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The 'first kiss experience'...


SparrowBird

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SparrowBird
I'm 23 years old and I live in Greece. A relatively small country with an average small population compared to other EU countries who have a larger number of asexuals.


I cannot recall exact details about my 'urges' as a young kid, but all I can say is that even in my teen years when I had my first teen crush which had be stuck for nearly 3 and a half years with a boy, I never actually had any 'sexual urge', and the only reason why I had even thought of 'doing it', with him once, was mainly because I thought that's what I was 'supposed' to do, since all of my friends would always talk mostly about sex and how they wanna do it with their crushes/boyfriends.

I remember my first kissing and my second date with nearly all the details.


I was 12 and I went out with a boy I used to like a lot and that night was our second date. He was 4 years older than me and way more experienced. He had tried kissing me during out first date but I was too tightlipped and nervous and wouldn't let him proceed with it. Later after he explained how ''innocent'' I was, because apparently it was odd to him that a 12 year old girl would still be ''innocent''..(I don't blame him though..that's what society is teaching us), he went on to tell me that he knows a lot of girls of my age who have had sex..and yes I believe he was indeed honest..I don't doubt that there are many girls of that age who try it way before they should.


On our second date we went to a secluded area in our town and sat on a wooden bench, supposedly romantically..if you can even say that. After a little chit chat like the ones people have on their dates to ''warm up the waters'', he started touching me. Then he tried to kiss me. I let him but my inexperience in it was strikingly obvious.


So patiently enough for an hormonal guy of his age, he gave me directions as to what I had to do.


I followed his script and basically..opened my mouth and a few times even moved my tongue or mouth in sync..But..the whole thing was so freaking...boring from the beginning till the end for me.

Not only were we sitting in a strange way where my neck was kind of leaning backwards and his arm was right behind my shoulders hence limiting my moves and comfort, but even the kiss alone was awfully unsatisfying.


For years I thought I didn't enjoy it because the guy was obviously too hormonal to care if I enjoyed it or not...but lately I realized that it wasn't that case, although I don't exclude that scenario either.


That guy was very experienced and liked by many girls I knew..he wasn't the type of person that ''didn't kiss well'', or didn't know how to kiss.


I'm pretty sure that the reason why I couldn't get even a slight 'feel' from the whole thing was obviously because of my asexuality.


All I remember from my first kiss was me looking forward to its end..lol, my neck was hurting, I didn't enjoy or get anything from it, in fact, I was even annoyed by his mouth and tongue and actually even felt like pushing him off me and during the whole thing my mind was running off to faraway lands, my mom's reaction if she ever walked around the park and saw me, how his hand feels annoying above my breast, how my pants are too tight and how I'd probably get a back pain the next morning.


Obviously not the best kind of first kissing experience...xD


Anyways since then I haven't even kissed or had relations with a single guy. I tend to avoid them knowing what they want and what I don't want, and I kind of wonder if I'd ever get the chance to meet and fall in love with an asexual person here..kind of hard though lol :mellow:


Has anyone else had a similar experience with their first kiss?
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I'm still virgin (in all the ways) which is uncommon since I'm 18 and almost every guy or girl lose it when they are teenagers. I always feel awkward with the idea of lips overlapping each other, it's such disgusting. I guess that I could try with someone who I've developed a deep emotional bond, but since I didn't find it yet.

-ghiili

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AlwaysADreamer

I had my first kiss when I was 19. I was told ahead of time that the kiss was going to happen we were both so awkward since neither of us had kissed anyone before. But the other person involved had more guts than I did and made the first move. I remember thinking it wasn't anything spectacular. It was kind of unpleasant because her lips were a bit too wet and I was just uncomfortable. I was on my way home later that night, and I thought that I should be feeling something. Giddy, happy, but I just felt like normal. I knew at this point that I was asexual, but I am quite the hopeless romantic so I still cling to that hope that one day someone will make me feel that happy. But at the time I was disappointed by my reaction.

