Do Asexual People See Beauty Differently?

[doggalogga]

I notice people as attractive and unattractive - but it isn't looks alone.

Somebody with a nice personality and good physical features is very attractive. Somebody with a pretty face but a bad attitude for me is a deterrent.

I don't think every is beautiful in their own way. Some people are genuine arseholes who deserve a two-by-four in their face.

Despite finding certain people attractive though, I don't want to engage in any sexual activity.

[starry-night-sky]

To me, some people are just more good-looking than others but that doesn't mean I consider them attractive. Being attractive is more than just looking good. When someone is really nice and I really like them they're usually attractive to me, no matter their looks.

[idekrncidc231]

My perception is somewhat ascew... For me I can find someone ugly yet beautiful. It is ever changing in a sense that I actually don't think I do find anyone ascetically pleasing. I do notice that one moment a person may look handsome or beautiful and then the next they can appear to be "I really thought THAT was good looking?" Myself included. Some days I'm "I can see why people say I'm beautiful." Then some days I look in the mirror and am like "ugh. Who could EVER think I'm pretty?" It's strange... Like... Hmm... Like somehow my perceptions are jammed or something. But mostly it's like people are people. Without my glasses everyone are pink blobs at a distance. So... Ye. I sometimes see beauty and other times I don't with everyone I see around me. If that makes any sense.

[ChairmenV]

I envy blind people.

Does not seeing the physical beauty of others count as being blind?

[Antihero.]

.

[Philip027]

Well, it isn't like this for all aces, but for me "outer" beauty never registers with me at first until I'm able to see their "inner" beauty first.

When people talk about how "attractive" someone is or allude to the beauty of a celebrity I get really annoyed. Isn't everyone beautiful in their own way?

I don't really get annoyed... just confused.

And no, there are definitely people out there that are not what I'd consider "beautiful" in any way, shape, or form.

It irks me when people talk about inner beauty and that "it doesn't matter if you're ugly on the outside, as long as you have a nice personality". Like, who are you to say that person is unattractive? Who are you to judge their "beauty" or lack of when it is so subjective?

I definitely don't have this, but some people do still have a sense of "objective" beauty, or basically whether or not the person would be considered conventionally attractive -- and that's probably what most people are referring to when they say things like that.

[Prufrock, but like, worse]

I am decidedly uglier than he is. Excuse me, I have to go set fire to all hope for closeness with another human being now. Ha, human being. How many lashings for presumption? I should stay in my place. Where are the rats? I should try them.

[goldensun]

Beauty - for me beauty is shown in two ways physical beauty as in the way you look and they is beauty in personality. when i see a beautiful person i do not think to myself i would want to sleep with them but more i look at their beauty in terms i like what i see...pleasing to the eye....for example the have nice eyes or a great smile or a lovely figure...in the other context...if the person has warmth or a kind soul that can be beautiful too...

[Twig55]

I do see beauty, but only when it's brought up by someone else. Mostly I see people's imperfections until someone else says '(s)he is pretty/handsome', at which point I look again and analyse the face. From what I can tell, I only find people beautiful without a prompt in photos, but that's more about the ability to convey emotion in a particular situation than the person having beauty (and the photo itself is a prompt, I guess).

[Sisky]

Imagine this guy walks up to you and asks you for a date...

Would you comply, or would you be running in the opposite direction?

I'd be running if anyone asked me for a date, but other than that, my brain finds a lot of commonly agreed upon "good looking" people a lot uglier than him.

Still, people just aren't beautiful to me.

[Morning Glory]

I don't think I've experienced sexual or romantic attraction, and I don't generally look at someone and gauge their aesthetics, however I can look at someone and see certain qualities which can explain how they visually appeal to others. And though I don't look at someone and see any sort of level of attractiveness, I can still notice whether or not they are attractive based on the social standards of our society. There are certain traits that do appeal to me, though: I personally like guys who have bigger bodies/bulky, not exactly fluffy but not too muscley either. Other then that, I couldn't really care, and it's not as if I want to have a relationship with guys with that sort of built; my preference of male physique does not influence who I look for in a companion. Voices and scent also leave a big impression on me. But more then anything... I am more attracted to personality. I'm sure that sounds crazy corny, but it's true.

I find myself drawn to all sorts of people and it never has anything to do with their appearance but their personalities. And it's not like I have a specific personality that I'm attracted to either. For example: I thought I had a crush on this one guy in junior high school. He was tall and generally quiet but outgoing and well-liked by everyone. He didn't seem to have a mean bone in his body. One day he was the only person to give me encouragement during gym, I felt so moved that I started feeling something. Sometime later when I was once again asked if I had a crush, I just decided to say it was him, but it didn't feel right. I realized later, that what I felt was a deep sense of admiration. True I did want to get closer to him, but dating him never occurred to me.

