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Threesomes, foursomes etc. (TMI)


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I may not have a clue what I'm talking about, but in my experience, threesomes, foursomes, etc, tend not to be particularly sensual, romantic, or affectionate. They do tend to be awkward and pornographic.

Just food for thought - if you're ever approached for a threesome, just be aware that it's likely not gonna go down as you had envisioned it :D

Eh, if there are two people you adore, it's not pornographic. I know that most of people use to copy porn movies scenes in their beds. Three/foursomes don't have to look like those depicted by porns.

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I tried to cut out the quotes for you, but it wouldn't work??? I'm not sure what's up with that! :o

Anyway, I really think you're just missing what I'm saying. :P I'm not saying that sex isn't sex, or that if so-and-so views a hand-job as sex then that makes it so. What I'm saying is that if, say, a threesome would be sensual, rather than sexual, to someone, and that person happened to be asexual, then I personally don't think that desiring a threesome (which, to them, would be sensual and not sexual) would make them either sexual or on the gray side, because although a threesome is definitely sex, they're desiring that sex for a reason other than sex (similar to how someone else might desire sex to, say, have babies, or for the experience of saying that they've had sex, or whatever). That's all. ^_^

That depends on what's happening in the threesome though.. because if it's sex, it's sexual.

How one views it personally doesn't stop it being sex. Or I could say ''I love being given anal and I love receiving oral, those are both very sensual to me, but they're not sexual because no penis is actually going in my vagina, so I am a sensual asexual'' ..

That's bullshit, because regardless of what I personally view as ''sex'' I am still a normal sexual person, not an asexual...

because although a threesome is definitely sex, they're desiring that sex for a reason other than sex (similar to how someone else might desire sex to, say, have babies, or for the experience of saying that they've had sex, or whatever). That's all. ^_^

..If they are specifically desiring it for the emotional pleasure the threesome will bring them (and they are desiring a threesome that involves actual sexual activities, not just you all cuddling each other)..... That's a normal aspect of sexuality (desiring certain sexual activities for emotional pleasure) .. ergo, that is sexual, not asexual.

If anyone desires certain sex acts for the emotional pleasure they will derive from those acts, as opposed to directly desiring them for the acts themselves, that is sexual. ie, a sexual woman might absolutely love having sex with her partner because of the intimacy it creates between them, and care nothing for the act itself.. she just loves the pleasure of that intimacy and desires that with her partner; that deep, loving bond created through sexual intimacy. She is still 100% sexual (and yes, guys can experience that too of course) ..just because she doesn't desire the act itself doesn't make her any less sexual. Hence why I always add ''emotional'' pleasure into my definition - that's often the most important aspect of sex for many sexual people.

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I've had a threesome (with other women) and it was fun! It's not something I necessarily want to do again, but I'm not interested in sex. The best part is cuddling in bed afterwards!

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I love the idea, for cuddles. I wouldn't mind having sex with multiple people (I'm endlessly curious), however the cuddles sound like the best part. You could be in thd middle :)

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scarletlatitude

I'd go for cuddles with lots of people. No to sex but I am ace so... that's kind of a given. :P

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Starlit Sky

I tried to cut out the quotes for you, but it wouldn't work??? I'm not sure what's up with that! :o

Anyway, I really think you're just missing what I'm saying. :P I'm not saying that sex isn't sex, or that if so-and-so views a hand-job as sex then that makes it so. What I'm saying is that if, say, a threesome would be sensual, rather than sexual, to someone, and that person happened to be asexual, then I personally don't think that desiring a threesome (which, to them, would be sensual and not sexual) would make them either sexual or on the gray side, because although a threesome is definitely sex, they're desiring that sex for a reason other than sex (similar to how someone else might desire sex to, say, have babies, or for the experience of saying that they've had sex, or whatever). That's all. ^_^

That depends on what's happening in the threesome though.. because if it's sex, it's sexual.

How one views it personally doesn't stop it being sex. Or I could say ''I love being given anal and I love receiving oral, those are both very sensual to me, but they're not sexual because no penis is actually going in my vagina, so I am a sensual asexual'' ..

