Do people in your life accept your sexuality?

[123cosmo]

Do you guys get lots of support? Ignorance? You closeted? Im just curious about how other aces/aros are treated by family and friends.

[Jeena]

I'm mostly closeted, but the two people I am out to don't even mention it around me. I assume it is to be nice and not be rude/overbearing, but it could be for any one of another hundred reasons.

P.S. I haven't come out to many people because I don't feel like I need to.

[WinterWanderer]

I've come out to three people. Sister's response: "You just haven't met the right person yet." Guy friend's response: Totally accepting, even asked me follow-up questions about it. Girl friend's response: Also accepting, we haven't discussed it since I came out.

I think when coming out, it's important to choose your battles wisely. If you choose to come out to people who may not accept you, at least come prepared with literature or other things to support your identity. For some people, asexuality seems to come out of nowhere and they don't know how to grasp it (at least at first).

[Lord Jade Cross]

Parents wouldnt believe me even if I told them. So they're pretty much blissfully ignorant or just settle for thinking Im either gay or crazy.

Friends, well dont have any RL friends so no point there.

Coworkers/third personal group people have a mix of thinking Im gay or crazy though I tend to have to pretend every once in a while to be straigt so they may have mixed ideals. Still, I have heard them talking about asexuality once. On that particular occasion, the collective response to it is that theres no such thing so no point in even considering that.

I believe its best for me to never tell anyone in the outside world.

[Starlit Sky]

The first two people I ever told were my two best friends, just as soon as I realized what I was. One's was total acceptance, and the other was basically, "Okay Brandi, but can we please not talk about it? I just don't care." Bitch. Sigh . . . she's actually dead now. There's a lot of complicated feelings there.

Er-hem, anyway. . . .

When I told Mama she wasn't too accepting at first, cried and everything, and then after that the subject wasn't brought up again for almost another year. You see, the first time I had been cornered and didn't really have time to prepare, but I was the one who brought it up the second time, was able to explain it much better, and she now understands and doesn't mind at all. :) My dad's dead, but I'm pretty sure he would have been supportive.

The friends I had in school were also all very open-minded about it, as were a couple of guys who I didn't consider to be my friends but tried to hit on me, and then, you know, I explained and lah dee dah.

On the Internet, when I've come out/announced/whatever, I've gotten much more general acceptance and understanding than negative come-backs. ^_^

[Fire & Rain]

It was like "don't ask, don't tell" situation at first and when I decided to tell them "I'm asexual". They just ignored and derailed like "we are running out of milk."

[TheKindredSoul]

My mother thought I was homosexual when I told her. She didn't accept me at all.

My grandmother did not accept me at first, and my grandfather was unsure of what to think.

After awhile though, my grandparents accepted it after I educated them.

I keep my asexuality mostly to myself. It's not like people need to know how I swing. :/

[SorryNotSorry]

Some accept it, others can't get their heads around it.

Oddly, the latter are those I've known the longest.

[moonmagegrl]

I've had to tell my mom twice. (She forgot). I've told two other people, one was very accepting (yay!), and the other pretty much ignored it (ugh). Oddly enough I thought they'd have each others reactions. And as for anyone else, I've outed myself on my About Me on facebook (they don't read it, it's their fault not mine).

[Ischa]

I've talked to some of my closest friends about it and even though we haven't said anything about it since, I notice that they support me and kind of "protect" me from some stuff (I'm quite innocent). It's the same with my sister.

At first when I told my mother she just denied it and thought I was "a late bloomer". She still does but at least now she understands that I'm serious about it. I haven't told my father and I don't know If I will because of his sometimes rather racist comments and not so friendly attitude towards other sexual minorities. He just doesn't seem that open minded.

My boyfriend (straight) isn't happy about it but he supports me completely and is the only one who talks about it. He didn't get how serious it was at first, just thought that I would change my mind or something later, but after taking some other things a bit too lightly and realising how serious they were he learned his lesson.

[IntrovertedBuddhist]

My best (only, at least irl) friend knows & my mom & brother know. All very accepting. :)

[Anthracite_Impreza]

My family have come round to accept it after a bit of resistance, as I think have some people at my group, though they still comment I'll change my mind one day. My friends have never had any issues with it and are fully supportive, as we all are with each other.

[Amedot]

My mother cried when I first told her, and also tried to say that my asexuality must be caused by my mental health issues (the first time she admitted I may have mental health issues). She also told me that all she wants for me is to be happy, and by that she means marry a man and have his babies, and she desperately hopes I will "come around." My dad just hugged me and joked about how my mum wants to keep it quiet (he came out to me years prior, so it makes sense he would have a decent reaction lol). I don't think anyone else in my family knows, as my mother wants to keep my orientation incredibly hush-hush and sees it as something shameful.

I did have some better luck with friends, but not all my friends. I ended a lifelong friendship with someone who said to my face she loved and accepted me, but behind my back she was extremely homophobic and acephobic and made fun of me to people I didn't even know (meaning she outted me to people I don't even know, and did so in a cruel way). However, quite a few of my friends said "Oh Amedot, we already know!" when I told them I was asexual, which was quite a relief. I even helped another friend by coming out, she did some research and now realizes she is demisexual!

