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Would you have an online relationship?


Anime Pancake

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Anime Pancake

Would you ask an asexual if they wanted to be in an online relationship with you?

Have you asked someone asexual if they wanted to be in an online relationship with you?

Has anyone asked you to be in an online relationship with them?

If someone was asexual and lived far away from you, and you wanted to be in a relationship with them, would you try an online or long distance relationship with them, or would you wait to date someone that lives closer to you?

Personally I'm fine with online relationships and like them just as much as any other. I think companionship, affection and love can be in an online relationship (the only thing that I can think of would be that time difference may make it difficult)

Over the past couple of years I have asked a few asexual people if they wanted to be in an online relationship with me, but we decided not to.

What about you guys?

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secretagentpenguin

I think making online friends is good but I wouldn't have an online relationship because then it is kind of like being in love with a computer. And people generally have an "ideal" personality that they use online that doesn't translate into real life if that makes sense. Like they could know how to be totally sweet online and not know how to be anything but mean in person. Chatting online is almost like playing pretend for some people even if they don't know it.

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Autumn Season

I am and have been in online relationships, both platonic and romantic. However it's not my goal. I want to cuddle my crush.

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WinterWanderer

I wouldn't want a permanent online relationship, but I wouldn't mind having one. I'm not a very romantic person, and cuddling and kissing generally make me uncomfortable, so I think it could work for me.

But I'm not sure I could trust someone I met online enough to date them. Not because they might lie about themselves, but because sometimes it's hard to tell what it's like being around someone when you don't hang out with them irl.

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blanket burrito

Probably not. As someone else mentioned, personalities online vs. irl tend to differ, whether it's intentional or not. Plus, I really value having a physical connection in some way, anything as simple as our arms pressed together when we're watching a movie, or being able to hug when it's been a hard day for either of us. Those little things that I really appreciate.

Not saying one kind of relationship is better or worse in general, it's just personal preference.

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Galactic Turtle

I would be open to the idea but nobody else in my family would be. In fact, they'd probably wonder why I was talking to people I don't know on the internet. XD

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Only if there was a possibility of one person moving to be with the other... and I wouldn't be the one moving, lol.

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Morning Glory

Well, personally I'm not really interested in having a typical relationship... But I value my online friends just as much as I value my rl friends (btw: I never really liked that term "rl friends" but it just seems like the easiest one to use). I realize that many put on a face, so to say, when they're online, but we have different masks for everyone; for example, most people will act one way in front of their parents and another way in front of friends. And talking and getting to know someone online has a new set of challenges as well. Some say you can't properly communicate online but I say there are ways around those barriers. There are subtle hints you can (literally) read, and in a way I feel it can make you just as close as if you were face to face. It can take more dedication and understanding to bond with someone online because of all this.

That being said: I felt just as uneasy at the thought of an online relationship as I did toward an offline relationship. >_>

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Autumn Season

I would be open to the idea but nobody else in my family would be. In fact, they'd probably wonder why I was talking to people I don't know on the internet. XD

xD Story of my life. Recent conversation with my mom: "Have you been up at night talking to Americans again?"

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wagglingeyebrows

My first relationship was online. It was international to boot, too! In hindsight it wasn't a good idea, but I was 13 and I really liked him. At the time I didn't know I was ace, but I do remember anytime he tried to initiate sexually charged conversation (he was 15 at the start) it made me uncomfortable (whether due to aceness or age I'm not sure). I did end up meeting him 2 years into our relationship, and we sort of fizzled out 6 months later.

