FaerieFate

Helpful info for those questioning their (a)sexuality

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

Update! Some of you have raised concerns for asking questions here because of the age of the thread. So, I'm here to calm those fears. Regardless of the age of the thread, I will not stop answering questions here as long as I am on AVEN. I'm following the thread, and so when someone posts, I do see it. When able, I will answer any and all questions to the best of my ability. That's the original point of this thread, so if you still have questions, please ask them.

 

Update 2! You'll notice that most of my previous work have been reviewed by admods. Since I am no longer a moderator, I do longer have access to that much help (I can message them if I like, but they're busy so I won't bother them.) Which means I don't have anyone to critique my updates on here. If you find something that I need to fix or rewrite to clarify, please message me or inform me on this thread. I'll take any criticisms.

 

Hello members! You have probably clicked on this thread because you're wondering if you are asexual! To give you the shortest possible answer, no one on AVEN is allowed to label you. However, we are allowed to provide you with all of the possible resources to help you figure it out for yourself. The best place to start if you are questioning your (a)sexuality is this FAQ post. If you've already read it and are still confused, feel free to stick around this thread and read more and view the sources provided. Here is also another link that might help figure out if you're asexual, Am I asexual?

To get more information you may also visit Asexuality Archive.

Quick Links to the rest of the thread:

What doesn't affect your asexuality.

What is asexuality?

What about the rest of the ace spectrum?

What is sexual Attraction?Sexual Desire?

What is Romantic/Aesthetic/Sensual/Platonic Attraction? Could that affect my (A)sexuality?

What is libido?

Am I too young/old to be asexual? Could I be a late bloomer?

If after reading this thread you still have questions, feel free to ask in the reply and I'll try to answer it to the best of my ability. Common questions may be added to this thread in the future.

Credits:

 

General Reviewers:

Skyworld

Nai

Lady Girl

Robin L

Starry Sky

Delta X

scarletlatitude

Special Helps:

Skyworld- recommended second definition for asexuality, recommended link for full ace spectrum, recommended edits to "late bloomer" section to clarify for members,

Robin L- recommended links for Asexuality Archive and WhatIsAsexuality

Starry Sky- mentioned sexual attraction and consuming porn for "what doesn't affect your asexuality", helped with SkyWorld's recomended edits to "late bloomer" section, found broken link, recommended coffee analogy, recommended edit to "Whether or not you've had sex in the past" in What doesn't affect your (a)sexuality section which led to further edits in that section

deltaX- requested reword to "Whether or not you're sex repulsed, sex positive, and/or sex neutral" as well as provided links for member benefit, also helped with Skyworld's recommended edits to "late bloomer" section

scarletlatitude- also helped with SkyWorld's edits to the "late bloomer" section

Lady Girl- recommended edits to "late bloomer" section

Obviously if you like this thread, don't just thank me. Thank these awesome dudes too!

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

What doesn't affect your (a)sexuality

This is just a short list of what doesn't affect your asexuality. For more, please click here and here.

  1. Whether or not you're sex repulsed, sex positive, and/or sex neutral
  2. Whether or not you masturbate
  3. How often you may masturbate
  4. Whether or not you consume pornography
  5. Whether or not you consume in or create erotic pieces of work
  6. Whether or not you've had sex in the past
  7. Whether or not you are sexually active
  8. Your sex drive/libido
  9. If you have kinks or fetishes
  10. Your gender identity/expression
  11. whether you take hormonal therapy or have undergone sexual reassignment surgery
  12. Whether or not you have fantasies
  13. Whether you experience sensual, romantic, or aestetic attraction
  14. Mental or Physical disorders
  15. Any medications you may take or have taken
  16. Whether or not you've been abused

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

What is Asexuality?

The definition of Asexuality in itself is a highly debated topic on AVEN as you'll find the thread "Is AVEN sending us mixed messages?" as well as this thread "Asexual Spectrum/Umbrella References" However, there's two general definitions that are used.

