Please help me find out what and who i am

[Shucke88]

Please help me, I've been on a journey to discover myself for almost 6 years now. I've seen multiple psychiatrists, doctors and social workers and I haven't gotten any closer. I need to know who and what I am. I did some research on the internet and self diagnosed myself with a rare OCD called omni-egoism. So please help me to discover myself so that I can get on with my life without losing sleep everyday and being always frustrated and upset.

Here is what I know, and can describe:

I have reactive attachment disorder (the inability to form loving and lasting relationships, to give or receive love or affection, form a conscience, or trust others). I however can form relationships with fictious characters, in particular, Malfoy from Harry Potter (I have been in an open relationship with him for 2 years). I however only am interested in sex when there is at least one other (preferably more) friend present (It makes me feel safe). It has to be a real person though, not a fictious friend. I used to think I had an element of fictosexual but that doesn't explain needing the friend.

Now, I can attracted to both fictious genders (fictobisexual?) but only females if they are wearing latex. I know this is extremely weird, but when I was younger I was raped by my uncle over a period of 7 months, and the very last day he violated me he forced me to wear a latex suit. Now the following day I woke up and he was arrested. I feel an attachment with latex because somehow I felt protected in the suit, and less exposed. And, the following day my uncle was finally caught and arrested (his wife found out and reported it, I don't know how long she knew for, or how she knew, because I never told anyone. He said he would take me away from my parents if I told anyone.)

Lastly, I have an element of zoophile, but only with large dogs, and I cannot form an attachment with them. I simply don't have the patience or want to hug, stroke or pat them. And similar to a lot of humans, I fantasize about 'one night stands' with large dogs. I have had sex with only two dogs, one of them three times and the other once. (I discovered after having sex with the first dog once the sex was no longer good and I wanted to have a fling with another dog).

Please, I need an answer for this. I understand it's more a combination of names. Do I add the synonyms together? Or is there another way.

Thank you in advance for any suggestions and help... I really need your help.

[God of the Forest]

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry your uncle did that to you, there are no words that can describe how wrong that was of him. As for your attraction to fictitious characters I recommend this thread for your review http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/84900-attraction-to-fictional-characters-asexual-or-grey-a/ . And lastly, on your Zoophilia, check out this topic http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/105253-whats-the-big-deal-zoophiliabestiality-possible-tmi/?hl=zoophile

[HeidiUK]

What you went through is horrid, and I hope you find the answers here. On this forum, we like to offer . I know it won't help, but I'd like to offer you some , especially because you are new.

Good luck :)

is cake by the way, I realise it doesn't look very obvious.

[Star Bit]

Um, what is the needed friend doing? Participating? Watching?

[HeidiUK]

Or perhaps just in the next room? For safety?

[Shucke88]

Thank you Heidi and HappyBunny for the kind words.

And Star Bit, the extra friend usually is in the same room, sometimes they watch, sometimes they are more comfortable on their laptop. Even alone with a trusted partner I've had anxiety and panic attacks so the extra person is a must.

[HeidiUK]

Whatever works for you sweetheart :)

[Shucke88]

Can anyone else help me, I'll still desperate for answers... thank you.

[Star Bit]

I used to think I had an element of fictosexual but that doesn't explain needing the friend.

Well, it would still be Fictosexual. Needint a specific fetish with women would still make you Ficto-Bisexual. Zoosexual is normally used for people who can only desire sex with those, so the philic word for it would be more accurate to use. Zoophilic Ficto-Bisexual i guess.