The long-distance and online part was certainly interesting and trying at times, but that's not what broke us up. The hardest part about it, me being sensual, was not being able to touch him when I wanted to. Otherwise we communicated daily, video chatted often, and were passionate in different ways. He was a huge asshole though soooo

I'm in an interesting predicament about this right now, actually. Originally I had met my current crush at a conference in Georgia last year, and added him as a networking contact and possible friend. He goes to school SC and lives in TX, and I'm in Florida, obv. Well I started talking to him a few months ago and became really interested in him, and to make things even more interesting, I'm studying abroad in Estonia this semester, and he's simultaneously studying abroad in Germany. So if all goes well (I'm meeting up with him this weekend), I will be facing my second relationship long distance (again). I'm ok with it, honestly, as long as communication is open and honest. Communication is the key to any relationship, but it is the foundation to having a great online/long-distance relationship. But in general, it would need to be exclusively IRL at some point, which would be difficult for me anyway because my career goals will have me moving around a lot.

TL;DR: Long distance online relationships are all I've ever known, so no problems with me.

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I would give it a shot. I have Skype so we could at least meet up like that occasionally. If it doesn't work, it's not a total loss, at least I tried. The only real problem for me trying this is that I usually don't ask people out. I like to assume they have someone already. Also, I feel we would really need to communicate and be not only honest with each other, but with ourselves; meaning discussing our views on life and such. It would be an interesting experience.

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I recently went into a long distance relationship with someone I met here on AVEN. (We live on opposite sides of the world)

Normally I would be hesitant about entering one because it can be extremely difficult and emotionally draining, but circumstances were different this time. We had an immediate connection and we were obviously crushing on each other. After discussing it with him, I realized we were mostly on the same page regarding what we want right now and where we want it to go, so I asked to be his boyfriend and he said yes! ^_^

Of course, it's hard to maintain a satisfying online relationship especially if you know you won't be seeing each other for a good long while. But the hopeless romantic in me is more than happy to give us a chance and do whatever I can to make it work. We have a general idea of what our plans our for the future so we're just waiting to see how everything will turn out.

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Autumn Season

Well, personally I'm not really interested in having a typical relationship... But I value my online friends just as much as I value my rl friends (btw: I never really liked that term "rl friends" but it just seems like the easiest one to use). I realize that many put on a face, so to say, when they're online, but we have different masks for everyone; for example, most people will act one way in front of their parents and another way in front of friends. And talking and getting to know someone online has a new set of challenges as well. Some say you can't properly communicate online but I say there are ways around those barriers. There are subtle hints you can (literally) read, and in a way I feel it can make you just as close as if you were face to face. It can take more dedication and understanding to bond with someone online because of all this.

That being said: I felt just as uneasy at the thought of an online relationship as I did toward an offline relationship. >_>

Actually I believe that some people find it easier to talk online than irl. And that talking online can (but doesn't have to) make it easier getting to know the other.

Just an example: IRL we might smile and say nothing, which will be interpreted as a "yes". Online we have to give a proper answer, unable to hide behind our face so to say.

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I wouldn't mind but only if we were meeting at least every now and again, with a view to something more substantial if it was love.

I've only just sort of come out of one, or rather been rejected for one having had romantic online contact for a month before,and had been in an online based LDR before, so I somewhat know the territory. It is even more difficult to know what the other person is really thinking about you, how serious they are about it and so on, and that can lead to problems and misunderstandings, particularly if like me you can be prone to self doubt and have trust issues.

Personally I think it is easier to establish a closer bond when you are with the person side by side in real life, although of course there is video calling now but it is still not the same, although personally I never did that and maybe should have.

I think both parties have to very enthusiastic about it for it to work, because typing at a person, and typing at a person half drunk sometimes as I was doing, can mean you might say something that isn't entirely clear or not appropriate to what the other person thinks, and it is much harder to gauge that throug senetences typed on Facebook or whatever than it is seeing a person face to face.

Hope this made sense.

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Yeah, sure...I don't see why not. I probably wouldn't initiate it, but I wouldn't rule it out.

It wouldn't last long, because I'd panic and vanish, but whatevs.

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I wouldn't mind but only if we were meeting at least every now and again, with a view to something more substantial if it was love.