When I get to know someone and a enjoy being around them, then they stand out more then anyone. I'm sure it's the same for others though; if you see someone you know you can easily pick them out from a crowd. But for me... I have to wonder if it's even more so. I recently met a good friend of mine after more then 5 years of not seeing him, but despite how different he looked I knew it was him right away. There was also a time when I saw just the corner of a person's head and I thought "that looks just like B" (someone like a second mother to me), and I go to take a closer look and sure enough it was her! And whenever I see someone who means a lot to me, I feel so elated and just happy to see them; no matter how bad my day is, seeing someone I know and love makes it so much better. ~<3

*ponders* I'm not really too sure what more I can say. I'm not sure how else I can explain it either. ^^;

[Morning Glory]

Imagine this guy walks up to you and asks you for a date...

Would you comply, or would you be running in the opposite direction?

I'd be running if anyone asked me for a date, but other than that, my brain finds a lot of commonly agreed upon "good looking" people a lot uglier than him.

Still, people just aren't beautiful to me.

Yeah... I wouldn't want to date him. I'm not exactly keen on dating ANYONE though. But it's not exactly his looks that would bother me; I see nothing wrong with his appearance. Sure he looks a tad intimidating, but it wouldn't matter to me if he had a great personality. What would stop me from wanting to even try dating him... Is that he looks quite a bit older then me, and I'm incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of being with anyone if our age gap is too much. >_>

[edit] sorry. I messed up and now I've ended up double posting. To avoid triple posting, I'm just gonna edit this one... I forgot to mention a few things.

I probably mentioned this already, but despite my own personal opinions on style I can still find the charm in just about anything if it's on the right person. If something fits someone very well then I would like it. Like... I love seeing long hair on guys but only if they can pull off that look; some guys look better in shorter hair. Another example: I don't really see the appeal in stretched ears and eat plugs and such, but if it looks good on someone then I'm perfectly fine with it. :3

Also! Not long ago I watched a wishbone episode on Frankenstein. The "monster" apparently looked hideous but I couldn't see it, then I felt sad and angry for him. Was it just because of all of his scars?! It better not have been! Scars are beautiful! I adore them. *gasp* and what about the actor who played the murderer in "when a stranger calls"?! Apparently a great deal of his life was nothing but hardship when his face was scarred! I thought that was horrible! ;~;

[Scout the Supreme Overlord]

I can sort of tell when someone is "hot" just from experience and being able to predict other's reactions. The thing I find attractive, though(for squishes) is when I would describe someone as cute. For me it's like this: would you rather pet a big, strong, muscular dog, or a puppy?

[DragonflytotheMoon]

I usually find more women attractive than men. Even so, it's more about the aesthetics. I don't tend to experience a physical reaction. If I have any, from finding someone appealing, it's intellectual and/or emotional. Everyone I've been interested in has looked very different. Height, build, hair/eye color, ethnicity, etc. I don't really have a type. Even with intelligence, personality & things in common it has varied. Though, maybe not quite as much as looks.

[somespicynoodles]

I find many people beautiful aesthetically. I don't fantasize about them sexually or find myself aroused in any sense, but there are a lot of people I do find attractive on an aesthetic level. Sometimes the aesthetic beauty in a person comes out in their attitude; it just depends for me.

[SwimmyFins]

I tend to experience aesthetic attraction to conventionally good-looking people-- whether that's me or cultural conditioning is up for debate. In real life, I notice it with women more than men. Like today I was at a gas station, and this really pretty girl was there, and I had to try not to stare at her. But if I'm watching TV or something, I notice it more with men. Think Matt Bomer. There's also this commercial with a gorgeous Indian-looking guy, but that's beside the point.

I just feel the urge to stare at the person and say "Wow!" because they're so beautiful. This may or may not be accompanied by physical arousal (depending on the time of the month) but not the desire to actually have sex with the person. I guess that's the key difference between the way I see beauty and the way an allo person sees beauty. For most people, beauty triggers thoughts of sex. For me, it's just, wow, they're pretty.

[Darth Tribble]

I am a male and I find most people unattractive but not ugly. I hear about how a female is hot, and I just don't see it. I usually find celebs as fake or too perfect or slutty.

There was a girl in my high school who won a beauty pageant and I don't see how she is the most attractive, at least among the contestants.

