Threesomes, foursomes etc. (TMI)

[Guest]

I just wonder if aces can enjoy them or just have fantasies on them. I use to have fantasies on MFM threesomes and MFMM foursomes. They are not pornographic, they are just very tender and full of affection. So I use to think that it makes me less ace. I'm not sure.

[Snao Cone]

I would say that an interest in taking part in a very heavily sensual (bordering on sexual) activity like that is certainly grey.

[God of the Forest]

I just wonder if aces can enjoy them or just have fantasies on them. I use to have fantasies on MFM threesomes and MFMM foursomes. They are not pornographic, they are just very tender and full of affection. So I use to think that it makes me less ace. I'm not sure.

Nope! you're "normal" xD I too have similar fantasies (MMF) and just like you they aren't sexual (more intimate and sensual, but not sexual)..more like a sort of polyamorous thing..which is weird because I've always considered myself monogamous, but I guess subconsciously I desire a threesome #nosex :D

[Guest]

I would say that an interest in taking part in a very heavily sensual (bordering on sexual) activity like that is certainly grey.

I use to define myself as grey but I have lots of doubts as my fantasies are like those of sexual people.

[Guest]

I just wonder if aces can enjoy them or just have fantasies on them. I use to have fantasies on MFM threesomes and MFMM foursomes. They are not pornographic, they are just very tender and full of affection. So I use to think that it makes me less ace. I'm not sure.

Nope! you're "normal" xD I too have similar fantasies (MMF) and just like you they aren't sexual (more intimate and sensual, but not sexual)..more like a sort of polyamorous thing..which is weird because I've always considered myself monogamous, but I guess subconsciously I desire a threesome #nosex :D

There are sexual elements of course but they don't look like those depicted in porn.

[nanogretchen4]

I think there's a big difference between having fantasies and wanting to participate. The general consensus seems to be that fantasies you don't want to act on don't determine your sexual orientation.

[HeidiUK]

I would say that an interest in taking part in a very heavily sensual (bordering on sexual) activity like that is certainly grey.

Why?

[Guest]

I think there's a big difference between having fantasies and wanting to participate. The general consensus seems to be that fantasies you don't want to act on don't determine your sexual orientation.

Eh, if I had an opportunity I would participate in this . If I felt affection to all those males , it would be OK.

[alyra noire]

anytime I fantasized about a threesome, it was more along the line of these-two-love-each-other-sexually-so-there-isn't-a-sexual-hole-in-our-bonding. I kind of laugh at myself about it at this point...

[Starlit Sky]

Oh my gosh, I have sooo many fantasies of three-somes and so on. Unlike you, they're definitely sexual in nature. I can get extremely turned-on by thinking about it, and a lot of the things that I masturbate to (usually erotic fiction) are MFM types of scenarios. (<-- TMI) The thing is, however, is that they're just fantasies. There can be a HUGE difference between what you want in fantasies and what you want in reality. In fact, having a MFM experience in real life, though intriguing, is completely out of the question. Granted, that's more to do with trust issues than anything else. . . . Anyway, my point is, having these types of fantasies does not put you in the gray area. Now, if there are/ere two or more guys (or whatever gender) that you felt a "pull" to have sex with, then that might . . . but otherwise, no. Fantasies are fantasies; they aren't our realities.

[Snao Cone]

I would say that an interest in taking part in a very heavily sensual (bordering on sexual) activity like that is certainly grey.

Why?

If there's no desire for explicitly sexual activity (manual, oral, or penetrative) but there's a lot of intimate and sensual bodily contact, the person engaging in that is still interested in partnered physical activity. Sexual people would include sensual bodily contact as a sexual activity even though it's not sex in and of itself because it's part of the overall sexual experience they desire. Someone desiring this, but not sex, is in the grey area.

[Guest]

I would say that an interest in taking part in a very heavily sensual (bordering on sexual) activity like that is certainly grey.

Why?

Well the OP said there are sexual elements and that they would actively want to partipate in this if given the oppurtunity which is a lot more sexual than grey or ace really.

An asexual can have sexual fantasies and still be ace, but they wouldn't actually *act* on those fantasies if given the chance, they have no desire to do that.