That's bullshit, because regardless of what I personally view as ''sex'' I am still a normal sexual person, not an asexual...

because although a threesome is definitely sex, they're desiring that sex for a reason other than sex (similar to how someone else might desire sex to, say, have babies, or for the experience of saying that they've had sex, or whatever). That's all. ^_^

..If they are specifically desiring it for the emotional pleasure the threesome will bring them (and they are desiring a threesome that involves actual sexual activities, not just you all cuddling each other)..... That's a normal aspect of sexuality (desiring certain sexual activities for emotional pleasure) .. ergo, that is sexual, not asexual.

If anyone desires certain sex acts for the emotional pleasure they will derive from those acts, as opposed to directly desiring them for the acts themselves, that is sexual. ie, a sexual woman might absolutely love having sex with her partner because of the intimacy it creates between them, and care nothing for the act itself.. she just loves the pleasure of that intimacy and desires that with her partner; that deep, loving bond created through sexual intimacy. She is still 100% sexual (and yes, guys can experience that too of course) ..just because she doesn't desire the act itself doesn't make her any less sexual. Hence why I always add ''emotional'' pleasure into my definition - that's often the most important aspect of sex for many sexual people.

So now I'm the one on the phone . . . :/

Anyway, Pan, where did I say anything about an emotional connection right there? I simply said "other reasons," I never meant to imply that "other reasons" had to be for emotional intimacy. I am well-aware that sex is PRIMARILY about emotional intimacy for many people. :) When I said "other reasons," I was thinking about sensual and/or romantic reasons.

(Sliiight TMI) Lemme basically repeat myself here . . . I'm not saying that sex isn't sex. I've not been trying to imply that if Amy has anal sex with her boyfriend and she thinks of it as sensual, that automatically makes it sensual and not sexual. It doesn't. Anal sex is still sex. What I am saying is that if an asexual had a threesome because to them it would be sensual, then that in no way puts them in the gray area, because they are desiring something that is sensual to them, because of its sensuality. I am, however, NOT SAYING that the same threesome wouldn't be sexual, because it absolutely *would be*, I am saying that they aren't desiring sex, they are desiring sensuality.

In fact, just forget about people who say that some sexual acts aren't sexual, or people who say that if they do sexual acts, that's sex. That was only meant to be a simple example, and is not at all what I'm trying to convey.

If an asexual desires a three-way because it's be "sensual," or whatever, then that doesn't make them less asexual. THAT is my point, and it's the only point I've been trying to make. :)

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Pan, where did I say anything about an emotional connection right there? I simply said "other reasons," I never meant to imply that "other reasons" had to be for emotional intimacy. I am well-aware that sex is PRIMARILY about emotional intimacy for many people. :) When I said "other reasons," I was thinking about sensual and/or romantic reasons.

What I am saying is that if an asexual had a threesome because to them it would be sensual, then that in no way puts them in the gray area, because they are desiring something that is sensual to them, because of its sensuality. I am, however, NOT SAYING that the same threesome wouldn't be sexual, because it absolutely *would be*, I am saying that they aren't desiring sex, they are desiring sensuality.

If an asexual desires a three-way because it's be "sensual," or whatever, then that doesn't make them less asexual. THAT is my point, and it's the only point I've been trying to make. :)

If they desire a cuddle three-way it's sensual (still asexual). If they actively desire (ie they want it and would act on it if they had the chance in the right circumstances with the right people) a threeway involving genital pleasure and/or orgasm (or any actively sexual activity) then it's sexual (not asexual). You can't say, I desire this sex for the sensual pleasure I get from it, therefore I am asexual...because that's just normal sexual. That's what I was explaining when I was describing ''emotional enjoyment'' ..enjoying (and actively desiring) sensual and/or romantic aspects of sex is still enjoying (and actively desiring) a sexual act, but getting more out of it emotionally (sensually and/or romantically) than physically/sexually.

Why would you label sex as sensual rather than sexual if it is sex?

yeah that. It's like saying if you desire sexual acts for ''special'' reasons, that makes you asexual instead of sexual because it's ''special'', it's not sexual if you personally don't see it that way..But it's just 'normal'. It's still desiring a sexual act, actively desiring it for your own enjoyment whether emotional (ie sensual and/or romantic) or physically.