For me, when it comes to attraction, the face is everything. I don't care if a woman has the nicest body or a nice voice, if I do not find her face attractive, then she is not attractive to me. All other features are secondary to the face. The same goes with hair.

I can find a woman ugly, but I never found a man ugly.

Most girls who attracted to me are not my type. I am Caucasian, but I have noticed that many of the girls who find me attractive are African Americans. Alot of blonds also like me, though I prefer brunettes.

[The_Boosker]

I think it largely depends on person. As an ace I do find some people aesthetically pretty or beautiful but not all. And who I find aesthetically attractive do change slightly. I find guys with dark hair and eyes to be more attractive but it is their personalities that makes it or breaks it. Meaning if they're bleh or douchy than I find them less attractive. The kinder the person the more attractive I find them. Also making me laugh doesn't hurt.

[Tyger Songbird]

Attractiveness actually comes from like a classic attractiveness to me, like characters in a novel or something. I tend to think of it as attraction as something like a melodious tone. I get more atrracted to a good song than to people most days.

Though I am attracted to girls only, I can tell when there a guy might be nice-looking. It's more of a compliment to a guy than an attraction thing.I see certain girls as beautiful, and then I can also see some guys I think many would call good-looking in many aspects. I tend to think of it like viewing a work of art, in a sense. I can sense attractiveness myself, but it has more to do than just sex. It's not sexual for me. It has more to it than the superficial level. Aesthetic if you will.

However, It's a combination of sorts. It's like I am back in reading The 4 Loves by CS Lewis describing this. However, I think it's the 1 way that helps best for me. Yeah, I notice someone who may have a good figure, but somebody who I can click with is someone who I find easily attractive. Someone who comes across as like high-faluting or supercilious is not my type of person, no matter how good looking they are. People who are haughty or flaunt their attractiveness with instagram photos like *cough* Kim Kardashian will never be attractive to me. They will never grow in attraction to me. It's off putting. I think I get attracted to vibes. It's just not sexual, though. It's more of a "storge" strong friendship/romantic thing, where you want to just wrap your arms around a partner, lock eyes, and hug, I guess. I guess that is the depth of my attraction. I have never done the eros thing.

I hope you understand.

[HighDrive]

This is so interesting.

I am an alosexual cis male. And most people can't believe that:

- I have no idea what an attractive man is. All men look the same to me (including me and trans men) absolutely indifferent.

- I find almost every woman attractive in one way or another. (Including trans woman)

- I find almost any gender fluid person attractive one way or another.

And while many people find me very attractive and mention it frequently, my ace GF barely ever mentions it and when she does seems more as if she does it to humour me, or referring to something different than what other people see. (And I ask her because I don't know when I look good and when I don't )

So, bottom line, I think that different people see beauty differently and I don't know if it depends on orientation.

[HighDrive]

Imagine this guy walks up to you and asks you for a date...

For example, I cannot honestly tell if he is worst or better looking than George Clooney. (Really, not being facetious)

[NerotheReaper]

As cheesy as it sounds, people are paintings. When you see a picture or painting you really like, that catches your eye you don't always have the words to describe it. You can place someone in a gallery of all different kinds of paintings, even if you don't like art there is probably going to be one that stands out to you. You don't want to have sex with the painting (I mean if that is your thing that's okay), but it catches your interest.

So the same thing with people, you can be in a huge room full of people and not everyone will be interesting to you. There will be probably be a few people that catch your eye, and this is not limited to romantic interest.

[Siimo van der fietspad]

I tend to find more beautiful people who are more innocent-looking and not sexually imposing. If a woman is pouty and trying to display her chest and wearing tight clothes I don't like it. Being arty and clever and slightly nerdy is much more attractive, what I'd categorise as pretty rather than beautiful. Much prefer an untamed river of hair, a warm smile with freckles and glasses, wearing a nice dress and well-loved hoody than a bleach-blonde with eyeliner art that took longer than the Sistine Chapel, wrapped in just enough cloth to avoid arrest for indecency and ridiculous heels. And what I'm really interested in is that the former can play the viola and is interesting and charming and funny, rather than a boring airhead who has no opinion and doesn't know about anything. I quite like women who are a bit fantasy/gothic too, eg purple hair, tattoos and piercings, as they tend to be pretty interesting and have good taste in music. If you're German, Finnish or Danish I'm sold already.

I can usually identify which men are most attractive, even to the point where I wonder if I am slightly bi-romantic.