(This is in answer to the original question) I personally have no interest in any form of "orgy" as I can only desire intimacy (even just hand holding) when emotionally attracted to someone, and I can only experience that for one person at a time. I like *all* their attention on me, and all mine on them.

However I *have* had 3sums in the past, me and 2 guys multiple times, and me and a guy and another girl, hmmm, also multiple times. Never wanted or enjoyed it, they were just something that had to be done while I was trying to force myself to be "normal" (before I learned about asexuality). Participating with others in anything sexual doesn't make you any less ace unless you do it because you actively desire that for sexual and/or emotional pleasure.

That aside, I personally have very geaphic, taboo sexual fantasies (though they don't involve myself participating) I just have no interest in any way to act on them.

[henpen82]

I can't even enter into the thought of group sex. being homo'romantic' I can't see any romance in more than 2 people! it would be too much!

[Starlit Sky]

We separate sensual attraction and sexual attraction for a reason. If I get completely naked with my partner and we cuddle on the couch or something, then it wouldn't be sexual for me, it'd be sensual. Even in sex I'm trying to change my mindset some to look at it as more sensual, rather than sexual. My point being, if something is sensual, no matter how "explicit" it may be to someone else, then that only for certain makes it sensual--not necessarily sexual.

[Guest]

To me it's sensual until stimulation of each others genitals for sexual and/or emotional pleasure is involved. If that is involved, or is the "aim" of the sensual contact, then that's *sexual*.. If no partnered genital stimulation for sexual and/or emotional pleasure is involved, and that's not the intended outcome, then yeah it's just sensual. That's how I look at it.

Obviously if you're a sensual asexual and your sexual partner always wants sensual contact to end in genital stimulation of one or both of you, that doesn't make *you* any less asexual, it's only if you personally desire that shared genital stimulation for pleasure that would make one sexual.

[Guest]

I would say that an interest in taking part in a very heavily sensual (bordering on sexual) activity like that is certainly grey.

Why?

If there's no desire for explicitly sexual activity (manual, oral, or penetrative) but there's a lot of intimate and sensual bodily contact, the person engaging in that is still interested in partnered physical activity. Sexual people would include sensual bodily contact as a sexual activity even though it's not sex in and of itself because it's part of the overall sexual experience they desire. Someone desiring this, but not sex, is in the grey area.

Sexual people would also include kissing and stuff as part of the overall sexual experience, but being into making out (erm, well, depends on your definition of this - I am not including groping in mine :P ) doesn't make you grey. Depends very much on what exactly you're desiring.

[Starlit Sky]

Yep, what Serran just said. Sex itself means different things to different people. I've met a few guys before who've said that they've had sex in the past--just that there was no penetration. Thus the question becomes more like, "What do you feel is sexual, and do you desire that with another person/character/so on and so forth?" Theoretically speaking I could "hep a guy out" with an erection and it be sensual for me, but sexual for him (though, to be honest, in real life that's like nogrossnosorrynonono XD).

To go further, I find it sort of interesting that Pan includes doing "genital stuff" for the emotional connection to be sexual, for her. :P For me, just about everything I do with someone I love is for an emotional connection, genitals or no. xD

[Guest]

Fine for those who enjoy it, but it's really not my cuppa.

It's no secret that I'm strictly and devoutly polyamorous, so multiple partners (including sexual/sensual) is generally fine and dandy with me... but I'd really, really want the actual encounters to be kept one-on-one if I'm supposed to be involved at all (and being ace, I'm also fine with it if I'm not involved in any of them to start with, lol). I find that it can be hard enough to concentrate if there's one person involved beside me... more than one would just be unneccessarily stressful.

[Guest]

Yep, what Serran just said. Sex itself means different things to different people. I've met a few guys before who've said that they've had sex in the past--just that there was no penetration. Thus the question becomes more like, "What do you feel is sexual, and do you desire that with another person/character/so on and so forth?" Theoretically speaking I could "hep a guy out" with an erection and it be sensual for me, but sexual for him (though, to be honest, in real life that's like nogrossnosorrynonono XD).

