Do Asexual People See Beauty Differently?

[Zargos]

Okay, so I'm pretty new to AVEN and I just have SO many questions. Anyway, I thought I'd post about this as it's been annoying me for a while.

How do you distinguish "good-looking" people from "non good-looking" people? What do you define "beauty" as?

When people talk about how "attractive" someone is or allude to the beauty of a celebrity I get really annoyed. Isn't everyone beautiful in their own way? But more than that, if I look at a celebrity that most people consider attractive, I just don't see it. It's not that I think they're ugly or plain or something. I just don't see how they are any more attractive than anyone else. It irks me when people talk about inner beauty and that "it doesn't matter if you're ugly on the outside, as long as you have a nice personality". Like, who are you to say that person is unattractive? Who are you to judge their "beauty" or lack of when it is so subjective?

So how do you define beauty? Do you see people as pretty or ugly? I'm just curious as to whether asexual people view beauty differently than non-asexuals and if my view on beauty is really just weird.

[bonny]

Personally I find most people vaguely unattractive (including myself) but I also find both stereotypical masculinity and femininity very unattractive.

I've thought about this and I think I tend to find people attractive only if I feel they "look friendly". I have wondered if this could be the result of past bullying.

[Baam]

I'm not sure. I don't really think about it. There's obviously some subconscious judging of appearance going on in everyone's brain, but that's just an instinctual thing to gauge if there's any danger. (e.g. when you find someone 'creepy'.) Being aware of that helps me judge people as little as possible on their appearance.

I guess there's some damn ugly and some damn beautiful people out there. It doesn't affect me though, I just really don't care. It would be really stupid if I didn't talk to someone on the sole basis that they aren't 'pretty' by my standards or something. You're right, it is extremely subjective. And it really just doesn't even matter how 'good looking' someone is. To some people who are sexual and romantic, appearance has a factor in their attraction. So I suppose there's that difference. To me, who is aromantic and asexual, I would just be the same as anyone else who doesn't see it as having a factor in their attraction (i.e. like pansexuals don't see gender as a factor in their attraction). So yeah, beauty just doesn't affect me in the slightest, so I don't see people as pretty or ugly. Or rather, I really just don't care.

[Tris]

At least for me, I will notice something about a person that I find beautiful, whether it is their hair or just what sweater they are wearing, but I do the same to animals or a decorated cake in a bakery so...

[ace11]

i find celebrities less attractive than regular people. The fake expressions, weird makeup and lighting, ugly dresses on the red carpet--not attractive. sometimes i think that a celebrity looks really attractive in a movie when they capture something authentic about the character they are playing. i do find certain people more visually attractive than others, particularly in photographs. i couldn't tell you exactly what it is about them. i think it has a lot to do with how they interact with their environment. and probably to some extent, how photogenic their features are. i don't know, really.

[123cosmo]

Well beauty isnt the first thing i look for. Usually the people i find more beautiful are people that i can directly look at. I have trouble with eye contact but for some reason its easier with some people (even if i dont know them very well) so i guess the more i see someones face the more good qualities i can find. Also faces that are symmetrical are nice (not that asymmetrical faces arn't).

[fresetu]

First and foremost: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What I find beautiful, you might not spend another thought on it, while another would find it just ugly.

On a personal note, I thought of someone as "meh" when I met her, but, over the course of time, my perception of her changed for "meh" to "beautiful". Me thinking nothing of her at first, was me evaluating / judging merely on her physical / outward characteristics. What changed my mind was an interaction of multiple elements, which included her personality, my assumed trustworthiness of her and our interaction amongst one another.

I don't think that asexuals see beauty differently; I believe everyone sees beauty differently, for the mere reason that someone else isn't you (although certain characteristics, through societal / cultural influences, are viewed as overall more beautiful; which might, then again, influence your perception of beauty, be it one way or the other)

[Rising Sun]

Beauty and attractiveness are two different things.

[Sally]

No. Asexual people have one commonality: we don't want partnered sex. Everything else is individual.

[Tarfeather]

No. Asexual people have one commonality: we don't want partnered sex. Everything else is individual.

Took the words out of my mouth. Nitpick, though -- It's probably still true that not finding people "attractive" is more common among asexuals than among sexuals.

[Homer]

To me, this kind of question is almost impossible to answer.

I am just one person. I do only have one brain processing my surroundings. That's the way it is, that's the way I know it. To be able to answer the question, I would have to exist twice (one sexual and one ace Homer, with sexuality the only different parameter between them). That's the only way to find out if asexuality actually has an influence of my perception of beauty. How else would I be able to compare correctly?

There are aces who experience aesthetic attraction and there are some who don't. Maybe that's related to being ace, maybe it's not.

Please don't get me wrong - I don't consider your question as "invalid" or "boring" or "useless". It would actually be interesting (especially for ace folks who don't see beauty). I just can't find a way to answer this correctly.

[Sally]

No. Asexual people have one commonality: we don't want partnered sex. Everything else is individual.

Took the words out of my mouth. Nitpick, though -- It's probably still true that not finding people "attractive" is more common among asexuals than among sexuals.