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I hated my first kiss. I remember it still. Too much tongue and it was gross and I felt nothing other than "when the hell is this going to end."

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I remember my first proper kiss, in a computer room with my second boyfriend, it was just... weird. And every time we kissed after that it seemed to get worse, it's just a horrible, boring, uncomfortable, disgusting experience and I'm only glad that I'm not the last girl in my year not to have had their first kiss.

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SparrowBird

I hated my first kiss. I remember it still. Too much tongue and it was gross and I felt nothing other than "when the hell is this going to end."

IKR? That's what I was thinking too ''when is it going to end, I need to breath'', lol. At some point I thought the guy was a mer-man because he kept it on and on and I was like ''doesn't he wanna inhale some oxygen?'', lmao. I probably made things a lot worse in my mind because I didn't like it at all

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SparrowBird

I remember my first proper kiss, in a computer room with my second boyfriend, it was just... weird. And every time we kissed after that it seemed to get worse, it's just a horrible, boring, uncomfortable, disgusting experience and I'm only glad that I'm not the last girl in my year not to have had their first kiss.

Yeah I get what you mean. But lately I've been sick and tired of hiding my real self and needs so I'm kind of tired of caring what other people will think. I've been single for all my life and I never felt bad or lonely or needy. I don't care if I'm the only one in my team that I'm single or without experience because I honestly dont see any point in it. But I admit that at some point, for reasons of company and love, I'd like to find a partner who'd be either asexual or demisexual or at least someone with a lot of understanding for me, who won't care about my preferences and won't mind them. I could see myself being with a significant other and even having or adopting kids at some point, but other than that I could care less about temporary 'romances' or experiences.

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SparrowBird

I'm still virgin (in all the ways) which is uncommon since I'm 18 and almost every guy or girl lose it when they are teenagers. I always feel awkward with the idea of lips overlapping each other, it's such disgusting. I guess that I could try with someone who I've developed a deep emotional bond, but since I didn't find it yet.

-ghiili

I bet it's hard for a 18 year old to be surrounded by a fully hypersexualized environment. I hope your buddies don't pressure you too much on this but if they do try to remember that it's your happiness that counts, not their opinions or peer pressure :) Hope everything works out well for you :D

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starry-night-sky

I've never been kissed (I'm 18) but I think I like the idea of kissing and am curious about it but I feel like it's likely that I wouldn't enjoy it too much when it actually happens and I'd be bored after some time.

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RoscoeGoesVroom

I had my first kiss just over a year ago. It was wet and boring and uncomfortable. While my partner seemed to really enjoy it I was just chanting in my head "let it be over, let it be over". I couldn't wait for it to end, but I didn't want to be rude. I knew I was supposed to like it, and I did like him, so I just pretended like I enjoy it. Not to long after that I stumbled upon the realization that im ace.

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Lord Jade Cross

My first and only kids happened a decade ago. It wasnt a totally horrible thing though it wasnt exactly consensual and it lasted for about a second. It was awkward because it was with my, at the time, closest and really only friend. Though I would have never suspected her of developing feelings for me, especially when she would go on about how she would find herself her ideal boyfriend and I in no way,shape or form fit that description. Plus we never flirted or anything. We were more like best buds rather than boyfriend/girlfriend although the rumor circling around was that we were dating since we were always seen together and pretty much we were each others only trusted and accepted company. We never got along much with our respective classmates and we were considered weird for our interests so we were kinda like the schools "freaks couple"

The fact that we were friends helped somewhat to soften the psych blow of having a girl show interest in me and much more, of violating personal space; which under regular circumstances just makes me freak out. She wasnt the first to express interest in me but she definately was the one that got closest.

