Asexuals transitioned to sexuals

[damage_case]

This thread is for all those asexuals... who transitioned into sexuals.

What happened?
Why did you assume you were an asexual?

Do you have any regrets?

Are you faking being sexual or was it always in you?

Asexuals:- You are also free to post your opinions and cite us some examples of people you know who were asexuals... but then transitioned into sexuals.

[Mike_Rophone]

Hmm, I personally haven't seen a leap that big. I've seen them transition to Grey area, still under the spectrum.

[MoraDollie]

This. does. not. happen.

Asexuality is not the same thing as cellibacy. there's many asexuals in the adult industry. You can't wake up one day and say you're going to be gay, straight, whatever. Please do not push myths.

[damage_case]

This. does. not. happen.

Asexuality is not the same thing as cellibacy. there's many asexuals in the adult industry. You can't wake up one day and say you're going to be gay, straight, whatever. Please do not push myths.

I was just assuming. Maybe there are a few asexuals who moved on to become sexuals or actively sexual. Maybe. Im not pushing myths or ridiculing asexuality. Im an asexual myself.

Transitioning is not 'waking up one day'.

BTW can you name some asexual porno stars?

[tali.lynn]

This. does. not. happen.

Asexuality is not the same thing as cellibacy. there's many asexuals in the adult industry. You can't wake up one day and say you're going to be gay, straight, whatever. Please do not push myths.

Ok, slow down.

For some people sexuality is fluid, some people feel incapable of attraction at times and then later do feel sexual attraction, vice versa, or in a cycle. Like how for some people gender is fluid. It's possible and I don't think it should be denied. Someone may consider themselves asexual for one reason or another and then later discover that they prefer a different label, and that's a-ok, it doesn't necessarily mean they were wrong before or their asexuality was a lie or invalid.

But you are of course right that asexuality isn't something you can elect to turn off or get over.

[Fire & Rain]

The truth is sexuality can be fluid for certain people. It doesn't happen often or to a lot of people but it does happen. Theoretically, this could happen to anyone of any sexual orientation.

Fluidity is not a choice and you have no control over when it happens or what it changes into.

As tali.lynn mentioned it's possible that someone thought they were asexual for whatever reason but later found out they weren't.

[m4rble]

Transitioned is an odd word for this.

[Fire & Rain]

Transitioned is an odd word for this.

Yeah, it sounds like transitioning physically. I can't help picturing butterflies.

[dissolved]

I identified as asexual during my early 20s, but I know now that it was wrong to do so. I'm actually demisexual, but between feelings for people, everything sexual about me drops away, so in those dips, it's very difficult to believe that I ever felt anything sexual towards anyone until it happens again. Then it's "oohhh yeah, I do feel this stuff, just really rather rarely".

I don't believe sexuality is fluid, and I don't think it changes over time, as in one day you're asexual and the next day you're not. The word to describe it changes, clearly, and your environment, life and people you're exposed to all change. E.g. someone who identified as straight suddenly meets someone of the same sex who tickles their fancy - they're not suddenly gay, but probably bisexual all along and just didn't know it. Their actual orientation didn't change, just the word to describe it.

[Isak]

I identified as asexual during my early 20s, but I know now that it was wrong to do so. I'm actually demisexual, but between feelings for people, everything sexual about me drops away, so in those dips, it's very difficult to believe that I ever felt anything sexual towards anyone until it happens again. Then it's "oohhh yeah, I do feel this stuff, just really rather rarely".

I don't believe sexuality is fluid, and I don't think it changes over time, as in one day you're asexual and the next day you're not. The word to describe it changes, clearly, and your environment, life and people you're exposed to all change. E.g. someone who identified as straight suddenly meets someone of the same sex who tickles their fancy - they're not suddenly gay, but probably bisexual all along and just didn't know it. Their actual orientation didn't change, just the word to describe it.

I tend to agree with this. I think that, while our needs may change, our nature won't, whether we're aware of it or not.

My only doubt is, all I have is my personal experience, which is probably not enough to prove that what I believe also applies to everybody else ;)

[Guest]

I've definitely seen some people come through AVEN as die hard asexuals and leave as sexual. Offhand I could probably name off a dozen or so people? I'm not going to, because it's not my place, but yeah, it definitely happens.

[gekkosan]

There are many asexuals who don't just know that they are asexual. They still find people sexually attractive and have to first experience sex to figure this out. And of course, experience may vary. Some try it only once, some try it multiple times with multiple partners, some may just have bad luck and only bad experiences.

Maybe those who later transition into sexuals just haven't experienced sex in the right way or with the right person up until that time. I think it's quite possible.

[Telecaster68]

The whole fluidity thing is a problem for AVEN. On the one hand it's fairly widely held that sexuality is fluid and can change. On the other, that if someone says they're asexual, it's invalidating to suggest they might change how they identify, particularly if they're young.

[MoraDollie]

This. does. not. happen.

