Was this molestation? Not that it was bad but...

[damage_case]

Hey

When I was in school there were 2 girls who used to do stuff with me and I could never really understand it then... nor can I understand it now.

Coz firstly, we were 14-16 years old. And it was India where people are still very reserved.

Anyways...

1. I used to sit with one girl as per our roll call numbers in order... and she used to spread her legs during the class and rub her left hand on my body and rubbed herself with her right hand. This happened for a lot of months.

2. There was another classmate of mine with whom I used to sit next year. And her friends used to sit behind us. So she used to always turn back and joke/talk... and meanwhile she used to move her legs up and down my legs by hitting her legs up against mine. Then she used to put her both legs up on my thighs. I was friendly with her so I didnt ask... and kept quiet about it... until a classmate of mine went down to pick up his pen and caught that.

On top of it she used to not get it off at all for 20-30 minutes at a stretch. And she used to laugh and rub her thighs against mine.

Back then I didnt understand a lot about women... I was a teenager going through puberty on my own but not very knowledgeable.

Will women call it molestation if guys did that to them?

[ThaHoward]

It is sexual harassment at the least.

[tally]

I'm a big proponent of the idea that people shouldn't be forcibly touched, regardless of the context. If somebody came up and started touching me like that, I'd be yelling. I know the expectations and perceptions are somewhat different out there in the wide world when it's females touching males, but that doesn't make it right. At the very least, if you're having difficulty dealing with it, see if you can find someone to talk to about it, a professional if possible - your own mental health should come first. Regardless of what label it deserves, how serious it is depends on how it impacted you, and not on whether other people would call it serious.

[damage_case]

I'm a big proponent of the idea that people shouldn't be forcibly touched, regardless of the context. If somebody came up and started touching me like that, I'd be yelling. I know the expectations and perceptions are somewhat different out there in the wide world when it's females touching males, but that doesn't make it right. At the very least, if you're having difficulty dealing with it, see if you can find someone to talk to about it, a professional if possible - your own mental health should come first. Regardless of what label it deserves, how serious it is depends on how it impacted you, and not on whether other people would call it serious.

Thanks. Well... it wasnt so bad I mean now I actually find it quite uplifting for my self esteem in a way. But back then it was bizarre.

However... that reminds me... when I was 6-7 years old...there was a kid in the class who was a friend. So I had told him that I liked a girl in my class. And he used that to blackmail me coz I didnt want this secret to be out (the age where boys hate girls and vice versa).

So he used to kiss me all the time for weeks here n there. I just told my mother and she called his mom up and set him straight. That still irks me... I wanna punch that guy now.

[Guest]

If you ask them not to and they continue then it's molestation regardless of gender.

I was touched and "brushed up" against by guys at that age, and got my butt spanked a bit and things, and one time I was having a sleepover at a friends house and her boyfriend groped me really intensely (mainly my boobs but also my back and stomach which was weird hah) which was super awkward because I didn't know what to do, I just sort of froze (he was 17 and very experienced and I was 14 years old virgin) ..anyway I told my friend but as I didn't say "stop that" and I wasn't in a situation where he (or any of the other guys) had power over me so I wasn't helpless, I don't see it as molestation because.. teenagers just seem to do that sort of stuff? It seems quite common and it seems a lot of times people just go with it to see what it's like? If you say no though, or if they are in a position of power over you so you're helpless, or if they're someone a lot older (like a teacher or whatever) then yeah that's obviously molestation imo even if you don't say no.

Between teenagers, it also depends on what they do.. if you are pushed into a sexual act (any act that could result in STI) that's not okay at any time unless you actively want it and make that clear. But yeah that's a different topic.

In my mind with you, it wasn't molestation regardless of whether a guy or a girl did that (to someone of either gender) UNLESS they were asked to stop and they didn't. (Though that really depends on how you personally feel about it too.. like if you were traumatized by it that would be a sign that you really didn't want it but had been too afraid to say no or something)

[tally]

I'm a big proponent of the idea that people shouldn't be forcibly touched, regardless of the context. If somebody came up and started touching me like that, I'd be yelling. I know the expectations and perceptions are somewhat different out there in the wide world when it's females touching males, but that doesn't make it right. At the very least, if you're having difficulty dealing with it, see if you can find someone to talk to about it, a professional if possible - your own mental health should come first. Regardless of what label it deserves, how serious it is depends on how it impacted you, and not on whether other people would call it serious.

Thanks. Well... it wasnt so bad I mean now I actually find it quite uplifting for my self esteem in a way. But back then it was bizarre.

However... that reminds me... when I was 6-7 years old...there was a kid in the class who was a friend. So I had told him that I liked a girl in my class. And he used that to blackmail me coz I didnt want this secret to be out (the age where boys hate girls and vice versa).

So he used to kiss me all the time for weeks here n there. I just told my mother and she called his mom up and set him straight. That still irks me... I wanna punch that guy now.