  1. Someone who does not experience sexual attraction to any gender.
  2. Someone who has no desire for partnered sex.

It's safe to say, that as long as your definition fits under one of these two categories, you can call yourself asexual.

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

What about the rest of the ace spectrum?

Just because you aren't asexual doesn't mean that you don't fit into the ace spectrum. Here is a short list of other identities that fit into the ace spectrum. For a full list of sexual identities, you may use the Sexualities Master List.


Demisexual - Someone who only experiences sexual attraction with someone that they share a strong romantic or emotional bond with.

Grey-Asexual - Someone who only rarely experiences sexual attraction (and can generally count the amount of times they've felt it on one hand).

Lithro-Sexual - Someone who experiences romantic attraction but doesn't want their feelings reciprocated.

Cupiosexual - Someone who desires a sexual relationship but doesn't experience sexual attraction.

Fraysexual - Someone who is only sexually attracted to someone that they are less familiar with and lose that sexual attraction once they get to know the person.

Note: These identities also have their romantic counterparts.

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

What is Sexual Attraction? Sexual Desire?

Sexual Attraction is a concept that is not well understood by asexuals, making it hard for asexuals to realize that they don't experience it, but many AVENites attempt to discuss it and gain an understanding of it here and here.

Quote
 

Sexual Attraction - Attraction based on sexual desire or quality arousing such.

Sexual Desire - An interest or drive to seek out sexual activities with a person.

It a confusing concept to those that don't experience it, but here's a few analogies that will help you understand what it may seem like to someone that doesn't experience sexual attraction:

  1. Colorblindness
  2. Coffee
  3. Invisible Elephants
  4. Tacos and Hotdogs: (The guy on a juice cleanse represents Asexuality and the one that likes the toppings is demisexuality)

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

What is Romantic/Aesthetic/Sensual/Platonic Attraction? Could that affect my (A)sexuality?

Romantic, Sensual, Platonic, and Aesthetic Attraction in no way affects or determines your sexuality. It is not uncommon for asexuals to have differing romantic and sexual identities.Most asexuals don't even bother labelling their platonic and sensual identities. Aesthetic attraction only affects who you find nice to look at. For more different types of attraction or for more about sexual and romantic attraction, these videos might help. The previously mentioned link also has more resources and descriptions of other asexual terms linked in the videos.

Quote
 

Romantic Attraction - The attraction and desire for a romantic relationship with a person.

Aesthetic Attraction - When your only attracted to the way a person looks and desire nothing more.

Sensual Attraction - When you're attracted so someone through your senses (other than looks). This may mean that you're attracted to the smell of a person or you want to be touched or hugged by a person.

Platonic Attraction - The desire to be really good friends with someone and nothing more

 

Crushes and Squishes are two ways that people will describe their desire to have a specific relationship with a person, and is caused by romantic and platonic attraction. For more information, read here.
 

Quote

 

Crush: The desire to be in a romantic relationship with someone. This is often caused by experiencing romantic attraction towards the individual.

Squish: The desire to be friends with someone. This is often caused by experiencing platonic attraction towards the individual.

 

 

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

What is Libido?

I considered writing my own bit for libido, but I think that this link explains it better, which I'll quote below.

 

Quote

 

A libido (sex drive) is a desire to feel sexual pleasure. Libido is separate from sexual attraction. It is not exclusive to sexuals, just as non-libido is not exclusive to asexuals.

In the context of asexuality, sex drive is an important concept because some asexuals have a libido but lack sexual attraction - an undirected sex drive - while others have little or no sex drive. This is the main reason some asexuals masturbate and some do not, and can confuse people who either do not fully understand the definition of asexuality, or do not see sex drive and sexual attraction as different things.

 

 

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

Am I too young/old to be asexual? Could I be a late bloomer?