To go further, I find it sort of interesting that Pan includes doing "genital stuff" for the emotional connection to be sexual, for her. :P For me, just about everything I do with someone I love is for an emotional connection, genitals or no. xD

Well, I would consider genital stimulation such as helping someone with their libido, to be sexual as well... I just don't think everything that is "part of the package" for sexuals has to be sexual. If two people want to naked cuddle cause they like the warm feel of skin vs rough, cold clothing for example.. if there is no sexual pleasure for either of them and it's just "Mmm, warm, nice" I wouldn't consider that sexual.

[R_1]

Just came here to admit I clicked.

Carry on.

[Starlit Sky]

Yep, what Serran just said. Sex itself means different things to different people. I've met a few guys before who've said that they've had sex in the past--just that there was no penetration. Thus the question becomes more like, "What do you feel is sexual, and do you desire that with another person/character/so on and so forth?" Theoretically speaking I could "hep a guy out" with an erection and it be sensual for me, but sexual for him (though, to be honest, in real life that's like nogrossnosorrynonono XD).

To go further, I find it sort of interesting that Pan includes doing "genital stuff" for the emotional connection to be sexual, for her. :P For me, just about everything I do with someone I love is for an emotional connection, genitals or no. xD

Well, I would consider genital stimulation such as helping someone with their libido, to be sexual as well... I just don't think everything that is "part of the package" for sexuals has to be sexual. If two people want to naked cuddle cause they like the warm feel of skin vs rough, cold clothing for example.. if there is no sexual pleasure for either of them and it's just "Mmm, warm, nice" I wouldn't consider that sexual.

Oh, I'm not saying that if so-and-so thinks that genital stimulation is sexual then they're just totally wrong, or anything like that. xD All I'm ultimately saying is that if a person, who doesn't feel a pull to have sex with other people (that is to say, asexual), wants to feel someone's junk because for them it would be sensual (even if it was sexual for the other person), then that wouldn't make the person doing the touching any less, y'know, asexual.

For me personally I would like to think of all genital areas as simply aesthetic/sensual, in the hopes that that will make it easier for me to have sex later on down the road, but I do still think of penises/testicles/vaginas as sexual parts. I can touch absolutely any area of the human body for sensual, romantic, or platonic purposes, and for a lot of people where I might be touching is totally inappropriate (because to them it would be "sexual"), but to me it's just more skin.

[Guest]

Yep, what Serran just said. Sex itself means different things to different people. I've met a few guys before who've said that they've had sex in the past--just that there was no penetration. Thus the question becomes more like, "What do you feel is sexual, and do you desire that with another person/character/so on and so forth?" Theoretically speaking I could "hep a guy out" with an erection and it be sensual for me, but sexual for him (though, to be honest, in real life that's like nogrossnosorrynonono XD).

To go further, I find it sort of interesting that Pan includes doing "genital stuff" for the emotional connection to be sexual, for her. :P For me, just about everything I do with someone I love is for an emotional connection, genitals or no. xD

Partnered genital stimulation isn't just "penetration" it's any form of stimulation of each others genitals. Yes as Serran said, sexual people can often consider kissing sexual, for example, BUT that's because for them it's not *always* an act enjoyed on it's own, it's often an integral aspect of sex. But if you literally ONLY ever kiss people (no matter how passionately) and NEVER desire that to be an aspect of sexual intimacy (partnered genital stimulation) then kissing is sensual, not sexual.

I have never, ever, in my entire life, met a sexual person who groped a womans breasts while kissing her, say about that situation "I fucked so-and-so" ..or a sexual person who lay in bed naked with someone else but neither of their genitals become involved in *any* way, say "I fucked so and so" ..for every sexual person I have ever met, it's not "actual sex" unless one or both of their genitals became involved in some way. Yes they can view things like kissing and groping and being naked together as *sexual* without actually being sex, but as I explained, that's because those things are often an integral part *of* sex for sexuals, whereas for an ace, if there is no desire for those things to lead to or to be a part of *sex*, that's just sensual.

No not "for me", I mean for sexuals in general. Because sex (the genital stuff) is often *more* about the emotional aspect than the physical aspect for many sexuals. Sex is a deeply intimate, emotional experience for many (most) sexual people, it's certainly not just about the physical aspect of having your genitals stimulated by another person in some way.

