Gyno Anxiety!

[Arhodiana]

Hi, I hope this is the right place to post this! (please tell me if this is the wrong place, and I'll try to rectify it!)

I'm still a minor, so I of course don't get much say in what happens to me, and being in possession of a uterus, my mother has decided it's about time for me to start having gynecological appointments. She says I should prepare for this in the near future, so it'll probably happen sometime this coming summer (speaking in Northern Hemisphere terms).

Now, I know that everything will be strictly medical, but I am incredibly physically and emotionally repulsed by even the thought of someone touching my genitals. I anticipate being highly uncomfortable throughout the proceedings, when they eventually occur, and probably having an all-out panic attack and being unable to communicate. As a side note, I am not diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, as my mother seems unconcerned with my mental health as it stands (she assumes it's just a hormonal thing, and I'll grow out of it once I'm done with the teen years), so I don't have any medication or other forms of coping techniques on that front.

Since this appears to be an inevitable event (not to mention one that will continue throughout the rest of my life), I figured I should probably get some tips from people who have been through this before.

So, I though that this might be the community to ask! Is there anyone else to whom this applies who can give me some advice/tips for how to cope?

[Tris]

I am not someone who has done this before, but you should try talking to the doctor without your mother being present.

[FerlynnGoldbeard]

You can request to see a female or a male, depending on your comfort. The first few times I went to my gynecologist, she asked if she could examine me, which I said no to. They can't force you into it--you're allowed to say no. She also asked me some basic health questions, like if I was sexually active or if I had trouble urinating. I had the option to have my parent in the room with me during the questioning, which I didn't.

I've only let my gynecologist examine me once. She pretty much fear-tripped me into it. Going into it, I was nauseous for days before hand. It hadn't even happened yet, and I felt violated. When I got there, I explained my feelings to her, and she was rather understanding of it (I assume it happens a lot). The actual examination only took two minutes. She left, I unclothed and got under a blanket, she came back in, looked and lightly touched, and left the room again. It was really easy to overthink it in my mind, but it wasn't bad at all. They've seen a lot of people, and they're numb to looks because of it. It's completely medical to them.

As for your anxiety, you could discuss it with your gynecologist, and they might give you a referral to another doctor. If nothing, it may help to drive the point home to your mother.

[Guest]

You have to talk to your gyn. Examination is not painful but kinda uncomfortable. If you are virgin (as me), you'll be examined by anus. If you are afraid, you should chose the opinion on doctors in your local area and chose the best one./ The good advice is to chose this recommended by lesbians because he/she will be non-heteronormative friendly and can understand your asexuality.

[ponz]

I'll reiterate some things already said, but it's also what I know to be true, as I've had several visits myself. Sorry if my post is TMI, but you're better off learning of things here than finding out at the appointment. XD

1. As already stated, you can ask to see a female gyno, they can't force you to see a male. Your mom can request it when she makes the appointment.

2. Talking to your gyno about your anxiety can help a lot, and you're not unusual for doing so. You can ask her to explain what she's doing as she goes along, so you won't get any surprises.

3. While getting touched down there is no picnic, it's not harmful or traumatic. The metal thing they stick inside (forgot the name) is the worst part because it's COLD!!! Also, they wear gloves the whole time, so there's no skin contact, if that helps. From my experiences, the gyno does stick her fingers inside briefly (like 10-15 seconds) to check for lumps or swelling, but she uses a gel to make the entry quick and painless. There's also a Pap smear, which is like a really long q-tip going inside (it's way more comfortable than a tampon! XD) The overall exam isn't very long, maybe 15 mins at most. Oh, and there might be a brief breast exam to make sure you don't have any lumps, but I'm not 100% if my gyno does that or not.

4. It's a medical procedure, not to mention your gyno's job. She's seen plenty of lady parts, and she won't judge or act weird. For her, giving an exam is as normal as tying your own shoelaces. She's got a vagina too, so she knows what they look like and personally knows how they work. There's no need for embarrassment (if that was one of your concerns).

