Anxiety controlling your sexuality?

[firestring]

I'm not sure if I'm actually asexual since I have huge anxiety problems which may just repress my desire. For example a girl from work once asked for my phone number and suggested meeting outside of work and I felt so queasy I had to go home from work. She didn't seem to notice it was because of what she did, but I felt awful. How would she feel if my response to her interest is to want to throw up? It's not because that's how I feel about being with her (she was very friendly and pretty) but it's just what my body does.

The truth is that my body is making me feel sick, which completely gets in the way of any chance to have intimacy with someone. I have tried two different medications which didn't work. I think it's just something I have to accept. I'm a bit better now than the incident at work but I cannot any further than kissing and cuddling, which I have only done a few times and again my body didn't let me enjoy it because of the nausea/dry mouth etc. The idea of sex just seems 'too far', and I don't think I could ever have a relationship with someone if being with them is so uncomfortable - even though I want to.

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone is going or has gone through something similar. How do you deal with it? Do you feel it moulds your sexuality?

[Galactic Turtle]

I wouldn't say that I have anxiety and I've never really wanted to be in a relationship before but in the instances where people have expressed romantic interest in me I feel gross... like worms are crawling all over my insides. In response to sexual or even sensual situations though I have had meltdowns in the past... even if there wasn't touch involved, people voicing their intentions makes me feel like all sorts of horrible things are about to happen and that I'm in danger... even if someone so much as asks me to dance. Even being in a room full of people of the opposite sex puts me on edge. Sometimes I think I'm afraid of boys though I don't know why.

I think if I were to somehow stop myself from being this way, I might not be asexual... but I have no way of really knowing.

[Guest 80814]

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[Guest]

I think anxiety only impacts your ability to act on desire rather than on desire itself. I see this with my roommate: she is boy crazy, but too scared to muster up the courage to act on her desires, and when guys try to ask her out, she always chickens out at the last minute because even though she likes him, anxiety prevents her from going; she is afraid that she will make a royal fool of herself.

So, in short, I think if you can find a way to overcome your anxiety, you'll better be able to determine if you are asexual or not. In the mean time, feel free to identify as whatever you feel fits you best ^_^

[tali.lynn]

I think anxiety only impacts your ability to act on desire rather than on desire itself. I see this with my roommate: she is boy crazy, but too scared to muster up the courage to act on her desires, and when guys try to ask her out, she always chickens out at the last minute because even though she likes him, anxiety prevents her from going; she is afraid that she will make a royal fool of herself.

So, in short, I think if you can find a way to overcome your anxiety, you'll better be able to determine if you are asexual or not. In the mean time, feel free to identify as whatever you feel fits you best ^_^

I agree with this.

[firestring]

I appreciate the replies! It's good to know others have had similar experiences.

In response to sexual or even sensual situations though I have had meltdowns in the past... even if there wasn't touch involved, people voicing their intentions makes me feel like all sorts of horrible things are about to happen and that I'm in danger... even if someone so much as asks me to dance.

I particularly empathise with this bit.

The weird thing is the only two women who I've gotten close to were asexual, but I only found out afterwards. Something about them must have just felt nonthreatening.

[RK800]

I sometimes wonder if I don't feel romantic and sexual attraction just because I don't feel much of anything which isn't useful to me.