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Platonic Crushes


EnterCreativeName

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EnterCreativeName

I know what platonic crushes, or squishes, are. But I have a couple questions as I'm curious about everyone else's experiences. Is there a certain type of person you get squishes on? Like, are they only on close friends or do you get them for distant acquaintances too? Or are they a specific gender at all? How often do you get one and how long does it last for you? Have you gotten a squish on a fictional character before? Just questions like that.

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damage_case

I gotta know from you and others..

Im someone who NEVER EVER EVER felt a crush or feeling of respect n love for any woman. And Im not demeaning them... I just never felt like it.

I do find some women around me hot... and I do google them occasionally... but I never felt the urge to date them or have day dreams about them.

What would you call me? I never had a crush so how can I be an aromantic...

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probablypandas

I’ve had squishes. It’s mainly guys, and I want them to be my super best friend/ boyfriend. They generally are guys that are very outgoing and smart. It’s always pretty awkward when they end up with girlfriends and PDAing around me. I’m always like, “Oh, yeah. I forgot I’m not into that. Guess that wouldn’t have worked out.”

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EmotionalAndroid

I've only ever had squishes on males and they are usually on people I've never actually met, like actors or historical figures. Squishes for me usually start with aesthetic attraction, but then I believe part of the reason the squish sticks around is that I make up personalities for these people I've never met and idealize them because I will never know what they are really like and idealization seems to be my brain's default behavior.

I have had one squish on a person I knew, but I did not know him very well. In fact, once I learned more about him, I totally lost all feelings of admiration for him because he turned out to be a jerk.

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UncommonNonsense

I get squishes on fictional characters fairly often... at least way, way more often than real, living people. I've only had three crushes/squishes on real people in my life (and I'm not some young kid anymore) but I've had about four or five on fictional characters that have been long lasting and a few more that were fleeting.

For real people, it tends to be a mix of wit, incredible intelligence, confidence, a love of language that is expressed with a broad vocabulary and the confidence needed to pull off using uncommon or archaic words, a tendency toward not caring if others like or understand them, unique personal style, and geeky interests they are passionate about. I also love talking with people whose life experiences are broader than usual - the person has had uncommon experiences, travelled extensively, learned amazing things, and can frame these in an interesting narrative when talking. Also, since I'm socially awkward, I like it when someone is able to draw me out gently without making me feel like I'm on the spot.

Squishes can last a *long* time for me. I carried one for years when I was a kid/teen. I'd known the guy I was squishing on from the age of 9. We began dating when I was 18, but we only lasted a short while. It was a case of my lacking vital information (I didn't know that being asexual was an option back then, and was afraid to admit that I was disinterested in/disgusted by sex) and being better friends than lovers and him being unable to take 'no' for an answer.. I've had a squish on one particular fictional character since I was 14, which makes it 26 years now!

It doesn't seem to have a pattern as far as whether the person is a distant acquaintance or a close friend. Once, it was a close friend, and the squish developed after we'd been friends for years. Once, it was a boss who was teaching me sooooo many amazing new things, and it was almost instant... the squish blindsided me after I'd been working for him less than a week. It ended slowly as I began to realize what sort of a person he *really* was.. vain, rather sexist, and uncaring about the feelings of the people he was supposed to care about the most. By the end of my time at that job, I could barely stand him.

I have had squishes on women before, but not as often as on men... but I think much of that was because I was raised in a small town with family that held certain expectations and attitudes. Non-hetero partnerships were not at all accepted when I was young, and my parents always assumed I would date/marry men. I didn't even hear the word 'lesbian' until I was in high school!

Apart from the squish on the fictional character, I haven't had a squish in a very long time. I question whether I'm even able to feel that way about real, living people anymore. I consider myself aromantic, so my squishes have been more along the lines of "I want to be your friend sooooo bad!" than "I want to be your romantic/sexual partner sooooo bad!"

Does that help at all?

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I think most of my squishes usually stem from 1) aesthetic attraction and 2) intellectual attraction, but also their ability to be sarcastic and caring. I do have squishes on fictional characters, mainly because they're smart and are secretly super caring, or are tall and have great cheekbones. (See: Sherlock, Loki, Merlin). But then I tend to squish on the fan-versions of the characters, not the canon ones.

As for in real life, I've squished on a couple of people before. One of my best friends was my squish for a couple of years before I finally worked up courage to tell her. i had a squish on a couple of boys in church and in school, but never any more than that.

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I've had three squishes so far, and they've been on the men that I've admired a shit ton for their scientific (in particular physics) knowledge and understanding. Plus they were both super nice to me. Seems to me that the prerequisites for me are:

-Really nice to me

-Really good at physics

The second one is really random, haha!

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EnterCreativeName

Thank you all for answering, it's interesting hearing each story. I guess I should share mine too.