5. Idk if binaural beats work for you, but I've listened to them to calm myself during an exam, and my gyno didn't mind. Once the talking is out of the way, you should be fine to listen to calming music, too, just be sure to tell her that's why you have your headphones on.

If you think you can handle it, I'm sure there's videos or articles that go through the exam process. Seeing it all ahead of time may give you a chance to brace yourself for exactly what's to come.

Remember, a gyno exam is a very common and normal procedure that screens you for ovarian cysts and cancer and such. It's something that billions of women experience multiple times in their lives, so you'll be ok. ^__^

[EmsanQ]

Ah, I feel the gyno anxiety too.

The first time I went there I asked for a female doctor and ended up with a male one instead, but it was kinda fine anyway. Where I live at least they don't put anything in anywhere if you're a virgin, so it was okay.
They just ask some basic questions like if you're sexually active or have been and such, and then they look to make sure nothing looks off.
It's strictly medical.

Exceeept the second time I went the doctor was female and kinda horrible and I dunno what she did but the examination hurt (??!?!??!) and she said that I was "too anxious" and should "return when I'm more experienced" (basically she told me to go have sex so I would be less anxious. Ha! Yeah sure. Forcing myself into a sexual situation would resolve aaaall the anxiety and instantly reform me. Ugh. That doctor was such a bitch.)

Anyway.
What you need to know is:

1. This is YOUR BODY. You have the right to say no at any point in time. Even if you agree to the exam at first you can say no right in the middle of it. The doctor must accept this, they do not have the right to do anything towards you without your willing consent.

2. Talk to the doctor. It's a very personal experience. Express that you're scared and anxious. If they're good at their job (AND THEY SHOULD BE *glares in the general direction of my previous doctor*) they'll talk to you and explain how things work and try to calm you down as much as they can. Maintain communication and remember the right to say no.

Good luck.

[Arhodiana]

You can request to see a female or a male, depending on your comfort. The first few times I went to my gynecologist, she asked if she could examine me, which I said no to. They can't force you into it--you're allowed to say no. She also asked me some basic health questions, like if I was sexually active or if I had trouble urinating. I had the option to have my parent in the room with me during the questioning, which I didn't.

I've only let my gynecologist examine me once. She pretty much fear-tripped me into it. Going into it, I was nauseous for days before hand. It hadn't even happened yet, and I felt violated. When I got there, I explained my feelings to her, and she was rather understanding of it (I assume it happens a lot). The actual examination only took two minutes. She left, I unclothed and got under a blanket, she came back in, looked and lightly touched, and left the room again. It was really easy to overthink it in my mind, but it wasn't bad at all. They've seen a lot of people, and they're numb to looks because of it. It's completely medical to them.

As for your anxiety, you could discuss it with your gynecologist, and they might give you a referral to another doctor. If nothing, it may help to drive the point home to your mother.

This is really helpful, thank you so much!

[Arhodiana]

Ah, I feel the gyno anxiety too.

The first time I went there I asked for a female doctor and ended up with a male one instead, but it was kinda fine anyway. Where I live at least they don't put anything in anywhere if you're a virgin, so it was okay.

They just ask some basic questions like if you're sexually active or have been and such, and then they look to make sure nothing looks off.

It's strictly medical.

Exceeept the second time I went the doctor was female and kinda horrible and I dunno what she did but the examination hurt (??!?!??!) and she said that I was "too anxious" and should "return when I'm more experienced" (basically she told me to go have sex so I would be less anxious. Ha! Yeah sure. Forcing myself into a sexual situation would resolve aaaall the anxiety and instantly reform me. Ugh. That doctor was such a bitch.)

Anyway.

What you need to know is:

1. This is YOUR BODY. You have the right to say no at any point in time. Even if you agree to the exam at first you can say no right in the middle of it. The doctor must accept this, they do not have the right to do anything towards you without your willing consent.