There are two possible explanations to the idea of being "too young" and a "late bloomer". There's one that not all AVENites agree with that does explain both ideas rather well. It also covers the phenomena of being a "late bloomer" for those that so end up "discovering" their sexuality late. Which I'll quote. There's also the more undisputed versions, which I'll explain. To be perfectly clear, neither of these are inherently wrong or right just because people agree with one more than the other. They both just depend on how you view sexuality, asexuality, and the definition of both. If you wish to read why people disagree with the former, I'll hide it under a spoiler. If you don't and just want to read both and figure out which makes the most sense to you, that's brilliant.

The quote is from SkyWorld's thread which I linked earlier. More specifically this post. I claim no rights to it.

Quote

Most people figure out their sexuality during puberty, though it’s completely fine to still be questioning. What matters is right here and right now; nobody truly knows what the future will bring. Sexuality can also be fluid, so one’s sexual orientation may or may not change in the future. It’s okay to identify as asexual now, and if you happen to still identify as asexual when you are older, great! If you don’t, that’s completely fine too.

 

Many people disagree with the idea of sexuality being fluid because then it'd sound like you are asexual until you aren't. Which kind of contradicts the lack of people being a "late bloomer" and makes asexuality seem less legit because, according to that idea everyone was asexual at one point, and now we have to wait until our sexuality comes around. To disprove this idea, I'll state simply this. If your sexual attraction comes around, that's fine. However, you may not be completely certain that you're asexual until you've finished with puberty. If you are certain of your (a)sexuality, that's okay. However, some people question themselves through puberty wondering if the course of puberty can/will change their sexuality and they'll arrive at the end sexual. As puberty is the period in which your sexual attraction will most likely develop, as this is when your hormones develop. For some people, this happens later. That's fine. If your puberty isn't finished but everyone around you is sexual and you aren't experience it, it's fine to say that you're questioning. After all, you're more likely to be such if you're not experiencing sexual attraction when everyone else is! Plus, some people are even still questioning after puberty

Too young- Many people are told that either they are too young to know if they are asexual or that they are a late bloomer. The answer to this is simply, if most of the people your age are experiencing sexual attraction and are having sex, you aren't too young. At the age of puberty, there are a lot of changes going on n your body. You're in your awkward phase, hormones are going haywire, your body is doing weird things that it hasn't done before. Your parents and schools might even be giving you the sex talk. This is the phase where your body starts reacting to sexual attraction. You start feeling tingly down there and you start learning on your own how to react to it, regardless of your sexual education or lack thereof. If a majority of people around you are starting to experience sexual attraction, you are not too young. For more opinions from other members, click here.

Late Bloomer- Okay, you're not too young. Maybe you're just a late bloomer? Maybe one day you'll find someone that'll make you feel the tingle. Well, the thing is that there is no real way to know. A good indicator is that if you have a libido and sex drive but don't experience sexual attraction, you're most likely not a late bloomer. (Disclaimer in the spoiler below.) A lot of people combine libido, sex drive, and sexual attraction because they all arrive at the same time in the person's life. If you don't, there is no telling if you're a late bloomer, but you'll realize that at some point people throwing the "late bloomer" excuse at you will be ridiculous. This age will feel different to each person, but it's best to wait until after puberty to decide this, as that's when it's most likely going to develop. Once that time hits for you, you can't let people keep telling you that you're a late bloomer anymore, because truth is people will tell you too young until the point where they can tell you that you're too old to be asexual.Most importantly, you cannot let anyone else label you. Only you can label yourself!

 

However, people are weird, biology is weird, hormones are weird, and humans in general are weird. This means that not every case scenario can be explained and some people are just different. It's human nature. So while it's fine to label yourself as asexual if you feel that you are such, there is the chance that you could be a late bloomer. However, this does not give people the right to discredit you on a slim possibility, and if you think you are asexual there is nothing wrong with you identifying as such and realizing that you were just a late bloomer. Just be sure that this does not reflect peoples' opinions on asexuality as a whole.