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I tried to cut out the quotes for you, but it wouldn't work??? I'm not sure what's up with that! :o

Anyway, I really think you're just missing what I'm saying. :P I'm not saying that sex isn't sex, or that if so-and-so views a hand-job as sex then that makes it so. What I'm saying is that if, say, a threesome would be sensual, rather than sexual, to someone, and that person happened to be asexual, then I personally don't think that desiring a threesome (which, to them, would be sensual and not sexual) would make them either sexual or on the gray side, because although a threesome is definitely sex, they're desiring that sex for a reason other than sex (similar to how someone else might desire sex to, say, have babies, or for the experience of saying that they've had sex, or whatever). That's all. ^_^

That depends on what's happening in the threesome though.. because if it's sex, it's sexual.

How one views it personally doesn't stop it being sex. Or I could say ''I love being given anal and I love receiving oral, those are both very sensual to me, but they're not sexual because no penis is actually going in my vagina, so I am a sensual asexual'' ..

That's bullshit, because regardless of what I personally view as ''sex'' I am still a normal sexual person, not an asexual...

because although a threesome is definitely sex, they're desiring that sex for a reason other than sex (similar to how someone else might desire sex to, say, have babies, or for the experience of saying that they've had sex, or whatever). That's all. ^_^

..If they are specifically desiring it for the emotional pleasure the threesome will bring them (and they are desiring a threesome that involves actual sexual activities, not just you all cuddling each other)..... That's a normal aspect of sexuality (desiring certain sexual activities for emotional pleasure) .. ergo, that is sexual, not asexual.

If anyone desires certain sex acts for the emotional pleasure they will derive from those acts, as opposed to directly desiring them for the acts themselves, that is sexual. ie, a sexual woman might absolutely love having sex with her partner because of the intimacy it creates between them, and care nothing for the act itself.. she just loves the pleasure of that intimacy and desires that with her partner; that deep, loving bond created through sexual intimacy. She is still 100% sexual (and yes, guys can experience that too of course) ..just because she doesn't desire the act itself doesn't make her any less sexual. Hence why I always add ''emotional'' pleasure into my definition - that's often the most important aspect of sex for many sexual people.

So now I'm the one on the phone . . . :/

Anyway, Pan, where did I say anything about an emotional connection right there? I simply said "other reasons," I never meant to imply that "other reasons" had to be for emotional intimacy. I am well-aware that sex is PRIMARILY about emotional intimacy for many people. :) When I said "other reasons," I was thinking about sensual and/or romantic reasons.

(Sliiight TMI) Lemme basically repeat myself here . . . I'm not saying that sex isn't sex. I've not been trying to imply that if Amy has anal sex with her boyfriend and she thinks of it as sensual, that automatically makes it sensual and not sexual. It doesn't. Anal sex is still sex. What I am saying is that if an asexual had a threesome because to them it would be sensual, then that in no way puts them in the gray area, because they are desiring something that is sensual to them, because of its sensuality. I am, however, NOT SAYING that the same threesome wouldn't be sexual, because it absolutely *would be*, I am saying that they aren't desiring sex, they are desiring sensuality.

In fact, just forget about people who say that some sexual acts aren't sexual, or people who say that if they do sexual acts, that's sex. That was only meant to be a simple example, and is not at all what I'm trying to convey.

If an asexual desires a three-way because it's be "sensual," or whatever, then that doesn't make them less asexual. THAT is my point, and it's the only point I've been trying to make. :)

Why would you label sex as sensual rather than sexual if it is sex? That's like saying you're exerting energy in an unenergetic manner.

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Starlit Sky

I've also heard people call it "the baby-making sport," but that doesn't mean it's not sex :P

We've all heard about asexuals "wanting" sex for various reasons. Whatever the reason, what they're doing is always sexual, and more often than not they aren't considered to be in the gray area/are sexual because they want whatever it is they're getting from it. I disagree that it is *necessarily* normal sexual attraction, but that also mightbe because of a few scenarios I have in my mind. . . .

But regardless, I don't think we're gonna agree, so I'll call it quits here. ^_^ :cake:

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I have 12 quoted posts here, so this will be looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong! I apologise.

