How is/was your coming out like?

[All the little Lights]

To the people who have come out: Could you please share your experience?

Answer these questions:

1. What do you usually say when you come out? Do you have different kind of "speeches" or are they similar for every person you come out to?
2. What are the typical reactions?
3. How do you feel about coming out?
4. How did you feel about coming out before coming out?
5. Do you think it was a good thing for you to come out?
6. Have you not come out to some people in your environment?
7. What else would you like to say about it?

I know these are really personal questions, so if you want to leave out one or more of them, feel free to do so.

[Mike_Rophone]

1. I just told my friends I am asexual, and noticed that I'm not into sex the way they are.

2. Luckily, my friends are pretty open, so they were accepting. A relative 'found out'(I'll explain this part in 6) and they asked plenty of questions

3. Eh, just a bit concerned. I feel like eventually it'll be regarded as me not knowing.

4. I had no feelings towards it. I just felt "Who cares, I just don't want sex"

5. At first, not really. I understand innuendo's, and I make a joke every once in a while, a few friends would question me about it. I'd explain it is just a joke. I feel like it was worth it now.

6. Yes. I told my friends because it always seemed like although I have libido, something was still different about me. It isn't something I keep secret, but it also isn't something I just randomly bring up. I still have some friends and family who don't know. The relative had heard it from someone and asked me about it.

7. Just be prepared for plenty of questions. Also, be patient.

Hope this helps!

[N3wt]

Hi Marie,

I came out to anyone who asked about as soon as I figured out I was asexual (only around 5 months ago). It is pretty boring as coming out stories go.

1. I only come out to people if they ask or if its relevant to the conversation. I don't think its necessary to tell people when I get to know them or anything like that. Basically all I say is 'I'm asexual' and occasionally elaborate on what that means.

2. The most common reaction is 'oh, ok'. I've had a few 'you finally worked it out's or 'yeah, I already knew that'. They seemed to know before I did. I have one friend who I've come out to 8 times because he keeps forgetting and asking me things like 'do you think he's hot. I think I need to sit down and explain what asexuality is to him.

3. I was a bit nervous but I knew no one would care. My closest friend is the equality and diversity manager at my college and a lot of my friends are either bi, gay or pan themselves.

4. Before really considering coming out I didn't think it was necessary but then people kept asking me questions which I couldn't really answer as an asexual so I then considered coming out. The only issue I had was that I considered it a bit embarrassing.

5. I think that it was a really good thing. People tend to understand me a bit better when I say things like 'I don't find anyone hot'. I don't get so many weird looks for that one anymore.

6. I haven't come out to my dad yet. Not because I think he will take it badly but because it hasn't really come up in conversation and I also think that he will be quite confused and feel that he has to sit me down and explain that it's ok to be asexual.

7. It's best to get an idea of how you think the people around you will react, but people are generally very accepting. The only issue you may have is confusion over what asexuality is.

That's just my own experience, and I know I got quite lucky with coming out. It just seemed to happen, there was nothing really official.

[EnterCreativeName]

1. When I come out, it's usually when the topic is already on LGBT. I will simply ask 'Do you support LGBT?' or 'What do you think of the GSA at out school?' If it is a positive answer, I'll continue by asking if they know what asexuality is, adding in being aromantic. If it's more with my family, we never really talk about these things. I told my brother when he saw me on this site. For my mom, I just said that I had something to tell her and then said it. If someone needs an explanation, I give a quick and easy one.

2. The reactions I got were good. My friends were mosty like 'We already knew this. Are you just now figuring it out?' My brother didn't care. And my mom said she accepted me, but in the conversation she pretty much said I just need to find the right person, but she didn't directly say that. She worded it differently, and I only realized it a day later what she had meant.

3. I was nervous, like I think a lot of perople are. I'm not sure why, non of my friends or family ever talk bad about LGBT. My cousin's gay and my parents don't care. I have a friend who is pan, and another who is a questioning bi. I think it was mostly because asexuality is so different and an unheard term, that I was so nervous to say anything.

4. I hadn't really thought about it, I had never saw coming out as a thing I would have to do. But then a friend developed a crush on me, my parents kept talking to me about dating, and people at school would ask who I liked or they'd point out some person outside of school and say how cute they are and look to me for an agreement. After about half a year, I was just done and wanted to talk about it with someone.

