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Um... so, I have a question for the sex forum. Yeah.


Ace of Amethysts

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Ace of Amethysts

I`m pretty sure it`s been asked on another post a long time ago, but it`s been nibbling away at me for a while: If someone who`s described themselves as sex-averse in the past like me suddenly starts thinking about actually having sex out of curiosity, is that OK? Do those thoughts make them gray-ace or gray-sexual? Does this even make sense?

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If it's out of curiosity and not desire/attraction, then it doesn't change your sexuality at all, just your sex-positivity.

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The Not So Impossible Girl

"is that OK?"

Yes. You can totally be naturally avoidant of sex but still be curious about it. I feel that way. Although, the avoidant feelings definitely win out over the curiosity, since curiosity is just... curiosity. It's not like a need or anything. Not having sex (at least 353 out of 365 days of the year) is a need for me imo. You can also look at all the gay people who are like, "I'm curious about having sex with someone of the opposite sex". Doesn't make them not gay anymore to think that, just curious.

How that might affect your thoughts on your orientation though, I have no idea.

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Telecaster68

It's not really a question of it being OK or not. Your feelings are your feelings and there's nothing wrong with no longer being sex averse. You don't have to ask anyone's permission.

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Of course it's ok! Why wouldn't it be? :huh:

Personally, I used to be sex-averse, and then I gradually became more open to the possibility of having sex. I'm pretty sure that there are others who have gone through this sort of change (although, in my case, things got a bit... "weird" after a while, and I started to question everything about my (a)sexuality). However, in my case, I stopped worrying about labels because I realized it wasn't very helpful to me, and I started to focus more on how open I was to the idea of having sex, whether/why I want it or not, etc... So I don't think I can answer your question about whether it means you're grey-ace or not. Sorry!

And I know I'm being extremely hipocritical when I say this, but I think it would be better to just accept that things can change and that there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. ;)

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Its absolutely OK to change ones opinions and orientations and labels with the underwear! Its your(!) life and you owe yourself the respect to do the right thing for yourself.

Thinking about trying sex out of curiosity doesn't change much. If you want to be overly exact; change "averse" to "finding out if I am maybe sex indifferent".

But wait for the big label changes until acts followed thoughts.

As others told: curiosity without experienced attraction doesn't have an impact on one's asexuality.

And as my personal POV: there is only one person to whom your asexuality matters: they who desire you as their spouse (substitute for the night). And in that connection "I am less sexual than you" is bad enough.

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