I make a point of always including the emotional aspect of sex in my defintioon, because I've met sexual people who couldn't care less about their own sexual pleasure, but they desire the emotional satisfaction of pleasing a partner sexually..like they literally *desire* that and will be unhappy if they can't make their partner orgasm etc. Again, this emotional aspect is very common for almost all sexual people.

I have met people here claiming to be asexual because "I only desire sex because it feels so good emotionally, it's such an amazing form of intimacy and I desire that, but it's not about the physical sensations themselves even though yes it feels good physically too" ..not realizing that they are describing a very normal sexual person.

So yeah, it's not about "for me personally" it's about sexual people in general. Sex can be desired for emotional pleasure as well as physical, and if you desire it for either of those reasons, that's just "normal sexual". And yeah, "sex" is anything involving and/or leading to some form of partnered genital stimulation for sexual and/or emotional pleasure.

[Guest]

Hmmm, my fantasies are just both cuddles and having sex with two/three guys.. I'm a kind of person who like to be spoilt. It sounds much nicer if you are spoilt by two guys in the same time

[Busrider]

I don't really dare to dream of such. - My concept would be so abusive: being close to a sexual partner gaining their sex related happiness while the abused 3rd party would have to do the hard work... - I really think it would be morally wrong that way.

[Starlit Sky]

Yep, what Serran just said. Sex itself means different things to different people. I've met a few guys before who've said that they've had sex in the past--just that there was no penetration. Thus the question becomes more like, "What do you feel is sexual, and do you desire that with another person/character/so on and so forth?" Theoretically speaking I could "hep a guy out" with an erection and it be sensual for me, but sexual for him (though, to be honest, in real life that's like nogrossnosorrynonono XD).

To go further, I find it sort of interesting that Pan includes doing "genital stuff" for the emotional connection to be sexual, for her. :P For me, just about everything I do with someone I love is for an emotional connection, genitals or no. xD

Partnered genital stimulation isn't just "penetration" it's any form of stimulation of each others genitals. Yes as Serran said, sexual people can often consider kissing sexual, for example, BUT that's because for them it's not *always* an act enjoyed on it's own, it's often an integral aspect of sex. But if you literally ONLY ever kiss people (no matter how passionately) and NEVER desire that to be an aspect of sexual intimacy (partnered genital stimulation) then kissing is sensual, not sexual.

I have never, ever, in my entire life, met a sexual person who groped a womans breasts while kissing her, say about that situation "I fucked so-and-so" ..or a sexual person who lay in bed naked with someone else but neither of their genitals become involved in *any* way, say "I fucked so and so" ..for every sexual person I have ever met, it's not "actual sex" unless one or both of their genitals became involved in some way. Yes they can view things like kissing and groping and being naked together as *sexual* without actually being sex, but as I explained, that's because those things are often an integral part *of* sex for sexuals, whereas for an ace, if there is no desire for those things to lead to or to be a part of *sex*, that's just sensual.

No not "for me", I mean for sexuals in general. Because sex (the genital stuff) is often *more* about the emotional aspect than the physical aspect for many sexuals. Sex is a deeply intimate, emotional experience for many (most) sexual people, it's certainly not just about the physical aspect of having your genitals stimulated by another person in some way.

I make a point of always including the emotional aspect of sex in my defintioon, because I've met sexual people who couldn't care less about their own sexual pleasure, but they desire the emotional satisfaction of pleasing a partner sexually..like they literally *desire* that and will be unhappy if they can't make their partner orgasm etc. Again, this emotional aspect is very common for almost all sexual people.

I have met people here claiming to be asexual because "I only desire sex because it feels so good emotionally, it's such an amazing form of intimacy and I desire that, but it's not about the physical sensations themselves even though yes it feels good physically too" ..not realizing that they are describing a very normal sexual person.

So yeah, it's not about "for me personally" it's about sexual people in general. Sex can be desired for emotional pleasure as well as physical, and if you desire it for either of those reasons, that's just "normal sexual". And yeah, "sex" is anything involving and/or leading to some form of partnered genital stimulation for sexual and/or emotional pleasure.