5. Yes, I think it was a good thing for me. Though, my friends look surprised when I actually tell a joke or laugh at one. I don't get asked those questions of who I like anymore, and when someone from outside of our group does ask me, I say that I don't want to who. My mom stopped questioning me about boys, so that's good.

6. Yes, I haven't told some of my smaller friends outside of my group at school. I haven't found the right time, or I can always try avoiding questions about crushes. My dad doesn't know yet. It's not because he won't accept it, but I'll probably have to follow it with a huge explanation and a long talk saying that he still loves me.

7. I don't really have much to say. I know my response may not apply directly to you, but I hope it helped. Sorry if my answers were a bit long.

[AceFireFox]

1. What do you usually say when you come out? Do you have different kind of "speeches" or are they similar for every person you come out to?

   I kinda just drop it into conversation somehow. Although with mum, and three friends I just kinda said 'I've got to tell you something' and came out with it. Two of my friends got the same message because I couldn't be bothered to rewrite it XD

2. What are the typical reactions?

   Usually just a 'Oh what does that mean then?' or 'Oh that's cool. I'm glad you're happy'

3. How do you feel about coming out?

   Alright I'd say. Like they know something about me and that they're not making assumptions that are wrong. In some cases maybe it'll get them to shut up about asking how the love life is -.-

4. How did you feel about coming out before coming out?

   Nervous. Worried what people might say. So far I haven't gotten any negativity really [Well tell a lie once I did but after making clear I wasn't okay with his attitude he shut up] so that really helps

5. Do you think it was a good thing for you to come out?

   Yeah I think so. Shows good friendship or relationship I think. Trust and all that.

6. Have you not come out to some people in your environment?

   Some of my family members. My Nan [Dad's side] wouldn't understand. She can barely wrap her head around homosexuality and Transsexuality. Dad doesn't either. Mainly because we don't talk much and he has a habit of making people feel like s*** so I have a feeling he'd make hurtful comments.

7. What else would you like to say about it?

   Nothing I don't think :) Glad to chip in :P

[Beeze]

1. I just kind of told people I was asexual. With my Mom, I brought a friend to help me out and "set me up" to come out. For most of the people I've come out to, I didn't have a speech prepared. I did for my Mom, but I was so nervous that I forgot it ;)

2. I've gotten a variety of reactions from "Yeah, we've known that for years" to "what does asexual mean?" to "No offense, but I don't think asexuality exists" (That was from my ex-boyfriend, and is one of my main reasons I broke up with him two weeks later haha).

3. It's good to do if you feel it's important. I haven't come out to all of my friends, and I won't unless I feel it is important.

4. Super nervous! I wanted to be my authentic self, but I was also scared of what people's reactions would be.

5. I think so. I feel that I can be more of myself if that makes sense.

6. Yes. I have a few friends that I haven't come out to because it just hasn't come up in our conversations. Most of my co-workers don't know. However, I wouldn't be surprised if they think I'm gay considering that I went out of my way to start a GSA at my school (I'm a teacher).

7. Coming out is worth doing, and I feel can be necessary. However, do it at your own time and your own pace. There will never be a perfect time for it.

[Naali]

1. What do you usually say when you come out? Do you have different kind of "speeches" or are they similar for every person you come out to?

   To a few coworkers it's usually on the topic that they brought up. I basically explain that I have no interest or desire in sex. My mom had a speech/heart to heart

2. What are the typical reactions?

   Curiosity. Probably cause of the manner I've given off.

3. How do you feel about coming out?

   It's a choice. To my mom (like, an hour ago), I felt more...guilt?... to not have her know because of the no dating/relationship/kids issue

4. How did you feel about coming out before coming out?

   Nervous that the friends/coworkers will shame me or whatever and to my mom, the same, but just because I think it's the first time I've actually told her something deeply personal about me

5. Do you think it was a good thing for you to come out?

   I don't think anyone really cares. Except for my mom which to me, was really good.

6. Have you not come out to some people in your environment?

   A lot of people. They don't need to know. Family? I have no plans to tell anyone else right now.

7. What else would you like to say about it?

   Like above, it's something you should do if you want to. Don't force it. Also, don't go telling people that you know who, pardon my language, are total pricks. Why bother with hearing "that doesn't exist" when you know it does.

