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Guys-If you could do it, would you? If you can't, is that why you identify as ace?


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Lord Jade Cross
I do feel embarrased about my body but its not because of my size down there. Its more of some deficiencies in bone structure as well as abnormal growth in some areas. I dont know whether I would be capable of intercourse if I found myself wanting it and subsequently arriving at it, assuming nerves dont get in the way. But more than that, my biggest concern with the equipment would be whether I could actually feel anything during intercourse as one result of some experimenting is feeling numb despite any physical effects or reactions.
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If god gave me a penis one day, I'd probably fuck everything in sight. One person just to see what that's like, then lots of other things. :D I'd pee on everything too.

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I never said anything about outward appearance. Ya, I think I'm pretty unattractive, but that has never been what has held me back. Regular guys may not desire more size, but when you are starting at near zero, any addition would be welcome. I don't know if performance is a guy issue, but it's certainly a personal issue. You don't personally want anything to do with a penis, so size would not matter, but I've seen that horrified, disgusted look too many times to believe that it is not a real issue.

This sounds like a textbook example of "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind".

I know that's really tough to hear, especially when you've personally see that horrified, disgusted look. That absolutely hurts, and there's no getting around it. But at the same time, What kind of horrible individual would be so rude about it? It's fine to have a preference for big, little, in between, but shaming, laughing or being rude over something that's YOUR personal preference has NO excuse.

My recommendation with stuff like this is to always treat others with the exact kindness you expect from them. So maybe, no laughing at small boobs if you like big boobs. That kind of thing. There are so many kind, loving and sweet people out there with what many shallow people would consider "flaws" and they're overlooked. Always always always treat others with kindness and respect. That's the best thing you can do in situations like this.

I agree Hadley, except with guys it's a secret until the moment of truth arrives, so unless you have a penis-size-preference talk before hand you have no way of knowing what the reaction may be until it's too late.

I don't ever waste a second afterward trying to convince the partner that-well anything other that good bye.

It's not like I've a ton of partners or potential partners, just over the course of 55 years there have been enough sexual opportunities to have enough shaming experiences to keep me from ever wanting to be in that situation again.

I do feel embarrased about my body but its not because of my size down there. Its more of some deficiencies in bone structure as well as abnormal growth in some areas. I dont know whether I would be capable of intercourse if I found myself wanting it and subsequently arriving at it, assuming nerves dont get in the way. But more than that, my biggest concern with the equipment would be whether I could actually feel anything during intercourse as one result of some experimenting is feeling numb despite any physical effects or reactions.

Jade, my OP was to assume that none of those "imperfections" existed, would you, could you?

I was wondering how many, if any, other guys decided to indentify as ace at least in some part due to these issues.

It appears I may be the only one questioning themselves about this and I'm fine with that.

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Lord Jade Cross
Oh oh! I'll give you mine if I can become a bodyless living conciousness in return Skulls.
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If god gave me a penis one day, I'd probably fuck everything in sight. One person just to see what that's like, then lots of other things. :D I'd pee on everything too.

So, you'd be a dog? :D

(Disclaimer: I love dogs!)

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I'm not sure how appropriate this will be on this site as so many here sadly suffer with terrible gender dysphoria, but I'd always believed if I had a vag that I would want to be and that I would make a great lesbian.

I'd pee on everything too.

Some people are very into that 😛
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If god gave me a penis one day, I'd probably fuck everything in sight. One person just to see what that's like, then lots of other things. :D I'd pee on everything too.

So, you'd be a dog? :D

(Disclaimer: I love dogs!)

I love dogs too! Sounds pretty dreamy tbh.

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Being a dog would be the best. I'd get to sleep whenever I want to, and I'd be fixed so it's irrelevant what my sexual ability and appeal might be.

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Oh oh! I'll give you mine if I can become a bodyless living conciousness in return Skulls.

Seconded.

(Though I'm kiiiinda unsure Skulls would like to have two of'em. :P )

I'm not sure how appropriate this will be on this site as so many here sadly suffer with terrible gender dysphoria, but I'd always believed if I had a vag that I would want to be and that I would make a great lesbian.

Seconded on that, too. I've often wondered to what degree me being ace is connected to/caused by my genital dysphoria. Anyway, I'd have been at the very least open to giving it a try as a gal, with a gal.

