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Making love vs. having sex


HighDrive

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@ m4rble, yeah I didn't mean all aces, I just meant for the romantic aces who do desire it, that's what it's like a lot of the time.

I'm too tired to make a proper reply, but again obviously nothing I said applies to every single sexual person. Regarding the physical act of sex, I meant that if literally all the sexual person wanted was to orgasm, they could do that on their own and be happy. But for most sexual partners in a romantic relationship (or just sexual people in general) they desire sex for emotional reasons as well as
physical.. The intimacy and warmth and vulnerability and pleasure of doing it *with someone else'', the confidence boost of being wanted and desired etc. It's not just a "carnal act of lust" or whatever haha, there is more to it than that so there are multiple reasons for a sexual person to be unhappy as a result of sexual disparity with an asexual partner. That doesn't matter whether it's "making love" or just "having sexual intimacy" it's still something the sexual person desires and you know you can't give it in the way they need it and that sucks. Knowing how much the person you love is hurting because of your inability to desire something that for them, is an integral part of romantic intimacy is pretty awful.. That's what I was saying. And no I don't speak for all asexuals, I just meant that having full understanding of how much sex and lovemaking means to a sexual is actually more likely to make you *unhappy* as the ace who isn't able to give that. As opposed to "more happy and accepting" which is what the OP seems to be aiming at. It's great that it worked for his partner though, I just don't know how common that is? (for the ace to be *happier* knowing just how much their sexual partner is missing out on)

Anyway there was a lot I wanted to comment on but I'm super tired so I'll leave it at that for now.

(I'm trying out a new font color :P)

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Ace of Amethysts

Attention everyone: I`ve since retracted the second part of my last post because I wasn`t really thinking when I said it and I want to go out of my way to avoid another Skullery Maid incident.

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HighDrive

Also, many romantic asexuals desire and enjoy the act of 'making love' with our lovers too.

:) Yes, and me being able to talk about my feelings is helping my gf and I find ways to make love in a way that doesn't involve anything sexual for her. But first I had to get it all out.

By the way, when I started this thread I hadn't really opened to her about what it meant to me. I really wanted her to listen without feeling any pressure to react. It worked.

We are closer because of it.

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I say thank you for this thread because a lot of asexuals (including me at one point) do not understand that sex is not just a physical act for most people. Sex is not an essential part of a relationship to us, and seeing how sexuals struggle in relationships without it is mind blowing to many of us. It is just one of those things that just is, and something many romantic asexuals will have to confront in a mix relationship.

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