[PerformativeSurprise]

1. What do you usually say when you come out? Do you have different kind of "speeches" or are they similar for every person you come out to? I don't have anything set I say. Every time it's different. I only "come out" when it's relevant to the situation or conversation, so it is not like I'm making a speech or something of the sort. It's just a natural extension of the conversation.

What are the typical reactions? So far I've had good reactions. Some people have surprised me by already sort of knowing about asexuality (including my mom), while others have been a little confused but receptive. Aromanticism is usually the harder thing for people to understand.

How do you feel about coming out? I think it's a personal decision, and no one is obligated to do it; however, for visibility purposes, it's obviously a good thing. But not everyone needs to be a vocal advocate--some people have the personality (and motivation) for it, others don't, and that's fine.

How did you feel about coming out before coming out? Pretty much the same as I do now.

Do you think it was a good thing for you to come out? Yes, I do. I kept being ace (and aro) to myself for years (I only told my brother, but he kept it quiet), as I felt like I was still adjusting to it and figuring it all out. But as soon as I was secure in my identity and comfortable with it, I became more open about it. I think it's had a positive impact for me. People who know don't constantly ask me about my dating life or assume I have an interest in sex-related topics. Also, because I'm more comfortable talking about being ace, I have a better chance of finding other aces as well.

Have you not come out to some people in your environment? As I mentioned, I typically only "come out" when I feel the situation calls for it. I'm a very private person, so I don't talk about myself much in general. I don't like to lie about my orientation, and I definitely don't hide it. I'm just not always explicit about it, which means some people know, and some people may not know.

What else would you like to say about it? I don't have much else to say on the topic. I think it's a good thing if you feel like you can handle it, but I don't think people should feel shamed into coming out. It's fine to keep it private. If you aren't prepared for the possible consequences, good or bad, then it could be more harmful than helpful.

[Autumn Season]

• What do you usually say when you come out? Do you have different kind of "speeches" or are they similar for every person you come out to? - In real life I tend to say something like "BTW I'm asexual" and then deal with whatever comes up next in the conversation. Not sure if this is smart. On dating sites I simply ask whether the other read my profile and if they know what "asexual" means.

• What are the typical reactions? - Lack of understanding. Effort to understand. Failure to understand. Being tolerant anyway.

How do you feel about coming out? - It's OK. Could be better.

How did you feel about coming out before coming out? - Really excited and happy.

Do you think it was a good thing for you to come out? - Yes. I wouldn't have liked to live with this secret.

Have you not come out to some people in your environment? - Yes. Basically everyone who is not a close friend or close family member, doesn't know.

What else would you like to say about it? - Don't feel pressured to come out. Do whatever is best for you. Edit: You might want to wait with coming out until you feel secure in your orientation. People say a lot of invalidating statements and questions. So a coming out might, but doesn't have to, end up confusing you and make you doubt your own feelings.

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

1. What do you usually say when you come out? Do you have different kind of "speeches" or are they similar for every person you come out to?
2. What are the typical reactions?
3. How do you feel about coming out?
4. How did you feel about coming out before coming out?
5. Do you think it was a good thing for you to come out?
6. Have you not come out to some people in your environment?
7. What else would you like to say about it?

1. I first came out to a friend over lunch. I explained how I wasn't interested in sex and that it was called asexuality. Fortunately, he is very open minded and didn't try to challenge me. The second time I ever came out was on Facebook. I prepared a lengthy post and a Q&A page and sent it out for everyone to see.

2. The reactions have mainly been positive. Being 37, and never showing a pattern of sleeping around, people just seemed to believe me.

3. I felt it was very important to me for several reasons. But I don't think it's for everyone. Come out because you want to.

4. Nervous as hell.

5. Absolutely, I finally feel free.

6. As I said, I used Facebook so everybody I am friends with on there knows.

7. If you have strong personal reasons for coming out and you are delaying the inevitable, then just go for it. You know you want to do it, it's just a matter of time. Why wait and cause yourself the extra stress?

[gayace]

I've only come out to one friend so far but they took it really well. She's aromantic herself so she understood the whole thing. I was lucky enough to have a friend who knew what it was and understood it as she did.

I wasn't what your questions were so just take this *throws words at you*

[Homer]

1. What do you usually say when you come out? Do you have different kind of "speeches" or are they similar for every person you come out to?