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Lord Jade Cross

I never said anything about outward appearance. Ya, I think I'm pretty unattractive, but that has never been what has held me back. Regular guys may not desire more size, but when you are starting at near zero, any addition would be welcome. I don't know if performance is a guy issue, but it's certainly a personal issue. You don't personally want anything to do with a penis, so size would not matter, but I've seen that horrified, disgusted look too many times to believe that it is not a real issue.

This sounds like a textbook example of "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind".

I know that's really tough to hear, especially when you've personally see that horrified, disgusted look. That absolutely hurts, and there's no getting around it. But at the same time, What kind of horrible individual would be so rude about it? It's fine to have a preference for big, little, in between, but shaming, laughing or being rude over something that's YOUR personal preference has NO excuse.

My recommendation with stuff like this is to always treat others with the exact kindness you expect from them. So maybe, no laughing at small boobs if you like big boobs. That kind of thing. There are so many kind, loving and sweet people out there with what many shallow people would consider "flaws" and they're overlooked. Always always always treat others with kindness and respect. That's the best thing you can do in situations like this.

I agree Hadley, except with guys it's a secret until the moment of truth arrives, so unless you have a penis-size-preference talk before hand you have no way of knowing what the reaction may be until it's too late.

I don't ever waste a second afterward trying to convince the partner that-well anything other that good bye.

It's not like I've a ton of partners or potential partners, just over the course of 55 years there have been enough sexual opportunities to have enough shaming experiences to keep me from ever wanting to be in that situation again.

I do feel embarrased about my body but its not because of my size down there. Its more of some deficiencies in bone structure as well as abnormal growth in some areas. I dont know whether I would be capable of intercourse if I found myself wanting it and subsequently arriving at it, assuming nerves dont get in the way. But more than that, my biggest concern with the equipment would be whether I could actually feel anything during intercourse as one result of some experimenting is feeling numb despite any physical effects or reactions.

Jade, my OP was to assume that none of those "imperfections" existed, would you, could you?

I was wondering how many, if any, other guys decided to indentify as ace at least in some part due to these issues.

It appears I may be the only one questioning themselves about this and I'm fine with that.

The reason I identify as ace is not so much that I couldnt do it but rather than there is not that push to like I mentioned previously. Even with any body imprefections, sex is most certainly possible. I could for example perform felatio on someone and that would be sex. But I dont look at anyone and say "damn I would kill to do them" even after any ample time knowing them.

Or to put a closer example, In my job, there are many women. Some tall, some short, some slim, some heavy, some that are flat chested and some that could probably kill someone if their breasts had the density of harder materials; brunnetes, red heads and blondes. So you have variety to choose from. And while I can even joke and be friendly with them (though I avoid doing it), in my mind, the idea of "I wanna do her" doesnt come up as oppose to the other men there who even voice it.

Thats why I identify as ace. Its just a way to deacribe that lack of a push for sexual engagement.

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Oh oh! I'll give you mine if I can become a bodyless living conciousness in return Skulls.

Seconded.

(Though I'm kiiiinda unsure Skulls would like to have two of'em. :P )

Could be interesting! I'd maybe put one on my middle finger so when I flipped people off, they got really really offended. :lol:

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Jade, my OP was to assume that none of those "imperfections" existed, would you, could you?

I was wondering how many, if any, other guys decided to indentify as ace at least in some part due to these issues.

It appears I may be the only one questioning themselves about this and I'm fine with that.

No, you're not. I just don't know whether I'd be more interested if I'd be capable of proper fine motor skills (I can't even drive a car!) or better looking than a pound of ground pork. Then again, that's being said from my POV right now, with all the issues that I have.

My internal setup would have to be entirely different.

If these issues weren't there, I'd be a complete different person. Maybe I wouldn't "waste" my time travelling, taking 300 pictures of a godforsaken town nobody has ever heard of and watch a game of 6th division soccerball after that. Maybe I'd be more social and outgoing, maybe I'd actually like people in general more than I do now, maybe I'd even be willing to date. Maybe sex would be an option to put some icing on the cake if I liked the other person very very much, but not just for the sake of it.

Right now I consider sex as I consider DIY stuff (like having to put up a closet or whatever). I could do that if I had to, but I won't seek it as the thought bores me to death.

Edit:

Being a dog would be the best. I'd get to sleep whenever I want to, and I'd be fixed so it's irrelevant what my sexual ability and appeal might be.

