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Forgiving an Abuser


Akira Jumps

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Akira Jumps

** TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSE **

I guess this is just a matter of opinion, but, if your abuser apologies for their actions, should you or should you not forgive them?

My oldest sibling has been moved out for some time and has attempted to end all contact with our parents -- which I support. However, they still call, text, and email her and when she stopped answering those they started asking/ordering us (her younger siblings) about her. Obviously this wasn't okay, so I gave her a heads up.

As a long story short, my parents (all 4, count em) all have a mental health issues and their parenting followed suit. That dropped the majority of us in counseling, and some of us still haven't told them that we are in counseling for fear of the consequences.

My oldest sibling, fed up and rightly so, sent them an email that they can either get help for the problems, admit to the abuse they inflicted on us, and apologize for it or she'd never see them again.

And I'm wondering: if they honestly and sincerely regret what they did, should I forgive them?

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I forgave my abuser, regardless of what he feels or thinks about the situation. Because forgiveness freed me from the powerlessness of being a victim. That doesn't mean what he did was right or that I ever have to associate with him again, or give him a second chance (I won't) ..But I have power over my past now, I own it. And forgiveness gave me that.

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Tanzanite

While I've never been abused, I honestly don't think they should be forgiven (at least not easily). Granted, what's done is done, but the effects tend to last for a really long time. I see abuse as a betrayal of trust and a manipulation of vulnerability. Even if they actually mean it when they say 'sorry,' how is that going to (completely) make up for it especially if it's a repeated offense?

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ItWasNiceKnowingYou

Forgiveness is genuinely not for the other person,but for yourself. There are times where you should accept the apology you've never received...not for the sake of that person...but in order for you to be able to begin to heal. Harboring that anger & resentment is poison only to you. It's not worth it

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idekrncidc231

well. people have said it best. simplyace and Pan both. forgiveness helps YOU move on and not hold on to it, not them. I forgave my ex and moved on. I am able to still get a crush on someone despite the pain of what he did to me. So... It is up to you in the end though ultimately. You have to decide how you best handle situations. but don't let them hold onto you either way. *shrugs* meh.

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IntrovertedBuddhist

I forgave my abuser, regardless of what he feels or thinks about the situation. Because forgiveness freed me from the powerlessness of being a victim. That doesn't mean what he did was right or that I ever have to associate with him again, or give him a second chance (I won't) ..But I have power over my past now, I own it. And forgiveness gave me that.

This.

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Guest Sheka4

I don't think I could ever in my life forgive my abuser and I can't say the same towards everyone's situation. But my experience left me with a lot of emotional scars that are going to exist in me for a long time and makes me afraid to even form romantic relationships with someone. So there's no way that I could ever forgive my abuser and considering the fact that they're hellbent on trying to ruin my name and constantly talk bad about me it doesn't seem like they're ever willing to apologize to me either.

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I neither forgave nor held a grudge, I simply cut that person from my life and moved on. My requirement for continuing the relationship was talking things through (thouroughly), which wasn't an option because they forgot or "forgot" what happened (I wasn't sure which at the time). Given the latest information about them, I'd have cut ties with them in a heartbeat for something else entirely, so it's a moot point anyway.

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You can forgive someone and still not want them in your life, even if they're truly and honestly sorry, they still screwed up, and being sorry doesn't clear them of any consequences for their actions. My abusers were forgiven, but I do not want them near me. They will never be apart of my life. None have asked for forgiveness, but I forgave them, and the damage they did still lives on.

Forgiving them relies on whether you feel ready to, all things considered. But even if you do forgive them, you can still not want to be near them. If seeing them causes you pain or they're still toxic, you can forgive them for their wrongdoings and still not want them around.

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