I went through a promiscuous phase and am ashamed

[ebonydarkness]

A lot of the time I don't even enjoy sex because of the smell and pain. Guys have complained about me acting like a dead fish devoid of moaning, with a total inability to cum. What's the point of being good in bed anyway? Is it really an accomplishment to be so defiled and "experienced" enough to be good at it? And now I'm ashamed I slept with so many guys on Tinder while only a few resulted in enough mutual caring for continued contact. I feel like I'm going back to my repulsed asexual roots.

[damage_case]

well... good luck.

[Telecaster68]

I feel like I'm going back to my repulsed asexual roots.

And nothing wrong in that. Or experimenting, either.

[Isak]

The pain is something you can probably treat, once you get a diagnosis from a doctor.

Men are not all the same, however, the idea of pleasing the partner is not only arousing but can also be a source of pleasure for the man. This is when men actually care; when they don't, it is simply their ego that demands that you show them how good they are in bed.

While I am not sure whether enjoying sex can be considered an actual accomplishment or not, I am wondering why you are having sex in the first place, if you don't enjoy it.

There is nothing to be ashamed of. Simply think of whatever it is that you really want, and try to pursue it without judging yourself.

[gracious]

If sex normally repulses you, I can understand feeling a bit gross and "defiled" after having it. I would bet, though, that other people mostly wouldn't judge or think you were defiled for having sex. So you don't have to feel like you've now been defiled and that's just part of who you are now or something; you're the same person you were before you had sex. Just now you're a little wiser about what you don't like.

If you still want a relationship, you can always try dating and taking things slower until you feel better about having sex with someone, or dating and not having sex. Either of these things are always options. It's your body, so you get to decide what to do with it.

[ebonydarkness]

I actively sought dates as a way of seeking attention and validation more than anything, as I'm quite lonely. I went on a 3-week phase from September to October of looking for guys on Tinder. I got bored because most guys just wanted sex instead of, say, intelligent conversation. But I decided to try out sex too. And now I feel played because I thought guys would have cared about me more.

The "shout your status" social media trend grossed me out and made me scared about catching something, so that has something to do with my renewed repulsion.

[Snao Cone]

Being good in bed is only good if it makes the people who are good at it feel good about being good at it.

Basically, don't put yourself through all of the effort to be good at something you don't like. I know where you're coming from; I've thought that if I just have more sex then it will eventually become normal for me and I'll be better at it, but I've since learned that is really not true. Sex is good for the people who like it, but that does not have to be you.

I hope you start to feel better about yourself and see past sexual expectations you think you should have of yourself. It's difficult to move beyond something that we've deeply internalized through existing in a very sexual world, but you can do it, and you can feel good about yourself.

[Busrider]

*hugs* & welcome back. - Don't be ashamed!

Pardon my curiosity, (my own nose is very far from sensitive) does sex have a smell of its own? Or is it just about smelling people nearby?

[ebonydarkness]

Intact (as opposed to circumcised) men tend to have a stronger smell, which could be hit or miss in terms of whether that's arousing or a turn off. But if I like a man's scent it's only because I've acquired the smell. Men around my age in Canada tend to be intact, which I support because mutilating babies through circumcision is barbaric imo.

[damage_case]

Intact (as opposed to circumcised) men tend to have a stronger smell, which could be hit or miss in terms of whether that's arousing or a turn off. But if I like a man's scent it's only because I've acquired the smell. Men around my age in Canada tend to be intact, which I support because mutilating babies through circumcision is barbaric imo.

Im Indian so Im uncircumcised... I really thought about going for a circumcision... coz it was such a hard task keeping things clean.... And I have OCD type cleaning phobia. But then I read somewhere that sex with uncircumcised men is better sensation for women... and for men... thats what multiple sex experts n research says.

Women said that the back n forth motion of the foreskin hits the walls of their insides in a special way that they'd never experienced... and men obviously are more sensitive with a foreskin.

[ebonydarkness]

Uncircumcised men definitely feel better for me.