I've only just sort of come out of one, or rather been rejected for one having had romantic online contact for a month before,and had been in an online based LDR before that, so I somewhat know the territory. It is even more difficult to know what the other person is really thinking about you, how serious they are about it and so on, and that can lead to problems and misunderstandings, particularly if like me you can be prone to self doubt and have trust issues.

Personally I think it is easier to establish a closer bond when you are with the person side by side in real life, although of course there is video calling now but it is still not the same, although personally I never did that and maybe should have.

I think both parties have to very enthusiastic about it for it to work, because typing at a person, and typing at a person half drunk sometimes as I was doing, can mean you might say something that isn't entirely clear or not appropriate to what the other person thinks, and it is much harder to gauge that through sentences typed on Facebook or whatever than it is seeing a person face to face.

Hope this made sense.

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No. I do manage to maintain friendships online, but for me a relationship involves at least some kind of physical proximity. That could even be sitting in different corners of the same room, not talking to each other. My ideal relationship would involve good conversations and cuddling though.

No problem at all with not seeing each other for weeks, but real life meets are essential. For the communication in between I prefer email. Everything else, especially messenger, would definitely not work for me most of the time, because I do appreciate my offline live very much, and tend to fully concentrate on it. Apart of those times when I'm consciously online, but that's whenever I decide to dedicate time to it - I wouldn't let anybody else have control over that.

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I've been in online relationships in the past, and would probably be open to them again in the future. The one's I've been in were on varying levels of seriousness--in all honesty most probably weren't that serious, and just 'online.' The last one I did end up meeting the guy irl, and even lived with him for a few months. It didn't work out--perhaps partly because I was just then discovering I'm ace.

I think both online and rl relationships have their advantages, and both can work out fine depending on the person. For me personally, I'm more interested in an emotional connection, and I find that I have little problem developing that online--sometimes even easier than I can in real life!

So I'd definitely be open to trying online relationships again, especially with someone who is also ace--that, to me, would help solve a few of the problems I've had in the past. For me at least, it's more about the connection and less about the distance.

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PerformativeSurprise

If I were to suddenly develop a desire for a relationship (it would likely have to be a QPR, in my case), I don't think I'd be opposed to it starting online. I would probably want it to eventually move to offline as well, but I don't think being online would be a deal-breaker for me. I would want to video chat though; I think I'd always half wonder if they were who they said they were until I actually could see them. And I feel like a person's mannerisms, voice, facial expressions, and such are a part of who they are, so I'd want to know them in that way too.

For me, one of the main detractors for online relationships is not being able to see the person in various environments. I think how someone acts in different situations or with different people says a lot about them. I'd want to know how they treat people in their daily life, whether strangers or those in their social circles--not just how they treat me and others online.

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Musical Articuno

I'm cool with it in concept, to some extent. At some point, however, if things progress to a point where I'd want to interact physically (hand holding, hugging, etc.), then, yeah, that's when online doesn't really work. Plus, there are some things I'd like to do in person that I can't do online (go to the theater, play mini golf, etc. [not necessarily sexual in nature]) But, I think as far as forming connection, it's a nice starting point.

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Rin-likes-rain

There is a documentary about two asexuals who dated online for years and then met up for the first time. I actually think online dating for most aces wouldn't exactly be ideal, but much more bearable than two sexuals.

My experience with long-distance relationships has been pretty great. Zach is asexual. We met in school, and a year later, after I had moved to Florida, he asked me out over text. Today we have been together for nearly 3 1/2 years. For me, it was easy because I had no real desire to be physical. And what desires developed were easily taken care of through text. (*snuggles* *kiss* etc.). For him, it was a little harder, but he's stayed loyal to me this whole time. In the 3 1/2 years we have been dating, we have seen each other a total of four times. For the first two years, we only spoke a few times every 6 months. Sometimes only once. (My parents didn't approve of him at first). We used to communicate through a friend of mine. Then through email, and now it's primarily Facebook.

