What/Who am i? Pls help me (maybe a bit tmi? Idk)

[unicorn fairy]

hi! I'm an almost 18 year old girl and i have been confused about my sexuality (and also romantic stuff for a few months) quite some time. The thoughts of being Bi popped up in my head multiple times but i wasn't sure and i then discovered all these other sexualities such as asexual, pansexual etc and am now even more confused. I'm a virgin so i've never actively had sex with anyone nor have i been in any relationships where i could of had sexual contact in the intimate areas such as touching boobs etc. for the past few months i thought i might be demisexual but idk if i can decide that now since i havent experienced any sexual/romantic actions yet. Tho, the thing i'm also very confused about is that gay stuff (especially guy x guy) turns me on. I don't know if i ever would enjoy personally doing that with a girl tho. I also quite don't know the difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction and also romantic/sexual ACTION and romantic/sexual attraction. Please help me break down these terms a bit more and explain it to me, i'm so confused it drives me crazy.

[tali.lynn]

Hey, we're kind of in the same position :) Prior to my last semester I hadn't done anything remotely sexual or romantic and I have bounced between considering myself bi, pan, straight, gay, even gray-a. I finally came to accept the possibility that I was aroace, and although I'm still doubting myself and working through it, it's a label that I feel very comfortable with.

I like some M/F and M/M porn (only with D/S dynamics) so I feel you there too. I do find gay erotica, both F/F and M/M interesting (moreso than straight erotica) and I like seeing or reading it, although it doesn't turn me on so to speak (save M/M in the aforementioned genre). You can enjoy and/or get turned on by porn or fantasies, and be asexual. Totally normal.

Here are the definitions of romantic and sexual attraction:

· Sexual attraction - the impulse to have sex with a specific person; to do genital involving things to their body. Synonyms are sexually alluring, sexually appealing, sexually enticing, sexually tempting, etc.

· Romantic attraction - an emotion; so it doesn't translate well into words, but it can be inadequately put as soft/warm/fuzzy feelings with some degree of fixation (at least in comparison to one's normality with others). Some people have a physical reaction to the feeling and others don’t (i.e. butterflies in their stomach, heart rate increase, blushing, etc. [though those are also symptoms of platonic nervousness]). Others may react mentally with a dreamy mindset, anxious euphoria, infatuation, romantic fantasies, etc.

Not to confuse you, but here are definitions of other types of attraction:

· Aesthetic attraction - the pull to look at someone because of their looks and/or mannerisms. It's different from recognizing good looks/what is aesthetically pleasing.

· Emotional attraction - the fixation on someone because of their emotions (optimism, stoicness, etc.), and by extent personality. I would compare it to having a favorite character or admirance.

· Sensual attraction - the impulse to have non-genital physical contact with someone specific. Platonically displaying this above the norm qualifies as a type of queerplatonic relationship (QPR). I would compare it to how many people have the urge to act toward their pet(s), though this term is typically applied to other humans. There are 3 forms of sensual attraction; platonic, romantic (which only differ by chaste kissing), and sexual (in the sense that it’s done for sexual arousal, not because it includes sex/genital contact --and it’s still under asexuality as a kink, or to some, under Gray-asexuality).

· Platonic attraction - (aka a squish; a play on the romantic word crush) the impulse to further know or befriend someone specific. The desired bond can vary from being friends, to close friends, to best friends. It may include nervousness or admirance, and I’ve been told that once the desired bond is reached the squish goes away.

I haven't heard of the terms romantic or sexual action specifically but I would guess it refers to when you act on your romantic or sexual attraction, i.e. wanting to have sex with someone versus actually having sex with them. You can be asexual and perform sexual action, typically it's done to please a sexual SO although there are other reasons.

Hope this helps a bit, and try not to feel too frustrated! Take it from me, understanding your (a)sexuality is a process that can take a long time and lot of analysis.

