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An ignorant conversation with my mother, who doesn`t even realise she`s aro/ace herself.


Ace of Amethysts

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Ace of Amethysts

My mum, who`s a former straight woman, is now essentially aro/ace (and isn`t even aware of aro/ace people) and in a split marriage with my dad. I`d like to share a conversation we just had:

Mum: (after pointless talking about inviting a middle aged straight man for dinner) You might find a nice guy...

Me: I am not straight. I will never be straight.

Mum: Well, you`re certainly not gay.

Me: I`m not gay, but I`m not straight either.

Mum: You`re abstaining from sex, then.

Me: WTF?

Mum: You might be interested when you`re older.

Me: *stonewalls her* Can I have some peace and quiet for a moment?

Mum: *walks off*

Me: *retreats to AVEN after all that heteronormativity*

I know I`ve said it before, but my dad is the only family member who respects my asexuality at all, and he believes I`m hetero-romantic instead! -_- This is why I use AVEN is a safe space, everyone. :)

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Dreamsofemerald

Strangely enough I think my nan is on the ace spectrum that's why she gets it but my dad, that's another story. He refuses to listen and bangs on about getting me a husband and meeting a 'nice man' and taking me to the doctors to cure me and make me normal...:AHAGTAYSYGGHH!!! plus who says I'd marry a guy! I'm

More likely to marry a woman for sure!

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I don't know if my parents are on the ace spectrum, but I suspect from conversations about the topic that my mom could be demisexual. She has said several times that people should be more careful about having kids and she is glad she decided to wait until she was in her 30s (after years of marriage) to have me. I'm the oldest of my siblings.

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Ace of Amethysts

Why did tase like this of all things? :huh:

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  • 3 weeks later...
TiffanyJung

My mum, who`s a former straight woman, is now essentially aro/ace (and isn`t even aware of aro/ace people) and in a split marriage with my dad. I`d like to share a conversation we just had:

Mum: (after pointless talking about inviting a middle aged straight man for dinner) You might find a nice guy...

Me: I am not straight. I will never be straight.

Mum: Well, you`re certainly not gay.

Me: I`m not gay, but I`m not straight either.

Mum: You`re abstaining from sex, then.

Me: WTF?

Mum: You might be interested when you`re older.

Me: *stonewalls her* Can I have some peace and quiet for a moment?

Mum: *walks off*

Me: *retreats to AVEN after all that heteronormativity*

I know I`ve said it before, but my dad is the only family member who respects my asexuality at all, and he believes I`m hetero-romantic instead! -_- This is why I use AVEN is a safe space, everyone. :)

Please tell me how a straight woman becomes aro/ace. You can't. You might lose interest in love but that's not the same as being aro. If your mother fell in love with your father then she's not aro.

Aromantics don't experience crushes and I think you know that better than most people.Ace..okay that is still plausible but aro? No way. It's like saying that a heteroromantic can become a homoromantic. No just no.

People are born aro, they don't become aro.

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TiffanyJung

Oh and you should tell your mum that you're aro ace. If she loves you she'll understand. Even if it does take her time, she might eventually come around.

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Ace of Amethysts

My mum, who`s a former straight woman, is now essentially aro/ace (and isn`t even aware of aro/ace people) and in a split marriage with my dad. I`d like to share a conversation we just had:

Mum: (after pointless talking about inviting a middle aged straight man for dinner) You might find a nice guy...

Me: I am not straight. I will never be straight.

Mum: Well, you`re certainly not gay.

Me: I`m not gay, but I`m not straight either.

Mum: You`re abstaining from sex, then.

Me: WTF?

Mum: You might be interested when you`re older.

Me: *stonewalls her* Can I have some peace and quiet for a moment?

Mum: *walks off*

Me: *retreats to AVEN after all that heteronormativity*

I know I`ve said it before, but my dad is the only family member who respects my asexuality at all, and he believes I`m hetero-romantic instead! -_- This is why I use AVEN is a safe space, everyone. :)

Please tell me how a straight woman becomes aro/ace. You can't. You might lose interest in love but that's not the same as being aro. If your mother fell in love with your father then she's not aro.

Aromantics don't experience crushes and I think you know that better than most people.Ace..okay that is still plausible but aro? No way. It's like saying that a heteroromantic can become a homoromantic. No just no.

People are born aro, they don't become aro.

You have a point, but remember that I said "is now essentially" aro and ace. Even if she didn`t become aro, then how do you explain her lack of romantic attraction right now? Please tell me.

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TiffanyJung

My mum, who`s a former straight woman, is now essentially aro/ace (and isn`t even aware of aro/ace people) and in a split marriage with my dad. I`d like to share a conversation we just had:

Mum: (after pointless talking about inviting a middle aged straight man for dinner) You might find a nice guy...

Me: I am not straight. I will never be straight.

Mum: Well, you`re certainly not gay.

Me: I`m not gay, but I`m not straight either.

Mum: You`re abstaining from sex, then.

Me: WTF?

Mum: You might be interested when you`re older.

Me: *stonewalls her* Can I have some peace and quiet for a moment?