I personally, have had a handful of squishes. My first was some boy back in elementary school, I was about 9 or 10. I remember that he was some red-haired kid named Patrick and was the funniest kid in class. I never really did anything about these feelings, just watched him during recess and wondered if he'd ever want to play with me. This went away when I moved to another state.

At my new school I got two squishes at the same time, they were both boys in my class. They both lasted about all of 6th grade and 7th grade. One of them was a shorter, shy kid who seemed really nice. The other was the bass clarinet player in my band, who was also pretty quiet.

When I moved in the summer, I got another squish in 8th grade. This one is a grade under me, and I still sit next to him in biology. We're not friends, but I'm kind of glad it faded within that first year. I had also developed one on a girl for the first time, and this one really stood out to me. I noticed the feeling more around her than my other ones, and lasted all the first year and into the second.

Then my most recent one was at the start of this year, but it was only for a couple days. I met this girl at some volleyball camp, she was quiet and being bullied by the other girls there. I'm not sure if it's just me concerned for her and wanting to make sure she was okay, or if I really had a squish on her. Probably a little of both.

So I've had four squishes on boys, and two on girls. They seem to last a while for me, stretching from one to two years, with a year or two inbetween without one. I've never acted on them though, but I've talked to everyone of them because of mr being in their class. I've never had a platonic crush on a fictional character or a historical, though, as that is all they are to me, fiction or history.

That's really all I have to say about myself. Again, thank you for the responses.

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goldensun

I dont tend to crush on celebrities or stars anymore as i think that part of me stopped when i was a teenager as i tend now to have crushes on real life people in the real world, for instance someone i see frequently in any given environment i.e in the work place or place you frequent.

when i was younger my crushes were mainly with guys and would last months but i knew that a real life relationship wouldnt work out cos of i was never interested in sex and i knew that these people were quite sexual people. As i got older i started to also have crushes on the same gender as myself, but the only difference was feeling that i could be affectionate more with the same gender...

my last crush was with a gay woman who works in the same work environment as me, and that was a few years ago and lasted at least 6 months but when i see them now and again i dont have them same feelings any more. so presently i am neutral as i dont have a crush on anybody..

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I might get fleeting squishes quite often (I mean, "often" considering how rarely I even hang out with people) and stronger squishes like... every once in a few years. It's hard to pinpoint what my "type" is, because it has something to do with the personality and the dynamics between us, as opposed to gender or looks.

Even the personalities of my squishes have varied quite a lot, but I guess there has to be something in common... maybe a certain way of looking at things? I don't mean an ideology, but almost the opposite - being open-minded and non-judgemental in their thinking. I mean... non-judgemental towards thoughts, being able to think outside of the box or so. But I'm not even sure if that is the thing.

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I had a bunch of fleeting squishes I cannot really remember up until I was fifteen. Then this one kid who I never really talked to sat at our table and had one conversation with me. That squish (possibly romantic crush, it was pretty intense) lasted over a year, and it was pretty awful. I knew he had flaws, and I knew I couldn't see them. Now I do, thankfully. It's uncomfortable, how much power these people can have over you.

Let's see, he was smart, pretty nice, aesthetically attractive, likes books. I'll admit, if I had to marry anyone, I'd still probably choose him. We're just friends, but...

As for the other squish, well, the subject was (and still is) super nice. The nicest person I have ever met. Almost too nice, as he tended to heap unnecessary amounts of praise on people. Still, he was SUPER nice. He is also smart, and very passionate about what he likes. This squish didn't last too long (a couple of months) but it sucked particularly badly for reasons I'm too embarrassed to post publicly about. Maybe I'm needlessly paranoid.

The squishes are over, but I can't look at these people the same way I did before. They're still a little special, and so I guess I'm not "over it." It's kinda pathetic, but it makes me think, is anyone ever completely "over" a serious squish/crush? Maybe I'll start a thread on that.

As for fictional characters, I've had pretty minor squishes. If they were real, I'd sure enjoy hanging out with them, but that's all.

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Seraphina Willow

I have a really big squish on this guy in my class, and everyone hates him because he's too intelligent for them. I just want to sit there and listen to him talk all day and teach me all kinds of awesome facts and talk about the Lord of the Rings. I think he's really nice and I want to be friends so badly, but he's kind of intimidating because he's so smart. I'm way too shy to talk to him. I've had a squish on him for about 14 months, and we know each other as acquaintances.

I have a slightly stronger squish on my best friend. What I mean by that, is that we're friends, but she's kind of anti-social, and I just want us to be closer (in a completely platonic way). She seems so absorbed in her own world, and I want to be a part of that. I almost want her to be my zucchini, but I know she is heterosexual and I want a fellow ace to be my zucchini.

They're the only two I've ever had, and it's based mainly on intelligence and kindness. Neither of them are what society says is attractive, but I find them aesthetically attractive because they are interesting to look at and unique. As far as fictional characters go, Samwise Gamgee from LotR and Merlin from the BBC (and Gwen, slightly). Who could wish for better and more loyal friends than those two? Plus they're adorable :)

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I don't really know what it is but at the moment I'm talking to a girl online, don't know who she is, don't know her real name, don't know what she looks like, yet I still feel something...