Too old- This excuse is ridiculous, but some people like to use it. If you're at the age for people to start saying that you're too old, then you're at the age of knowing that you've never experienced sexual attraction.

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

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FictoVore.   
FictoVore.

What about the rest of the ace spectrum?

Just because you aren't asexual doesn't mean that you don't fit into the ace spectrum. Here is a short list of other identities that fit into the ace spectrum. For a full list of sexual identities, you may use the Sexualities Master List.

Demisexual - Someone who only experiences sexual attraction with someone that they share a strong romantic or emotional bond with.

Grey-Asexual - Someone who only rarely experiences sexual attraction (and can generally count the amount of times they've felt it on one hand).

Lithro-Sexual - Someone who experiences romantic attraction but doesn't want their feelings reciprocated.

Cupiosexual - Someone who desires a sexual relationship but doesn't experience sexual attraction.

Fraysexual - Someone who is only sexually attracted to someone that they are less familiar with and lose that sexual attraction once they get to know the person.

Note: These identities also have their romantic counterparts.

You should lock this thread so people can't comment asking you to remove stuff like this because it's incorrect.

Cupiosexual, for example, is a normal sexual person. Any sexual on AVEN will agree with that. Fraysexual, also 100% normal. Again, sexuals will agree. These are not ace spectrum experiences!

Pretty much, as long as you're not a horn-dog who looks at anyone attractive and wants to have sex with them, you're on the ace spectrum if you go by definitions like this. *sigh*

It's things like this that make people think asexuality is a joke -_-

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

I respect your opinion, Panfictio. However, my intent for keeping this thread open is for people to ask questions. That is the intent behind me keeping any of my thread open and I actively invite questions and critiques on all of them. While I understand your views on definitions of asexaulity, there will never me a definitive answer on what asexuality is. That is why I I said that it was part of the ace spectrum and not asexuality itself because these definitions exhibit some parts of the asexuality definition and not others. However, I will make it clear that I did keep your definitions in mind when writing this, Pan. I respect you a lot, which is why I made it very clear that there is no one definition and the definition for asexuality is confusing. I understand that you only use the second definition, but not everyone sees it that way and there's no way to force a consensus among the whole asexual community on the definition.

I will not close this thread on the basis of people disagreeing with it. In fact, I kept it open with the intent of having discussions and questions. Even criticisms like these. That way members may see how confusing asexuality is when they enter AVEN and will understand when it is harder to decide on a label.

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Emilyrc   
Emilyrc

Hi. Im questioning my asexuality. Im 20. I have never has a relationship. I have 'fooled around' with someone of the opposite sex. I didn't enjoy it and didnt feel aroused. I kind of did it as I wanted to see what it was like. I tend to see people as physical attracted bit from a art point of view I.e. I don't feel sexualy attracted to them. I form quite deep emotional bonds. And I likes being kissed and cuddled but sex doesn't really appeal to me. Am I asexual?

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

Hi. Im questioning my asexuality. Im 20. I have never has a relationship. I have 'fooled around' with someone of the opposite sex. I didn't enjoy it and didnt feel aroused. I kind of did it as I wanted to see what it was like. I tend to see people as physical attracted bit from a art point of view I.e. I don't feel sexualy attracted to them. I form quite deep emotional bonds. And I likes being kissed and cuddled but sex doesn't really appeal to me. Am I asexual?

As I've mentioned earlier i nthis thread, your past relationship status, whether or not you've had sex, whether or not you experience sexual attraction, or anything else doesn't affect you're asexuality. The only two things that define you're asexuality is either whether or not you desire partnered sex or if you experience sexual attraction. The definition depends on who you talk to, but those are the two general agreed upon definitions. I'm not allowed to label you, but you've already said that you don't experience sexual attraction and don't desire partnered sex... so are you asexual? You fit both definitions, and you only really have to fit the definition you think is the correct one.

