Asexuality and birth control

[Salted Karamel]

I have a question though: What birth control advice would you give to a person who...

1) is capable of getting pregnant but does not want to get pregnant at all

2) likes their menstrual cycle the way it is

3) has been on the pill before, but didn't experience enough hormonal benefits to consider going back on it long term

4) is curious about sex and wants to try it once, but has not decided to be consistently sexually active (in terms of Penis-In-Vagina sex)

I guess what I want to know, is a condom enough for a one-time, not-on-the-pill PIV thing? xD

For one time, yes, it should be. With Plan B as your back-up contraceptive.

I have a question though: What birth control advice would you give to a person who...

1) is capable of getting pregnant but does not want to get pregnant at all

2) likes their menstrual cycle the way it is

3) has been on the pill before, but didn't experience enough hormonal benefits to consider going back on it long term

4) is curious about sex and wants to try it once, but has not decided to be consistently sexually active (in terms of Penis-In-Vagina sex)

I guess what I want to know, is a condom enough for a one-time, not-on-the-pill PIV thing? xD

Copper IUD.

For ONE TIME? No. Getting an IUD is a big investment of time, money, and pain.

Honestly, I have had condom + Plan B suggested to me by a doctor as a contraceptive plan for someone who rarely has sex. (Or, at that time, it was more of a guess/projection about my future since I didn't know what demisexual was or that all these people in the world saying that it's a good idea to be on birth control weren't it.)

Just wondering what everyone's thoughts are on birth control. If you are asexual, single and dating, should you be on birth control or at least have condoms on hand or does it not matter if you are ace ?

I got a Copper IUD before I realized I was demisexual. At the time I was being kicked off my parents' health insurance and, you know, the world tells you you're going to be having all this sex and stuff, so being on contraception in your 20s seemed like The Thing Smart People Do™. (Note: I did not yet realize the people suggesting such things were assuming I was experiencing sexual attraction and therefore ran the risk of acting upon it. This actually caused years of retroactively amusing misunderstandings with my doctors.)

As far as contraceptive options go, I don't regret it, because I didn't want to be on anything hormonal. But all BC has pros and cons and the cons of the copper IUD are that you get more severe periods with more severe cramping.

Technically the copper IUD can be in for up to 12 years, but it was causing me some pain that I wanted to get looked at, because the last time I'd had it looked at, it was kind of angled funny. But in the past year I also found out what demisexuality is and that I am that thing and more aptly that the rest of the world is not that thing, and were assuming for decades that I am the thing they are. (I was assuming they were the thing I am.) So when I went to my doctor for the visit to get the IUD looked at, I told her I was no longer sexually active and just wanted it taken out.

I didn't bother explaining to her that I'm demisexual and wasn't in a relationship and therefore am not sexually attracted to anyone, but even still, she was like VERY skeptical of my decision and asked me, "But what if you become sexually active again?" I just said, "Then I'll consider other options if and when that becomes a concern." After all, if I was seeing someone, I'd know for quite a while before sexual attraction ever came into the picture. It's not like I'm at risk of falling prey to a night of random passion and alcohol-fueled lack of inhibitions like a sexual person might be.

So I had my IUD removed, I'm currently on no contraception whatsoever, and it was honestly very liberating. Like all these years I've been buying auto insurance and paying for a parking spot and went, "Wait a minute. I don't have a fucking car." But the world, you know, they convince you that you have a car because everyone has a car and you need to protect it! And you're like, yeah, cars should be insured! Of course smart people get auto insurance!

So basically what I'm saying is that if you know you don't have a car, understand that most of the ubiquitous advice being propagated—like "everyone needs auto insurance"—is assuming that all people have cars. But if you're not having sex, and you know you lack the attraction to other people that might make the average person possibly decide to have sex on a sudden whim even when they weren't planning to, then don't go through the hassle of a birth control routine solely for contraception.

Obviously if you're having sex on an even quasi-regular basis and you don't want to get pregnant, you should be using contraception. Two methods, in fact!

For what it's worth, I still carry condoms, but they're more in case other people need them. (And I have given condoms to people in need before, but also they were free.)