   There was only one time where I felt a certain urge to come out. We've been a couple for a short period back in the day and she once confessed that she was worried about being responsible for the fact that I never looked for a relationship afterwards because of the way things turned out (which is BS, but I could see where she was coming from). We know each other well and I felt safe to bring in aromanticism as well. It was solely for the purpose of explaining why it didn't work out back then and maybe to restore a part of her faith in herself.

   All the other friends/coworkers etc that know have brought up the term "asex" by themselves - they actually asked whether it fits. You could say that I have been pulled out rather than to come out :D I guess that this is not too common.

2. What are the typical reactions?

   For this one I'll stick to the one coming out that was on purpose. She wasn't too aware what aro/ace means so it took a little work to explain. She's very romantic (but not very sexual) so I got the "Maybe you'll find someone some day" speech. I'm sure that was just because she was not familiar with the topic, so no reason to be mad about that.

3. How do you feel about coming out?

   Aside from this one encounter, I don't feel that much. Most of my peers seem to have a premonition because I say things like "I'd rather go and watch a game of 6th division soccerball ;) than having something 'romantic' going on today." Can't blame them for that. I have always been pretty open about my wish to remain single and avoid all that "stuff" connected to it. I never pretended anything or made up stories about dating experiences, which might have helped a lot.

4. How did you feel about coming out before coming out?

   This was actually not THAT easy. I was looking for the right strategy - how to start, how to explain new "vocabulary", how to tenderly bring up an issue like "Maybe this means that I have never really been in love with you, maybe I just misinterpreted my feelings, I'm not sure...". The last one was the toughest to brace myself for by far. I failed miserably and went into the conversation being rather unprepared.

   Still, I thought that it was necessary because of the circumstances. I didn't want her to think that my decision after we went apart was "her fault".

5. Do you think it was a good thing for you to come out?

   We'll see; it was only a couple of days ago so it's too soon to tell.

6. Have you not come out to some people in your environment?

   As in, did I avoid coming out to specific people around me? No. There are people that I care about, people that I'm really close to and they deserve to know the truth whatever topic may come up. Then there's the rest - why would they want/need to know and why would I be interested in what they think about it?

7. What else would you like to say about it?

   Honesty is the key, it'll spare you a lot of trouble.

[Kuebiko]

I haven't come out to a great many people (I think my friend's the one making me come out, which is great because while I do want people to know, I'm too shy to start it myself)

What do you usually say when you come out? Do you have different kind of "speeches" or are they similar for every person you come out to?

"I'm asexual. That means I don't experience sexual attraction."

That's it. That's really it. and then I elaborate on part they need me to elaborate about.

What are the typical reactions?

"Cool."

"Oh. So does that mean ..."

"Huh?"

How do you feel about coming out?

Very excited and nervous. Like I want people to know and I also don't want people to know.

How did you feel about coming out before coming out?

I always wondered why it was such a big deal. Like, I'd be looking at all the other people having such a dilemma about coming out and I'd wonder why people wanted to come out in the first place and why they still came out even though they were super nervous.

Do you think it was a good thing for you to come out?

No clue. I haven't had any positive or negative things happening to me as a result of other people knowing about my asexuality. It did serve to strengthen the "what the fuck" attitude in me which might have made be slightly more reckless/daring as a result and I can't decide if that's good or bad.

Have you not come out to some people in your environment?

Of course. My parents are pretty conservative and not very knowledgeable about "teenagers and their world" and my school has some pretty close-minded people. Also, I don't talk much and usually find it hard to defend myself, so I usually only come out when I feel comfortable to talk and reason out stuff.

What else would you like to say about it?

I'd suggest anyone who wants to come out prepare a convincing argument in their own defense before doing so, mainly to prevent erroneous first impressions. I've often left conversations wishing I'd explained things more clearly and worrying if my point got across or somehow created some false idea of asexuality.

[Theycallmebird]

hmmm...well,i never really had to come out.Naturally,i've always been a wallflower & never went out much. My sister alwayys called me a nun due to my prudish behavior. Everyone who knows me knows that I am career focused and that's the only thing I'm concerned about. Even if i chose to come out ,it wouldn't come as a surprise.

[Xavy]

To the people who have come out: Could you please share your experience?

Answer these questions:

• What do you usually say when you come out? Do you have different kind of "speeches" or are they similar for every person you come out to?
• What are the typical reactions?
• How do you feel about coming out?
• How did you feel about coming out before coming out?
• Do you think it was a good thing for you to come out?
• Have you not come out to some people in your environment?
• What else would you like to say about it?