Also, I love reading the discussion. It's so polite, too!

Thank you :cake:

anytime I fantasized about a threesome, it was more along the line of these-two-love-each-other-sexually-so-there-isn't-a-sexual-hole-in-our-bonding. I kind of laugh at myself about it at this point...

'Sexual hole in your bonding'? I'm not sure what you mean?

We separate sensual attraction and sexual attraction for a reason.

What about emotional attraction or aesthetic? Are these different too?

Just came here to admit I clicked. :ph34r:

Carry on.

Hahahahaahhahaha! Hi! :cake:

All I'm ultimately saying is that if a person, who doesn't feel a pull to have sex with other people (that is to say, asexual), wants to feel someone's junk because for them it would be sensual (even if it was sexual for the other person), then that wouldn't make the person doing the touching any less, y'know, asexual.

I agree with you. (But I also agree with the other side, does that make sense? I can see where you are both coming from...)

I have met people here claiming to be asexual because "I only desire sex because it feels so good emotionally, it's such an amazing form of intimacy and I desire that, but it's not about the physical sensations themselves even though yes it feels good physically too" ..not realizing that they are describing a very normal sexual person.

Aren't they grey-ace?

Having anal is still sex, or gay men who have anal but don't enjoy oral wouldn't be "sexually active", they'd be celibate.

How/why do you say that?

When I was in college I shared an apartment with a gay couple. They had a friend that they had been hanging out with quite a bit. One morning I walked into the living room and saw three pairs of shoes, three pairs of socks, three pairs of pants...I just kind of said hmm and fixed my breakfast. It wasn't a one night stand, they seemed to be dating this guy for a few months, so I guess it was a polyamorous thing.

I had to have a good chuckle at this. Thanks for sharing. :cake:

I've had a threesome (with other women) and it was fun! It's not something I necessarily want to do again, but I'm not interested in sex. The best part is cuddling in bed afterwards!

Amedot sandwhich? ;)

however the cuddles sound like the best part. You could be in thd middle :)

Yeah! This!

Well, I've heard of cuddle parties, but I guess that's more like the asexual version of an orgy.

Hahahhaahaaaha!

May I use that as my new signature? Pretty please? :cake:

I've also heard people call it "the baby-making sport," but that doesn't mean it's not sex :P

Eww. :blink:

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I may not have a clue what I'm talking about, but in my experience, threesomes, foursomes, etc, tend not to be particularly sensual, romantic, or affectionate. They do tend to be awkward and pornographic.

Just food for thought - if you're ever approached for a threesome, just be aware that it's likely not gonna go down as you had envisioned it :D

Eh, if there are two people you adore, it's not pornographic. I know that most of people use to copy porn movies scenes in their beds. Three/foursomes don't have to look like those depicted by porns.

Wait, what? Why does caring about someone make sex not pornographic? I don't see the connection. To be clear, by pornographic, I mean... explicitly sexual for the purpose of sexual pleasure.

And ugh, cuddle parties... how on earth can people cuddle with random people? Really creeps me out. I was having sex one night with an ex who was, at that time, married. I was in a relationship as well. We had sex a few times and then I moved off the bed. He was like "you don't want to sleep together?" and I said "um no, let's not pretend we have feelings we don't have." But, to each his own... I personally don't like cuddling unless I have strong feelings for the person.

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I may not have a clue what I'm talking about, but in my experience, threesomes, foursomes, etc, tend not to be particularly sensual, romantic, or affectionate. They do tend to be awkward and pornographic.

Just food for thought - if you're ever approached for a threesome, just be aware that it's likely not gonna go down as you had envisioned it :D

Eh, if there are two people you adore, it's not pornographic. I know that most of people use to copy porn movies scenes in their beds. Three/foursomes don't have to look like those depicted by porns.

Wait, what? Why does caring about someone make sex not pornographic? I don't see the connection. To be clear, by pornographic, I mean... explicitly sexual for the purpose of sexual pleasure.