2. Talk to the doctor. It's a very personal experience. Express that you're scared and anxious. If they're good at their job (AND THEY SHOULD BE *glares in the general direction of my previous doctor*) they'll talk to you and explain how things work and try to calm you down as much as they can. Maintain communication and remember the right to say no.

Good luck.

I'll keep this in mind, thank you!

[ponz]

Exceeept the second time I went the doctor was female and kinda horrible and I dunno what she did but the examination hurt (??!?!??!) and she said that I was "too anxious" and should "return when I'm more experienced" (basically she told me to go have sex so I would be less anxious. Ha! Yeah sure. Forcing myself into a sexual situation would resolve aaaall the anxiety and instantly reform me. Ugh. That doctor was such a bitch.)

What an awful experience. D= My gyno office feels like a warm, fuzzy blanket of femininity. XD

Also, I'd like to point out that I wasn't a virgin when I first went, so what the above posts have said about their experiences with their gyno and virginity could actually be the standard. I wouldn't know. o_o;;

[EmsanQ]

Exceeept the second time I went the doctor was female and kinda horrible and I dunno what she did but the examination hurt (??!?!??!) and she said that I was "too anxious" and should "return when I'm more experienced" (basically she told me to go have sex so I would be less anxious. Ha! Yeah sure. Forcing myself into a sexual situation would resolve aaaall the anxiety and instantly reform me. Ugh. That doctor was such a bitch.)

What an awful experience. D= My gyno office feels like a warm, fuzzy blanket of femininity. XD

Aw, damn. I wish it would be like that next time I go.

I have to go soon and I'm pretty terrified that it'll go horribly again. But at least I know the doctor's name so I can avoid going back to her.

[Mezzo Forte]

It's actually funny, my mom was more opposed to me having gyno exams than I was. My doc required that I get a comprehensive exam so I could have a pre-HRT baseline, so I understood why it was necessary. Thankfully, having the doctor be more than aware of my gender meant that she 1) was extra respectful during the process and 2) (TMI) didn't feel the need to ask why I've never tried so much as sticking a tampon up there. :lol: (Granted, the doc basically knows that I'm ace since she asked me about if I had any romantic partners in case I wanted them to learn how to do my shots for me.)

Actually, if you want me to talk a bit to my own TMI experience:

The doc didn't bother with a pap because she felt like the smallest speculum she had wouldn't fit or really reveal much even if she did get it in there. I still had to deal with her checking for lumps, which my brain had no idea how to process because nothing has ever been up there before. It was unpleasant, but she backed off before it got too bad. She told me that I may need to explore options for stretching my vaginal opening should I never pursue bottom surgery so that I can have a pap eventually, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Honestly, I think the hardest part of the exam was having to be 100% nude for it. I get my chest checked out all the time, so I can handle being shirtless. I was thinking I could handle being pantsless while wearing a shirt decently enough, but I didn't even have that to cling to.

Overall, it wasn't too bad of an experience, but I doubt anyone really looks forward to that kind of exam. The way I see it, if I were AMAB, I'd be dealing with prostate exams, so there's no working around awkward checkups of this nature anyways.

[The Emerald]

On 4/18/2016 at 2:17 AM, Hayley_me said:

You have to talk to your gyn. Examination is not painful but kinda uncomfortable. If you are virgin (as me), you'll be examined by anus. If you are afraid, you should chose the opinion on doctors in your local area and chose the best one./ The good advice is to chose this recommended by lesbians because he/she will be non-heteronormative friendly and can understand your asexuality.

Old post is old but examined by anus? THAT SOUNDS EVEN WORSE.

[PurveyorOfBadPuns]

On 4/18/2016 at 4:17 AM, Hayley_me said:

You have to talk to your gyn. Examination is not painful but kinda uncomfortable. If you are virgin (as me), you'll be examined by anus. If you are afraid, you should chose the opinion on doctors in your local area and chose the best one./ The good advice is to chose this recommended by lesbians because he/she will be non-heteronormative friendly and can understand your asexuality.

