Anyone in a poly relationship?

[EastCoastGirl]

This is something that I find extremely interesting and would be favourable of considering personally. Mind answering a few questions?

1. How many people are in your relationship?

2. What are your sex/gender identities?

3. What are your romantic/sexual identities?

4. Are you all equals or is there a primary couple?

5. How did your relationship develop?

6. Is your relationship public?

7. If yes, are you judged for being in a non-traditional relationship?

[The Not So Impossible Girl]

Yes and no? I find this subject fascinating too. I'm not currently actually in a poly relationship right now, but it's open to becoming poly. It's just super hard to find other people who are okay with being poly :/ Can I still answer the questions? xD

[EastCoastGirl]

Yes and no? I find this subject fascinating too. I'm not currently actually in a poly relationship right now, but it's open to becoming poly. It's just super hard to find other people who are okay with being poly :/ Can I still answer the questions?

If you've been in a poly relationship, you can absolutely answer the questions!

[dissolved]

I've been in one before, albeit briefly... probably not quite six weeks I reckon.

1. How many people are in your relationship?

I was one of six, and the "newest addition" to the whole thing. It was one girl with multiple partners, so I met everyone but didn't really interact with anyone beyond my girlfriend. I'm not sure how they interacted with each other though.

2. What are your sex/gender identities?

I'm ftm but was in denial at the time. Everyone else was cis as far as I'm aware, two male and three female.

3. What are your romantic/sexual identities?

I'm panromantic demisexual, my girlfriend was bisexual, the other girls were gay I believe and the two guys were straight.

4. Are you all equals or is there a primary couple?

It was equal, but they'd all been in the relationship for a least a year. No one was cohabiting, and time was shared equally.

5. How did your relationship develop?

She and I happened to work together. I was getting lonely and was willing to give it a go, but I'm horrifically slow when it comes to being attracted to people (which she was aware of) so I didn't really get my hopes up.

6. Is your relationship public?

My aspect of it wasn't, but I'm a private person. I don't know about the others.

[Guest]

I was in an open/poly relationship for six and a half years, which ended in February 2015.

1. How many people are in your relationship?
It varied over time between two and four.

2. What are your sex/gender identities?
Myself - biologically male, genderqueer
R. - ciswoman
R.'s other partners - AFAIK, all ciswomen (I never was in close enough contact with any of them to tell for certain)

3. What are your romantic/sexual identities?
Myself - asexual, gynoromantic (effectively aro due to medication)
R. - pansexual/-romantic (but more strongly leaning to women)
R.'s other partners - AFAIK, bi/pan, one of them possibly "just" Lesbian :)

4. Are you all equals or is there a primary couple?
R. considered me her "emotional primary". I never asked for that special status (I just wanted a place in her life, not neccessarily the primary/central/whatever place), but I was fine with how it was.

5. How did your relationship develop?
R. and I got together after meeting on an internet message board (not AVEN). Since I'm very much non-monogamous, and she's "poly-flexible", we agreed from day one that our relationship would be poly/open, there would be no monogamy or exclusivity involved whatsoever. During our years together, she had other partners (both casual sexual flings, and longer-lasting, emotional relationships, the longest of which lasted a bit over a year).
Seeing as I hardly ever encounter anyone I'm compatible with on a partner level, I wasn't together with anyone else during these years, but I was always open for the possibility (just aware that de facto, it was a very, very small possibility :P ).

6. Is your relationship public?
R. and me, yes. It was sometimes... complicated with the gals she was with (for reasons I can't and won't discuss here). So, the bigger "polycule" was at no time entirely public, but folks who knew us always were aware that R. and I weren't monogamous, even when they didn't know who else was involved.

7. If yes, are you judged for being in a non-traditional relationship?
Sometimes. But since a mono/closed 'ship is generally completely out of the question for me, I didn't care much. "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind", right? ;)

[Gothhearted23]

1. How many people are in your relationship?

Currently 2

2. What are your sex/gender identities?

Mine? Female. My partners? both men

3. What are your romantic/sexual identities?

Biromantic Asexual for me, Bi and hetero for them.

4. Are you all equals or is there a primary couple?

Currently all Equals.

5. How did your relationship develop?

Through Mutual friends.

6. Is your relationship public?

Yes but its all online only.

7. If yes, are you judged for being in a non-traditional relationship?

No not yet, but i am sure it will happen eventually.

[EastCoastGirl]

Thanks for you feedback everyone!

[Pi(e)]

1. How many people are in your relationship?

3? (including me) - I'm dating one person who's also dating someone else

2. What are your sex/gender identities?

me - cisgirl

L - biologically female (looks female), genderfluid, generally goes by male (or nutural) pronouns to the people they are out to

L' other partner - cis female

3. What are your romantic/sexual identities?

me- asexual, quioromantic

L- asexual, panromantic

L's other partner - um, I really ought to find out (not straight, I know that)

4. Are you all equals or is there a primary couple?

um... I'm with L more (we are in school together) and I suppose we would count as a primary couple...