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MikkoFizzy   
MikkoFizzy

Hi, my name is Mikko and lately I've just been trying to learn about myself and come to terms with my sexuality and gender. (Please don't judge my long story.) When I was 15-16 I was messing with hard drugs and didn't have a job to support my habits so I started prostituting. I'm 18 now and very homosexual but I've had sex with 64 different guys, I like the idea of sex but the act is what kind of turns me away from hooking up or even dating. When I would hook up I'd look at it more of a nuisance than a sense of pleasure. Recently I've been coining the word asexual in my head like "Am I Asexual?" "But I'm gay." "Is that even possible".

When I think of sex I look at it more of a chore. Sure I'll initiate and I love making my partner feel good physically but I don't like being reciprocated. But why is it that when it's done I'm relieved that it's finished and I can go back to sleep or do whatever I'm supposed to do. What makes me feel bad Is that I don't want to feel this way, like I think sex is beautiful a physical connection with the person you love but when I'm actually doing the deed I instantly wish I was just playing video games with them or eating a whole box of Coco Pebbles.

I've been researching asexuality and I fit in some categories but then I don't at the same time. Its infuriating not knowing why I feel the way I do or the fact that I might be a hypocrit because I find someone physically appealing like how "hot" or "cute" they are.

Please help me figure this out like can I be a homo-asexual or just a homosexual who just feels indifferent towards the act of sex. Thank you for your reading this long winded ponder moment I'm having.

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

Hi, my name is Mikko and lately I've just been trying to learn about myself and come to terms with my sexuality and gender. (Please don't judge my long story.) When I was 15-16 I was messing with hard drugs and didn't have a job to support my habits so I started prostituting. I'm 18 now and very homosexual but I've had sex with 64 different guys, I like the idea of sex but the act is what kind of turns me away from hooking up or even dating. When I would hook up I'd look at it more of a nuisance than a sense of pleasure. Recently I've been coining the word asexual in my head like "Am I Asexual?" "But I'm gay." "Is that even possible".

When I think of sex I look at it more of a chore. Sure I'll initiate and I love making my partner feel good physically but I don't like being reciprocated. But why is it that when it's done I'm relieved that it's finished and I can go back to sleep or do whatever I'm supposed to do. What makes me feel bad Is that I don't want to feel this way, like I think sex is beautiful a physical connection with the person you love but when I'm actually doing the deed I instantly wish I was just playing video games with them or eating a whole box of Coco Pebbles.

I've been researching asexuality and I fit in some categories but then I don't at the same time. Its infuriating not knowing why I feel the way I do or the fact that I might be a hypocrit because I find someone physically appealing like how "hot" or "cute" they are.

Please help me figure this out like can I be a homo-asexual or just a homosexual who just feels indifferent towards the act of sex. Thank you for your reading this long winded ponder moment I'm having.

Hello! Don't worry, I don't judge.

I think there are a few tings that you should look into. First off, I'll go through what doesn't affect your asexuality. Romantic attraction, libido/Sex drive, being sex positive, and aesthetic attraction (finding someone visually appealing) all don't affect your sexuality. These are separate from your asexuality. I think you should look into the term lithrosexual and see if that fits you. I can't label you, but that you described a couple of things that seem to fit. Still, I can't know for sure. Lastly, you should visit this link: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/123256-asexuality-sexual-orientation-lexicon-read-me/?p=1061345333

That is the list of sexualities, and I encourage that you go through that and see if any fit you. Most importantly, I'll refer you back to an earlier post.

What is Asexuality?

The definition of Asexuality in itself is a highly debated topic on AVEN as you'll find the thread "Is AVEN sending us mixed messages?" However, there's two general definitions that are used.

  1. Someone who does not experience sexual attraction to any gender.
  2. Someone who has no desire for partnered sex.

It's safe to say, that as long as your definition fits under one of these two categories, you can call yourself asexual.

and this post

What is Sexual Attraction? Sexual Desire?

