New confused one. Need some help here :/

[Pablo85]

Hi everyone,

I'm Pablo, I am 30 years old, and I consider myself as a very normal person; not bad looking guy, smart, sympathetic, cheerful... However, there is something on me I am not proud about; I am still a virgin. Ok, I have had several chances to have sex with other people, but I have always avoid the fact; I try to make impossible to meet up, try to dislike people... and it has worked till now. But I feel so bad. I have so many friends who have a very active sexual live. For example, my room mate, he is in a couple for 7 years, but the uses an app that uses to meet other guys to have sex even if he don't know them... this shocked me so much, mainly since I arrived once at home and I found him with another guy... shocking, isn't it?

BTW, I am here to talk about me. One of my friends, she has been always in love with me, and I kinda knew it, but I didn't want to do anything, so I didn't react positively. One day she said to me that she was in love and she really wanted to be my girlfriend, if not she would try to don't see me anymore because it was heartbreaking for her. I took a couple of weeks and finally accepted her propose. I was not convinced 100%, but I thought that it could work. She is perfect for me. We have similar ambitions, and future projects, she is smart, beautiful... We have been dating for 2 months. I told her I was a virgin, she firstly was shocked (she would never expect it) but them she said we would go step by step. She is convinced she loves me and she will wait for me till I am ready.

Now, that I found a job in another country she wants to come with me. But I really feel that I am not sure of my feelings, not only with her, I don't feel like having sex with no one. And I really feel she needs to move forward in our relation, and she obviously wants to have sex... She says she doesn't but I know her very well. I also feel ashamed being virgin at 30... but I o not know what to do, how to do, how would it be... so confused... I really thought that I was the only person in the World like this... al least I know I am not alone...

Any advices?

Cheers! And thanks for supporting :)

[HighDrive]

You sound like a normal person. After you read posts here, hopefully you will stop feeling you should be proud or not from being a virgin and just accept the fact.

I wouldn't say "I'm not proud of not playing a instrument" because I've never been interested on learning.

Learn more about asexuality and see if you identify with some of the feelings other aces have. You may find out you are just shy but you may also discoverbyou are asexual.

Whatever it is, understanding yourself will be liberating.

Regarding your girlfriend. I'd recommend opening up to her regarding how you are feeling. If she cares about you, she'll walk this discovery road with you. Either as a gf or as a friend.

Good luck on your discovery. Eventually you'll stop being ashamed to be yourself.

[Star Bit]

If you don't feel romantically for her then she really needs to know. Have you ever felt romantically for anyone before? Or desired to be in a romantic relationship? And she needs to know you don't want sex either. The only requirement for asexuality is not desiring sex with anyone. That's it. And asexual virgins are a thing, and it's completely fine. You just need to quit comparing yourself to other people and stop giving into peer pressure.

[ferngirl]

Pablo, I agree with what has already been said -- open up to her and tell her how you feel. If you don't want to have sex with her, let her know. She will either understand or not, but in any case, you will have let her know. Are you interested in her romantically at all? I can't really tell from your post. In any case, if she's ready to move to a different country just to be with you, make sure she knows where you stand regarding your relationship. Honesty is a good policy.

From what you say, it sounds to me like you are asexual, but even if you weren't, there's nothing shameful in being a virgin. I'm nearly 40 and I've never had sex. I don't feel there's anything missing from my life because of that. Just because some people around you are very active sexually that does not mean everyone is like this, or that everyone should be like this. :)

My advice is this: Be true to yourself, and be honest to her.