

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Treesarepretty
15 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

Sounds more like cPTSD. It's odd you're pulled towards them though - it's amazing how deep that stuff runs.

 

7 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

Maybe in the same way some women are repeatedly unconsciously pulled towards abusive men, which usually is a result of having been abused in the past? Sounds sort of like the same thing.

 

The wikipedia page lists "revictimization" as being common among people with cptsd, so there is that.

 

@Thea2, were those family members jerks in general, or did they do serious harm to you? (Feel free not to answer if you are uncomfortable.) 

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Telecaster68
7 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

Maybe in the same way some women are repeatedly unconsciously pulled towards abusive men, which usually is a result of having been abused in the past? Sounds sort of like the same thing.

 

Yes it's the same thing, but Thea was describing it as something more visceral than just repeating patterns. 

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Thea2
10 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

... unconsciously pulled towards abusive men ...

 

Yes, that is what it is. Acting out on it (late teens, early twenties) got me into abusive situations. 

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Thea2
5 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

.. something more visceral ...

Yes, visceral is the perfect word for my current experiencing of it.

Merriam-webster dictionary re.visceral: felt in or as if in the internal organs of the body; not intellectual; dealing with crude or elemental emotions.

 

In the past, I was experiencing it as a real thing in the external world.  As if I see and am being physically touched by, an actual physical connection that does pull/push.

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Treesarepretty
14 hours ago, Thea2 said:

Yes, visceral is the perfect word for my current experiencing of it.

Merriam-webster dictionary re.visceral: felt in or as if in the internal organs of the body; not intellectual; dealing with crude or elemental emotions.

 

In the past, I was experiencing it as a real thing in the external world.  As if I see and am being physically touched by, an actual physical connection that does pull/push.

 

14 hours ago, Thea2 said:

Yes, that is what it is. Acting out on it (late teens, early twenties) got me into abusive situations. 

Please tell me you don't still feel this. It sounds terrible. 😢

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