I think asexuals get confused when they see someone as attractive. I thought my partner was just gorgeous when I first knew him, and I figured that of course, that's how everyone sees attraction. Little did I know at that time that my feeling was aesthetic, not sexual.

[Tarfeather]

I hope an asexual who doesn't experience attraction will comment on this. I'm pretty sure there are quite a few of them on AVEN.

[Sally]

I hope an asexual who doesn't experience attraction will comment on this. I'm pretty sure there are quite a few of them on AVEN.

What kind of attraction are you talking about? Since I don't experience sexual attraction but do experience aesthetic and romantic attraction, I wouldn't know if you were including me or not.

[Rabidbutterfly]

Technically I have no attraction. What makes people beautiful is how they act. Who you are as a person changes how you look on the outside. That being said I think you can find beauty in things without being attracted to it. Seeing a beautiful person is like seeing a beautiful flower. You can admire how pretty it is without lusting after it.

[Tarfeather]

Oh, you're right, let me be specific. I'm talking about people who have no particular feelings about someone's physical appearance. They don't find people "beautiful" or "ugly" in any sense of the word, unless it's for reasons of personality. C. is like that, and I'm quite sure there are other asexuals like that here, as well.

[Rising Sun]

If demisexuals count, I've never experienced any intrinsically physical attraction, only indirectly as the result of attraction to personality.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I don't have any feelings towards human appearance, just machines, do I count?

[Tarfeather]

Of course you both count!

[LostSong]

I normally almost never find people "attractive" but i do think that everyone is beautiful in some way. Although, i do find some people aesthetically pleasing to look at.

[deltaX]

Personally, I can be attracted to the way people look, just not in a sexual way. However, I'm usually not attracted to people who are stereotypically hot or beautiful- the people I'm most asethetically attracted to are usually people that almost everyone else would find ugly. I like people who have something about their look that makes them unique and interesting, instead of people who have nice abs or whatever.

I don't think that's purely an asexual thing though. Everyone has their own preferences, and not even all sexual people will be able to agree on who's attractive and who isn't.

[Zargos]

Wow, thanks for all the feedback! For me, I don't really compare peoples' beauty, I see everyones face unique and interesting and I guess you could say "beautiful" if that makes sense. When I've had a crush, say, I can admire how the person's features combine to make up the person's face and definitely can say they are beautiful. But then again, I guess some people consider the person's body as well when they consider whether someone is beautiful in their opinion. To me, my dog is beautiful - I think she is the prettiest girl in the world. But I am a little biased!

[SquidKen]

I tend to view people as kind of neutral, maybe a little on the positive side. Though there are certain traits that will make me find you more attractive. In general, I tend to like girls with short hair, and guys with long hair, but there are always exceptions. My former crush I found attractive physically for his smug smile and when for a while had long blonde-red hair that I liked very much. Romantically I think I was attracted to him because we are very similar in personality and he was a lot of fun. I found my last boyfriend attractive for his adorably squishy face and just his body shape in general was attractive to me, though still not sexually. He had short hair though, always has, so he breaks my rule.

I find a lot of people attractive. Not in a head over heels sort of way, but I often think 'Oh, he/she is pretty nice looking' and then move on. There are some though that when I see them I just smile like a fool and want to admire them forever.

Personality and how close we are plays into it too. I find my friends more attractive then stranger's and am more likely to admire them. My former crush's confidence and the fun we had boosted how attractive I found him to be.

[sindi]

I don't think I view it any differently, I just think I have a different taste from the average. For example celebrities rarely do anything for me, but some people certainly look more attractive to me than others.

[Fire & Rain]

I thought everyone sees beauty differently. I have very little capability for human's aesthetics. Y'all look the same to me just like all giraffes look the same. No offense lol

[gadzooks]

i think it's always a matter of personal preference. as far as pretty people go. probably. flat-chested afab people that are young and give off a slightly alternative vibe that would be considered cute. like. "would probably hug a bunny" type people. if they're not dressed really modestly it can be a bit off-putting. i tend to prefer people with a good personality. short hair is better than long and colorful dyes are almost always best. i tend to dislike gaudy and flashy people but it depends on the style of clothing the person is wearing. that may seem oddly specific but people aren't my preference anyway since i've always had a really strong aesthetic preference for inanimate objects. which is something an allo person would pretty much never say.

[RedAceofHearts]

I think most aces/aros recognize that a person can be "good-looking" according to their personal preferences, but not necessarily in a sexy way. For me personally, I recognize that people are cute or good-looking, but my mind never really wanders past that. I think it's called aesthetic attraction.

[Tarfeather]

I think most aces/aros recognize that a person can be "good-looking" according to their personal preferences,

[citation needed] ^_^

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Well, with humans quite honestly you all look the same unless I know you well, particularly female-appearing people. I can extrapolate my knowledge of popular culture and biology to figure out who's considered attractive, but have very little instinctive knowledge and don't have any desire to stare like many people do.

With machines though I suppose I have a more 'conventional' approach. I definitely feel attracted to their appearance and am completely guilty of staring and 'checking them out'. I get the 'ooph' factor, but with no desire to engage with them sexually.

[Prufrock, but like, worse]

I envy blind people.