And I agree with everything you say. :) When I think of sex, I typically think of penetration in some way or form, and I've never heard anyone say that they fucked their partner just because they grabbed someone's breasts, either. But, like I said, I have heard sexual people say that they "had sex" without ever penetrating/being penetrated. In a way I think this comes from the same idea that PIV (or, alternatively, anal and other means of penetration) isn't the only way to have sex. I think it was Telecaster on here who I first heard that from . . . and another thing that reminds me of that: there are a good number of people who have anal sex, but consider themselves to be virgins. They save their virginity (or vaginal virginity, in case anyone wants to argue the point haha) for someone they really love, for marriage, or for whatever.

Which is why I said that, at least to an extent, sex is what you make of it. If I had anal sex right now I personally wouldn't consider myself to be a virgin, but there are people who would argue that I am. If I went out and jacked off a guy, I personally wouldn't say that I just had sex (I would say that I had a "sexual experience"), but there are people who would disagree.

I don't really dare to dream of such. - My concept would be so abusive: being close to a sexual partner gaining their sex related happiness while the abused 3rd party would have to do the hard work... - I really think it would be morally wrong that way.

Well, there are people who are into being slaves/servants and would be all over that idea, you know. :P Buuut if you'd be uncomfortable with it, best not to go for it. :)

[Guest]

I may not have a clue what I'm talking about, but in my experience, threesomes, foursomes, etc, tend not to be particularly sensual, romantic, or affectionate. They do tend to be awkward and pornographic.

Just food for thought - if you're ever approached for a threesome, just be aware that it's likely not gonna go down as you had envisioned it :D

[Guest]

Yep, what Serran just said. Sex itself means different things to different people. I've met a few guys before who've said that they've had sex in the past--just that there was no penetration. Thus the question becomes more like, "What do you feel is sexual, and do you desire that with another person/character/so on and so forth?" Theoretically speaking I could "hep a guy out" with an erection and it be sensual for me, but sexual for him (though, to be honest, in real life that's like nogrossnosorrynonono XD).

To go further, I find it sort of interesting that Pan includes doing "genital stuff" for the emotional connection to be sexual, for her. :P For me, just about everything I do with someone I love is for an emotional connection, genitals or no. xD

Partnered genital stimulation isn't just "penetration" it's any form of stimulation of each others genitals. Yes as Serran said, sexual people can often consider kissing sexual, for example, BUT that's because for them it's not *always* an act enjoyed on it's own, it's often an integral aspect of sex. But if you literally ONLY ever kiss people (no matter how passionately) and NEVER desire that to be an aspect of sexual intimacy (partnered genital stimulation) then kissing is sensual, not sexual.

I have never, ever, in my entire life, met a sexual person who groped a womans breasts while kissing her, say about that situation "I fucked so-and-so" ..or a sexual person who lay in bed naked with someone else but neither of their genitals become involved in *any* way, say "I fucked so and so" ..for every sexual person I have ever met, it's not "actual sex" unless one or both of their genitals became involved in some way. Yes they can view things like kissing and groping and being naked together as *sexual* without actually being sex, but as I explained, that's because those things are often an integral part *of* sex for sexuals, whereas for an ace, if there is no desire for those things to lead to or to be a part of *sex*, that's just sensual.

No not "for me", I mean for sexuals in general. Because sex (the genital stuff) is often *more* about the emotional aspect than the physical aspect for many sexuals. Sex is a deeply intimate, emotional experience for many (most) sexual people, it's certainly not just about the physical aspect of having your genitals stimulated by another person in some way.

I make a point of always including the emotional aspect of sex in my defintioon, because I've met sexual people who couldn't care less about their own sexual pleasure, but they desire the emotional satisfaction of pleasing a partner sexually..like they literally *desire* that and will be unhappy if they can't make their partner orgasm etc. Again, this emotional aspect is very common for almost all sexual people.

I have met people here claiming to be asexual because "I only desire sex because it feels so good emotionally, it's such an amazing form of intimacy and I desire that, but it's not about the physical sensations themselves even though yes it feels good physically too" ..not realizing that they are describing a very normal sexual person.

So yeah, it's not about "for me personally" it's about sexual people in general. Sex can be desired for emotional pleasure as well as physical, and if you desire it for either of those reasons, that's just "normal sexual". And yeah, "sex" is anything involving and/or leading to some form of partnered genital stimulation for sexual and/or emotional pleasure.