I was a virgin at my first gyno appointment and I was absolutely not examined by anus.  I do not believe that is normal practice because gynecologists specialize in the vagina/ovaries/uterus/other sex characteristics, not the digestive tract.

[LucyCat]

On March 6, 2017 at 2:26 AM, The Emerald said:

Old post is old but examined by anus? THAT SOUNDS EVEN WORSE.

Ugh yea...I have literally never heard of this and I was very "wtf" when I read that. Makes me wonder what kind of 'doctor' that person went to. Good god. I hope that was a joke.

 

I know this is old but for me, my first Gyno appointment, they kind of pressured me to have whatever it is that metal thing is used to check me but I said "hell no"...they said it's important they check but I said it's more important that they please refrain from doing so and not to stick any fingers up there either, not even a cm. I'm a person who has never so much as used a tampon. So...yea. My last appointment, the assistant was all shocked that I wasn't sexually active and then she asked if I ever was and I said "Nope"...I hate these conversations. They either don't believe you or think you're a freak and they do nothing to hide the expression on their faces. She did say tho that they can't put anything inside me if I'm a Virgin...which I was pleasantly surprised by because they sure as heck never said as much before. Yet when I talked to the actual Doctor..she talked about a Pap smear and got all serious with me about hpv...and I was like...well I have no reason to worry about that. (The weird thing is she didn't offer up the logic that I could get it even without having sex). And she just gave me this horrible look like "Bitch, just take the damn shot. Get the damn pap test". She looked frustrated with me and talked to me like I was 5 years old and needed a time-out. I was all nervous and practically about to cry because I was already in a bad place when going there. And I don't think I will ever be going back. They tried to push birth control on me too...which I already mentioned to them I had tried for acne many years ago and it made it 100x worse to the point that I had to go on accutane. Never again. They don't listen. 

Definetely recommend a female either way tho...I would absolutely never go to a male gynecologist. 

Maybe it's wrong but a part of me questions why on earth a man would even want to be a gynecologist in the first place. 

 

 

Anyway, you can always say "No" to parts of the exam. But they don't always make you think that you can.

Thats the issue.

[The Emerald]

On 3/15/2017 at 9:10 PM, PurveyorOfBadPuns said:

I was a virgin at my first gyno appointment and I was absolutely not examined by anus.  I do not believe that is normal practice because gynecologists specialize in the vagina/ovaries/uterus/other sex characteristics, not the digestive tract.

Nope. I have been researching and really looking into gynos. I find it all to be a sham. Why the hell would they find anything via the anus if they need to examine the vagina, ovaries, etc? Sounds like the doc wanted to get his/her kicks.

[The Emerald]

On 4/17/2016 at 11:31 PM, Arhodiana said:

Hi, I hope this is the right place to post this! (please tell me if this is the wrong place, and I'll try to rectify it!)

I'm still a minor, so I of course don't get much say in what happens to me, and being in possession of a uterus, my mother has decided it's about time for me to start having gynecological appointments. She says I should prepare for this in the near future, so it'll probably happen sometime this coming summer (speaking in Northern Hemisphere terms).

Now, I know that everything will be strictly medical, but I am incredibly physically and emotionally repulsed by even the thought of someone touching my genitals. I anticipate being highly uncomfortable throughout the proceedings, when they eventually occur, and probably having an all-out panic attack and being unable to communicate. As a side note, I am not diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, as my mother seems unconcerned with my mental health as it stands (she assumes it's just a hormonal thing, and I'll grow out of it once I'm done with the teen years), so I don't have any medication or other forms of coping techniques on that front.

Since this appears to be an inevitable event (not to mention one that will continue throughout the rest of my life), I figured I should probably get some tips from people who have been through this before.

So, I though that this might be the community to ask! Is there anyone else to whom this applies who can give me some advice/tips for how to cope?

How did it go, if you endedup going?