Asexuality is not the same thing as cellibacy. there's many asexuals in the adult industry. You can't wake up one day and say you're going to be gay, straight, whatever. Please do not push myths.

I was just assuming. Maybe there are a few asexuals who moved on to become sexuals or actively sexual. Maybe. Im not pushing myths or ridiculing asexuality. Im an asexual myself.

Transitioning is not 'waking up one day'.

BTW can you name some asexual porno stars?

I have spoken to many individuals (both in the "real world" and internet world) that identify as asexual, or somewhere on the ace spectrum that identify as: porn star, behind the scenes on porn, toy maker, sex toy seller, strippers, escorts, sugar community, prostitute/sex worker (whatever word you don't find offensive there), fetish photographer, fetish model, etc.

[Guest]

This. does. not. happen.

Asexuality is not the same thing as cellibacy. there's many asexuals in the adult industry. You can't wake up one day and say you're going to be gay, straight, whatever. Please do not push myths.

I was just assuming. Maybe there are a few asexuals who moved on to become sexuals or actively sexual. Maybe. Im not pushing myths or ridiculing asexuality. Im an asexual myself.

Transitioning is not 'waking up one day'.

BTW can you name some asexual porno stars?

I have spoken to many individuals (both in the "real world" and internet world) that identify as asexual, or somewhere on the ace spectrum that identify as: porn star, behind the scenes on porn, toy maker, sex toy seller, strippers, escorts, sugar community, prostitute/sex worker (whatever word you don't find offensive there), fetish photographer, fetish model, etc.

My partner has worked in the sex industry, and I'm pretty sure several other aces around here have as well.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Im not sure if fluidity works as its being described. I would find it very difficult to see a person who one day identifies and shows traits of a certain sexuality and then the next, does a complete 180 and acts and identifies with another sexuality.

I do believe its possible that there are people who have been so used to a same pattern, that upon giving a name to it, they identify with it as a sexuality and sexualities by themselves are given a wide varirty of attributes which can easily mold to a specific person.

Conditioning is still a very powerful tool that is employed every day, otherwise no one would have any troubles with issues like the views of sex due to their upbringing. And if you go by that same pattern, how can we be certain that just because a guy has always been around girls and gets along great with them is straight? In the same matter what if he was always around men and got along great with them and no one ever saw him with a girl and if even asked, he would respond that he would prefer men over women, how can we be certain hes gay?

For aces, this would probably be alot more difficult because the ideology of asexuality is based around a mix of no desire, but also incorporates factors that we discuss here and have conluded that are not determining factors but how can we be sure?

Say a person (non identified) goes through life and does not experience the desire but still participates in sex and finds it fun to the point of seeking it out even if they dont get upset about its lack were it to happen. Could that person not be considered an ace?

I think that there are just too many ambigous factors involved in these things that we cannot arbitrarily judge and determine that a sexuality is such and such based on X factors.

[Sally]

There are many asexuals who don't just know that they are asexual. They still find people sexually attractive and have to first experience sex to figure this out. And of course, experience may vary. Some try it only once, some try it multiple times with multiple partners, some may just have bad luck and only bad experiences.

Maybe those who later transition into sexuals just haven't experienced sex in the right way or with the right person up until that time. I think it's quite possible.

Oh good heavens, the "you just haven't met the right person" thing...

If someone finds people sexually attractive and want to have sex with other people, it's really really really likely that they are sexual. Not asexual.

[El-not-so-ace]

I called myself asexual for 3-4 years (21-24) and before that, I just didn't know how to call the fact that I was super against ever having sex. I was very repulsed and couldn't imagine why anyone would want to do things like that. I never had urges or imagined sleeping with someone. I never even had dreams about those kinds of thoughts. Also, my repulsion wasn't trauma-based, but could have been affected by growing up in a small US town full of Christians who gave my grandma a hard time for lifting my skirt (I was 5 or 6 at that time) to adjust my tights...

I felt super comfortable with believing I was an ace. I never dated because I got anxious and felt like I only liked guys as friends. I knew I didn't want to sleep with them, but I never gave myself the opportunity to get to know them either. I had so many crushes, but I never wanted to leave that stage.

Fast forward until about a year ago, I met a guy on Acebook and we hit it off. He lives on the opposite end of the world so I decided to at least get to know him. I had a big crush on him but even then, I didn't even think about doing some kind of non-friendly actions. At the most, some cutesy romantic activities.

Thing is, I saw that he indicated that he thought he was a demisexual. This made me a little wary, since that could mean that I'd still have to do sexual things down the line... So, I tried to at least work on my repulsion. He was super supportive and encouraged me to go at my pace. When I took jokes to a slightly more mature level, then he'd respond. He didn't just start off with those, which was great.

I met him once before I admitted my feelings since I wanted to meet him in person. While together, I didn't feel butterflies or die of shyness like with crushes before. I was shy, yes, but it felt like being with a best friend almost. I figured that I was still an ace.