Of course you'd be gorgeous, because dog!
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MaxCaulfield

Jade, my OP was to assume that none of those "imperfections" existed, would you, could you?

I was wondering how many, if any, other guys decided to indentify as ace at least in some part due to these issues.

It appears I may be the only one questioning themselves about this and I'm fine with that.

Not alone for sure - questions here, just no answers. The fact is that I have lived without sex for a long time and not really been unhappy about any part of that except the lack of close companionship. So if any confidence impacting issues were removed, perhaps I'd be more willing to look for a compromise relationship where I was "trading" the sex for the stuff that I actually value; given that I have no repulsions or the like.

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Oh oh! I'll give you mine if I can become a bodyless living conciousness in return Skulls.

Seconded.

(Though I'm kiiiinda unsure Skulls would like to have two of'em. :P )

Could be interesting! I'd maybe put one on my middle finger so when I flipped people off, they got really really offended. :lol:

That's enough internet for me for today. . .

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Lord Jade Cross

Jade, my OP was to assume that none of those "imperfections" existed, would you, could you?

I was wondering how many, if any, other guys decided to indentify as ace at least in some part due to these issues.It appears I may be the only one questioning themselves about this and I'm fine with that.

Not alone for sure - questions here, just no answers. The fact is that I have lived without sex for a long time and not really been unhappy about any part of that except the lack of close companionship. So if any confidence impacting issues were removed, perhaps I'd be more willing to look for a compromise relationship where I was "trading" the sex for the stuff that I actually value; given that I have no repulsions or the like.

This is another weighting factor. Even if I was capable of sex, why hasnt its lack severely affected me like it does for alot of the unhappy sexuals who dont get their desired amount of daily sex? Why have I not become depressed over this fact (and being OCD Im prone to depresive episodes, especially if an activity is not ritually performed) after all these years?

I have questioned my lack of desire to engage over time but the answers always come back to point out that there is no point worrying about it and there is no desire to have a point to worry about to begin with, unless I do it under the mindset that "I must have sex like everyone else does" if that makes sense.

Unless a girl in my area agrees to have a NSA encounter, I dont think that this could be much more experimented upon. And even if I set up the meeting, I doubt it would produce any worthwhile find.

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butterflydreams

I agree Hadley, except with guys it's a secret until the moment of truth arrives, so unless you have a penis-size-preference talk before hand you have no way of knowing what the reaction may be until it's too late.

I don't ever waste a second afterward trying to convince the partner that-well anything other that good bye.

It's not like I've a ton of partners or potential partners, just over the course of 55 years there have been enough sexual opportunities to have enough shaming experiences to keep me from ever wanting to be in that situation again.

I understand. In that case, it's still total bullshit, and you deserve a hug. It's disgusting behavior to react that way and entirely unbecoming of any decent human being. Having some personal experience with similar behavior in different contexts, I can only say that I keep myself going by redoubling my efforts to be a good person and work on building hope that I will find a good person some day.

I'm not sure how appropriate this will be on this site as so many here sadly suffer with terrible gender dysphoria, but I'd always believed if I had a vag that I would want to be and that I would make a great lesbian.

Not a wholly uncommon opinion, but I kind of imagine the reality would be quite different. I can certainly say that while I had always tried to date women in the past, as I'm transitioning, the prospect of being with another woman romantically as a woman holds far less appeal for me now.

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Thanks for the hug.

And I will totally take your word for it on the lesbian thing.

So-ha ha I've actually already had the penis-size talk (no preference) with my Ladyfriend. (Skullz, I've just made the switch to Ladyfriend since you seem to be using her proper name these days)

Still not sure if we'll get to that point, but in case we do she is pre warned.

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I'm not sure how appropriate this will be on this site as so many here sadly suffer with terrible gender dysphoria, but I'd always believed if I had a vag that I would want to be and that I would make a great lesbian.

Not a wholly uncommon opinion, but I kind of imagine the reality would be quite different. I can certainly say that while I had always tried to date women in the past, as I'm transitioning, the prospect of being with another woman romantically as a woman holds far less appeal for me now.