Oh, and to approach the unpleasant rape issue mentioned above: That's exactly the sort of situation where it would be perfectly viable for an otherwise sexually inactive woman to consider Plan B her contraceptive option. Unless the woman in question is morally opposed to Plan B or something like that, in which case she should probably know what her own response would be.

But understand that contraception is all about statistics and failure/success rates and calculated projections. The likelihood of randomly getting raped is low, and the likelihood of a pregnancy resulting from that rape is even lower. The average success rate of pregnancy is 85% per woman of reproductive years [who is not using contraception] per month [meaning that's 85% for all the sex had in an entire month to result in a pregnancy, not per sexual incident], although of course there are variations in fertility and such.

To find the likelihood of being raped in your neighborhood, consult local crime statistics. Last time I checked for my area of Brooklyn (the ghetto, by the way) the likelihood of being the victim of a rape was about the same as the likelihood of getting pregnant while on two forms of contraception, which is under 1%. (And that may have been 1% per year, not per time that I walk down the street.)

Sparing you the boring number crunching, it works out that a resident of my precinct has about a 0.0028% chance of being the victim of a rape in any given month. (Although admittedly that number makes no distinction between me and an elderly man who never leaves his home.)

Generally speaking, having a 0.0028% chance of being the victim of a rape in and of itself is not worth investing in any sort of birth control routine.

[m4rble]

What birth control advice would you give to a person who...

1) is capable of getting pregnant but does not want to get pregnant at all

2) likes their menstrual cycle the way it is

3) has been on the pill before, but didn't experience enough hormonal benefits to consider going back on it long term

4) is curious about sex and wants to try it once, but has not decided to be consistently sexually active (in terms of Penis-In-Vagina sex)

I guess what I want to know, is a condom enough for a one-time, not-on-the-pill PIV thing? xD

Maybe consider https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diaphragm_%28contraceptive%29

Add spermicides (IDK if those were around when the thing got invented in 1880) Stay sober, use condoms too and get a prescription for that kind of pill thats heavily dosed enough to serve as the morning after pill if you take 4 of them. (just in case).

Use of morning after pill can cause final infertility. - At least some ex's doc claimed that. But still it might be nice to have that hormaonal stuff (likely to spoil the 3 next days) at hand.

Diaphragms are sometimes considered hassle to deal with. - if placed early you might have to inject more spermicide before intercourse.

From a practical POV: you could consider the risk of a pregnancy low if you kind of time the sex within your cycle and feel confident about using diaphragm spermicide and condom. - I wouldn't rely on just condoms. - Some burst, some get lost..

But convince your partner to use one anyhow.

Diaphragms got a bad reputation since they really fail while resting in a nightstand...

Taking measurement might be impossible for your doc with a still intact hymen.

There are also female condoms. - Expensive. - Some wearers reported a weird feeling ("plastic shopping bag inside me").

Maybe somebody more sexually experienced can jump in and suggest who (or if maybe even both?) should wear a condom for low failure rate.

You shouldn't use a female condom and a male condom together because they could rub together and break.

[The Not So Impossible Girl]

Soooooo just a condom is fine? Provided that it's used properly?
I was under the impression that people should only use Plan B if their contraception fails (like if the condom breaks, they forget to take the pill, etc). Is it normal for people to use that, even if it seems that what they already used did the trick? o_O

[m4rble]

Soooooo just a condom is fine? Provided that it's used properly?

I was under the impression that people should only use Plan B if their contraception fails (like if the condom breaks, they forget to take the pill, etc). Is it normal for people to use that, even if it seems that what they already used did the trick? o_O

It's usually a good idea to use two forms of birth control. Using two condoms or a male and female condom isn't a good idea though. Having a back is a good idea because all forms of birth control could fail.

[Rising Sun]

For ONE TIME? No. Getting an IUD is a big investment of time, money, and pain.

It's better to plan on long term, because you never know. At least you're safe for a while. Much less pain than an abortion... Condoms aren't enough anyway.

[table]

Having sex once only ---> a condom should be fine, although if it doesn't cause any hormonal problems for you you might consider going on the pill for a while (if it's feasible for you to know that far in advance), since I'd imagine if you're wanting to try PIV sex by just having it once or twice, you might want to feel skin rather than latex. There's always vasectomies too!

