Coming Out Fears

[Redrose55x]

I really want to come out to my family some day, but I'm terrified to try. Not only am I unsure how to do it or what to expect, but I'm afraid about how my parents will respond to my asexuality. I've already learned my dad's opinion about the orientation, and it hasn't been encouraging.

Any tips? Advice? If you've come out, how did it go and what followed?

[Rin-likes-rain]

For April fools day, my dad told me I had to go buy a pregnancy test. to retaliate, when they were telling me it was a prank, I snapped my fingers and pointed them and announced loudly, "I'M GAY!" and my mom said, "that's not even a good one cause we know that's not true." Jokes on them. I'm non-binary, so pretty much anyone I like is a queer relationship. And I'm pan-favorable. And transgender. And asexual.

Later on, I told my mom I was serious, that I'm transgender, and that I'm asexual. She doesn't believe that I'm really transgender, which is only partially true. Again, I'm non-binary. Demifluid to be exact. But she told me she loved me and wanted me to be happy. I knew she wouldn't be happy, but I also knew she wouldn't kick me out.

When I was younger and the LGBT was just starting to be a recognized thing, I asked her how she would feel if I or my brother were gay. She said she wouldn't support out decision but she would support us. My advice is to find out how your parents feel about whatever it is you want to come out as. As far as asexuality goes, they can't kick you out for not wanting to date anybody. and if your dad is protective, it's practically a godsend. If at least one of your parents stands by you, everyone else shouldn't matter. Because you are loved and supported.

[Galactic Turtle]

For me, since I know sexuality is kind of a "meh" subject in my house, I started out by telling them all of the stuff that equates to being asexual without saying the word asexual. You could try that type of conversation first if you think it would help. ^_^

[Amedot]

My dad came out to me years before I came out to him, lol.

I personally don't recommend coming out to your parents unless you don't rely on them for housing/food/etc, or unless you have a back up plan just incase they kick you out. It's advice I got when I was young. If you have to keep a straight face for financial/safety/etc reasons, that's totally understandable and you have everyone's support here on AVEN.

The worst reactions I've had to coming out to family/friends is dismissal/invalidation, not violence, however threats of corrective r/pe are not unheard of so we do ask you to think of your safety first. Personally i do not regret coming out and I feel a huge relief, like a burden has been lifted, though coming out to friends was far more rewarding.

[Quinn7]

For me, since I know sexuality is kind of a "meh" subject in my house, I started out by telling them all of the stuff that equates to being asexual without saying the word asexual. You could try that type of conversation first if you think it would help. ^_^

I agree with the Galactic Turtle (awesome name, by the way)- in a society that goes into total squick mode over words like "asexual", it'd actually be more practical to use different words and concepts. For example, my mother knows the word "asexual", and doesn't like it for various reasons, but she's perfectly okay with phrases like "doesn't feel attraction" or "born to be celibate". Though these may not be the exact right words for you, and though you may want your family to accept your label as an ace, what's more important is knowing whether or not your family accepts *you*. :)

[loomborn]

I usually start talking about asexuality and people end up asking me if I am that too, or at least that makes them suspect it. It's a thing that I'm trying with my parents in long terms. Sexuality in my family is a meh too, we don't talk about it, but I encourage them to learn by mentioning all these concepts casually in conversations. It gets them a bit used to it, and I don't know maybe that can get them curious too. Although if they are close minded that's going to be a little more difficult.

In Spain I haven't heard of anyone who's been dumped out for their sexuality, though. We are different cultures I guess??

[Redrose55x]

For April fools day, my dad told me I had to go buy a pregnancy test. to retaliate, when they were telling me it was a prank, I snapped my fingers and pointed them and announced loudly, "I'M GAY!" and my mom said, "that's not even a good one cause we know that's not true." Jokes on them. I'm non-binary, so pretty much anyone I like is a queer relationship. And I'm pan-favorable. And transgender. And asexual.

Later on, I told my mom I was serious, that I'm transgender, and that I'm asexual. She doesn't believe that I'm really transgender, which is only partially true. Again, I'm non-binary. Demifluid to be exact. But she told me she loved me and wanted me to be happy. I knew she wouldn't be happy, but I also knew she wouldn't kick me out.

When I was younger and the LGBT was just starting to be a recognized thing, I asked her how she would feel if I or my brother were gay. She said she wouldn't support out decision but she would support us. My advice is to find out how your parents feel about whatever it is you want to come out as. As far as asexuality goes, they can't kick you out for not wanting to date anybody. and if your dad is protective, it's practically a godsend. If at least one of your parents stands by you, everyone else shouldn't matter. Because you are loved and supported.

That's fantastic XD I do still like having relationships and am in one already. My boyfriend already knows and is very supportive. Thanks for the advice ^^

My dad came out to me years before I came out to him, lol.

I personally don't recommend coming out to your parents unless you don't rely on them for housing/food/etc, or unless you have a back up plan just incase they kick you out. It's advice I got when I was young. If you have to keep a straight face for financial/safety/etc reasons, that's totally understandable and you have everyone's support here on AVEN.

The worst reactions I've had to coming out to family/friends is dismissal/invalidation, not violence, however threats of corrective r/pe are not unheard of so we do ask you to think of your safety first. Personally i do not regret coming out and I feel a huge relief, like a burden has been lifted, though coming out to friends was far more rewarding.

Talk about a twist! Thanks for the advice, I agree on the precautions, though I doubt my parents would react too badly. Worse case scenario, they make me come home or send me to a shrink, neither of which I'm eager about, so I'll probably wait until after I graduate college.

I usually start talking about asexuality and people end up asking me if I am that too, or at least that makes them suspect it. It's a thing that I'm trying with my parents in long terms. Sexuality in my family is a meh too, we don't talk about it, but I encourage them to learn by mentioning all these concepts casually in conversations. It gets them a bit used to it, and I don't know maybe that can get them curious too. Although if they are close minded that's going to be a little more difficult.

In Spain I haven't heard of anyone who's been dumped out for their sexuality, though. We are different cultures I guess??

That seems like a good idea! My parents are not really the open-minded type, so it would take quite a long time for them to get the idea. Unfortunately, in the US, there have been cases of parents kicking out their kids for being LGBT. It's not common, but not unheard of. Though I've never heard of a parent kicking out their kid for being asexual.