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Any asexuals that got divorced from sexuals?


*Jade*

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This is what the rest of my life is going to look like, and it sucks.

It doesn't have to suck but if that's your expectation then maybe it will. Try being open minded about being single, it's not bad really!

Sorry to hear about your last partner, Mocha Jo. That must be very hard.

I agree with being open-minded about singleness and the future, but I understand that it can be hard sometimes when you just feel sad. Hang in there!

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gothic dandy

I am still legally married but working through a divorce. Sexual issues are the main problem. Our sexual problems dove into sexual-assault territory, which I have zero tolerance for. If he had cheated on me, I could have forgiven him because I believe in free love, and want him to have his sexual needs fulfilled. Oh well.

I skimmed most of this thread because time is a luxury these days, heh...but here are answers to your (Jade's) original questions.

Did your partner understand the sexuality issues?

At first, no. I mean, I didn't even realize I was actually asexual until a couple of years ago. But when I realized it and was like, hey, this is why we're having problems! I figured it out! He was like, no, I think there's something underlying it. I guess in our unique case, that was partially true, since he was groping me and guilt-tripping me into sex...

Of course, when I dropped the big D word, he was all, I love you so much that I don't mind having an asexual marriage for the rest of our lives! I'm willing to do it if you are. Yeah, right. No thanks, buddy.

Were you worried about finding someone else to love?

Yes, but not due to asexuality. I also came out as transgender at the time. I was originally FTM and was really scared about who would ever love a trans man like me. I wanted to explore the world of gay men, but knew that gay men liked penis, so even if I was open to a sexual relationship, I'd be the "wrong" type. I guess life worked out in my favor, because I happened to reconnect with an old friend around that time and we developed crazy mad crushes on each other. I felt like it was going to be ok. There really were people out there who would, at the very least, accept me for who I am, even if they didn't completely understand my identity. I'd find love again.

Were you planning on getting remarried (to a sexual or asexual)?

I'm putting no restrictions here. I had so many ideas about who I was and who was going to become throughout my life, and none of it helped me in any way. I said I'd be independent forever and never marry, which caused me grief when I wanted to marry. Then I married thinking I was in it for life, and now I'm grieving over the dream life I'm not going to have anymore. While my currently-divorcing heart is totally screaming "No way in hell I'll ever marry again!!!" I'm open to the possibility of it happening. My one and only stipulation is if my partner is asexual, they need to be at least willing and curious to try sex with me as a fun thing unrelated to getting romantically closer. I don't need sex to love somebody, but as I am in the grey/demi area, I do have some fantasies from time to time and I'm curious about whether or not sex can actually be enjoyable and fun.

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I am still legally married but working through a divorce. Sexual issues are the main problem. Our sexual problems dove into sexual-assault territory, which I have zero tolerance for. If he had cheated on me, I could have forgiven him because I believe in free love, and want him to have his sexual needs fulfilled. Oh well.

I skimmed most of this thread because time is a luxury these days, heh...but here are answers to your (Jade's) original questions.

Did your partner understand the sexuality issues?

At first, no. I mean, I didn't even realize I was actually asexual until a couple of years ago. But when I realized it and was like, hey, this is why we're having problems! I figured it out! He was like, no, I think there's something underlying it. I guess in our unique case, that was partially true, since he was groping me and guilt-tripping me into sex...

Of course, when I dropped the big D word, he was all, I love you so much that I don't mind having an asexual marriage for the rest of our lives! I'm willing to do it if you are. Yeah, right. No thanks, buddy.

Were you worried about finding someone else to love?

Yes, but not due to asexuality. I also came out as transgender at the time. I was originally FTM and was really scared about who would ever love a trans man like me. I wanted to explore the world of gay men, but knew that gay men liked penis, so even if I was open to a sexual relationship, I'd be the "wrong" type. I guess life worked out in my favor, because I happened to reconnect with an old friend around that time and we developed crazy mad crushes on each other. I felt like it was going to be ok. There really were people out there who would, at the very least, accept me for who I am, even if they didn't completely understand my identity. I'd find love again.

Were you planning on getting remarried (to a sexual or asexual)?

I'm putting no restrictions here. I had so many ideas about who I was and who was going to become throughout my life, and none of it helped me in any way. I said I'd be independent forever and never marry, which caused me grief when I wanted to marry. Then I married thinking I was in it for life, and now I'm grieving over the dream life I'm not going to have anymore. While my currently-divorcing heart is totally screaming "No way in hell I'll ever marry again!!!" I'm open to the possibility of it happening. My one and only stipulation is if my partner is asexual, they need to be at least willing and curious to try sex with me as a fun thing unrelated to getting romantically closer. I don't need sex to love somebody, but as I am in the grey/demi area, I do have some fantasies from time to time and I'm curious about whether or not sex can actually be enjoyable and fun.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Hearing from others really helped me through my divorce and the process of fully embracing my sexual identity.

Best wishes to you as you navigate your own journey (through divorce and self-knowledge).

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  • 5 months later...
straightouttamordor

Yes, I am separated. Trying to get divorced. Litigation and no equity to split in the house. I am glad I found this website. Conversing with people in the same  situation helps me hold on to my sanity.

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Ms.Frankenstein
On 5/10/2016 at 11:16 PM, *Jade* said:

Thanks! I'm honestly not interested in another relationship at the moment, but I thought that might be weird. Glad to hear there are others who are just happy being single and not necessarily planning on getting married again.

I'm not divorced (I never got married in the first place, the relationship ended before that.) No, you're not weird. People will think it is weird, though, so be ready. Part of (far from all of) the reason for my breakup was that I realized I'm asexual and he is very sexual. I'm also probably aromantic. So I really, truly, did not want another relationship, especially not right out of the gate. My friends made it their personal missions in life to GET ME LAID despite my protests. It took a year or more of constant rebuffing to get it through their heads that maybe I'm not just "forlorn and heartbroken and giving up on love" but actually what I say I am, which is asexual.

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biancaboricua13

Divorced from my sexual husband (due to extra marital affairs), despite the compromise and talking, it felt like nothing was enough. We had two children together. I haven't been in a relationship since. Haven't really found the need to, actually; it would be nice to be in one but I'm at a point where I don't want to compromise when it comes to sexual activity.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Separated from my wife of 25+ years. My disinterest in being sexual drove her to multiple partners outside of our marriage. She was was the most wonderful woman, and a great mother....but she needed more. 

 

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Married and divorced three times. Sex wasn't the only issue, but definitely in the mix.

 

Too many sexual partners to count, including a woman; kept thinking "oh, maybe this time it's the right one." Every time, after the first two or three weeks of newness, lost all interest in sex.

 

Re-married to No. 2 now. Guess we weren't "finished" with each other. He's the only one I know who does emotional intimacy, which is like air for me.

 

Just dawned on me June of 2016 that I am, for all intents and purposes, Ace, and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.

 

He has a strong sex drive; it's a very meaningful part of his expression of love. I respect that. We're trying to figure out whether we can live somewhere in the middle with mediocre "lemonade sex". We've talked about opening up the relationship, too.

 

Right now, splitting up doesn't feel like a relief, so we're sticking with it.

 

BTW, women, if you haven't read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, don't ask questions; just read it. And definitely check out her blog post on lemonade sex.

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