So do I think long-distance relationships work? Yes I do. Do I think long-distance relationships are worth it? Absolutely. Neither one of us has any regrets. But it took work on both of our ends. We had to fight to stay together, and I think that's why we appreciate our relationship so much. We aren't going to let something as meaningless as distance break us up.

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PerformativeSurprise

I'm cool with it in concept, to some extent. At some point, however, if things progress to a point where I'd want to interact physically (hand holding, hugging, etc.), then, yeah, that's when online doesn't really work. Plus, there are some things I'd like to do in person that I can't do online (go to the theater, play mini golf, etc. [not necessarily sexual in nature]) But, I think as far as forming connection, it's a nice starting point.

I totally misread that and thought that "not necessarily sexual in nature" specifically applied to the mini golf, which made me think, "is sexual mini golf a thing?!?! What the hell is that?!"

Then I realized my mistake. :lol: Carry on.

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They'd have to be pretty effin bloody amazing for me to go along with such a thing. I'm tempted to in any case say no, because I've tried these kinds of things in the past and they just faltered and broke after a while.

There are certain practical circumstances in which I might go along with it though. If I didn't have to move to another country for them, if they had a good economy, and if they were willing to dedicate some of their freetime to me on most days, and to make visits or have time to be visited, at least once a month. I feel like it would be missing out though, to get to know someone out of physical proximity. I really dislike phone calls and skype calls in general, so most contact would have to be written. Online or by letter. I love receiving letters :D

Conclusion: If they managed to make me love them, I probably couldn't resist, but in any case I'd be very sceptical taking on such an endeavor.

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Autumn Season

I'm cool with it in concept, to some extent. At some point, however, if things progress to a point where I'd want to interact physically (hand holding, hugging, etc.), then, yeah, that's when online doesn't really work. Plus, there are some things I'd like to do in person that I can't do online (go to the theater, play mini golf, etc. [not necessarily sexual in nature]) But, I think as far as forming connection, it's a nice starting point.

I totally misread that and thought that "not necessarily sexual in nature" specifically applied to the mini golf, which made me think, "is sexual mini golf a thing?!?! What the hell is that?!"

Then I realized my mistake. :lol: Carry on.

.... Mental image of actually existing porn vids involving golf, go away!

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Already did have an online relationship of several years (though she wasn't asexual). I vastly prefer online and LDR over meatspace and next-door (let alone living together... ugh, no!).

I can't really see myself in any partner relationship again... but if I ever change my mind, it will defiitely be an online relationship again. Meatspace is just too stressful.

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FerlynnGoldbeard

I'm open to being in an online relationship at the beginning, but I always prefer physically seeing them. There's a level of physical intimacy (which has nothing to do with sex) that you can't have in a relationship that is 100% through a screen.

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Morning Glory

Actually I believe that some people find it easier to talk online than irl. And that talking online can (but doesn't have to) make it easier getting to know the other.

Just an example: IRL we might smile and say nothing, which will be interpreted as a "yes". Online we have to give a proper answer, unable to hide behind our face so to say.

I happen to be part of those "some people" that you speak of. :3 I was initially speaking on general terms. Like right now for example: I'm assuming that you thought that I viewed online communication as more challenging (I could be wrong), and this confusion could have been different if we were discussing this face to face... Or it could have turned into a bigger misunderstanding. My point is: communication of any kind will have challenges. Some people might overcome the challenges in one form of communication with ease, while they struggle in a different form of communication. For me, I can see the pros and cons for both online communication as well as offline.
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EmmaDilemma

I would be okay with trying one! I probably wouldn't initiate it, but if I started talking to someone and happened to be on the same page as them... it could be fun.

I probably wouldn't want it to be permanent though.... like a few other people said, I want to be able to cuddle and eat cake with them eventually. :)

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Perissodactyla

When does a conversation become a friendship become a relationship become a friendship become a conversation become a "WHO? Oh, yeah."?

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