What scared me most of this whole event wasnt the kiss. It was what she told me after the failed attempt at she was hoping to be a romantic "I feel the same way about you" moment. She said to me "I like you but when I kissed you yesterday (yes we sorta didnt talk for a whole day because of the incident), I backed off because I felt how uncomfortable I made you. That detail was true and unfortunately didnt help the situation or the friendship because I now felt I had to watch out for her. She pressed the issue again a couple of days later and asked me "look do you like me or not?" Im guessing you can bet that this story didnt end with a "happily ever after".

Were still friends of a sort but we are not even a shadow of out former friendship nowadays.

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I had my first kiss about a year ago and I hated it too, I also thought like you that it was just because of the guy/situation itself, but when I kissed someone else a month or so after, I felt the same aka grossed out, bored. before I had my first I already had a feeling it wasnt my thing when I felt that I reached a ''limit'' when my face was close to the other person's, and I wish I had refused bc after that they kept initiating kissing, and I thought there was something wrong with me, or that if I kept doing it i'd like it, and after a point I assumed that everyone felt as bored and grossed w it as me but just didn't say it. Luckily I havent had to kiss since then and I'm like 99% sure I never will again (passionate romantic kisses that is).

I feel so dumb saying this now but I really wish people said to me that it's ok to not like kissing and stuff idk. because it's always shoved in your face normally, I assumed i was supposed to like it and forced myself to be uncomfortable because of it. same thing with sex and finally finding asexuality for me, but fortunately I never had to have sex to realize. but growing up I assumed I was supposed to look forward it and desire it like everyone else.

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@AnniSkyy: I'm actually really glad someone started a topic on this. I was just thinking about it recently. I'm 22 and I've never kissed anyone. I just haven't cared to. Never liked anyone enough to want to. I only really "realized" or understood I was asexual about a year ago. I just didn't have the words before. And it just never made sense to kiss anyone I didn't like enough to have to remember "this person was my first kiss, etc..."

For anyone reading this who has been in a similar position... did you ever kiss anyone just to kinda figure it out? Or to see what all the hullabaloo was about? If so, would you recommend doing that or not? I really don't want to for those reasons, cause, even though I'm not interested, physical intimacy to me shouldn't just be a whatever-thing. I'm just curious.

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  • 2 weeks later...

This thread makes me happy, because I'm not alone in this.

For a while I thought maybe they were both just bad kissers, it was awkward, and one situation was no ideal. But now I'm pretty sure I just don't like it.

My first kiss was when I was 22. Talked to the guy for a few weeks, I think it was the end of our 2nd date. He hugged me as we said good bye, then weirdly held his hands just under my ribcage and started to kiss loudly against my neck. I was like oh god make it stop, please. Then he kissed me and it was weird, then he kissed my neck more, and then my lips again. And finally I gently pushed him back and said I'd see him later. I didn't ever text him and he clearly wasn't too bothered because he only sent two messages before he disappeared.

My second kiss wasn't any better, it was with a long time friend who was drunk, and I was not. There was too much tongue and he kept trying, and I was actually laughing because I had no idea what else to do other than laugh.

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I was 18 and graduated high school before my first kiss. I was super high and kissed a girl who was my friend, but couldn't do anything more than a closed mouth kiss. It was nice, but I was also really high so that's why it was nice! I was much happier cuddling than kissing.

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The Not So Impossible Girl

My "first kiss" wasn't my choice. It was just smacked on me and I was like "wut". It was really too quick for me to make a fair assessment on it. It was a kiss *shrug*.

My "second kiss" (what my friends tell me was my actual first kiss because it was consensual) was something that I brought up to my date. I had managed to avoid it for a good 4 months into our relationship (or at least it felt like that). I was just all, "I don't feel ready to kiss yet" and he was okay with waiting. But then when I finally mustered up the courage to finally try it, I didn't really like it so much. It wasn't bad, by any means. It passed all the important benchmarks: no tongue, not wet, nice. I would certainly describe it as nice, but I think I'm simply not too keen on the sensation of someone else's lip skin touching my lip skin. That's as good a reason I can come up with. Oh well. I'd like to try again, because I feel like I haven't really given it enough of a chance, but that sensation of touching someone else's skin with my mouth is just slightly repulsive to me... whyyyyy.