I don't come out to most people... Strangers likely assume I'm a lesbian because I live with another woman. If anyone asked what my orientation was, I would tell them.

[Curlz]

I'm not out, but one of my friends guessed it yesterday when I saw an ace booth at a college picnic day and gasped :P she was super cool with it and that made me so happy that she knew what it was and was really accepting about it. Later, one of my friend's moms overheard us talking about it (I don't think she's the type to spread that, but I'm still a little worried ) and my friend was completely supportive of me when I was trying to explain it to her. Of course, the mom's reaction was pretty typical ("you'll feel different someday, your head's in the right place, etc.") but it was still nice that my friend was still supportive of me :D

[Hayley]

Honestly? I think people assume that I'm heterosexual as I am in a long term relationship and have a child, but sex or sexual attraction just don't come up in my day-to-day life. Not at home, not at work, not with friends. The only time I talk about that sort of thing is in asexual groups. ;) The people who have asked have always been supportive, but again it just doesn't come up so the situation never arises where someone could have a problem with it.

I am not in the closet by any means, but nor do I feel the need to talk about my asexuality unless the subject comes up.

[starry-night-sky]

I never told anyone and I don't really feel the need to do so at the moment. The only person I'd tell is a potential boyfriend because of course my asexuality would have an effect on our relationship. And maybe if I was talking to someone (e.g. a friend) about sexuality I would mention it if I had the impression that the person I'm talking to would be accepting and understanding.

[boothcreek]

I am out to my mother, who at first was clinging to her "you just haven't found the right one yet", but after a few years and a long hard thinking about it she lost her conviction behind it. I cannot even maintain a friendship if I don't see the person regularly(aka work)......

Also 2 guys at my one Job know about it. That was actually quite funny coming out to them.

Being the only female at a generally male occupied profession, and also one that doesn't shy away from the sexual topics - I have watched documentaries/read books and am fascinated by the concept, rather disappointed that I neither crave it nor find any pleasure in doing it myself, it seems like people have a lot of fun with it. We always lived the ranch/breeding animals lifestyle, I have seen more "breeding" than most people ever will, and close-up of private parts that most cannot even imagine lol.

So they kept asking me on the female perspective on A LOT of sexual crap, and I can only give them theoretical answers or I DONT KNOW! They thought it was funny, then it occurred to them I never had a boyfriend to speak of, heck, no male friends really, I must be a lesbian! Teasing got really stupid at that point(I am a good sport, I tease right back), so I thought lets go throw them for a loop(they will either accept or work will be really quiet from then on, either way is fine by me)!

Told them that I am ace....... after a few follow-up questions/comments like "we heard you say someone looks good, that means you want to screw them you cant be ace!" so they get re-torts like "so every time you tell me about how awesome your wicked new truck looks does that mean you want to stick your D*** up its tailpipe and screw it?...."

" :redface:........ well, um ....no...... :redface: "

They got all flustered, I just laughed at them.

They still have the most detailed sexual discussions at that particular job, I know things I never even dreamed to think of...... at least they stopped asking me about my experience/opinion, Mission accomplished! :P

[AlwaysADreamer]

The people in my life now accept my asexuality. My parents know and they are pretty cool with it. They just want me to be happy. By older brother doesn't directly know, but he's cool with me being with whoever. I have had a few experiences with ignorance. Some of the important people in my life don't know, but I see no need to tell them unless I enter a serious relationship with another woman just so they don't go into shock :P But I'm ok now with the support that I have now.

[- - -]

my family dont really care anymore. not that they really did to start with... my mam used to keep hinting at boyfreinds and marrage and kids etc but she eventually got the point i wasnt interested in my mid 20s. probably helped seeing that i wasnt all lovey-dovey with the bf i had and wasnt upset when we broke up

i dont think its important enough to go round telling other people, im sure they dont care. orientation and all that crap isnt important to me...

[confusedbat]

Most people I'm close to accept my sexuality. The funny thing I realize about not being straight is that people seem to know it even if you don't fully realize it yourself. I was often accused of being a lesbian by my peers because I just didn't give off a "straight" vibe. My family has always suspected that I probably wasn't interested in guys. I don't think I've told them specifically that I'm ace, but don't feel the need to spell it out exactly what I am because they get the gist of it.

I think for the most part my immediate family are accepting, and all of my friends are accepting of my sexuality, because I generally only hang out with people who are.

I am not accepted by a lot of young guys specifically in this town I live in, it seems they can see my "non-straight vibe" a mile a way. I'm an adult but still get called gay or a f***** on the street when I'm out walking, as if I were still back in junior high. It's caused a lot of social anxiety and I've made a point to go out only at certain times of the day just to avoid these homophobic young people. The struggle continues.

I'm going to make an ace badge to let people know, which will hopefully encourage other local aces to come out if they want to, and also make a gay pride badge for the same reason, and hopefully irk all the homophobes muahaha. Also A-Mazing your avatar picture is adorable. :)

[WhoCares2b]

To be honest, no one really knows, except for some really close friends and my family.