[nanogretchen4]

To be honest your post doesn't really contain any hints about what your sexual orientation might be. I have absolutely no idea. I'm pretty sure M/M content is popular with a lot of females of every orientation, so that doesn't give us much information. A lot of people are asking these questions in college, so maybe in a few years it will be clearer. Or not. There's no actual deadline for this stuff.

[unicorn fairy]

Hey, we're kind of in the same position :) Prior to my last semester I hadn't done anything remotely sexual or romantic and I have bounced between considering myself bi, pan, straight, gay, even gray-a. I finally came to accept the possibility that I was aroace, and although I'm still doubting myself and working through it, it's a label that I feel very comfortable with.

I like some M/F and M/M porn (only with D/S dynamics) so I feel you there too. I do find gay erotica, both F/F and M/M interesting (moreso than straight erotica) and I like seeing or reading it, although it doesn't turn me on so to speak (save M/M in the aforementioned genre). You can enjoy and/or get turned on by porn or fantasies, and be asexual. Totally normal.

Here are the definitions of romantic and sexual attraction:

· Sexual attraction - the impulse to have sex with a specific person; to do genital involving things to their body. Synonyms are sexually alluring, sexually appealing, sexually enticing, sexually tempting, etc.

· Romantic attraction - an emotion; so it doesn't translate well into words, but it can be inadequately put as soft/warm/fuzzy feelings with some degree of fixation (at least in comparison to one's normality with others). Some people have a physical reaction to the feeling and others don’t (i.e. butterflies in their stomach, heart rate increase, blushing, etc. [though those are also symptoms of platonic nervousness]). Others may react mentally with a dreamy mindset, anxious euphoria, infatuation, romantic fantasies, etc.

Not to confuse you, but here are definitions of other types of attraction:

· Aesthetic attraction - the pull to look at someone because of their looks and/or mannerisms. It's different from recognizing good looks/what is aesthetically pleasing.

· Emotional attraction - the fixation on someone because of their emotions (optimism, stoicness, etc.), and by extent personality. I would compare it to having a favorite character or admirance.

· Sensual attraction - the impulse to have non-genital physical contact with someone specific. Platonically displaying this above the norm qualifies as a type of queerplatonic relationship (QPR). I would compare it to how many people have the urge to act toward their pet(s), though this term is typically applied to other humans. There are 3 forms of sensual attraction; platonic, romantic (which only differ by chaste kissing), and sexual (in the sense that it’s done for sexual arousal, not because it includes sex/genital contact --and it’s still under asexuality as a kink, or to some, under Gray-asexuality).

· Platonic attraction - (aka a squish; a play on the romantic word crush) the impulse to further know or befriend someone specific. The desired bond can vary from being friends, to close friends, to best friends. It may include nervousness or admirance, and I’ve been told that once the desired bond is reached the squish goes away.

I haven't heard of the terms romantic or sexual action specifically but I would guess it refers to when you act on your romantic or sexual attraction, i.e. wanting to have sex with someone versus actually having sex with them. You can be asexual and perform sexual action, typically it's done to please a sexual SO although there are other reasons.

Hope this helps a bit, and try not to feel too frustrated! Take it from me, understanding your (a)sexuality is a process that can take a long time and lot of analysis.

Yes with sexual/romantic action I just meant actually acting the attraction out. And so like sexual attraction basically means you just want to have Sex with them but have no desire to be in a romantic relationship with them? And so romantic Attraction is you want to like date them but no Sex right? Like as for Asexual and Aromantic people. I got another Question tho about the asexual spectrum. Like I said i'm thinking if I might be demisexual but i'm still kinda confused with these. Especially the emotional bond part. So when someone is demisexual they only have sexual attraction once a strong emotional bond is there right? So when is that, like could you compare it to a friendship? Let's say I have a really good friend that I know really well and like and all does that mean If I was demisexual I could/would want to technically experience anything sexual with them bc I have that bond with them, right? But I wouldn't with someone I have only known for 2 weeks or?