And I agree with everything you say. :) When I think of sex, I typically think of penetration in some way or form, and I've never heard anyone say that they fucked their partner just because they grabbed someone's breasts, either. But, like I said, I have heard sexual people say that they "had sex" without ever penetrating/being penetrated. In a way I think this comes from the same idea that PIV (or, alternatively, anal and other means of penetration) isn't the only way to have sex. I think it was Telecaster on here who I first heard that from . . . and another thing that reminds me of that: there are a good number of people who have anal sex, but consider themselves to be virgins. They save their virginity (or vaginal virginity, in case anyone wants to argue the point haha) for someone they really love, for marriage, or for whatever.

Which is why I said that, at least to an extent, sex is what you make of it. If I had anal sex right now I personally wouldn't consider myself to be a virgin, but there are people who would argue that I am. If I went out and jacked off a guy, I personally wouldn't say that I just had sex (I would say that I had a "sexual experience"), but there are people who would disagree.

I don't really dare to dream of such. - My concept would be so abusive: being close to a sexual partner gaining their sex related happiness while the abused 3rd party would have to do the hard work... - I really think it would be morally wrong that way.

Well, there are people who are into being slaves/servants and would be all over that idea, you know. :P Buuut if you'd be uncomfortable with it, best not to go for it. :)

I cant cut the quotes down on my phone, so annoying. It doesn't really matter what someone *personally* considers sex, that doesn't change what sex is. I have known lesbian women who only enjoy receiving and giving oral, that doesn't make them sexless nuns. They still have sex. Having anal is still sex, or gay men who have anal but don't enjoy oral wouldn't be "sexually active", they'd be celibate. Regardless of how one *personally* defines sex for themselves doesn't change what sex actually is. Any form of partnered genital stimulation (and that includes if only one person is having that stimulation from their partner, they don't both have to being stimulated by the other simultaneously for it to count)

And in reply to Skullery, it depends on the people involved I think. If all the people involved are poly with each other, I guess that would be intimate and romantic? :o

[nanogretchen4]

When I was in college I shared an apartment with a gay couple. They had a friend that they had been hanging out with quite a bit. One morning I walked into the living room and saw three pairs of shoes, three pairs of socks, three pairs of pants...I just kind of said hmm and fixed my breakfast. It wasn't a one night stand, they seemed to be dating this guy for a few months, so I guess it was a polyamorous thing.

[Starlit Sky]

Yep, what Serran just said. Sex itself means different things to different people. I've met a few guys before who've said that they've had sex in the past--just that there was no penetration. Thus the question becomes more like, "What do you feel is sexual, and do you desire that with another person/character/so on and so forth?" Theoretically speaking I could "hep a guy out" with an erection and it be sensual for me, but sexual for him (though, to be honest, in real life that's like nogrossnosorrynonono XD).

To go further, I find it sort of interesting that Pan includes doing "genital stuff" for the emotional connection to be sexual, for her. :P For me, just about everything I do with someone I love is for an emotional connection, genitals or no. xD

Partnered genital stimulation isn't just "penetration" it's any form of stimulation of each others genitals. Yes as Serran said, sexual people can often consider kissing sexual, for example, BUT that's because for them it's not *always* an act enjoyed on it's own, it's often an integral aspect of sex. But if you literally ONLY ever kiss people (no matter how passionately) and NEVER desire that to be an aspect of sexual intimacy (partnered genital stimulation) then kissing is sensual, not sexual.
I have never, ever, in my entire life, met a sexual person who groped a womans breasts while kissing her, say about that situation "I fucked so-and-so" ..or a sexual person who lay in bed naked with someone else but neither of their genitals become involved in *any* way, say "I fucked so and so" ..for every sexual person I have ever met, it's not "actual sex" unless one or both of their genitals became involved in some way. Yes they can view things like kissing and groping and being naked together as *sexual* without actually being sex, but as I explained, that's because those things are often an integral part *of* sex for sexuals, whereas for an ace, if there is no desire for those things to lead to or to be a part of *sex*, that's just sensual.
No not "for me", I mean for sexuals in general. Because sex (the genital stuff) is often *more* about the emotional aspect than the physical aspect for many sexuals. Sex is a deeply intimate, emotional experience for many (most) sexual people, it's certainly not just about the physical aspect of having your genitals stimulated by another person in some way.
I make a point of always including the emotional aspect of sex in my defintioon, because I've met sexual people who couldn't care less about their own sexual pleasure, but they desire the emotional satisfaction of pleasing a partner sexually..like they literally *desire* that and will be unhappy if they can't make their partner orgasm etc. Again, this emotional aspect is very common for almost all sexual people.
I have met people here claiming to be asexual because "I only desire sex because it feels so good emotionally, it's such an amazing form of intimacy and I desire that, but it's not about the physical sensations themselves even though yes it feels good physically too" ..not realizing that they are describing a very normal sexual person.
So yeah, it's not about "for me personally" it's about sexual people in general. Sex can be desired for emotional pleasure as well as physical, and if you desire it for either of those reasons, that's just "normal sexual". And yeah, "sex" is anything involving and/or leading to some form of partnered genital stimulation for sexual and/or emotional pleasure.