I know these are really personal questions, so if you want to leave out one or more of them, feel free to do so.

1. I just let it flow, each situation is different, I never prepare a speech or anything

2. I have had a lot of reactions, including - anger, acceptance, ambivalence, patronizing, disbelief.

3. Coming out is less import at to me now that I have come out to the people who matter most.

4. before coming out, I was scared but eager to build up the courage to do it

5. Coming out was a good thing for me

6. I have come out to those who matter in my environment

7. I would like to say that coming out is a personal choice and no one is obligated to come out for any reason.

[ChairmenV]

1. I just say what i have to say bluntly. Maybe I would come out in a different language depending on who i'm coming out to.

2. People either tell me that i'm blessed or that i'm a traitor to manliness.

3. In a way I felt relieved when I came out since I no longer had to conceal myself among my friends.

4. I was pretty nervous. I don't know how people would react.

5. In a way it was, but I should have picked who I came out to more carefully. Coming out to some

of them ended in a disaster

6. Yes. To this day only my closest friends know that I'm asexual.

7. More of a question than a comment: Why would I be a "traitor to manliness" if I'm asexual?

[sc17]

1. What do you usually say when you come out? Do you have different kind of "speeches" or are they similar for every person you come out to? It depends on the person and the circumstance. I've been able to come out easily or without much fear and I've been in situations where I wasn't prepared to come out but I had to because the time presented itself and I didn't have much of a choice. As far as speeches ago, I typically do have something small in my head, usually for every person but the majority of my friends are LGBT+ so I have typically positive experiences because I know they're supportive of me and that's helped a lot to feel like I have a group of people in my life that want me to succeed and to feel okay inside.

What are the typical reactions? I'm proud of you or that's great. One of my friends said they figured all along and validated my feelings. I have though gotten the "you haven't met the right guy yet" and "how do you know" and "don't do this to yourself" and those are definitely the most difficult reactions to get.

How do you feel about coming out? I feel like it's only necessary to come out when you're ready and only to people who really matter. Not everyone is going to understood and sometimes the negative reactions can be very painful. I wouldn't want to make anything more painful for myself than it already has been regarding all of this.

How did you feel about coming out before coming out? I truthfully never though I would or could. I was happy to have the label for myself and happy to tell some of my closest friends, but I never thought that it would go any more than that.

Do you think it was a good thing for you to come out? In a sense yeah, it gives you the most freeing feeling. Like you don't have to try to be someone you're not, that you don't have to live up to this standard or expectation that your family, friends, or the world has for you. And that's such an incredible feeling. The only negative is when people don't understand.

Have you not come out to some people in your environment? Yes because there are people in my life that I just know wouldn't understand or people that honestly don't need to know because it won't affect them either way.

What else would you like to say about it? I've been blessed with mostly positive. It's not easy but I know it's terrible to lie to yourself and others. It makes you feel lost and guilty and it just isn't good.

[Homer]

I have though gotten the "you haven't met the right guy yet" and "how do you know" and "don't do this to yourself" and those are definitely the most difficult reactions to get.

.

[thatotherguy57]

1. What do you usually say when you come out? Do you have different kind of "speeches" or are they similar for every person you come out to?

   I usually explain the difference between sexual and romantic orientations, then explain that I fall on the asexual spectrum. I usually have to explain what a grey asexual is and how that is different from being asexual or allosexual.

2. What are the typical reactions?

   Of the four people I have come out to, one friend, who is like a sister had mentioned years ago that I may be asexual, so she was VERY supportive. Another friend was very apathetic, though he did say that it explained a lot. The third, who I have been very protective of since we've known each other told me that I really needed to get laid; it went better with her than I expected, but not as well as I hoped. She didn't believe that asexuality was possible. My cousin actually knew what asexuality was, and said that my aunt has commented to him that I may be asexual. My boss (who is a friend outside of work) knows that I'm apathetic toward sex, due to an offhand comment I once made at work about how stupid people are when it comes to sex. He has taken it on himself to get me laid, which, thus far, has proven mildly entertaining for me, due to his complete failure.

3. How do you feel about coming out?

   I am an intensely private person. If I come out to someone, then it means it is someone whom I have the utmost trust in, which is damned few people. The only person I plan to come out to that I haven't yet is my mother, and I haven't had an opportunity I deemed right to.

4. How did you feel about coming out before coming out?

   Nervous. Even if I believe it will go well, I still fear it won't.