[dawnflower8]

I have never been to one and am incredibly scared to. I don't know if I ever will since I'm 18 now. 

 

Just the thought disgusts and terrifies me. This is coming from someone who is scared of using a tampon.

[Hermit Advocate]

It's not that bad (depending on your gyno). It's uncomfortable and annoying but you go and then you're done, hopefully with everything in working order. Be warned, there may be some spotting afterwards. 

[wonderwho]

On 11/3/2017 at 4:44 AM, Hey you in the corner said:

It's not that bad (depending on your gyno). It's uncomfortable and annoying but you go and then you're done, hopefully with everything in working order. Be warned, there may be some spotting afterwards. 

My first time was terrible. She wanted to use the speculum but couldn't get it to work because of how uncomfortable I was so she tried forcing it in and then she tried using a smaller one that was for "virgins." When that didn't work out either she told me how really young girls who have never had sex could take it with no problem and that I could never fit a penis inside me. Bad memories. 

[Astryda]

6 minutes ago, wonderwho said:

My first time was terrible. She wanted to use the speculum but couldn't get it to work because of how uncomfortable I was so she tried forcing it in and then she tried using a smaller one that was for "virgins." When that didn't work out either she told me how really young girls who have never had sex could take it with no problem and that I could never fit a penis inside me. Bad memories. 

That's sickening and unprofessional. Hope you have a better doctor now.

[Hermit Advocate]

@wonderwho I am so sorry. That was incredibly unprofessional of her and I hope you've found a new gyno. 

[everywhere and nowhere]

Don't force yourself. Don't be afraid to resist.

 

I admit I have trouble reading the whole topic, it's horribly triggering for me. I could never have this kind of examination, it's terrifying to the extreme for me and I literally feel like I would die if I tried. My mother didn't force me when she realised she can't. I refused very strongly.

However, the asexual community feels refreshing in this respect. While I never accepted the rhetoric that YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST, I've been hearing this all my life almost any time I admitted to anyone that I don't visit that kind of doctor. And on one of the asexual blogs I read for the first time someone else saying that you don't have to. It was presented as a kind of cost-and-benefit analysis: if you feel like the psychological cost is too high for you, you have every right to refuse.

[Nylocke]

On 3/15/2017 at 11:10 PM, PurveyorOfBadPuns said:

I was a virgin at my first gyno appointment and I was absolutely not examined by anus.  I do not believe that is normal practice because gynecologists specialize in the vagina/ovaries/uterus/other sex characteristics, not the digestive tract.

 

Well the butt could be "sexual" in the case of nowadays since many people take it up the butt to maintain their so called "virginity". Which means that area needs to be examined too. Though they usually don't do that examination until you are older. I don't know how old or when because I've only been to the gynecologist twice and both times didn't result in an examination because the first time I was 12 and they didn't wanna touch me because I was too young and the second time was about 2 years ago as a result of spotting for 2 weeks up until my period. I didn't feel the need to do an internal examine giving the fact that I was(and still am for that matter) a virgin at the time. Luckily I don't see myself being sexualy active any time soon so with that being said I don't feel I need the gynecologist nor do I feel I can trust them since they never did anything significant for me before and I am almost 30.

 

On 11/11/2017 at 10:05 AM, wonderwho said:

My first time was terrible. She wanted to use the speculum but couldn't get it to work because of how uncomfortable I was so she tried forcing it in and then she tried using a smaller one that was for "virgins." When that didn't work out either she told me how really young girls who have never had sex could take it with no problem and that I could never fit a penis inside me. Bad memories. 

 

If that happened to me something very bad would happen to that doctor involving a speculum if you know what I mean ... <,< >,>

[everywhere and nowhere]

On 13.11.2017 at 3:55 PM, Nylocke said:

 

Well the butt could be "sexual" in the case of nowadays since many people take it up the butt to maintain their so called "virginity".