L sees their other partner only about once a week during all city chorus, but then they are mainly just with the other partner and not me :(

5. How did your relationship develop?

We are best friends, and they asked me to date them

6. Is your relationship public?

at school and to my family - L's family does not know (about either partner)

the kids in all city chorus just know that L is dating the other partner

7. If yes, are you judged for being in a non-traditional relationship?

I don't really know...

[GreyWanders]

1. How many people are in your relationship?

Three! We are a tiny family. Hats is casually seeing some other people as well.

2. What are your sex/gender identities?

Me: Cis female.

Hats: Trans female.

Flowers: Nonbinary trans masculine (in the screaming parrot stage of gender identity)

3. What are your romantic/sexual identities?

Me: Asexual. I guess like demi-wtf-romantic? Like, wft, romance, really, but also it takes me a very long time and an established relationship to get to where the romance wtf's start coming up.

Hats: Definitely attracted to people some of whom have genders???? Allosexual/romantic.

Flowers: Asexual, bi/pan

4. Are you all equals or is there a primary couple?

The three of us are the primary unit.

5. How did your relationship develop?

Hats and I had a QP thing going but didn't have any words for it. Hats started dating Flowers. Flowers said I should live with them someday. We spent a lot of time with a whiteboard talking about relationship structures. Flowers fell for me. I eventually fell for them too. We are a family.

6. Is your relationship public?

Yah. I'm not sure everyone's noticed (you see what you look for), but we're not making any efforts to hide.

7. If yes, are you judged for being in a non-traditional relationship?

Not that I've noticed, but it's hard to say. If we're not visibly poly, we're visibly non-straight, and if we're not visibly non-straight, at least one of us is visibly trans, so who's to say why we're getting side eyes? Usually people are pretty cool though. We actually explained our relationship to a random person on the street who was doing a People of New York style project, and they smiled shyly and said they were poly too.

[Somegeezer]

1. How many people are in your relationship?
Just the two of us, at the moment. Though I was with someone else for a short while.
Arguably, we each have someone else that we are each very close to. But neither of us consider those to be partners.

2. What are your sex/gender identities?
She is a woman, I am agender [though comfortable being called a man].

3. What are your romantic/sexual identities?
I think we both feel we could be romantically attached to anyone [panromantic, maybe?].
She is asexual. I am demisexual.

4. Are you all equals or is there a primary couple?
It's not a conversation we've ever gone into detail with. But I'm confident she would agree equality is important. As is individuality and independence.
I, personally, don't feel I could be in a hierarchical setup.

5. How did your relationship develop?
How does any? We got to know each other, and liked what we found. That only becomes stronger each time we get time to talk or be together. =3

6. Is your relationship public?
As in do our friends and family know we are together? Yes.
Do they know we are poly? I don't know. My friends know I am. They know she knows I am. But not sure they know she is also poly.
As for her friends and family, I have no idea if they know of the polyness.

7. If yes, are you judged for being in a non-traditional relationship?
Probably. But not openly. Not that I would care. I'm hardly going to stop being myself. I'd just remove such idiots from my life. =]

[Athirae]

I was in a polyamorous relationship for a little over a year. It was enjoyable for the most part but ended disastrously. The last year has been my partner deciding which of us she'd rather be with; she married her other partner and is currently pregnant with his child but is unhappy.

1. How many people were in your relationship?

There were three of us. Me, H, and J.

2. What are your sex/gender identities?

I'm female. H is female. J is male.

3. What are your romantic/sexual identities?

I'm homoromantic asexual. H is biromantic demisexual. J is heteroromantic heterosexual.

4. Were you all equals or was there a primary couple?

H and J was and still are the primary couple. They were/are married. I was H's girlfriend, who only H and J knew about. H and J lived together and moved across the country, so I only saw H once every few months when H and J visited, in which H and I had to pretend to be just friends in the few hours we got to see each other because I was a secret.

5. How did your relationship develop?

H and I had been friends for years, always half in love, always too afraid to say anything. H dated J throughout high school. He proposed. I admitted my feelings for H afterward. She admitted hers for me. I panicked, so she went ahead and married J. J gave me permission to be with H anyway. Six months later, I agreed to date H and did so secretly. Dated for a year until it was clear H loved J more (she spent our anniversary having sex with him down the hall while I slept on the couch) and I ended things with H. Several months passed, and H and J's marriage got worse than it had already been. H and I started dating again. H found out J was cheating; the same night she found out she was pregnant. She decided to stay with him and work it out. I ended things again, unable to deal with it. H and J's marriage is still relatively miserable. H is unsure if she made the right choice and doesn't know if she should leave J or stay with him. That's where things currently stand.

6. Is your relationship public?

No. I had wanted to go public eventually. H told me no. I obeyed. Only obscure friends of mine from college with no connection to our families were allowed to know. To my knowledge, H never told anyone herself. This was a large reason for my ending things with her, as there was no chance for living together, having children, sharing holidays, or even holding hands in public. I was to be a secret for the rest of my life, while H and J were married and had all the benefits of that sort of public relationship.

[EastCoastGirl]

I'm sorry to hear about the tragic end to your relationship Athirae. Would you ever be open to being in another poly relationship?