I'm happy when we're conversing but I'm always self conscious about what I say, and when she doesn't reply (like now) it's making me think I've said something wrong or something... Idk. Kinda off topic sorry....

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  • 3 weeks later...
MakotoYuki

I get them with people I think are Nice, understanding, people. For me if it's looks then they fade freaking fast, if it's personality then they last longer. In my personal experience Platonic crushes can be powerful as well, maybe just as powerful as romantic crushes. As for do fictional charaters I get crushes on fictional charaters all the time. Usually to the point to where I make OCs for those fictional worlds. (So many OCs in so many worlds)

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I know what platonic crushes, or squishes, are. But I have a couple questions as I'm curious about everyone else's experiences. Is there a certain type of person you get squishes on? Like, are they only on close friends or do you get them for distant acquaintances too? Or are they a specific gender at all? How often do you get one and how long does it last for you? Have you gotten a squish on a fictional character before? Just questions like that.

I used to squish mostly on people who I thought were smart, but now I'm more attracted to people who seem nice and good-hearted. But really, I can squish on people for no reason at all, just because I had a dream about them or something. They can be male or female, and are usually acquaintances rather than close friends. I get them every once in a while, and they can last anywhere from a couple days to a year and a half. I've never gotten a squish on a fictional character, but I have gotten them on bands or celebrities.

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mangerlecole

I get platonic crushes a lot, and I used to get them confused with romantic crushes. When I found out that platonic crushes are a thing, my feelings made a lot more sense. A significant amount of my platonic crushes are on guys, though, so I worry that if I try to make conversations with them, they'll think I have a crush on them when really, I just think they're awesome.

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ItWasNiceKnowingYou

I get squishes a fair amount of times. The gender so far hasn't mattered. I like their personalities and different ways of thinking. The majority of my squishes started out here on Aven.... So that could explain why aesthetics don't matter. I get to know them as a person first ^_^ :lol:

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deactivated account

"Is there a certain type of person you get squishes on?"

smart people, kind people, people who i get a long well with, people who are good at something i like (music, physics, art etc)

"are they only on close friends or do you get them for distant acquaintances too?"

​i've had a squish on someone i've never met before. I heard his music and immediately wanted to know him. He went to the same college as me. Little did i know a couple months from them i was transferred into his class. we got along great but he doesn't talk to me now for some reason. :(

"are they a specific gender at all?"

nope, i get squishes on boys and girls. I have a huge squish on my classmate in physics. we're pretty close and i love her to bits. platonically XD <3

"How often do you get one and how long does it last for you?"

they are like regular crushes, just without particular feelings. so like crushes, they'll end if my squish does something that makes me like them less. and i get squishes and crushes randomly.

"Have you gotten a squish on a fictional character before?"

​yes, lol, too many times. it's so emotionally draining sometimes, especially when you know they don't exist and you'll never meet them </3

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  • 1 year later...
Rarity Sketch
On 5/2/2016 at 11:47 PM, damage_case said:

I gotta know from you and others..

Im someone who NEVER EVER EVER felt a crush or feeling of respect n love for any woman. And Im not demeaning them... I just never felt like it.

I do find some women around me hot... and I do google them occasionally... but I never felt the urge to date them or have day dreams about them.

What would you call me? I never had a crush so how can I be an aromantic...

Hmmm… what do you mean that you never have daydreams about people??

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I've had many different platonic crushes, mostly on celebrities. For celebrity "squishes", I never fantasize about dating them or even meeting them, but I do look them up, stalk them on social media and YouTube, watch all their shows and movies, and I'll find myself drawn to their laugh, smile, personality, and appearance. 

 

Real life platonic crushes are a little different. I had two strong ones basically since high school. One was more of a traditional crush, I was enamored by his looks and style above anything else, and I just really enjoyed looking at him, I thought his face was perfect and he was in a band which I thought was so cool. 

 

Another was someone who I went to school with and did a project with, and although I wasnt very physically attracted to him, I loved his outgoing bubbly personality and how charming he was and how he legitimately seemed to care about me. I'm probably aro spectrum but I would have dated him in a heartbeat. 

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On ‎5‎/‎2‎/‎2016 at 10:37 PM, EnterCreativeName said:

 Is there a certain type of person you get squishes on? Like, are they only on close friends or do you get them for distant acquaintances too? 

I may lack an understanding of platonic crushes, but this question confuses me.  Isn't a close friend already a platonic relationship?  If so, the relationship is already established.

If someone can distinguish a close friendship from a platonic relationship I would like that discussion.

To answer your question, I do experience platonic crushes, or the desire to pursue a friendship with someone I don't know very well.  They have to possess a combination of physical and personality traits I find desirable.   

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