How do I know my romantic orientation?

[AwesomeRavenpuff]

To start off, I've never really gone looking for a relationship. I'd love to have one. I like the idea of cuddling and maybe even kissing. Going out and taking walks and talking and all that. Just feeling close to someone, but I've never found the need to be in a relationship just to do so. Lately though, within the past week, I've started...wondering? I'm nineteen and I've only dated once with a guy last year, and I'm not sure if it counts because we never were able to really get together much.

I feel embarrassed to say this, though I know I shouldn't be, but I just started trying to masturbate this week. I was curious about what everyone talked about with sex and all, and I'm repulsed by the idea of ever really having it with another person. I liked it, but then I found myself thinking about what it would be like to have sex with another person, even though I know I'd never really feel comfortable, and though it started out with me thinking about a guy suddenly I was thinking about kissing and cuddling another girl.

While I'm a firm supporter of all LGBTA+ rights, my parental figures...aren't so much. They don't hate anyone on the LGBTA+ spectrum, but they don't support it. They've joked before that none of us need to "go that way" or we'll be disowned. I'm worried that they might not actually be joking. They still don't believe I'm asexual, and I've already stopped trying to talk about that. I'm very confused, and I can't talk to anyone in my family about this. I'm sorry if this was a mess. I've a bit...scatterbrained right now.

[damage_case]

A lot of asexuals masturbate so dont worry about that. Some fantasize, other use tools.

Sometimes thoughts are fluid. It doesnt mean that they are rigid orientations. You fantasizing around that idea one time doesnt make you a lesbian. Even if it did... I think you must invest in the journey rather than worry about the supposed result.

You should talk to a counselor or some of our experienced members about this. this forum is dedicated to people like you and me.

[NerotheReaper]

Thinking about being intimate with someone of the same sex, it doesn't make you gay. Just ask yourself if you enjoyed dating that guy, (the concept of dating a guy) but also like the idea of dating a girl. Maybe you are bisexual? Figuring things like this out takes time, don't worry about trying to figure it out overnight.

[Emery.]

Honestly, you don't know until it happens. And there are no warning signs.

and though it started out with me thinking about a guy suddenly I was thinking about kissing and cuddling another girl.

Something might be here, but I'm not sure what. It comes down to what you feel.

I'm sorry about your family, it's best to try to gain as much independence as possible and be cautious with them if you think there is a risk of abuse or disowning on their side.

[AwesomeRavenpuff]

Yeah, biromantic was kinda what I've been starting to wonder about. Because I know I'm good with guys, so that wouldn't just disappear.

[HighDrive]

You'll know based on your feeli gs, and those will come or not without you consciously doing anything.

If you find someone that makes you light headed, accelerates your hear rate, dilates your pupils, etc. You'll know you are romantically attracted to that person and gender won't matter.

If you have sexual thoughts about someone and when you are close you feel that you want to be closer and when you are closer sex happens, then you know you are sexual.

Other than that, if you don't have those feelings, you aren't missing on anything, accept you as you are and you won't even worry.

[AwesomeRavenpuff]

You'll know based on your feeli gs, and those will come or not without you consciously doing anything.

If you find someone that makes you light headed, accelerates your hear rate, dilates your pupils, etc. You'll know you are romantically attracted to that person and gender won't matter.

If you have sexual thoughts about someone and when you are close you feel that you want to be closer and when you are closer sex happens, then you know you are sexual.

Other than that, if you don't have those feelings, you aren't missing on anything, accept you as you are and you won't even worry.

It wasn't anyone specific. I've never been turned on by anyone. Libido has never been directional, so I'm pretty sure that still counts as asexual, right? I thought that those were signs of sexual attraction though? I never felt any of those with my crushes? Well, maybe the heart rate, but that's it.

[Star Bit]

To your title, you know because you either feel romantically about someone or you yearn/desire to be in a romantic relationship. This is different from being comfortable in a romantic relationship. Since you're over 18 it's unlikely your orientation is still developing, so you could also be aromantic, maybe want a queerplatonic relationship (QPR). Some sexual people just can't understand asexuality or aromanticism and there's really nothing you can do about it; you just have to give up and move on.

[Owl_Wing]

I'm your age and I can relate to a lot of your post. Feelings are confusing ^.^ I also like the idea of being really close to someone, but where exactly that becomes "romantic," is what is unclear to me. I think I probably want some kind of queerplatonic relationship myself.

I guess just know that whatever you're feeling is valid. Don't feel too worried about trying to put a label on yourself unless you want to. Take your time and good luck with exploring your identity!

By the way, I love your profile picture. I'm a Hufflepuff. :)