Sexual Attraction is a concept that is not well understood by asexuals, making it hard for asexuals to realize that they don't experience it, but many AVENites attempt to discuss it and gain an understanding of it here and here.

Quote

Sexual Attraction - Attraction based on sexual desire or quality arousing such.

Sexual Desire - An interest or drive to seek out sexual activities with a person.

It a confusing concept to those that don't experience it, but here's a few analogies that will help you understand what it may seem like to someone that doesn't experience sexual attraction:

  1. Colorblindness
  2. Coffee

Those two posts will not only define asexuality for you to help you determine if you are asexual, but hopefully explain what asexuality will feel like for an asexual.

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theotherfey   
theotherfey

I know for sure I am asexual, but I am trying to figure out my romantic orientation. I was actually thinking of creating a thread for it, because I want others' opinions. At first I was thinking I'm biromantic, then extended it to pan, because I'm open to the idea of being with someone who is trans or gender-nonconforming, but then I went back to bi because that can include more than just male and female.

However, I'm not entirely sure I want a romantic relationship. I like the theory of it, and I have deep feelings for a couple people, but I'm wondering if I'm aro or demi. I also thought for a time that while I might be biromantic, I might be homosensual. I don't want to have sex, but I would be more open to touching and kissing a female than I would a male. But I really don't know.

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

I know for sure I am asexual, but I am trying to figure out my romantic orientation. I was actually thinking of creating a thread for it, because I want others' opinions. At first I was thinking I'm biromantic, then extended it to pan, because I'm open to the idea of being with someone who is trans or gender-nonconforming, but then I went back to bi because that can include more than just male and female.

However, I'm not entirely sure I want a romantic relationship. I like the theory of it, and I have deep feelings for a couple people, but I'm wondering if I'm aro or demi. I also thought for a time that while I might be biromantic, I might be homosensual. I don't want to have sex, but I would be more open to touching and kissing a female than I would a male. But I really don't know.

Have you thought about lithro or grey romantic?

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Mysticus Insanus   
Mysticus Insanus

Why didn't I read this sooner?

What is Asexuality?
The definition of Asexuality in itself is a highly debated topic on AVEN as you'll find the thread "Is AVEN sending us mixed messages?" However, there's two general definitions that are used.

  • Someone who does not experience sexual attraction to any gender.
  • Someone who has no desire for partnered sex.
It's safe to say, that as long as your definition fits under one of these two categories, you can call yourself asexual.

As someone highly and passionately involved in those debates, I just want to give you kudos for this short, concise, and most of all neutral and untendencious summary in one post. :cake:

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

Why didn't I read this sooner?

What is Asexuality?

The definition of Asexuality in itself is a highly debated topic on AVEN as you'll find the thread "Is AVEN sending us mixed messages?" However, there's two general definitions that are used.

  • Someone who does not experience sexual attraction to any gender.
  • Someone who has no desire for partnered sex.
It's safe to say, that as long as your definition fits under one of these two categories, you can call yourself asexual.

As someone highly and passionately involved in those debates, I just want to give you kudos for this short, concise, and most of all neutral and untendencious summary in one post. :cake:

Thank you! I know it's a huge debate on AVEN, so I felt it my duty as someone looked up to on AVEN that was making a thread that was essentially for new members that didn't know if they were asexual to write something that was completely neutral to this debate and to express how big of a debate it is with the AVEN members.

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ben8884   
ben8884

I found and continue to find this thread very helpful-thanks for starting it!

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

I found and continue to find this thread very helpful-thanks for starting it!

Thank You! Of course I know it's not perfect, so if you have any advice on what to add please do! I'll continue adding until people think it's perfect! Though I did spend months on it, so it means a lot that people are finding it helpful.

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Me :)   
Me :)

What is Asexuality?

