coming out as a demi

[zayne11293]

Hi all.

[dissolved]

I tend not to use the word "demisexual" itself, as it often baffles people.

I say, "you know how your average person can get that twinge of attraction from across the room, after a couple of seconds or minutes? Well it takes me a lot longer, usually six months at the bare minimum, more likely to be a couple of years of very regular contact and getting to know them on a very deep level. One day, the attraction will just suddenly "ping" on from absolutely nowhere, and it's often overwhelmingly strong. It's very rare though, only happened about four or five times in the past 15 years."

I'd avoid saying anything about one night stands or anything that might suggest you're a prude or behaving yourself and waiting until marriage. It's not that you become more open to having sex with someone, it's just that the desire is completely absent until that switch happens.

A lot of average sexual folk also still desire sex between relationships - you can use this as an obvious difference. You're just not fussed when there's no one you're interested in.

[EmsanQ]

When I at first discovered that there was a word for my experiences, I was super excited and ended up just blurting out to two "friends" I have.
They didn't respond well. They told me that they "didn't believe in labels" (even though one of them always talks about how she is bisexual... T__T)

So it took a long while for me to try again.
I am not officially out to my parents, but they sort of know anyway. I am very much out to one of my friends. Both have responded well.

What I have discovered works is not using the word demisexual right at the get-go.
With my parents I just sort of mentioned that I didn't "really understand this whole attraction thing". That's all I told them, they sat down with me and talked about it and they came to the conclusion that it was entirely okay and mom told me that I wasn't missing out on anything.
I know they wouldn't really understand the words "asexual" or "demisexual" so that's all I've kept it to. It's enough for me.

With my friend I sort of warmed her up to the topic slowly over a couple of days. I talked about how I had researched sexualities online (for fun, I said, but I think she started to suspect a confession was on the way at that point) I told her about pansexuality and asexuality, and how many people had been confused when they were young because it wasn't covered in sex ed and she agreed that wasn't very good.
A couple of days later she talked about how she felt a bit insecure about the fact that she felt "sexual feelings" towards her boyfriend because she had been taught it was bad, so I assured her that it was completely okay to feel such things. Then I told her that I didn't really, and explained that I was demisexual.
She took it really well. She asked some questions to understand it better, asked about romantic orientations and then assured me that I was completely okay too.

So all you got to do is take it slowly.
Also introducing sexualities a while before is an easy way to see how the other person will respond. If they go "Ew that's not real!" before you've even related it to yourself, then that may mean they won't respond very well. If they listen and respond well, then you know they probably will accept you.

And don't worry.
Even if doesn't go all that great sometimes, there's still people out there who will accept and respect you for who you are. It feels awful when someone puts you down about your sexuality, it really hurts, but don't give up hope on everyone forever.

Good luck :)