And I agree with everything you say. :) When I think of sex, I typically think of penetration in some way or form, and I've never heard anyone say that they fucked their partner just because they grabbed someone's breasts, either. But, like I said, I have heard sexual people say that they "had sex" without ever penetrating/being penetrated. In a way I think this comes from the same idea that PIV (or, alternatively, anal and other means of penetration) isn't the only way to have sex. I think it was Telecaster on here who I first heard that from . . . and another thing that reminds me of that: there are a good number of people who have anal sex, but consider themselves to be virgins. They save their virginity (or vaginal virginity, in case anyone wants to argue the point haha) for someone they really love, for marriage, or for whatever.

Which is why I said that, at least to an extent, sex is what you make of it. If I had anal sex right now I personally wouldn't consider myself to be a virgin, but there are people who would argue that I am. If I went out and jacked off a guy, I personally wouldn't say that I just had sex (I would say that I had a "sexual experience"), but there are people who would disagree.

I don't really dare to dream of such. - My concept would be so abusive: being close to a sexual partner gaining their sex related happiness while the abused 3rd party would have to do the hard work... - I really think it would be morally wrong that way.

Well, there are people who are into being slaves/servants and would be all over that idea, you know. :P Buuut if you'd be uncomfortable with it, best not to go for it. :)

I cant cut the quotes down on my phone, so annoying. It doesn't really matter what someone *personally* considers sex, that doesn't change what sex is. I have known lesbian women who only enjoy receiving and giving oral, that doesn't make them sexless nuns. They still have sex. Having anal is still sex, or gay men who have anal but don't enjoy oral wouldn't be "sexually active", they'd be celibate. Regardless of how one *personally* defines sex for themselves doesn't change what sex actually is. Any form of partnered genital stimulation (and that includes if only one person is having that stimulation from their partner, they don't both have to being stimulated by the other simultaneously for it to count)

And in reply to Skullery, it depends on the people involved I think. If all the people involved are poly with each other, I guess that would be intimate and romantic? :o

I tried to cut out the quotes for you, but it wouldn't work??? I'm not sure what's up with that! :O

Anyway, I really think you're just missing what I'm saying. :P I'm not saying that sex isn't sex, or that if so-and-so views a hand-job as sex then that makes it so. What I'm saying is that if, say, a threesome would be sensual, rather than sexual, to someone, and that person happened to be asexual, then I personally don't think that desiring a threesome (which, to them, would be sensual and not sexual) would make them either sexual or on the gray side, because although a threesome is definitely sex, they're desiring that sex for a reason other than sex (similar to how someone else might desire sex to, say, have babies, or for the experience of saying that they've had sex, or whatever). That's all. ^_^

[Guest]

I don't really dare to dream of such. - My concept would be so abusive: being close to a sexual partner gaining their sex related happiness while the abused 3rd party would have to do the hard work... - I really think it would be morally wrong that way.

:o Abusive???? When three people decide for it , it's not abusive because it's their decision. They know what they will do. I've never heard about people forced to threesomes by their partners, maybe only those who star in porn movies. Why do you think it's wrong? Are you religious person?