Truth is, my family they just... don't accept it. To them, either I am a late bloomer, or I haven't found the right one, or I have hormones problems and "don't worry, these meds will help you lots"... sigh.

Not everyone can be accepting, I guess.

My friends though, they took it super well. So well that I was surprised, because my "coming out" to them was accidental, really. We were all talking about like guys and girls and sex and I don't know, everyone was talking about their experience and how they felt towards people. They asked me about my experience with guys, and I told them "Oh erm... I don't do guys." to what they immediately answered by asking if I was lesbian. So I told them "I'm just into no one, you know?" and they said "Oh, you're asexual then, right?" and I like just nodded. And they were so, so enthusiastic! Kept asking me questions about how it felt and saying "Hey now I have gay, lesbian and asexual! That's super cool!" and that basically was it.

Still I guess not telling people is the best thing. I mean, unless the situation calls for it or something, every single person you meet doesn't need to know that you're asexual, because that only concerns you.

[Galactic Turtle]

I told a friend when I was questioning and she said that I wasn't asexual.

I then told my parents when I was more sure and then they said I wasn't asexual too so... I agreed... and now they think I have a mental problem that will work itself out with assistance and we're collectively going with that theory.

I still don't know what I am but my sister says all I need to do is ask and she can get someone to have sex with me.

I don't plan on telling anyone else mostly because (like I said) I don't know if I'm asexual or not and I don't have a boyfriend so...

[RedAceofHearts]

As of now, I'm only out to my best friend and she completely accepted me.

[Homer]

I still don't know what I am but my sister says all I need to do is ask and she can get someone to have sex with me.

Do people actually do that? I can't even... neither of the three partys involved seem to be favourable for me. Neither would I want to address to someone like "Er, could you please get seomeone for me...", nor would I feel comfortable searching ("Y'know, my buddy would like to fuck someone and I was just wondering if you were open to the idea...") or even being asked. Being handed around like a trophy. That's cheaper than cheap.

--

I have always been open about my lack of interest in sex and/or romance. It could be that this openness only paved the way to some wonderful cross gender friendships that I experience/d.

Yes, I have been fully accepted, at least in terms of sexuality.

[doggalogga]

Yes. But I am VERY selective in who I tell.

Only told three people directly.

One was my old man, who was totally cool, despite being a grump most of the time.

Good friend was totally fine.

Ex-GF thought I needed to be 'fixed'...but I am not broken. She never really accepted it and thinks I need to find the right person...

But the people that matter are fine with it and honestly, it never gets talked about much as it doesn't define me. My interests are broad and I have a decent social life.

I am fortunate that I at least have received acceptance, because many people out there are pretty ignorant, assuming that everybody wants sex - and those are the people whose opinions don't matter as much because there's a lack of understanding there.

It's hard for the feelings/opinions of the uninformed and ignorant to have any relevance when they're not completely aware of your circumstances, and refuse to listen.

As I have said before though, I guard my privacy regarding sexuality pretty closely because there are awful judgements out there, and I think you have to pick who you confide in pretty carefully.

[deltaX]

I'm mostly closeted. I've only told a few of close friends explicitly that I am aromantic and asexual, but the ones I've told have been incredibly supportive. They already knew what it was (which is surprising, because I didn't before I started researching it for my own label), so I didn't get a bunch ignorant of questions from them. A few of them were curious about my own personal experience, but as we were close friends I was happy to share.

I think my family knows on some level that I'm uninterested in romantic and sexual relationships, and they are fine with that. However, I feel like they might be unsupportive if I actually tried to put a label to it, which is why I am still closeted to family and the people they know.

[Busrider]

My parents seem to accept it. - Dunno. - Do they care at all? - Really hard to tell. - I rarely feel an intellectually emotionally supportive connection to them :( We surely aren't close enough for them to point me at somebody: "why don't you try hitting on her? she is *** has ### and seems nice in general.." I think they weren't overly happy or warming up with the dates I brought home either.

Who else is kind of there? - Co workers. - They know me for years and hm, how would "not accepting" look like? - I'm a weirdo for sure (in general!). - Even with those folks I am getting along its easy to ask the other side's opinion, understand it reply with a shaking head and shuffle off.

Friends & such. Most know me from a time when I was actively dating. My age group has its seasoned relationships and I guess I can point out why I am occasionally happier alone...

I'm not doing "much" with my life but it sometimes feels like already too much to handle.

Once again age: What is a 54 year old partnered guy supposed to do about a 45 year old bachelor friend?

[Muledeer]

I have told two coworkers one on one. I had to explain it both times. The female's response was "hmm, I wonder if I might also be asexual (she is married). The male reacted with total surprise because I have done a pretty good job of pretending to be straight. Neither response was negative.

[Grumpy Alien]

Somewhere between indifference and supportive. They're fully accepting, they just don't see it as important. When I told them, they basically just went "Okay." I see that as very positive. To them, it's no different than me being right handed. But they'd defend me in a heartbeat if someone said something. I know that.

[Still]

Dunno, haven't told anyone, and the responses I've read in threads about this suggest that I should be pretty selective about who to confide in...

But hey, at least I'm lucky in that my family members don't pester me about marriage or having kids.