Yes, I've actually always felt that way about the idea of being female. Being female to me would actually mean being into guys. I don't think I'm "hetero-" because it's somehow written into my personality, rather my brain just can't make sense of the notion of being with a man in this male body. In a way, I'm "cis" in the way I experience my sexual organs and sexuality; However, I don't consider that "cis" to be part of my identity. If I were in a female body with female sexual organs and experienced female sexuality, I would still be the same person, and I would happily switch to being into guys.

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Grumpy Alien

I'm not capable of penetrative sex but I'm not interested anyway. I don't see the appeal. Maybe some other sex acts out of curiosity or compromise.

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Prufrock, but like, worse

Your question be like

"How would we build a steam engine if math didn't work and entropy was reversed?"

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I'm not a guy, But I am what might be considered, erm ''desirable'' for people who like females with my body type. I could easily get sex. However, I cannot enjoy the sensations of sex. I cannot enjoy something I do not want. If a fairy could wave a magic wand however, and grant me the ability to experience multiple orgasms every time I have sex with someone, man or woman.. I just still wouldn't see a point? if I need to have an orgasm to get rid of arousal, I can just masturbate. and if I ''want'' intimacy, I can cuddle and kiss and talk with the person I am emotionally close to. I just don't want to have sex (anything done to my genitals by someone else) regardless of whether or not I could enjoy it.

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While not an ace, here are my two cents.


Women (usually) like me, and I'm pretty good in bed (at least my exes were more than happy about it), however I don't want to have sex unless I find the one woman I can connect with.


In the past I had sex looking for an emotional connection my (now ex) girlfriends, and fell short. To be honest, I lost my virginity at 25 because I wanted to feel "normal", and second my first girlfriend's expectations. Sex was a bit of a problem for me, taking me literally hours to climax (causing me great anxiety), and requiring me to focus a lot. It caused me great discomfort.


While developing a temporary (and therefore weak) connection, together with a lot of practice, certainly helped with my time and focus related "problems" in bed, that still wouldn't prevent me from feeling alone, empty, and hopeless after sex. That feeling, which reflected the actual relationships I was in, is something I would not wish on anybody.


I've never asked to be demi, and, if I weren't, my life would probably be simpler, but hey, this is the way I am.

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I'm sorry for your emotional issues Isak. I get it, and proof of "be careful what you wish for".

I'm not talking about sleeping around, although initially I made feel the need to try out my new powers, but without having demi tendencies I would love to be able to combine "good in bed" and "last for hours" in the same sentence.

I understand very few women desire to go for hours (I'm sorry about that, too Isak), but most prefer the plural of minute at the very least.

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This was a very difficult thread for me to think about.

I have certainly struggled with some of the things you list in the past, before kind of abandoning the whole sexuality aspect of my life.

I guess the question is was that abandonment easy because:

- I never actually had (much/any) real interest in sexual relationship beyond expectations/the need for conformity?

- Or because I had given in to a cognitive/anxiety disorder around sex and relationships? (see for example: https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/male-self-concept-and-small-penis-syndrome/ )

It was so long ago and I was such a messed up kid that I don't really have an answer.

Though I am fairly sure that I had so much pain and rage boiling within at the time that even the magical gift of amazing sexual prowess probably wouldn't have made much difference to the relationship outcomes.

Now I just don't know - many of the things that were so hurtful to "young me" just no longer seem as important or insoluble; I can only try to be more flexible and open to new possibilities and see where I end up.

EDIT: There are things that I don't much like about myself that I can't change (just like almost everyone else), what I can try to change is how I think about those things, the impact that I allow them to have on my own state of mind and whether or not I allow things I can't change to stop me pursuing happiness. I'm not saying I'm very good at this (yet) but the road of not trying certainly doesn't go anywhere good.

Thanks for the link Max

Yes the too small shaming has left its scar, but it's the not knowing how to use it and the not being able to use it is are the main issues. Had I been able to do my thing and satisfy and shut these women up, it would be a totally different ballgame. Because you see even the women that could care less about size (yes I know they are out there) still expect to be at least somewhat satisfied. So when you leave the game 0 for 2 = disappointment, shame, embarrassment that is so hard to overcome.

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Yes the too small shaming has left its scar, but it's the not knowing how to use it and the not being able to use it is are the main issues. Had I been able to do my thing and satisfy and shut these women up, it would be a totally different ballgame. Because you see even the women that could care less about size (yes I know they are out there) still expect to be at least somewhat satisfied. So when you leave the game 0 for 2 = disappointment, shame, embarrassment that is so hard to overcome.