[unicorn fairy]

To be honest your post doesn't really contain any hints about what your sexual orientation might be. I have absolutely no idea. I'm pretty sure M/M content is popular with a lot of females of every orientation, so that doesn't give us much information. A lot of people are asking these questions in college, so maybe in a few years it will be clearer. Or not. There's no actual deadline for this stuff.

I'm sorry if i couldn't give many hints and I still sadly can't simply because of the reason that I'm super confused about my sexual orientation. I always identified as straight until like 4 or more years ago when I started to actually pay attention and stuff. And I didn't/don't know that M/M content is popular with a lot of females because I never actually discussed that with anyone ever. Also I don't go to college so Online is really the only place where I could get Information. Though back to my "hints" I mentioned I might think I'm demisexual but i guess that didn't really help then? I can't provide anymore information due to the fact that I lack personal experience. I don't know what it's like to have sex/be in a relationship so i can't yet say if i'm asexual or something like that, i can only guess right now from my fantasies of relationships and such and the closest i get is demisexual since i'm probably most familiar with this term in the asexual spectrum and stuff that's not heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual.

[nanogretchen4]

I am demisexual. If you are demisexual you will be able to tell if you suddenly develop sexual feelings for someone you have already been close to for a long time and you never develop sexual feelings for anyone you have met recently.

You will know you are asexual if you never have any desire to have sex with anyone else in circumstances where almost anyone would. For example, let's say you have been dating someone for a long time and you're totally in love with them. Then you make out with them but you never have any desire to go further. At that point it would look likely that you're asexual.

You will know you like women when you have felt sexual desire for at least one actual woman in real life. You'll know you like men when you've felt it for at least one man. Some people, such as myself, like both. A lot of this is stuff that may not become obvious until after you start dating. If you are demisexual it has to happen in its own sweet time but it is more likely to happen if you form close friendships. If you are asexual it will never happen at all, but asexuals are a small enough minority that you probably aren't unless you have a pretty clear reason to think you are. I think you will just have to wait awhile and possibly try dating a few people before this becomes clear.

[Snao Cone]

Some people need to learn about themselves through experience, like nanogretchen4 said. If you try out relationships or get into a situation where you'd theoretically want to have sex but feel no desire to, then you may be asexual. You may be demisexual too but not have made a close enough bond with anyone who can spark that sexual attraction. It is absolutely okay not to know your sexual orientation yet. This can be discovered by many different means, and some of those take longer than others. I didn't identify as asexual until I was 31, so don't sweat it if you're 18 and still feeling it out.

[Guest]

I'm not trying to be an asshole, but really, you're probably bi or straight. Most people are normal, regular, average, etc. Given there's nothing in your post suggesting you're looking at asexuality for any other reason than it exists... probably you aren't asexual?

[unicorn fairy]

I'm not trying to be an asshole, but really, you're probably bi or straight. Most people are normal, regular, average, etc. Given there's nothing in your post suggesting you're looking at asexuality for any other reason than it exists... probably you aren't asexual?

I didn't say i was asexual or leaning into that direction, as of now, I rather think I might be demisexual.

[Star Bit]

Demisexual is when you desire sex after an emotional bond; this can be at any level; for some it's marriage level bond. This is different from being ok with sexually compromising after said bond (i.e. which would still be asexual). There is no way to tell if someone is demi beforehand. But half of sexual people (mostly women) require non-sex-including foreplay (i.e. some definitions of foreplay include types of sex, which paradoxically cancels itself out) to trigger their desire for sex, so if you haven't then i wouldn't jump the gun on an orientation. You can still go by "questioning [insert orientation]". Unless you desire no form of foreplay, then that may be more conclusive. And straight women commonly find M/M erotica a turn on, as do straight men with F/F erotica (though it's said they do so for different reasons). There's also a difference between attraction and desire, but desire does not mean to act on attraction, though it can follow attraction; it just means to desire to act in a certain way in general with no one specific; attraction is spacific.