The definition of Asexuality in itself is a highly debated topic on AVEN as you'll find the thread "Is AVEN sending us mixed messages?" However, there's two general definitions that are used.

  • Someone who does not experience sexual attraction to any gender.
  • Someone who has no desire for partnered sex.
It's safe to say, that as long as your definition fits under one of these two categories, you can call yourself asexual.

What if I'm not sure of these two things and how accurately I fit into them?

I can relate to both but still doubt that they are correct in EVERY cinario.

Then what am I?

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

What is Asexuality?

The definition of Asexuality in itself is a highly debated topic on AVEN as you'll find the thread "Is AVEN sending us mixed messages?" However, there's two general definitions that are used.

  • Someone who does not experience sexual attraction to any gender.
  • Someone who has no desire for partnered sex.
It's safe to say, that as long as your definition fits under one of these two categories, you can call yourself asexual.

What if I'm not sure of these two things and how accurately I fit into them?

I can relate to both but still doubt that they are correct in EVERY cinario.

Then what am I?

You've read this post, yes?

I don't know what you mean by the fact that these aren't correct in every scenario, but if you mean that you don't experience these as often as a sexual person or you only experience it when there's a strong romantic/emotional bond, you might want to look into this post for more details on those two options. There's also the sexualities Master List in that post, which you can refer to if the ones in that post don't fit you.

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Me :)   
Me :)

Thank you A-gent! I have read the post and what I meant when I said Im not sure these apply to every cinario, is that: 1. yes, I have never felt any sexual attraction and am not sure what feeling the term describes, but how do I know that I didn't actually feel it once and just didn't know it was that? How can I know what it feels like? I say I've never felt it because i don't know what it means and don't match most descriptions, but how would I actually know?

2. Is pretty straight forward, and yes, I don't have any desire. But maybe in the future I will? How could I be sure of that too?

I do relate to these two definitions but I feel very unsure about their certainty.

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FaerieFate   
FaerieFate

Thank you A-gent! I have read the post and what I meant when I said Im not sure these apply to every cinario, is that: 1. yes, I have never felt any sexual attraction and am not sure what feeling the term describes, but how do I know that I didn't actually feel it once and just didn't know it was that? How can I know what it feels like? I say I've never felt it because i don't know what it means and don't match most descriptions, but how would I actually know?

2. Is pretty straight forward, and yes, I don't have any desire. But maybe in the future I will? How could I be sure of that too?

I do relate to these two definitions but I feel very unsure about their certainty.

Shoot, I've been so caught up in a million other things I forgot about this.

Well, I can give you my input on both definitions, but take it with a grain of salt. A lot of people disagree with me. However, I think the post I quoted below might pertain to you even though the question isn't exactly the same.

Am I too young/old to be asexual? Could I be a late bloomer?

There are two possible explanations to the idea of being "too young" and a "late bloomer". There's one that not all AVENites agree with that does explain both ideas rather well. It also covers the phenomena of being a "late bloomer" for those that so end up "discovering" their sexuality late. Which I'll quote. There's also the more undisputed versions, which I'll explain. To be perfectly clear, neither of these are inherently wrong or right just because people agree with one more than the other. They both just depend on how you view sexuality, asexuality, and the definition of both. If you wish to read why people disagree with the former, I'll hide it under a spoiler. If you don't and just want to read both and figure out which makes the most sense to you, that's brilliant.

The quote is from SkyWorld's thread which I linked earlier. More specifically this post. I claim no rights to it.

Most people figure out their sexuality during puberty, though it’s completely fine to still be questioning. What matters is right here and right now; nobody truly knows what the future will bring. Sexuality can also be fluid, so one’s sexual orientation may or may not change in the future. It’s okay to identify as asexual now, and if you happen to still identify as asexual when you are older, great! If you don’t, that’s completely fine too.