Ball game..? Shut them up? Expect to be satisfied? I don't know who these women you speak of are, or what happened between you, but you are a human being, and you have no reason to take shit from anyone who won't treat you as such. The size of your penis does not matter, your "performance" does not matter, what matters is who you are as a person.

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Yes the too small shaming has left its scar, but it's the not knowing how to use it and the not being able to use it is are the main issues. Had I been able to do my thing and satisfy and shut these women up, it would be a totally different ballgame. Because you see even the women that could care less about size (yes I know they are out there) still expect to be at least somewhat satisfied. So when you leave the game 0 for 2 = disappointment, shame, embarrassment that is so hard to overcome.

Ball game..? Shut them up? Expect to be satisfied? I don't know who these women you speak of are, or what happened between you, but you are a human being, and you have no reason to take shit from anyone who won't treat you as such. The size of your penis does not matter, your "performance" does not matter, what matters is who you are as a person.
Shut them up was uncalled for-given

Size doesn't matter-yea I'll give you that too

Performance on the other hand, I think does matter, especially when the outcome is little to no performance.

I'm sure if you read most of my posts, and I'm guessing you did, the BIGGEST ISSUE is between my ears, not between my legs.

Plus I have learned to only pursue potential partners that know EVERYTHING upfront.

Although my last experience was the worst ever, so you can never tell, even if they say they are alright with everything.

I hope in several months to look back at this thread and shake my head for ever thinking some of these things.

Seem to be headed in the right direction. Time will tell.

I feel awful for lumping any certain group of people into one word, that's not how I feel about women at all. I love all women, all people for that matter except for the few that have hurt me. So accept my apologies.

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MaxCaulfield
I hope in several months to look back at this thread and shake my head for ever thinking some of these things.

Seem to be headed in the right direction. Time will tell.

I was looking at the reputable literature around it as part of trying to understand some of the root of my various anxieties and less than helpful thought processes/behaviours.

While there is some sensible self-help stuff on various clinical sites I would strongly urge avoiding any "support" forums around the whole area. They are some of the most toxic cess-pits I have ever seen on the internet; circles of martyrs all agreeing with each other that its impossible for them to ever be happy and attacking anyone that dares to suggest that may not be the case (regardless of evidence or experience offered).

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That's why I chose poor Avenites to listen to my problems.

Constructive criticism at worst, great options and advice at best.

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nanogretchen4

It sounds like some of the women you dated were kind of mean. I'm sorry you had that bad experience.

Of course you don't have to have sex if you don't want to. If you are open to some types of sex your situation sounds pretty workaroundable depending on the woman. There are plenty of ways to satisfy a woman that don't require a penis at all. I'm bisexual so I know this stuff. Also, it's not your job to do everything. A woman is much more likely to have a good time if she takes some responsibility for her own pleasure. A large percentage of women don't come reliably or at all from the piv, regardless of size or duration. A partner who realizes he should ask his partner what she needs and listen to her answer is better than one who thinks what worked on the last woman should work on her.

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Performance on the other hand, I think does matter, especially when the outcome is little to no performance.

It wouldn't matter to me. As you're not sexual, I don't see how it should matter to anyone.

I'm sure if you read most of my posts, and I'm guessing you did, the BIGGEST ISSUE is between my ears, not between my legs.

Most intelligent people think that. It's the mark of a self-aware person to recognize their own limitations. No, if you measure success by your ability to impress a sexual partner, you will find that it helps to have less "wrong" with what's between your legs, and more wrong with what's between your ears. Is that really so desirable, I wonder?

Seriously, don't worry. You're pretty great as you are. ^_^

Plus I have learned to only pursue potential partners that know EVERYTHING upfront.

Although my last experience was the worst ever, so you can never tell, even if they say they are alright with everything.

Must be tough as an asexual.. :cake: Hm..

I hope in several months to look back at this thread and shake my head for ever thinking some of these things.

Seem to be headed in the right direction. Time will tell.

These thoughts are just part of your path to grow as a person. No need to shake your head at it. It's all part of life.

I feel awful for lumping any certain group of people into one word, that's not how I feel about women at all. I love all women, all people for that matter except for the few that have hurt me. So accept my apologies.

I know you didn't do that, I'm sorry if the way I responded came off like I thought that.

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