Is it really a thing? If anything, I would imagine it being more common once, when virginity was considered much more important than nowadays. If anything, I would say that nowadays more people are open to trying anal sex just out of curiosity, not in order to stay an anatomic virgin. But than, this horrible medical speciality is not about checking a person's overall sexual health! It's about checking the female reproductive-sexual organs and the anus is not one of them, it's a non-gendered body part not uncommonly used for sexual purposes.. Any possible damage resulting from anal sex rather belongs in the area of expertise of an STI specialist or, perhaps, a gastrologist.

But than, I've also heard about "per rectum" examination and I also wondered how can anything about the uterus or ovaries be checked this way. If this whole idea is a misconception, than it's very widely believed for a false thing - I think I've even heard (in casual conversation) from a doctor in training...

[biblios]

I think other commenters have given some good advice so far.

 

I'm 22 and have had 1 gyno appt so far. I can try to tell you what that was like. 

 

It was a couple years ago. I was kind of nervous because I'm not used to people looking at me naked, but, as my mom reminded me, this is a doctor who's seen tons and tons of naked people. Unless you're an alien, she's probably not going to remember you specifically after the appointment or think much about it later. That comforted me.

 

When I arrived, a nurse guided me to an exam room and left me alone to change into a hospital gown. After a while, the doctor came in. She first asked me some questions about myself, such as, I dunno, was I having any pain anywhere and was I sexually active (hahahahaha no). Then came the actual exam. She and her assistant were present in the room for that. Both were female. They had me lie back on the exam table and put my feet in stirrups. She told me about each thing she was going to do beforehand.

 

For the down-below section of the exam, she used a speculum and had a look around and took a sample from my cervix for testing. It was cold because she used lube, but otherwise it wasn't uncomfortable. That said, it might not be as comfortable if you're not as used to penetration or if you haven't broken your hymen yet. I masturbate sometimes, so I'm used to that feeling and was able to relax, but if I'd had the exam before I broke my hymen, I think the speculum would have been more of a stretch.

 

After that, the doctor covered me back up downstairs and moved on to a breast exam. She never uncovered my chest, just reached in through the gown.

 

After that, she said everything looked normal, and then we talked a little more. She and the assistant left me to get dressed. And voila, exam over.

[Lirpaderp]

With my family history I was told I have to go once a year. Last year was the first time. I know I have to go again, but I hate it. I have an extremely high tolerance to pain. So when I say something hurts, it really hurts. Why don't they get that?! I'm in pain does not translate to shove it further!

 

I can't use tampons. Nothing is anatomically wrong, but they hurt. It took me years to figure out how to put them in correctly, first (and last) time I wore one I was in a lot of pain. I couldn't take it out because I was in a car, first chance I got I removed it. Something felt off down there the rest of the day, but at least it stopped hurting.

 

Every piece of me feels like it's wrong for anything to be inside of me like that. It completely freaks me out. Nothing should ever go in there. I'm very disconnected with my parts down there, I have no desire to realize they exist and that visit forced me to acknowledge it. This is a punishment I wouldn't wish upon any enemy. I don't want to go back there.

[Nylocke]

On 11/19/2017 at 7:59 PM, Nowhere Girl said:

Is it really a thing? If anything, I would imagine it being more common once, when virginity was considered much more important than nowadays. If anything, I would say that nowadays more people are open to trying anal sex just out of curiosity, not in order to stay an anatomic virgin. But than, this horrible medical speciality is not about checking a person's overall sexual health! It's about checking the female reproductive-sexual organs and the anus is not one of them, it's a non-gendered body part not uncommonly used for sexual purposes.. Any possible damage resulting from anal sex rather belongs in the area of expertise of an STI specialist or, perhaps, a gastrologist.

But than, I've also heard about "per rectum" examination and I also wondered how can anything about the uterus or ovaries be checked this way. If this whole idea is a misconception, than it's very widely believed for a false thing - I think I've even heard (in casual conversation) from a doctor in training...

 

Well my mom did tell me that when you get a certain age is when they start to check the butt for things. I still have never seen a gynecologist