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Sexual < Me < Asexual : Help!


Zalal_Ra_Mer

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Zalal_Ra_Mer

Hello everyone!

I'm new to these forums, but I came here with a burning question on my mind; What am I?

Let me give you all a bit of background:

I'm 18 years old, and until around a year or two ago I had basically just assumed I was what I now know is called a heteroromantic heterosexual. I don't really want to get into too much details, but let's just say that I did find myself attracted to the female form, and generally acted upon that when feeling lonely or even just bored. I suppose around a year ago I started not really getting the same kick. It felt like just going through the motions, and I eventually started to think I might not be as attracted to women as I thought. Switching to anything (and everything) but women really didn't help very much at all, and I eventually just resigned myself to going through the motions. I still felt the need to do this activity (probably far too often than I should have), but it didn't feel satisfactory much of the time, and I generally just felt lonelier and less satisfied afterwards. Eventually I decide I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum.

Fast forward a year to a year and a half, and I met a girl. She tells me right off the bat that she's asexual, and I'd done a bit of reading (only a bit) and tell her that I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum too; either Gray-A or Demisexual. (I'd felt the occasional really strange sexual attraction to close friends and other people who'd been in my life a long time; I figure Demisexual explains that a bit). We start talking, and my libido goes down immensely. After spending daily sessions with myself I don't even think about doing that for a month. Within the month this girl and I start dating, though it's semi-long distance, but now, just around a month and a half after that I've started "hanging out with myself" again. It's very occasional, and it once again usually only happens when I'm feeling lonely or bored (usually when my girlfriend and I haven't talked for a while), and I tend to look at drawn stuff (with story lines and characters and stuff, I know - total nerd) rather than actual people.

Uh, so, let's maybe focus on how I respond to other people. I'm currently a virgin (haven't even had my first kiss...), so I honestly have no real first hand experience as to how I'd respond to sexual things. I know that, though there wasn't any (or maybe just very limited) initial sexual attraction to my girlfriend when we first met, I often enough find myself attracted to her sexually, especially during the little time we can spend in person. Still, when the thought actually crosses my mind I usually find myself rather upset or ashamed because she is sex-repulsed, and even thinking about her doing that with me piles on tons of "this is not okay" type vibes. Anyhow, I very rarely if ever find myself sexually attracted to random strangers, though with friends or acquaintances I'll occasionally have something or another (quite uncomfortably) cross my mind - these tend to be mostly with females, but also very rarely with males as well.

Oh gosh, I feel like this post turned into rambling. I guess I just want some opinions on what my orientation is. Some days I suspect that I'm completely sexual with a low libido, but other days I'm positive that I'm a demisexual. Of course others I just want to shove myself into Gray-A because I can't figure me out.

If anyone has any further questions or any opinions on what I best fall under I would be much appreciative. I suppose I generally just like having some way to classify myself; I'm a guy that likes things to be relatively simple to understand, and, I am currently not that. Thanks for reading what I am sure was an extremely awkward and strange rambling session, and feel free to leave some opinions!

P.S. - I've taken several online quizzes (because those are totally accurate all of the time), and I tend to score as Demisexual, but if there's a point cut-off then just barely, like really close to sexual as the alternative... Just thought I'd throw that in there. Thanks again!

P.P.S. - Currently I've been describing myself as a heteroromantic demisexual.

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Whatever you decide to label yourself, remember you are you, and that's okay. If you respect your girlfriend and her privacy, there shouldn't be a problem. The grey area is a big encompassing area that could mean a lot of things, so using it is fine. It takes a while to find something that fits (I'm still am), but maybe that's because we're all unique. For twenty-two years, I thought I was sexual. This winter, a grey ace. Now this spring, an asexual who's has no disgust or problem with sex. Your still good no matter what your label is. ;)

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