In all seriousness, the best person to talk to about this sort of thing is your GP. You should be fine to tell them *all* the details if you feel that would help, and I'd put odds at >80% likelihood they take it in stride and do their best to give you some helpful advice. The majority of the people in this thread had experiences along those lines, so the anecdata supports it

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/137016-telling-your-family-doctor-youre-asexual/

[HeidiUK]

In my country it is fairly regular to give young women/girls birth control to control their period/health reasons.

Out of curiousity, may I ask what country?

Otherwise, I'll just get my tubes tied because... well, children. Ick.

See, I don't want kids for various (non-sexual) reasons. But I'm 28. Sadly, I think any self-respecting doctor would not tie my tubes. Plus, there's a 2 YEAR waiting list in the UK on NHS.

You shouldn't use a female condom and a male condom together because they could rub together and break.

That I did not know. Thanks for the info!

[deltaX]

You shouldn't use a female condom and a male condom together because they could rub together and break.

That I did not know. Thanks for the info!

I was taught that you're not supposed to use two male condoms at the same time because there's a high chance that the friction could cause both of them to break, making it less effective than one condom. I never considered what would happen when a male and female condom were used together, but I imagine the same logic applies.

[Crealityisabeast]

I use birth control for bad periods and I love it.

I think besides that, it depends on the person. If you want to have sex with someone, and are planing on doing it, have condoms/birth control/whatever contraceptive you like. Unless you are planning on children which is another thing completely. I think sexuality is irrelevant

[El-not-so-ace]

Yeah, I previously didn't know about that 2 condom thing and when I read that it's way worse, rather than more safe to have a backup on, I was happy that I'm reading up on this stuff before entering any of that territory. xD

[HeidiUK]

I was taught that you're not supposed to use two male condoms at the same time because there's a high chance that the friction could cause both of them to break, making it less effective than one condom.

For a moment I had to think about how 2 male condoms might be used together.........

I remember it was used in American Pie, and I wonder then why popular culture films make mistakes like that?

[Telecaster68]

Because they're entertainment not education.

[RedAceofHearts]

I mean, for me as an asexual, I really have no need for contraceptives (unless I were to go on the pill for menstrual regulation reasons).

[Notte stellata]

See, I don't want kids for various (non-sexual) reasons. But I'm 28. Sadly, I think any self-respecting doctor would not tie my tubes. Plus, there's a 2 YEAR waiting list in the UK on NHS.

There's a list of childfree-friendly doctors (i.e. they're willing to sterilize you even if you're young and haven't had kids) on reddit/childfree: https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/doctors There are only a few in the UK though. Or you can just post in that community and ask for recommendations.

It doesn't make any sense that a 18-year-old can have children without any problems, but it's so difficult for a 28-year-old to get sterilized.

[HeidiUK]

Because they're entertainment not education.

Granted, but surely because of who watches them, they should look for some factual accuracy?

There's a list of childfree-friendly doctors (i.e. they're willing to sterilize you even if you're young and haven't had kids) on reddit/childfree: https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/doctors There are only a few in the UK though. Or you can just post in that community and ask for recommendations.

It doesn't make any sense that a 18-year-old can have children without any problems, but it's so difficult for a 28-year-old to get sterilized.

I completely agree but that is life!

[WoodwindWhistler]

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/96706-sexuality-spectrum-and-opinions-on-birth-control/

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/133430-abortion-is-it-really-what-the-public-wants/

[Yinlotus93]

Personally I'm single and take hormonal birth control for skin and feminine issues I've had since puberty. I have never been sexually active either, so my motivation for it is solely for my physical well being. Unless I end up married and we (hypothetical husband and I) are prepared for a family, I would prefer to just not have intercourse at all.

[Luftschlosseule]

I take birth control because shifting hormone levels are really not good with chronical headaches.

Since I don't plan on having sex I wouldn't do anything to prevent pregnancies, no. Why would I? I only wear a helmet when I am doing something that would make it safer, not when I just walk around.

[nods]

I think it depends on why you think you need then regardless of sexual orientation