I interpreted "pornographic" as "because it appears more sexually pleasing than it actually is due to novelty and staging" :P

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I have met people here claiming to be asexual because "I only desire sex because it feels so good emotionally, it's such an amazing form of intimacy and I desire that, but it's not about the physical sensations themselves even though yes it feels good physically too" ..not realizing that they are describing a very normal sexual person.

Aren't they grey-ace?

.....What I described is a 100% normal, regular sexual person.

Or are all sexual people just drooling beasts who only want have sex with people because it's so physically pleasurable? No. For many sexual people, the emotional pleasure of sex far outweighs any physical aspects of it.

This is an example of what we call ''unintentional antisexuality'' ..Where someone assumes only asexuals could possibly desire sex for the emotional pleasure of it. Sexuals couldn't be that deep, right? It's all about the physical aspects of sex for them.

Unintentional antisexuality is sadly really common here, thanks to AVENs total lack of education as to what normal sexuality actually is.

Having anal is still sex, or gay men who have anal but don't enjoy oral wouldn't be "sexually active", they'd be celibate.

How/why do you say that?

Because someone suggested that some people believe ''penis in vagina'' is the only ''real kind of sex'', so for those people, anything that isn't ''penis in vagina'' isn't sex. .This is actually quite a common view I see here often. I have seen self-identifying asexuals say ''I love receiving oral and need that from my partner, but it's not a sexual act to me. 'Real sex' is a man putting his penis in a womans vagina.. So I can desire oral from the guy I like and still be asexual''

I was explaining that regardless of what someone personally defines as sex, that doesn't stop it being sex. Or all homosexual men and women would be virgin celibates no matter how much sex they have, as long as they don't have a penis inside their vagina or put their penis inside someone else's vagina. But no, what gay people do to each others genitals and bodies is STILL sex. Just because someone wants to say ''that to me, isn't sex'' doesn't stop it being sex. It's still sex.

(This view that ''real'' sex is only a man putting his penis into a womans vagina comes from deeply ingrained societal heteronormativity. It still doesn't stop homosexual sex, or non PiV forms of genital sex, being sex though.)

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And ugh, cuddle parties... how on earth can people cuddle with random people? Really creeps me out. I was having sex one night with an ex who was, at that time, married. I was in a relationship as well. We had sex a few times and then I moved off the bed. He was like "you don't want to sleep together?" and I said "um no, let's not pretend we have feelings we don't have." But, to each his own... I personally don't like cuddling unless I have strong feelings for the person.

I know what you mean. I have carers and it really creeps me out, when upon meeting me for the first time they try and hug me.

BLEURGH!

So, I counter that, by when they walk in, already having my hand outstretched to shake hands. Some think I'm weird, but, no hugging care workers.

I interpreted "pornographic" as "because it appears more sexually pleasing than it actually is due to novelty and staging" :P

This is why I have pledged never, ever, to watch porn again.

Unintentional antisexuality is sadly really common here, thanks to AVENs total lack of education as to what normal sexuality actually is.

That really surprises me. I have learnt so much from AVEN.

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I fantasize about a lot of things, three- or moresomes are no exception. In all their glorious awkwardness :D (and on occasion, questionable-ness)


My mind just makes its own porn and claims it's for character research reasons.

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My mind just makes its own porn and claims it's for character research reasons.

I love this! :cake:

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damage_case

I just wonder if aces can enjoy them or just have fantasies on them. I use to have fantasies on MFM threesomes and MFMM foursomes. They are not pornographic, they are just very tender and full of affection. So I use to think that it makes me less ace. I'm not sure.

I personally have never been interested in that in porno or otherwise. Even if I was not a greysexual I wouldnt have liked that. Too much! I have always had self esteem issues... so imagining one woman with me would be a step up. And ofcourse Ive never ever imagined myself a girl and another guy. Guys have never come in my fantasies ever... unless ofcourse Im killing some of them with an axe.

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I just wonder if aces can enjoy them or just have fantasies on them. I use to have fantasies on MFM threesomes and MFMM foursomes. They are not pornographic, they are just very tender and full of affection. So I use to think that it makes me less ace. I'm not sure.