Many people disagree with the idea of sexuality being fluid because then it'd sound like you are asexual until you aren't. Which kind of contradicts the lack of people being a "late bloomer" and makes asexuality seem less legit because, according to that idea everyone was asexual at one point, and now we have to wait until our sexuality comes around. To disprove this idea, I'll state simply this. If your sexual attraction comes around, that's fine. However, you may not be completely certain that you're asexual until you've finished with puberty. If you are certain of your (a)sexuality, that's okay. However, some people question themselves through puberty wondering if the course of puberty can/will change their sexuality and they'll arrive at the end sexual. As puberty is the period in which your sexual attraction will most likely develop, as this is when your hormones develop. For some people, this happens later. That's fine. If your puberty isn't finished but everyone around you is sexual and you aren't experience it, it's fine to say that you're questioning. After all, you're more likely to be such if you're not experiencing sexual attraction when everyone else is! Plus, some people are even still questioning after puberty

Too young- Many people are told that either they are too young to know if they are asexual or that they are a late bloomer. The answer to this is simply, if most of the people your age are experiencing sexual attraction and are having sex, you aren't too young. At the age of puberty, there are a lot of changes going on n your body. You're in your awkward phase, hormones are going haywire, your body is doing weird things that it hasn't done before. Your parents and schools might even be giving you the sex talk. This is the phase where your body starts reacting to sexual attraction. You start feeling tingly down there and you start learning on your own how to react to it, regardless of your sexual education or lack thereof. If a majority of people around you are starting to experience sexual attraction, you are not too young. For more opinions from other members, click here.

Late Bloomer- Okay, you're not too young. Maybe you're just a late bloomer? Maybe one day you'll find someone that'll make you feel the tingle. Well, the thing is that there is no real way to know. A good indicator is that if you have a libido and sex drive but don't experience sexual attraction, you're most likely not a late bloomer. (Disclaimer in the spoiler below.) A lot of people combine libido, sex drive, and sexual attraction because they all arrive at the same time in the person's life. If you don't, there is no telling if you're a late bloomer, but you'll realize that at some point people throwing the "late bloomer" excuse at you will be ridiculous. This age will feel different to each person, but it's best to wait until after puberty to decide this, as that's when it's most likely going to develop. Once that time hits for you, you can't let people keep telling you that you're a late bloomer anymore, because truth is people will tell you too young until the point where they can tell you that you're too old to be asexual.Most importantly, you cannot let anyone else label you. Only you can label yourself!

However, people are weird, biology is weird, hormones are weird, and humans in general are weird. This means that not every case scenario can be explained and some people are just different. It's human nature. So while it's fine to label yourself as asexual if you feel that you are such, there is the chance that you could be a late bloomer. However, this does not give people the right to discredit you on a slim possibility, and if you think you are asexual there is nothing wrong with you identifying as such and realizing that you were just a late bloomer. Just be sure that this does not reflect peoples' opinions on asexuality as a whole.

Too old- This excuse is ridiculous, but some people like to use it. If you're at the age for people to start saying that you're too old, then you're at the age of knowing that you've never experienced sexual attraction.

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haleh123   
haleh123

hello, my name is haleh, i just found that there was a name for being asexual

i do not know if i am completely asexual, i think i might be gray a, because i do enjoy

kisses and cuddles, but i do not want real sex, am i asexual, if i am what label can

look into and check out

thank you for reading

haleh

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Me :)   
Me :)

Thank you faeriefate! (Did you change your name?)

I guess there isn't one definite answer.

I'm not so young (17), and I assume that if I don't knoW what sexual attraction feels like and don't understand various similar terms (like: being turnd on, horney...) Than I have probably never felt it before.

If I end up finding later on that I am sexual than I will adjust my terms accordingly.

As of now I think that ace is a pretty comfortable descripsion of my sexualety (or lack there of) and labels aren't really nessecary for me to express myself.

Thank you for the advice and clarification :)

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