5. Do you think it was a good thing for you to come out?

   Aside from the person who didn't believe me, yes. But only to the few that I have come out to.

6. Have you not come out to some people in your environment?

   No. It is personal, and aside from the slip that clued my boss in (refer back to #2), I don't say anything about my (a)sexuality to my coworkers.

7. What else would you like to say about it?

   Nothing much to add.

[Teeyr]

To the people who have come out: Could you please share your experience?

Answer these questions:

1. What do you usually say when you come out? Do you have different kind of "speeches" or are they similar for every person you come out to?
2. What are the typical reactions?
3. How do you feel about coming out?
4. How did you feel about coming out before coming out?
5. Do you think it was a good thing for you to come out?
6. Have you not come out to some people in your environment?
7. What else would you like to say about it?

I know these are really personal questions, so if you want to leave out one or more of them, feel free to do so.

1. I'm pretty straightforward. Due to my personality, people usually don't question it.

2. The few times people weren't immediately accepting, I was surrounded by enough people that accepted it that they were kinda forced into social acceptance. Peer pressure ftw?

3. I prefer people knowing so they understand why I act the way I do and feel more comfortable around me.

4. I'm more anxious about finding a way to slip it into conversation than anything.

5. It usually is. I'm actually still not out to my parents, oldest sister (because my other one is Ace, too), and all but one relative.

6. Apart from the aforementioned individuals, there is one other, but it's more because he's a refreshing conversationalist. When we're hanging out, he's the only individual who tells me who he likes and trusts me with his relationship stuff, and I feel if he knew I were Ace, he would stop talking to me about that kind of stuff out of respect.

7. I'd recommend just finding the right environment. One trick I found is to try to surround yourself with people who accept it or you know will accept it when talking with others. Social acceptance is a powerful tool and if one person realizes they disagree on a point with a whole group of friends, they will most likely change their ways.

Did I answer the questions well enough? I could explain or clarify any of them if it helps.

[sc17]

I have though gotten the "you haven't met the right guy yet" and "how do you know" and "don't do this to yourself" and those are definitely the most difficult reactions to get.

.

they make you feel completely invalidated. like everything you've grown to know about yourself, feels shattered. i'm not sure what your meme is supposed to mean, but it's my personal experience and opinion. i've been told many times the "you're too young don't ruin your life by doing this"

[Homer]

I just can't... Eh?

"Don't do this to yourself", is that even a valid response? I mean, why would anyone think that in the first place?

It's not that you're doing any harm to yourself. It's not some kind of irreversible decision that you've made. If you're comfortable, go for it.

[InfiniteSadness]

People constantly are just like "you'll meet the right guy eventually"..OR "you're so pretty, you'll meet a guy that likes you"... ummm I don't care if THEY like me, when I DONT LIKE THEM.... People just don't get it.. I have yet to meet anyone who gets it, except for other asexuals. Everyone is always looking for a way around it.. that eventually I'm going to suddenly start liking people.. etc.. even though my hormone levels are perfectly normal and I've always been this way. It's infuriating. I think my mother is starting to accept it..

[Aquarii]

1. What do you usually say when you come out? Do you have different kind of "speeches" or are they similar for every person you come out to? It varied from person to person. I had no planned speech of what I wanted to say when I came out to my parents (I literally told them point blank), and with my friends, it was kind of the same thing to my friends. However, I did come out to one of my friends in a more humorous way. We were playing War, and when I turned over an ace card I pointed to it and said "Hey look, it's me."

2. What are the typical reactions? With my friends, they were very supportive and they just said "Okay, that's cool". With my parents, they were curious as to what asexuality and lithromanticism was, so I explained to them what the terms meant (personally, I don't think they quite fully get the concept, but they're learning).

How do you feel about coming out? I feel absolutely amazing, and I'm glad that I did it.

How did you feel about coming out before coming out? I felt very nervous and very scared as to how everyone would react.

Do you think it was a good thing for you to come out? Y E S

Have you not come out to some people in your environment? Definitely. I still have the rest of my family and a lot of friends that I haven't told yet. This isn't really something I would tell another person unless the subject was brought up at the right time.

What else would you like to say about it? Since coming out, I feel like a weight's been lifted off of my shoulders. I'm a lot happier(ish) with myself as a person, and I just feel great in general. ^_^ (Also hello, I'm new here)

[Nidwin]

1. What do you usually say when you come out? Do you have different kind of "speeches" or are they similar for every person you come out to?