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Found first kiss rather interesting and uncomfortable at the time as I didn't instigate it, but it's something I grew into.

I only grew to enjoy it because it was a sign of affection for somebody I cared about and opened myself up to - made myself vulnerable to. Were together for quite a while, but the lack of sex drove her insane and I felt pretty inadequate.

However, it's not something I actively seek. For me, it has to be with the right person and next time, I'll be up front regarding asexuality and what it means for them.

I was almost 30 at the time.

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MaxCaulfield

Like so much of my early experimentation that first proper kiss went something like:

"Yay! I'm doing it at last!"

"Err am I supposed to be enjoying this?"

"When can I stop?"

"What is wrong with me?"

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goldensun

I can't remember when and who with when I had my first kiss as it's so long ago. All I know it was with a boy and I was still a kid.I haven't kissed too many frogs as they say and I'm not a big fan of french kissing and snogging for a long time. I just get bored and if they have bad breath it makes me feel sick.

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damage_case

Im 28 years old... and never even shook hands with a woman. Beat that!

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nanogretchen4

My first kiss was at age sixteen with a boy I went on a few dates with. I wasn't really into him and the kiss was boring and mildly unpleasant, not all that memorable really. My first enjoyable kiss was with a woman. She was my best friend and I was in love with her, but she said she was straight so I accepted that. We were still spending all our time together and going out on a bunch of dates pretty much. Sometimes we had sleepovers but I never tried anything. So one morning after a sleepover she kissed me, much to my surprise. That was an awesome kiss. I remember that one very well. We started officially dating soon after that.

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Hermit Advocate

I was all "Yay! My first kiss! Now I'll finally know what everyone was talking about." Then all I could think of was, "this is weird", and "can we stop now?" I can honestly say now that I have more experience with the phenomenon called kissing that I am kissing adverse.

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It hasn't happened yet which is fine by me as, and I know I've mentioned this before, kissing is one of those things that not unlike homicide; sounds fine in theory but pointless in practice.

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SparrowBird

@Damage_case Your comment brings me back to my second date when I was thinking that I'd much rather hold hands with that guy than kiss him xD. I can't say I have ever held hands with a guy either xp

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damage_case

@Damage_case Your comment brings me back to my second date when I was thinking that I'd much rather hold hands with that guy than kiss him xD. I can't say I have ever held hands with a guy either xp

I never even went on any dates. Haha... beat that... what a loser I am.

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PurpleAce

I hated my first kiss. I remember it still. Too much tongue and it was gross and I felt nothing other than "when the hell is this going to end."

IKR? That's what I was thinking too ''when is it going to end, I need to breath'', lol. At some point I thought the guy was a mer-man because he kept it on and on and I was like ''doesn't he wanna inhale some oxygen?'', lmao. I probably made things a lot worse in my mind because I didn't like it at all

You've made me laugh so hard I'm glad I live alone.

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PurpleAce

@Damage_case Your comment brings me back to my second date when I was thinking that I'd much rather hold hands with that guy than kiss him xD. I can't say I have ever held hands with a guy either xp

I never even went on any dates. Haha... beat that... what a loser I am.

You're not a loser! Don't believe that shit. Society standards suck, as we all know very well.

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Lord Jade Cross
Agree. The societal standars are just made up crap.
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SparrowBird

@Damage_case society already beats you down mercilessly with idiotic stereotypes..you don't need to play their game too.

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HighDrive

I never even went on any dates. Haha... beat that... what a loser I am.

Only a looser if you have really wanted to have dates, unsuccessfully tried to have dates and the failure to do so makes you believe you are a looser.

By definition a looser is someone that doesn't win, not someone that doesn't play.

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