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A friend's suggestion: Visit a prostitute


damage_case

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damage_case

I find you saying "sex is simple, people make it complicated" to be the mirror thing. If it's complex for those engaging, how can it also be simple?

Sex is merely the physical activity of 2 (or more) people engaging, stimulating genitals, etc. People attribute all sorts of meaning to sex whether its that its a special moment, its a right of passage, its proof of love, etc. That is why I say that sex is simple but people make it complex.

Also if people make references to different times of sex, sometimes it being a purely physical thing just to get off and at other times it being an emotional thing, then why is it not voiced as such until someone else questions it?

Sex isnt as 'casual' as hollywood makes it out to be. No one gets up in the morning, goes to buy eggs and comes home shagging someone and la-di-da la-di-da takes n shower n goes to work n come back again shagging someone. No one is that lucky. Unless he is Dan Bilzerian.

This usually happens in idiotic comedy shows and romcom flicks. Two eyes meet... next scene.... the guy sweaty gets off the girl n they're both underneath the sheets smoking a cigarette.

Whether its platonic friends, or enemies, or a prostitute... sex is a very intimate private time which does involve complex emotions no matter how stone hearted or playboy-like a person may be.

It becomes a 'getting off' kind of a deal in bored out phased out relationships... like a husband n wife in a 12 year relationship who shag 2-3 times a week as a ritual just to get off. they're looking at the clock radio and doing taxes.

Are you saying that if you went to have sex with a prostitute, she would be emotionally investing in the time you fuck? Correct me if Im wrong but a prostitute is a job, you go in, you fuck, you get out. Prostitutes wont usually care about any emotional connections because its not in the job description. Is that not just pure physical non emotional sex?

Prostitutes are different ballgame. i agree with you on that.

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Lord Jade Cross

I find you saying "sex is simple, people make it complicated" to be the mirror thing. If it's complex for those engaging, how can it also be simple?

Sex is merely the physical activity of 2 (or more) people engaging, stimulating genitals, etc. People attribute all sorts of meaning to sex whether its that its a special moment, its a right of passage, its proof of love, etc. That is why I say that sex is simple but people make it complex.

Also if people make references to different times of sex, sometimes it being a purely physical thing just to get off and at other times it being an emotional thing, then why is it not voiced as such until someone else questions it?

Sex isnt as 'casual' as hollywood makes it out to be. No one gets up in the morning, goes to buy eggs and comes home shagging someone and la-di-da la-di-da takes n shower n goes to work n come back again shagging someone. No one is that lucky. Unless he is Dan Bilzerian.

This usually happens in idiotic comedy shows and romcom flicks. Two eyes meet... next scene.... the guy sweaty gets off the girl n they're both underneath the sheets smoking a cigarette.

Whether its platonic friends, or enemies, or a prostitute... sex is a very intimate private time which does involve complex emotions no matter how stone hearted or playboy-like a person may be.

It becomes a 'getting off' kind of a deal in bored out phased out relationships... like a husband n wife in a 12 year relationship who shag 2-3 times a week as a ritual just to get off. they're looking at the clock radio and doing taxes.

Are you saying that if you went to have sex with a prostitute, she would be emotionally investing in the time you fuck? Correct me if Im wrong but a prostitute is a job, you go in, you fuck, you get out. Prostitutes wont usually care about any emotional connections because its not in the job description. Is that not just pure physical non emotional sex?

Prostitutes are different ballgame. i agree with you on that.

Its still sex regardless. No matter how much anyone wants to sugarcoat it sex is sex. The ones that attribute any sort of emotional or special meaning to it are humans.

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Snao Cone

I can understand the issue being about getting the first time over with. It's not going to make you feel like a complete person by any stretch. If you just have it the once, with somebody who's just doing their job, you aren't going to experienced at it. You'll be slightly more experienced than you were before, which may seem huge on the virgin side of it, but it will not look so big when you pass it over. I don't think going to a sex worker for your first time would help you overcome confidence issues and reluctance to engage with women on a social/romantic level. But it does get that technicality out of the way. If that relieves you in some mental or emotional way, I can understand why you'd want to do that.

If hired sex were more reliable and offered a wider range of services, rather than being about toeing the line of the law to get the most money for the most basic emotionless fuck, then maybe there would be people better equipped to handle the psychological aspect of this, who understands the needs and the anxieties and is trained to take them into consideration when performing sexual services.

I'll try to say this as tactfully as possible, damage_case: your problems with sex won't be solved by having it for the first time. Don't expect a prostitute to help you overcome what's been keeping you from sexual activity.

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Lord Jade Cross

Neither with a prostitute nor anyone as long as the idea is that the sex has to be meaningful but youre not willing to put yourself out there.

In order to find that emotional sex, youre going to have to risk opening up to women and establishing relationships until one leads up to sex. Thats how I can see you getting the best of both worlds so to speak, the sex and that its meaningful as well.

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Had someone suggest actually looking to be a prostitute, as a way to 'get over it' and 'get paid'.

Oh wow.

And the fact you probably wouldn't be experienced enough at it to provide a good service, didn't seem to matter?

Sex is a complicated subject.

You can say that again.

For women, it's usually similar. If I go to a bar and ask, I'm sure the creepiest and oldest guys would be alright with taking me home, just because they're older and potentially less picky (the bar creeps, not assuming for all older men).

Quantity is not quality in this slightest and I think you should consider that. :)

That and, because the guys are creepy, their pool of potential mates is smaller.

Sex seems simple, its the people that complicate it.

True, and the ideas they have surrounding it.

Are you saying that if you went to have sex with a prostitute, she would be emotionally investing in the time you fuck? Correct me if Im wrong but a prostitute is a job, you go in, you fuck, you get out. Prostitutes wont usually care about any emotional connections because its not in the job description. Is that not just pure physical non emotional sex?

