Very lost

[Erinboberin]

So my husband and I are on the rocks. He is sexual, I am not. How do I compromise? We really don't want to end our relationship but he won't give up the physical part of the relationship (can't really blame him). Any suggestions on where i should start would be awesome.

[UncommonNonsense]

How do you feel about engaging in sexual activity with him? Is sex something you never desire but can enjoy once in a while, or is it something that you find disgusting or threatening? Would you be willing (or able) to have sex with him once in a while, or is sex so repugnant to you that you know you could never force yourself to have sex without causing yourself emotional/mental trauma and scarring?

I'm a sex-repulsed asexual. I could never be sexual with anyone, even a long-term partner I deeply care about. It's just something I cannot do, and I know that if I tried to force myself to endure sex for his sake, I'd end up feeling very traumatized and would feel like I had been violated to my core. I know I would lose my trust for that person, and this would likely spell the end of the relationship.

Other aces can be more noncommittal about sex. They don't crave it, but don't mind their partner initiating it with them. They may even enjoy it a bit. For them, sex is just 'ho hum'... not interesting or all that enjoyable, but it isn't something that disgusts them or makes them feel violated.

Once you know whether you're repulsed by sex or not and whether being sexual would cause you distress or not, you can determine whether being in this relationship is right for you. If he's unwilling to compromise by agreeing to stop having sex, and you are unwilling (or unable) to compromise by having sex, maybe it would be better for you both to go your separate ways.