I'm asexual, that's what I say and I tend to come out, often to the same folks, everyone I'm too drunk.

2. What are the typical reactions?

Folks don't seem to care much. Some were a bit surprised or asked what it's all about. My best friend (like a half brother) always answer "I don't care" when I come out again or talk about asexuality to him. That's probably fun to watch, me blablabla-ace-blablabla, he "I don't care".

3. How do you feel about coming out?

Always great, every time.

4. How did you feel about coming out before coming out?

I came out the moment I've found out about asexuality and AVEN to there was not much in "before coming out".

5. Do you think it was a good thing for you to come out?

Yes. I can know wear black rings and be my true self around everyone.

6. Have you not come out to some people in your environment?

Only friends and folks I regularly meet and hang around with. My orientation is my own business and it should only matter to folks I physicaly interract with.

7. What else would you like to say about it?

I've felt so different, broke, incomplete for so long that it was such a relief (and still regular is) to be able to come out and tell or explain.

[Homer]

I recently told a friend about my aceness... she actually happened to be aware of the term (which in turn I hadn't been aware of).

Her reaction was "No, you're not."

Well, okay then. I can tell you, but I can't tell you what to think of it. No big deal.

[ObsessedWithAnime]

1. What do you usually say when you come out? Do you have different kind of "speeches" or are they similar for every person you come out to?

Usually I test the waters first. I'm pretty lame, for my family I basically steered the conversation in the direction of "hey do you know what asexuality is?" and then I explained it and got a feel for what they thought about it. But my family is too smart and catches onto my games and asks "is there something you want to tell us" then I came out. (This is what basically happened for each of them individually)

For friends I similarly test to see if they know what asexuality is and then tell them that I'm ace. (for non queer friends)

For queer friends I say I'm ace and ask if they know what that is (or sometimes I don't even ask haha).

2. What are the typical reactions?

The reactions have been okay. My older grandparents and mom have been kind of ignorant and said offensive things but I kind of expected it, it still hurts though.

The reactions from friends has been good with the exception of one person who apparently had been pretending to understand me for a few years then told me that she didn't understand how people could be asexual.

3. How do you feel about coming out?

I like coming out, though it is a bit stressful. I can't take holding it in so I told the people important to me pretty quickly after figuring it out. I do wish coming out was easier, sometimes I want people to know but don't know how to weave it into the conversation. I'm struggling with coming out as transgender recently though.

4. How did you feel about coming out before coming out?

I think I had the unrealistic expectation that I would come out once and everyone would just talk about it behind my back, and before I knew it everyone would know. This would have been nice (for me) because I'm pretty open about it and just wish people knew and I didn't have to come out.

5. Do you think it was a good thing for you to come out?

I think it was a good thing for me to come out. I have been more confident in my sexuality since coming out and am less depressed. However, I do sometimes feel like I have pressure to be the token asexual friend, my friends would make assumptions about me because I am ace, and that was annoying.

6. Have you not come out to some people in your environment?

Yes, but there isn't really anyone I want to hide it from, I just don't know how to come out.

7. What else would you like to say about it?

Recently I've found it very frustrating trying to find intersection of being both transgender and ace and I feel isolated at times, particularly in real life where if I go to an asexual community group, I am the only trans person, but if I go to a trans event, I am the only asexual person.

[MilesTailsPrower]

I recently came out to my mom, and it was okay, she was pretty supportive, but I can't describe how hard it was to bring myself to say the words "I'm asexual," for the first time out loud. It was also pretty awkward and uncomfortable especially since she kept asking questions, but I'm still glad I told her. I don't think she still entirely believes me, especially since my dad felt a similar way before meeting my mom, even though I know my story is different. I haven't told anyone else yet, and I don't feel the need to unless it comes up, I'll probably tell my best friend but I don't know yet. I'm also aro so it was also hard for my mom to accept that I'm not going to get married or have kids, although I do want to adopt in the future but still. And beibg Christian, the pinnacle of a Christian life almost seems to be marriage so that made it harder too

[One Winged Angel]

Although I am very wary of who I come out to, I recently brought up the topic to a friend who then confided me in that he feels he is Asexual as well. I had a hunch, which I why I mentioned it to him. Honestly, it could not have gone better that time!