Don't you normally have to pay extra for emotions?

If hired sex were more reliable and offered a wider range of services, rather than being about toeing the line of the law to get the most money for the most basic emotionless fuck, then maybe there would be people better equipped to handle the psychological aspect of this, who understands the needs and the anxieties and is trained to take them into consideration when performing sexual services.

As I understand it sex workers are getting more diverse. Certainly in the field of disability sex work......

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Snao Cone

If hired sex were more reliable and offered a wider range of services, rather than being about toeing the line of the law to get the most money for the most basic emotionless fuck, then maybe there would be people better equipped to handle the psychological aspect of this, who understands the needs and the anxieties and is trained to take them into consideration when performing sexual services.

As I understand it sex workers are getting more diverse. Certainly in the field of disability sex work......

I've heard a couple of things about sexual services for people with disabilities, though only in causal passing so I don't think it's sufficiently reliable information. I think it was in The Netherlands, where there are basically "sex care providers" who specialize in performing sexual services for people with disabilities. Do you know if that's a real thing?

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If hired sex were more reliable and offered a wider range of services, rather than being about toeing the line of the law to get the most money for the most basic emotionless fuck, then maybe there would be people better equipped to handle the psychological aspect of this, who understands the needs and the anxieties and is trained to take them into consideration when performing sexual services.

As I understand it sex workers are getting more diverse. Certainly in the field of disability sex work......

I've heard a couple of things about sexual services for people with disabilities, though only in causal passing so I don't think it's sufficiently reliable information. I think it was in The Netherlands, where there are basically "sex care providers" who specialize in performing sexual services for people with disabilities. Do you know if that's a real thing?

There's an interesting movie The Sessions from 2012 in which a crippled man wishes to lose his virginity. He succeeds with the help of a sex therapist of sort. Supposedly, it's based on a true story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fy2y7UIpgP4

Not a bad watch, I might add.

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Lord Jade Cross

Are you saying that if you went to have sex with a prostitute, she would be emotionally investing in the time you fuck? Correct me if Im wrong but a prostitute is a job, you go in, you fuck, you get out. Prostitutes wont usually care about any emotional connections because its not in the job description. Is that not just pure physical non emotional sex?

Don't you normally have to pay extra for emotions?

Do you mean in a general sense or while seeking sex worker services? I think that some will mimic an emotional experience for the right price but I think thats the extent of it.

On the other hand, if youre talking about regular date sex experiences, yes its pretty much something you have to pay extra for strictly monetarily speaking because you have to invest time and money on forming the bond that can later on lead to sex.

If you conpare the two, unless you want emotions to be lasting effects incorporated into the experience, there isnt that much difference between a sex worker and one night stands or even dating sex.

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I've heard a couple of things about sexual services for people with disabilities, though only in causal passing so I don't think it's sufficiently reliable information. I think it was in The Netherlands, where there are basically "sex care providers" who specialize in performing sexual services for people with disabilities. Do you know if that's a real thing?

It is. And yes, Holland is a good place for that.

There are also sex workers in the UK trained/highly experienced in sex with people with things like Downs Syndrome and/or spinal injuries (but I'm sure it's not limited to those 2 conditions - those are just the 2 I know of first hand).

There's also a lot of grey area surrounding the legality of a care worker helping me to physically access a sex worker. I don't know exactly where the law stands, but I've heard it said that if they help me to go to the location of the sex worker, that's illegal.

I think I've mentioned in a lot of other threads on here that I'm physically disabled. So I know a bit about sex work and disability. In fact I know a sex therapist who initially didn't believe my claim to asexuality. Her (not bad) suggestion was that I see a sexological body worker, to see if my desire not to have sex with anything to do with my perceived limitations/hang ups surrounding physical things I need doing etc etc. I may still go down this route, but I'm happy being ace.

There's an interesting movie The Sessions from 2012 in which a crippled man wishes to lose his virginity. He succeeds with the help of a sex therapist of sort. Supposedly, it's based on a true story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fy2y7UIpgP4

Not a bad watch, I might add.

I'm pretty sure I remember this trailer when it came out. Yay for someone as high profile as Helen Hunt being in it :)

Alas, it's not onNetflix. Know where I (legally) might be able to view it? Or do I need to purchase a DVD?

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Residentshadow

oh, a very good, concerned friend of mine (very sexual female) suggested hiring a gigolo as a birthday present for me (I was turning 22 at the time), because as she said "you are getting older and having your first time with a man should better be done sooner than later, and a gigolo would be prefect to have the dirty work done..." and my reaction: "No, thank you!!! I can find someone myself when the time comes." I felt disgusted and I got the shivers at the thought of someone going through me as a machine... and later my decision proved right. I'm sure such an experience wouldn't have done any good to me and would've made me even less sexually inclined.

but you're a woman... its easier for you. you can snap and 20 men would be there at your feet.

Im a man.

I see exactly what you're saying. Here is the thing. One, just because a girl can get guys with the flick of a wrist doesn't mean those are the kind of guys she wants. two, everyones view of sex varies depending on the person.Three, their are many ways to use a sex worker not just for sex. If you are awkward around people or engaging another person in conversation they can be used for practice to interact with another woman. If you need to satisfy urges, fine, there's no shame in that and if you just need companionship that is OK too.

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Three, their are many ways to use a sex worker not just for sex. If you are awkward around people or engaging another person in conversation they can be used for practice to interact with another woman. If you need to satisfy urges, fine, there's no shame in that and if you just need companionship that is OK too.

I get the satisfying urges and companionship part. Yet, I have never heard of a sex worker being used to practice conversation and interaction. I'm not saying you are wrong Residentshadow, but I have never heard of it.

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