I personally have never been interested in that in porno or otherwise. Even if I was not a greysexual I wouldnt have liked that. Too much! I have always had self esteem issues... so imagining one woman with me would be a step up. And ofcourse Ive never ever imagined myself a girl and another guy. Guys have never come in my fantasies ever... unless ofcourse Im killing some of them with an axe.

kinky.

*just joking ;) *

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I personally have never been interested in that in porno or otherwise. Even if I was not a greysexual I wouldnt have liked that. Too much!

To play devil's advocate; why are you so sure on that?

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damage_case

I personally have never been interested in that in porno or otherwise. Even if I was not a greysexual I wouldnt have liked that. Too much!

To play devil's advocate; why are you so sure on that?

1. I have zero self esteem and Im a pessimist. With my eyes closed or even in my dreams I cant imagine someone loving me or even touching me. One woman would be a miracle... like someone winning the lottery... more than one would be like finding out that I have superpowers.

2. I never thought that threesome or orgy situation were realistic or organic or natural... and Im a firm believer of these things in every aspect of life.

3. I dont think I can love two women at the same time. Physically or mentally. Im 28 and never fallen in love with one woman let alone multiple.

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dissolved

moresomes

:wub:

*adds to personal vocabulary*

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MMF would be one of the few instances that I'd actually entertain being sexual as a female... And I don't want the second M interested in me 😳

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I personally have never been interested in that in porno or otherwise. Even if I was not a greysexual I wouldnt have liked that. Too much!

To play devil's advocate; why are you so sure on that?

It actually seems like an odd question to ask someone: ''why are you so sure you wouldn't like a three-some?''

For a lot of people, they can only actively desire sex with someone if they are in love with that person, and if they are monoamorous, they can only love one person at a time.. So they're only going to be interested in having sex with one person at a time.

Also, threesomes (in my experience anyway) are a lot more difficult than just being with one person. With one other person, you can focus on each others bodies and each others needs, and communicate more easily... with three people it's just a jumble of limbs and things are less personal and a lot more ''awkward'' ( by that, I mean limb placement etc, like, whose leg is going to go where, how are you going to angle that correctly, who is going to 'give' to who etc) ..it's just.. messy hah.

And that lack of it being as personal can just naturally turn a lot of people off, because for many people, the intimacy of it just being you and another is what makes sex special. It's (a lot of the time) less intimate and more ''sporty'' when there are three or more people going at it at once (by sporty I mean, more like playing a sport you all enjoy than an intimate sensual experience)

Three-somes really just aren't for everyone (though some people do love them, just like some people love anal and some can't stand the thought of it) ..But generally if someone knows for a fact they won't like a three-some, they are sure for multiple reasons without ever having to try it.

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scarletlatitude

There are some people who could never imagine this, and there are some who couldn't imagine sexual activities without it. We're all a bit different. As long as it pleases you and your partner(s) and everything is consensual, it's all good. :)

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Im 28 and never fallen in love with one woman let alone multiple.

I'm 28 and never been in love, too. You are not alone. :cake:

MMF would be one of the few instances that I'd actually entertain being sexual as a female... And I don't want the second M interested in me

Can you explain, please?

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Im 28 and never fallen in love with one woman let alone multiple.

I'm 28 and never been in love, too. You are not alone. :cake:

MMF would be one of the few instances that I'd actually entertain being sexual as a female... And I don't want the second M interested in me

Can you explain, please?

homosexual male + bisexual male + hetero(a/sexual) female, so that the two guys could play with each other, and one of them (bisexual) could also play with the woman.

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scarletlatitude

Also 28, also not in love. We should form a club.

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damage_case
Im 28 and never fallen in love with one woman let alone multiple.

I'm 28 and never been in love, too. You are not alone. :cake:

MMF would be one of the few instances that I'd actually entertain being sexual as a female... And I don't want the second M interested in me

Can you explain, please?

Having said that... if I dont get laid or dont mature enough to handle the responsibility of a relationship once I reach 30 +... Im gonna go apesh1t.

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homosexual male + bisexual male + hetero(a/sexual) female, so that the two guys could play with each other, and one of them (bisexual) could also play with the woman.

Gotcha, thanks.

(I feel so dumb now. :blink: )

Also 28, also not in love. We should form a club.

Friended you ;)

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