Mum: *walks off*

Me: *retreats to AVEN after all that heteronormativity*

I know I`ve said it before, but my dad is the only family member who respects my asexuality at all, and he believes I`m hetero-romantic instead! -_- This is why I use AVEN is a safe space, everyone. :)

Please tell me how a straight woman becomes aro/ace. You can't. You might lose interest in love but that's not the same as being aro. If your mother fell in love with your father then she's not aro.

Aromantics don't experience crushes and I think you know that better than most people.Ace..okay that is still plausible but aro? No way. It's like saying that a heteroromantic can become a homoromantic. No just no.

People are born aro, they don't become aro.

You have a point, but remember that I said "is now essentially" aro and ace. Even if she didn`t become aro, then how do you explain her lack of romantic attraction right now? Please tell me.

Ah sorry I missed that. Um....even romantic people aren't in love 24/7 you know. We do go through phases in which we're not attracted to anyone.

So maybe your mother is just going through that phase?

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Ace of Amethysts

If it helps, she`s 52. So yeah, maybe. :)

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  • 2 months later...
God of the Forest

I think its both unfair and a waste of time to speculate on someone's romantic orientation or sexuality as you are not them and to be honest it is not anyone's business and quite frankly if I found out my daughter was talking about my sexuality or orientation to people on the internet I would be quite upset with her. Just sayin..its kinda silly..oh and I don't know how I ended up here.. I was just poking around.

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Lex_Barringer

Perhaps bring your mother to your computer and have her read the forums to give her a heads up, she may not be as ignorant as you think, just doesn't understand that asexuality is a thing.

For example; I'm aromantic, as in it's a orientation just like your asexuality is. However, someone becoming "functionally" aromantic and asexual doesn't quite sound right. It's either you are or are not, meaning you're actually born that way and that it's not an active choice you make.

What I mean by this is; if your mother was born as a heterosexual female and romantic, she still is but has decided to abstain from sex and decided to experiment with it. This is how your mother sees you because she doesn't realize you're vastly different from her. Also, psychological issues can cause confusion in so-called normal people to lead to this type of behavior.

My mum, who`s a former straight woman, is now essentially aro/ace (and isn`t even aware of aro/ace people) and in a split marriage with my dad. I`d like to share a conversation we just had:

Mum: (after pointless talking about inviting a middle aged straight man for dinner) You might find a nice guy...

Me: I am not straight. I will never be straight.

Mum: Well, you`re certainly not gay.

Me: I`m not gay, but I`m not straight either.

Mum: You`re abstaining from sex, then.

Me: WTF?

Mum: You might be interested when you`re older.

Me: *stonewalls her* Can I have some peace and quiet for a moment?

Mum: *walks off*

Me: *retreats to AVEN after all that heteronormativity*

I know I`ve said it before, but my dad is the only family member who respects my asexuality at all, and he believes I`m hetero-romantic instead! -_- This is why I use AVEN is a safe space, everyone. :)

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Ace of Amethysts

Yeah, I dunno what to think of it nowdays.

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  • 5 months later...
Lex_Barringer
On 5/1/2016 at 2:43 AM, Ace of Amethysts said:

This is why I use AVEN is a safe space, everyone. :)

This is true up to a point.

 

However, I've seen some aro / aces say some really vile things in posts on the forum about aro / demisexual and aro / romantics. Stating that we're only out to score or get laid. Which is actually untrue, as there is a difference between someone that is aro / sexual (demi or otherwise) and someone that's a Cluster B personality [psychology] that has no empathy and other negative traits. An aro / demisexual or an aro / sexuality variant are just normal people with normal emotional attachment, have empathy, etc. Us aro / demis and normal sexuals don't going around trying to get laid all the time or at all. 

 

This forum is the last place I would expect to see that garbage be posted about anyone and their orientations. I was expecting people to be a little more sensitive and learned, than what I saw. This is actually why I'm not so active on this site because of the hostility I've encountered from quite a few members. People have the right to be ornery and difficult but they have to realize all of us are here for a reason, to get away from the bullies and B.S. that can be found elsewhere. We don't need to import or generate it on site and per instance / basis.  

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AsexualMemeTrash

Whenever I go to the eye doctor and get new glasses, the lady tries to steer me towards the women's frames. 

 

"How about the ones with the flowers?" 

 

Ha no

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People realize attraction can change over time, right?  So you can be straight your entire life and then at 30 lose all the attraction and become ace.  It's not a choice as the attraction/desire is gone.  I'm not saying the OP's mom is or isn't aro/ace, but maybe it's just something she is right now.  But also maybe the OP just interprets things that way and she really isn't.

 

Also it's more of label policing, which is why I try and emphasize that we shouldn't judge others.  One example I was given in my gender/sexuality class was a woman who moved through periods of her life where she was only attracted to one gender, but it would change.  So in high school she was heterosexual, in college and early adulthood she was gay, and then she settled down with a man and called herself straight.  I, and most people, would call her bi, but if she's 100% straight at the time, calling her bi wouldn't quite be accurate.  Something similar happened with my bi friend, she went through a solid year of 0 attraction to men and started calling herself gay for that time (now is back to bi).  

 

But onto the main topic, I think it's sad that your mom doesn't accept you.  I'm afraid of telling my parents for that very reason.

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