I used to get told that the guys who would flirt with me "just liked me" and that I shouldn't be so "uptight," and as a result, I "went along" with a lot of things I wasn't comfortable with. Yes, it felt good to be "liked," and yes, anything that can be seen as "good attention" can feel like an ego boost. I think that's a big part of why some girls behave that way, making a man feel good is supposed to be a good thing, and he's just supposed to like it automatically. At least, that's how things are portrayed. But it's not always so simple, and just because you didn't say "no" at the time doesn't mean you have to feel good about it now. Doesn't mean you have to feel bad about it either, I'm just saying it because you are obviously wondering about it, and maybe trying to figure out how you feel about it. Just remember that your feelings are your own, and nobody gets to invalidate that. You also don't have to share it with anybody. But if it's something you want to put behind you, figuring out how you actually do feel about it is a good start. Mixed feelings are totally okay, too.

[Truth and Lies]

In my mind with you, it wasn't molestation regardless of whether a guy or a girl did that (to someone of either gender) UNLESS they were asked to stop and they didn't. (Though that really depends on how you personally feel about it too.. like if you were traumatized by it that would be a sign that you really didn't want it but had been too afraid to say no or something)

Gosh, I almost didn't recognize it as you, Pan, because of the lack of purple and the changed icon! xD

Anyways, this one part of your post has made me curious about your thoughts on the different... uh... I don't know what to call them... "versions" of consent, I guess? More specifically, "no means no" versus "yes means yes." I generally think of situations in a "yes means yes" mindset, where the absence of a "no" does not equal a "yes." Though, it seems to me that the above is read to mean that unless a person verbally objects, there is some level of consent involved? I'm not trying to be confrontational or anything, I'm just more curious. ^_^

I know I'd be extremely uncomfortable in a situation like that, regardless of what gender was doing it. I'd probably be moving away or asking to change seats or just glaring at them and telling them to stop. I feel like... "harrassment" would be too strong a term to use (for myself in such a situation), but I wouldn't know what else to call it. I think I just have problems using the word "harassment" in general. I don't know how to apply it to anything I've experienced because it seems like the connotation is too serious to what I consider situations of mild-ish discomfort. Not many useful words pertinent to the matter at hand here, sorry. :<

[Whispearl]

I know how it feels to be in an uncomfortable situation of that sort and not know what to call it because it didn't really bother you enough to call it anything you consider "drastic." All I can say is that if it made you that uncomfortable that you're still thinking bout it, regardless of whether you felt able to say no or knew enough to at the time, then it's definitely something. I don't know what the "real" answer is, but it's definitely not something like "Oh, it's nothing, it's normal, just ignore it." Because if it made you that uncomfortable, even if it wasn't what you'd consider to be too serious, then it definitely had enough of an impact on you to be something. I'm questioning something similar in a situation of my own and that's all I've come up with so far. I hope it helps you.

[binary suns]

regarding the second girl's behavior. I don't think I understood the scenario very well, but it is my observation that some people do consider physical touch to be casual and normal, platonic, something friends are comfortable. and laying one's legs on another, sitting on another's lap, or especially sitting next to each other on a chair such that a lot of physical touch is necessary is something that some people consider comfortable and normal.

that being said, I'm not entirely sure what constitutes molestation, and it could be taken from a legal, moral, or psychological standpoint.

in my moral opinion, the first girl was molesting you, but the second girl was not. not that my opinion includes any predictor on whether you or anyone else in your position would have felt uncomfortable or not. I suppose the perspective of the recipient of the touch, you in this case, would be the person who determines whether it is molestation from the psychological standpoint.

I do not know what the legal standpoint would be.

[Guest]

No, I don't think any of it was molestation. You yourself said you found it flattering. And anyway, they weren't in a position of power, they had no particular control over you, and you never suggested they not do it. Young people in general are trying to figure things out, and you're in such close quarters... you need to take an active role over your life, basically. If a girl touches you and you sit back and allow her to touch you... for months... then, why wouldn't she think you were ok with it?

I do think it's unfairly aggressive, highly inappropriate, and likely to result in touching someone who isn't OK with it, and that's not worth the risk, I think, but then, I've most definitely done stuff like the girl # 2 with friends without batting an eye. I also don't know your culture and what is and is not acceptable. If sex and all that is taboo, then talking about it isn't really an option and you're left with the kind of creepy, inappropriate behavior you're outlining.

[Amedot]

If you did not consent to this (meaning, you didn't say "yeah let's do it" or weren't asked) then I would say this was assault / molestation. You do not have to verbally say "no" for something to be against your will.

I feel like child-on-child sexual abuse is incredibly common. It's natural for children to want to explore (ages 12-14 still counts as children). It's also really common for children who have been abused themselves to experiment with their peers, even without their peers consent (turning it into abuse). It is possible these girls did not have ill intentions towards you, but I would still call this molestation.

EDIT: I'm referring to the first scenario.

[Skjære]

I would not be comfortable with these things from someone nowadays, but when I was around that age people would touch me like that and I didn't really think anything of it. It's strange how perception can change whether I would consider it assault or not, because I never said anything about it and I was so unconcerned with sex that I didn't really see the dynamic going on and so it didn't bother me - but now I understand more and wouldn't let it happen.