Later down the road, as we started getting more flirty and going a bit farther with our online interactions, I went from think "Eww, never!!" to "Hm, maybe I can compromise..." to "Wow, maybe it won't be too bad." and finally to "I definitely can't wait to try it all out, I want to!!".

And thing is, I don't call myself a demi or greysexual either. After this "awakening", I can truly say that if we break up, I'll definitely date and potentially sleep with someone down the road. Being more in tune with my body and feelings, I do feel attraction and want it.

It waa probably my anxiety and repulsion, I think, as people don't seem to believe in the existence of really late bloomers (23-24?). Might be all of the above, who knows? :P All I know is that I'm happy.

[Philip027]

Later down the road, as we started getting more flirty and going a bit farther with our online interactions, I went from think "Eww, never!!" to "Hm, maybe I can compromise..." to "Wow, maybe it won't be too bad." and finally to "I definitely can't wait to try it all out, I want to!!".

And thing is, I don't call myself a demi or greysexual either. After this "awakening", I can truly say that if we break up, I'll definitely date and potentially sleep with someone down the road. Being more in tune with my body and feelings, I do feel attraction and want it.

This is an important thing to note, I think...

I had mostly the same sort of progression as you did with my current partner (except that I never really viewed what we do as compromise, what we've done is what we both want to do, so we sorta skipped those "uncertainty" steps)

However, I am unlike you in the sense that if there was any sort of "awakening" process that I went through, I know it's strictly tied to her. If this relationship were to suddenly not exist anymore tomorrow (heavens forbid), I really don't see myself as going back to anything but my usual self in this regard. Not only do I not want to experience this sort of thing with anyone else, it feels rather incomprehensible to begin with.

I feel like this is a key difference from how you are, but I still don't quite know where that places me on the scale >_>

[5_♦♣]

I have went from bisexual to asexual to heterosexual. I don't think being asexual (or bisexual for that matter) was a lie. Rather, those labels fit what I was experiencing at the time.

[scarletlatitude]

I have went from bisexual to asexual to heterosexual. I don't think being asexual (or bisexual for that matter) was a lie. Rather, those labels fit what I was experiencing at the time.

^ This

A lot of people change their labels to fit whatever they feel at the time. That doesn't mean the label was wrong.

[firestring]

I have went from bisexual to asexual to heterosexual. I don't think being asexual (or bisexual for that matter) was a lie. Rather, those labels fit what I was experiencing at the time.

^ This

A lot of people change their labels to fit whatever they feel at the time. That doesn't mean the label was wrong.

True. Life throws many things at us. We develop as people and our priorities and tastes change. It doesn't make sense to say that sexuality is fixed.

[butterscotchwm]

For like 2-3 years, I've pretty much been confident in my asexual label as being the best word to describe me. I didn't have ANY intrinsic desire to try sex, and I couldn't really think of anyone sexually even if I tried to force it. Well... I still call myself asexual because I'm still not sure. But recently I moved out of state to a brand new city to start a brand new job. I'm super excited about it and I love it here and everything. The sad part was leaving my friends and family, AND my boyfriend whom I've been with for 2 years. He's been very supportive of my asexuality and says he doesn't care about taking our relationship to that place as long as we're happy together. But now we're... NOT really together... even though we are. It's been about 3 months, which isn't a huge amount of time, but in the context of our romantic relationship it feels like forever. I'm kind of worried about our future and I'm wondering if we'll ever live in the same city again considering that he doesn't really have the incentive to move out here, and I just got hired permanently at my new job. It's scary. We planned for him to come visit me Memorial Day weekend, so we're probably going to have a REALLY long and emotional discussion about us... It's going to be nerve wracking.

BUT in the midst of all this... I've been craving affection due to my loneliness. I'm not exactly sure how to describe it, but I've been becoming attracted to a couple of people at work (which I have no intentions of pursuing) but it's different, and I think I might actually be becoming more sexual. This kind of attraction isn't the same kind of friendly, romantic-y feelings like I always had before - although that is all still there. But now it's a lot more aesthetic, sensual, and maybe even sexual. Idk. It's hard to gage.

Long story short, I moved to a new place, new job, new people, and now I feel like my sexuality is changing as a result. Which I did not think could ever happen... And it's weird and scary and I want it to stop. Things were so much more simple when I was just asexual. Now I'm bordering on gray-a and idk what to do. My brain is stupid. Emotions are stupid. Attraction is stupid >.<

\

[binary suns]

I believe that there are both deterministic factors and conditioned factors in a person's sexuality, and that in some cases the conditioned factors are more powerful and in other cases the deterministic factors are more powerful.

the following assumption I am less sure on, but I assume that a person changing orientation is more often seeing a change in conditioned factors, however that a change in determined factors might occur as well.

however, it is a lot easier to imagine a change in understanding - in fact actually, identity itself is a change in understanding, our realizing who we are is exactly that. and some times a person will see a change in their understanding that shifts their identity in dramatic ways, or multiple times. but I certainly don't imagine this is the only reason a person's identity might change.