[Tyger Songbird]

I tend to find more beautiful people who are more innocent-looking and not sexually imposing. If a woman is pouty and trying to display her chest and wearing tight clothes I don't like it. Being arty and clever and slightly nerdy is much more attractive, what I'd categorise as pretty rather than beautiful. Much prefer an untamed river of hair, a warm smile with freckles and glasses, wearing a nice dress and well-loved hoody than a bleach-blonde with eyeliner art that took longer than the Sistine Chapel, wrapped in just enough cloth to avoid arrest for indecency and ridiculous heels. And what I'm really interested in is that the former can play the viola and is interesting and charming and funny, rather than a boring airhead who has no opinion and doesn't know about anything. I quite like women who are a bit fantasy/gothic too, eg purple hair, tattoos and piercings, as they tend to be pretty interesting and have good taste in music. If you're German, Finnish or Danish I'm sold already.

I can usually identify which men are most attractive, even to the point where I wonder if I am slightly bi-romantic.

I think the same thing as you do. What I have noticed is that it's not about the person, but rather what the person's wearing. Too much exposed or outright nude is icky to me. However, I guess a nice sun dress or just regular jeans is something I'd consider cute. It's not all this fluff and makeup. It seems like an objectification, I guess. It didn't change the person, but the outfit is better to me. I think. However, I get more interested in people with personalities to match their looks, Modesty better, personality is best. I also like athletics, dance, and singing too to go with the viola if I may add on. Hey. ^_^

[Salted Karamel]

I have a pretty good sense of conventional beauty standards, I think, so I can name who is and is not conventionally attractive and to what degree, more or less. And I can name what I find to be aesthetically pleasing myself (tends to be a fairly androgynous look).

But when it comes to what other people find to be sexually attractive, nope, I'm completely fucking baffled. Actually I find I'm less baffled by hearing guys name which girls they find to be hot, because I'm usually like, yeah, she scores pretty high on rankings of conventional beauty. But when girls name which guys they find hot...nope. I feel like at least 60% of the time I'm like that guy looks hairy and disgusting and I do not get it at all. (Sorry to hairy dudes but it's not for me.)

[AceInhibitor]

I'm incredibly shallow for an asexual. I have a lot of aesthetic attraction (but I mean I notice a lot of aesthetically pleasing things generally, it's just something I do), but sometimes it's a persons voice. When it comes to crushes, I have a couple where people look at me and are like 'Seriously??? Them?? But they're not even good looking!' and I'm like...I'm sorry are we not looking at the same person, because they are very cute. So I guess when I like someone they become cute, regardless of what they look like, because I like them, rather than me necessarily liking them because of their looks. I had a crush on one guy purely because of his voice to start off with, and I'm pretty sure I actually started liking one person for no reason other than they had similar music taste to me. I mean there's some 'conventionally attractive' guys or girls that I just don't get the fuss over, like Chris Evans does nothing for me. He seems nice enough, and I'm aware that he's objectively good looking. I just don't feel anything there myself.

[Salted Karamel]

Imagine this guy walks up to you and asks you for a date...

Would you comply, or would you be running in the opposite direction?

1. That's a mugshot, so not exactly an unbiased sample.

2. As others have said, I'd run in the other direction if any stranger came up and asked me for a date.

3. Aside from that being a mugshot and the person looking like a serial killer, I don't think they're wholly unattractive, aesthetically speaking? Like, I could see that guy being a character on Game of Thrones that I could rally behind or something. It's just, you know, the whole "DANGER. WARNING. MUGSHOT." thing that's most off-putting about this guy.

[grimfang999]

I remember being young and being told certain people were attractive and wondering if they really were... conversely I feel as if I still have a vague understanding of beauty and ugliness beyond disfigurement. Some aces do see beauty differently, but as people have said its subjective. I have tastes if neauty, but it isnt a society-directed version, I cant really explain it myself.

[Philip027]

Another thing worth adding to this thread:

Thinking back on my life, the number of times I have been asked something like "isn't X pretty?" (where X may or may not be a person) only for me to shrug or otherwise have no real opinion... is *astoundingly* high. Like, I've never seen anyone else have as much difficulty answering the question as I do.

[InariYana]

I've always felt attracted to slightly androgynous people, but not that much to men/women who really accentuate their femininity/masculinity. I remember having a crush on my female uni professor, who actually could pass as a slim, feminine guy :) I find many Japanese/East Asian men with soft facial features totally gorgeous, so in my case it's definitely androgyny - closest to my beauty ideal. It's not all about looks though, of course :D

Self-disciplined people, radiating some quiet confidence - they are so, so fascinating. If I can sense strong charisma - there's a good chance I'll be somehow interested in a person. People who are warm, loyal and care about other people/animals/plants - you can sense the goodness in them and this also draws me towards them.